Andy Labis, Author at Entertainment Ave!

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:17 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo Movie Stats & Links
Starring:	Rob Schneider, Eddie Griffin
MPAA Rated:	R
Released By:	Columbia Pictures
Release Date:	2005
Kiddie Movie:	Definitely not.
Date Movie:	Depends on if your date is an inhabitant of Easily Amused.
Gratuitous Sex:	Mostly nudity and talk.
Gratuitous Violence:	People get thrown through windows.
Action:	Not really.
Laughs:	If you are an inhabitant of Easily Amused.
Memorable Scene:	The scene where Deuce’s “stop whales from beaching” device goes haywire.
Memorable Quote:	Too many.
Directed By:	Mike Bigelow

I can fully understand critics giving this movie zero stars, ½ star, or maybe 1 star. I really can. I understand this, because, yes, the movie is everything these critics have been writing or saying about it. But “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” is the kind of movie made not having a critic’s opinion in mind, but rather appealing to the folks of the country of Easily Amused, of which I am proclaiming myself King, because, yes, as dumb as the movie pretty much was, I couldn’t help but laugh at each of the new words and phrases that were invented to replace the word “penis.” And who can’t appreciate a pimp-boat.

Deuce Bigalow’s (Rob Schneider) last couple of years haven’t been going well. First he loses his wife with one leg to a turtle feeding mishap where the lettuce was tainted with meat, inviting the sharks to come along, that once they spit out the lettuce decided Kate would make a better meal. Then his development of a device to stop whales from beaching kinda goes haywire. Now Bruce is a wanted man and thank goodness for Bruce that his old buddy T.J. (Eddie Griffin) is having some issues in Amsterdam and invites Bruce to pay him a visit.

It seems that gigolos are having a bit of a problem in Amsterdam, namely they are being killed off, and T.J. is worried as business starts to dry up. When T.J. is framed for one of the murders, it’s now up to Deuce to go under-cover, meeting up, again, with a variety of freaky women (one has a penis for a nose, watch out for her sneeze, another who has more of a blow-hole rather than a tracheotomy, watch out for hiccups, and another has giant ears, so of course there is no better way to get a man to stop checking out her ears if she were to get a boob job), and once again, rather than just being the man-whore that he is, he makes the women feel better about themselves. As Deuce’s investigation gets deeper and deeper, of course there is also a love interest that develops for Deuce, and yes, in the end, Deuce saves the gigolos from being blown up, and all is back to normal in the man-whore world.

Like I said, as King of Easily Amused, I knew what to expect going into this film, and got exactly that, and a little bit more thanks to the likes of Norm Macdonald as a crotchety old man-whore. There is also an extension of the vocabulary for the word “penis,” and I’m sure I missed some, but we find “Lock Ness Monster,” “schlong,” “man-gina,” “he-pussy,” “magic shenis,” “snatch pole,” and “she cock” to name a few. We are also introduced to some new terminology for kinky sex acts, expanding on the “Dirty Sanchez” to give us things like the “Filthy Ramirez,” “Cambodian Creamsicle,” “Turkish Sno-Cone,” “Chili Rainbow,” and the scarily portrayed “Portuguese Breakfast.”

Look, the boys are in Amsterdam, so you definitely get some drug use, some nudity, and some kinky sex. You also get exactly what you will expect from this movie, so for those critics who gave it zero stars, like I said, I understand your stance, but for me, it’s 3 ½ stars out of 5 for being exactly what it was made out to be: humor for us in the land of Easily Amused. Stupid. Yea, so what, but I still enjoyed it and that’s why I’m King.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:28 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Movie Stats & Links
Starring:	Rob Schneider, Arija Bareikis
MPAA Rated:	R
Released By:	Touchstone Pictures
Release Date:	1999
Kiddie Movie:	Lots of bad language and adult jokes. Too young and they’ll ask too many questions.
Date Movie:	It’s more a dude movie, but she might like it if she has a warped sense of humor.
Gratuitous Sex:	Nothing gratuitous.
Gratuitous Violence:	Some things breaking.
Action:	Nah.
Laughs:	It’s better on video.
Memorable Scene:	None.
Memorable Quote:	None.
Directed By:	Sid Ganis, Barry Bernardi

I really didn’t like “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” when it was in the theaters. Maybe I was just in a bad mood, but I didn’t find it funny, wondered why it was made, and just didn’t like it. Back then I gave it 1 star. But then I got the DVD and decided that this movie really isn’t that bad.

Rob Schneider plays Deuce Bigalow. He’s a fish tank cleaner who gets most of his enjoyment by making the girl in the fish store dip her breasts in the snail tank so he can see her boobs. He gives his fish bottled water and drinks rusty pipe water, and he ends up taking care of a cool, gigolo’s fish while the gigolo is out of the country. He accidentally trashes the place and needs to come up with a ton of cash or face the wrath of Antoine, the cool gigolo, and with the help of T.J., a man pimp, becomes a gigolo, or rather, a man whore, himself. But Deuce doesn’t score the hot chicks, nope, T.J. sets Deuce up with the “freaks” where Deuce charms the ladies with good verbal skills rather than being good in the sack.

Alright, to be a little more fair the movie does go deeper than that, sort of preaching the message that everyone is special in their own way, and maybe because I was in a better mood, maybe being a little bit older, or maybe being at home where I don’t try to engross myself in a movie most of the time, but this time I enjoyed “Deuce Bigalow..”. The scenes that gave me chuckles in the theater gave me chuckles again, like the narcoleptic girl who tied her hair to the light so she wouldn’t drown in her soup when she fell asleep, but also felt a little sorry for Deuce, especially as his relationship with Kate fell apart.

It’s an adult rental but remember to bring out the child in you when you watch it. If you do as I say it’s 3 stars out of 5. If you’re looking for an intelligent comedy, “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” isn’t it, but if your looking for stupid fun, go ahead and rent it!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Winning Survivor, Ankle OCD, Christmas Movies are Coming, and The Chicago Bears Still Suck.

By: The Dude on the Right

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I hope Stu Gotz is okay because he couldn’t make the podcast, and the last thing he requested was that I have police car and jail door slamming sound effects for the podcast. I’m a little worried, but I soldier on with this “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast episode without him, because I’m sure that is what he would have wanted me to do, especially if he were tied up!

As weekends go, mine was pretty uneventful as I’m kind of hung up with a walking boot, per doctor’s orders, following my MRI last week. During this podcast I detail my injuries, but not so much how I think I ended up with them, I think that might be a tale for another podcast. Having the walking boot isn’t that much of a pain, but mostly bugs me because I can’t help my BFF clean in preparation for our in-laws first visit this Christmastime. I did get to watch “Rise of The Planet of the Apes” and really liked it, so I deconstruct the movie for you, and I also deconstruct “Survivor,” and how Sophie won mostly because she was the person everyone hated the least. It was one of the most interesting tribal councils ever, and I’m always along for the “Survivor” ride.

The Chicago Bears still suck, there are a ton of movies coming out in the next week, “Sherlock Holmes” and “The Chipmunks” didn’t do that well at the box office even if their numbers were in the multi-millions, the days start getting longer in a few days, I still need to do Christmas shopping, and oh yea, the Bears still suck.

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Fraternity Brothers and Cub Scouts, Hooters and The Cheesecake Factor, Austin Powers and American Pie, Pillars and Ellen’s 12 Days of Giveaways.

By: The Dude on the Right

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I survived a weekend with Theta Xi Fraternity brothers, and Stu Gotz survived a Cub Scout Christmas Party, and during this podcast episode of our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” we explain how both events weren’t nearly as crazy as you might think.

Yup, being early December, it was time for a reunion of sorts for me, with lifelong friends from college, and as times have changed, Hooters has been replaced by The Cheesecake Factory and an afternoon in a dimly-lit bar has been replaced by The Lego Store. Stu, meanwhile, kept getting conflicting instructions as to the location of a Cub Scout Christmas Party, but luckily he found it behind door number 41, and as weekends go, Stu is liking “Pillars” on the Reelz Channel, and still is liking “Cowboys & Aliens” now out on Blu-ray and me, well, a busy weekend leads to needing to catch up on my TV viewing, although I am caught up through Day 7 of Ellen’s 12 Days of Giveaways, thinking so far Day 1 was the best day to have been in the audience.

Stu still likes Austin Powers, I’m trying to schedule an “American Pie” marathon with my BFF, Stu tries to offend a lot of various folks, and this is probably the only podcast that will have the sound effect of an MRI as a part of it.

And, oh yea, the Chicago Bears suck.

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Help

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:18 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Help Movie Stats & Links
Starring:	Emma Stone, Bryce Dallas Howard, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer
MPAA Rated:	PG-13
Released By:	Dreamworks / Walt Disney Studio
Release Date:	December 6, 2011
Kiddie Movie:	It’s pretty adult, especially some of the racial hatred.
Date Movie:	It’s a dudette flick that I think dudes will secretely like.
Gratuitous Sex:	Nah.
Gratuitous Violence:	You don’t see it much, but you know it’s happening.
Action:	Nah.
Laughs:	There are a lot of chuckles.
Memorable Scene:	The reveal of the pie given to Hilly.
Memorable Quote:	Nothing stood out.
Directed By:	Tate Taylor
Cool things about the Blu-ray:	It’s not overblown with special features, just a nice look at real mades of Mississippi, and a a good look at how the film ended up being made.

Okay, I admit it, as I guy I had absolutely no desire to see “The Help” when it was in the theater, and even probably made fun of it during a podcast or two. At the time I figured I was lucky to get out of seeing it as my schedule just didn’t fit going to see it with my wife, but then I saw the notice that it was coming out on Blu-ray, and knowing my wife would probably like to see it, I sucked up my man-card and got a copy to review. Wouldn’t you know it, I really liked the movie, and as “womanly” as the movie might seem, it tells a fabulous story of a time when things were truly changing.

Enough reflecting. “The Help” is a movie about the maids in Jackson, Mississippi, at a time in the 1960’s when racial issues were very much at the forefront of life, and the transition from treating these strong women like property to treating them like people finally started to occur. The movie is based on the novel by Kathryn Socket, about a writer, Eugenia “Skeeter” Phelan (Emma Stone), who was perturbed by how the white women of the south were treating the help, especially Hilly (Bryce Dallas Howard), who was fully of the sort that blacks should be separated from whites, so much so that she wanted a law that households have a separate bathroom for the blacks, or something crazy like that. Skeeter decides that the stories of the maids needed to be told, only it was illegal to publically write the story, so she devises a plan to write a novel based on anonymous accounts of the maids she would interview. In the meantime, throughout the movie, we are immersed into the lives of the various women, from the racist white women who seem to have blinders on as to the child raising ability of their maids, to the maids themselves, as they have to deal with the uppity employers, abusive husbands, and false arrests based on only a complaint by a white woman to the police.

But at the core of the movie is really how strong all of the maids tended to be, and how, even though they shouldn’t be treated differently, understood it happens, and work through it. Nowhere does this story come more to light than with the life of Minny Jackson (Octavia Spencer), who originally worked for Hilly, but when fired devised a plan to get back at Hilly, in a way that turns out to help maintain keep Hilly at bay when the book is released, and after being fired by Hilly, finds herself working for the societal outcast, Celia (Jessica Chastain), where they both end up understanding each other even though from different sides of the social spectrum.

There are parts of the movie that just seem downright a bummer, as it recalls how blacks were treated at the time, and how far we still, as a society have yet to go, but the bestness of the movie is how it shows that sometimes it isn’t a smart thing to mess with a smart woman, even if that woman is supposed to be “less” than you.

The acting in the movie is great, even though the movie is over two hours it flows nicely, and even as a guy, I really liked “The Help.” So go ahead and get the movie, cheer on woman who deserve their triumph when the book is released during the film, and grin when you discover how Minny gets back at Hilly.

It’s 4 ½ stars out of 5 for “The Help.”

And as far as the Blu-ray is concerned, they don’t go crazy with the extras, but they are a nice little addition to the movie. For a change there is actually a “deleted scenes” feature that has scenes I thought would still fit nicely in the movie, the “In Their Own Words: A Tribute to the Maids of Mississippi” feature is a well-done, not overblown “interview” with real maids of Mississippi, and the “Making of…” feature didn’t go crazy with making it stuff, just giving nice, little blurbs of how some of the locations came to be, and how the movie ended up in the hands of little known Director, Tate Taylor, who did a great job with the film.

Not too crazy on the extras, which is nice, and a great movie, makes “The Help” a high recommendation from me.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Help

Below is a little excerpt from the full review of “The Help” by The Dude on the Right. He really liked the movie, and recommends it for the both of you…

…Okay, I admit it, as I guy I had absolutely no desire to see “The Help” when it was in the theater, and even probably made fun of it during a podcast or two. At the time I figured I was lucky to get out of seeing it as my schedule just didn’t fit going to see it with my wife, but then I saw the notice that it was coming out on Blu-ray, and knowing my wife would probably like to see it, I sucked up my man-card and got a copy to review. Wouldn’t you know it, I really liked the movie, and as “womanly” as the movie might seem, it tells a fabulous story of a time when things were truly changing. …

Blago is Getting Sentenced, The Dude Needs a New Tooth, Stu Pulls a Finger, and Cotton Candy Dessert

By: The Dude on the Right

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I will apologize at the onset, as well as warn you, that the first couple of minutes of this “Weekend Wrap-Up!” episode are filled with all sorts of vulgarities. Suprisingly it’s not Stu Gotz, nor myself, doing the swearing, but Ex-Governor of Illinois, Rod Blagojovich, who will be sentenced this week for being a crappy Governor. Okay, maybe not because he was a crappy Governor, but along with being a crappy Governor, there was some trumped-up charge about bribing people to fill Barack Obama’s old Senate seat, among other things a person shouldn’t do, and even though he did leave us with a laughing stock of a state, he did give us some fine, quality audio!

Now this is supposed to be a “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast, and Blago is getting sentenced this week, so did Stu and I talk anything about our weekends? Of course we did! Yup, we have a nice discussion about my broken implant, how I have one, or should I say had one, because of a pogo stick, and my upcoming dentist visit and the proliferation of dentist offerings on Groupon. Stu did something he swore he wouldn’t do – he went to see “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1,” as well as enjoyed some time at “Enchanted Castle” in Lombard, IL. Me, I enjoyed a great dinner at “Macarena Tapas” in Naperville, IL, with my BFF, and had some wacky, tasty dessert that included cotton candy.

Stu likes “Pull My Finger,” we both thought the Chicago Bears sucked, I’m not liking the changes occurring during the Catholic mass, and Stu saw a version of the Nutcracker performed on horseback at the Noble Horse Theater.

That’s a lot to talk about, but I think somewhere in this podcast we fit a little more!

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Black Friday Tales, Muppet Talk, Adam Sandler Reminiscing, and Pee on a Toilet Seat – Again.

By: The Dude on the Right

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Turkey Day is done, and along with tales of eating said turkey, Stu Gotz and I also give some of our tales of Black Friday during this podcast episode of the “Weekend Wrap-Up!”, but not before reminiscing about some old days of Adam Sandler.

Low and behold, for reasons we weren’t even able to understand, both Stu and I went out to the stores on Black Friday, with Stu having to do some finagling at a Staples to get the bargain he was looking for, while I was amazed at the lack of crowds at Sam’s Club, Home Depot, and JCPenney, although shopping at one in the afternoon may have had something to do with that.

And with the holiday being a long weekend, it wouldn’t be a holiday weekend without some movie watching, so we also give our detailed analysis of “The Muppets,” letting you know if it’s good for the kids and if the nostalgia factor might make you cry (okay, I didn’t admit to Stu that I got weepy – I really didn’t want him to call my a puss). I give a quick preview of “The Help” which comes out on Blu-ray on December 6th, Stu watched “Super 8” and isn’t really sure who will like it, we revisit “Captain America,” we don’t give the Chicago Bears much discussion as they sucked and lost, Stu found another Starbucks’ bathroom that had a toilet seat fully of pee (Now he’s trying to blame women for it thanks to our friend Trash), and I break the news to Stu that “Community” might be going off of the air soon.

A holiday weekend has come and gone and we both survived! Hooray!

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

West Side Story

Below is an excerpt from The Dude on the Right’s full review of “West Side Story,” now available on Blu-ray! The Dude may not be a big fan of dancing and prancing, but he does like a great love story, so he loved the movie…

…Yes, the movie is a musical, and it is from 50 years ago so it does look dated, and sure, the outfits might look kind of funny for us now (Someone I know really well couldn’t help but notice the bulge in one of the guy’s pants, and therefore, for the rest of the night, it kept being pointed out), but as a film it still looks great, from an era when great camera work had to take the place of green screens and CGI. And yes, the acting is great, at least on some fronts (Yup, Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer are great), although sometimes it drifts into over-acting mode as was prevalent at the time….

West Side Story

MPAA Rated – Unrated
It’s 2:33 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

West Side Story Movie Stats & Links
Starring:	Natalie Wood, Richard Beymer, Rita Moreno, George Chakiris
MPAA Rated:	Unrated
Released By:	Twentieth Century Home Entertainment
Release Date:	November 15, 2011
Kiddie Movie:	There are a few killings, but and I doubt little boys would like it.
Date Movie:	Go ahead, snuggle with your honey on the couch and hum along.
Gratuitous Sex:	Nah.
Gratuitous Violence:	Some stabbings and a shooting.
Action:	There is chasing, but they’re dancing and prancing at the same time.
Laughs:	A chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene:	Every time the dude with the tight pants that accented his package was on the screen.
Memorable Quote:	Mostly just the songs.
Directed By:	Jerome Robbins

I was negative-six years old when “West Side Story” originally hit the theater, and believe it or not, in those fifty years, I have never seen the movie nor a stage representation of the story. I do find this somewhat surprising as I was a theaterish kind of guy in high school, and my mom loved a good musical, but alas, no “West Side Story” for me. That’s not to say I wasn’t familiar with the music, although I sometimes got things confused with “The Sound of Music” (yes, I’ll admit, I thought “Maria” was from The Sound of Music), but come on, who doesn’t sometimes hum the tune “America”? Feeling I was missing something in my life, and knowing the fact that my wife was a big fan of the movie, when the opportunity came to review “West Side Story,” being released in a 50th Anniversary Edition on Blu-ray, I felt it my duty. And I must say, even with the dancing and prancing, I really liked it.

Let’s get to it…

“West Side Story” bases itself off of the classic Shakespeare concept of “Romeo & Juliet,” only this time lets’ make our competing factions be two rival street gangs in New York City, the Sharks and the Jets, and it’s set back in the late 50’s/early 60’s, so they aren’t like gangs we are really used to, well, almost. The Jets are pretty much the European immigrants, and the Sharks are the Puerto Rican immigrants looking to invade the turf of the Jets. Alas, Tony (Richard Beymer) is trying to grow up, get his life straight, and used to be the leader of the Jets. Maria (Natalie Wood) is the sister of the leader of the Sharks. As the Jets and Sharks plot their rumble, low and behold Tony and Maria fall in love, and yes, do their best to keep their love a secret.

But things are getting serious in rumble land, with the fighting escalating from talk of dancing and prancing (Okay, I kid, it’s a musical and the fighting is sort of ballet-ish), to knife wielding, and when things go horribly wrong with the knife fighting, well, it’s time for someone to get a gun.

People die, someone gets shot, it’s like “Romeo and Juliet” so it’s not really a happy ending, but even though set 50 years ago, it’s a great love story, and even though you know someone’s going to end up dead, you can’t help but hope that somehow are two lovebirds would be able to get away and live a full life in wedded bliss.

Yes, the movie is a musical, and it is from 50 years ago so it does look dated, and sure, the outfits might look kind of funny for us now (Someone I know really well couldn’t help but notice the bulge in one of the guy’s pants, and therefore, for the rest of the night, it kept being pointed out), but as a film it still looks great, from an era when great camera work had to take the place of green screens and CGI. And yes, the acting is great, at least on some fronts (Yup, Natalie Wood and Richard Beymer are great), although sometimes it drifts into over-acting mode as was prevalent at the time.

And yes, lastly, there is the music, where as I watched the movie, I kept finding myself saying “Hey, I know that song.” Even though 50 years old, it’s music that truly stands the test of time.

So, as movie, it’s 5 stars out of 5 for “West Side Story.” Yup, I liked it, even with the dancing and prancing.

Now, as far as the 50th Anniversary Edition on Blu-ray, let me say it’s pretty fantastic, especially for the “West Side Story” fan. The movie itself looks great, as it should, but there is a 4-Disc set that includes a CD and collectable memorabilia, and for the basic 3-Disc set you get some pretty sweet extras as well. Do you want to get the inside scoop about how shots were made – you get that and more during a very detailed explanation of how the movie was made, the challenges the actors had, and the changes that were made in song ideas. There is also another segment of memories of West Side Story, and if you are a movie buff, a look at the storyboard progression of the film. You can also watch the movie in “Pow! The Dances of West Side Story” mode, and if you’re a dance buff it’s great because it will help explain how the dance sequences came to light. And don’t forget the music, as Stephen Sondheim the lyricist give a commentary for all of the great songs.

All in all, in the world of Blu-ray special editions, they did “West Side Story” right, as it should be for a movie that is a classic.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!