It all started with uncertainty...
Mr. Funny Man
A Concert Review
June 29, 1996
and Photos by
I wasn't quite sure what to expect when I arrived at the Rosemont
Theatre on June 29th to see Adam Sandler. Would he be alone pacing
back and forth on stage doing a stand up routine? Would he bring out
characters like Opera Man or Crazy Pickle Hand and demand candy from
the audience? I just wasn't sure ...
|Adam Sandler has a guitar!
Before the show I walked around to get a sense of the crowd and
to find out what other people were expecting. Here's what I found:
Perky, blonde haired and blue eyed, eighteen year old Danielle
from Zion, Illinois had no idea what Adam was going to do. Quite
frankly, she didn't care. All she wanted to see was "Adam's hot
ass!" Her quote, not mine. Hey Adam I got her number if you
Then there were the four fourteen year-olds toting a "We
Love You Adam!" sign. They were looking forward to hearing Adam
While checking out some "legal" cuties, I met 28 year
old John from Madison, Wisconsin. He was pretty cool. John said,
jokingly, he was anticipating a "high wire act." But
seriously, he and his brother Kevin came down to see their brother
Chris jump around on stage with Adam. Maybe you've heard of these
guys... The Farley's?
|Adam Sandler has Girls!
Lastly there was a guy named Cory. Cory and his wife got tickets
to the show as a gift. How nice. The couple was familiar with Adam
from SNL and the movie Happy Gilmore, but really didn't know quite
what to expect from tonight's show. Cory had spent the earlier part
of the day at a Promise Keepers rally. Promise Keepers is a men's
After getting the opinions of all these people I still didn't
know what to expect. Would Adam fulfill Danielle's dreams by mooning
the crowd? Would he sing the "Ode to My Car"? Was that
really Chris Farley's brother. I just didn't have these answers, but
I did know one thing for sure. This was bound to be a vulgar show
and I'm sure Cory and his wife were not ready for what they were
going to get.
Another thing I wasn't sure about was Adam's photo policy for the
night. Upon entering the theater I approached a HUGE and
intimidating security guard and sheepishly asked "how can I
find out what tonight's photo policy is?" "I'm not
sure" he boomed, "let's go backstage and find out." I
asked about five different people and the best anyone could
figure was that there was to be no flashes used. This is typical and
that's why I brought along 1600 speed film. It's also typical that
you can only shoot the first three songs of a music set or the first
five minutes of a stand up routine. I decided to be safe and stick
to the norm.
|Adam Sandler has a Guitar Player!
Enter one Funny Man and one Asshole...
Before Adam came out for the night he sent his friend out to do a
little stand up and warm up the audience. This guy was OK in my
book. He joked a lot about smoking pot and how that is the only way
a grown person can appreciate the cartoon Scooby Doo. He also shared
a story about the time he did LSD at his parents house while all
alone. I can't do the story justice here but I will say the story
ended with him in rehab because he cooked up his parents parrots.
"Hey... It was them or me!"
Like most opening acts, the crowd was rough on him. He held his
own by retorting with a few cliches like "Gee... I remember my
first beer." Then, in response to a guy screaming "You
suck! Send out Adam!" he retorted "Hey! Do I come and
knock the cocks out of your mouth while you're at work?" I've
never heard that one before.
Most of his jokes were aimed at drug culture. He did offer the
Carlin-esk insight as to why people would be mean to waiters.
"Don't you realize they're the last persons to touch your food
before you get it." I'm with you pal! Never be mean to your
waiter. And speaking from personal experience, never be mean to the
drive-up window guy. We too will spit in your food!
So who was this funny man? I don't know. I missed his name.
Normally this would never be a problem because after the show I'd
just go backstage and ask. Unfortunately, before I could ask the
name later that night I was asked to leave. The person throwing me
out was kind enough to also escort me to the door. I've been thrown
out by more intimidating persons and this "goatee, Euro-yuppie,
white T-shirt with black vest, 165 pound hard ass wanna be"
decided to put on a show for those standing around. "OK
princess" I replied "I'm going... Just don't hurt
So I offer you the reader my apologies for not knowing who Mr.
Funny Man was. As for you Mr. Funny Man, I thought you were great
and you get TWO THUMBS UP from me. To my editor I say... I didn't do
anything wrong this time! Seriously! Some people are just assholes
and I happened to bump into one. (Stu's editor here: Stu told me his
story, and Stu knows better than to lie to me. Maybe the guy was an
asshole, maybe just his time of the month, but it's too bad because
I would like to find out the name of the first comedian-dude. Why
can't we all just get along and make requests nicely, or maybe
punish the group instead of making my man Stu the example. Oh well.
- The Dude on the Right)
Mr. Funny Man's friend is on crack or something...
Adam came running onstage backed up by a five-piece band and three
hot background singers (one a Chicago native). He danced around the
stage while juggling,
hula-hooping, can stilt walking, and belting out his first tune of
what would be a musical night. Watching him run around on stage made
me wonder if his nursery was painted with a lead based paint when he
was a child. This guy was a goof on stage. But I know that's why he
is so well loved.
|Adam Sandler has a Limbo Stick!
From the start of the show the audience was up on their feet and
dancing in the aisles to tunes like "Mother Fucker,"
"Lunch Lady," "My Little Chicken," and "Ode
to my Car" (with an appearance by an overheating, blue with
brown rusted out door, 1972 Ford Pinto) just to name a few.
After the third song, "Lunch Lady," I dropped back from
stage to take some notes. Adam was still having fun on stage.
Running around, throwing huge beach balls into the crowd, and
seemingly enjoying himself singing. At the end of his "scary
Halloween" song Chris Farley came bounding on stage flailing a
huge kitchen knife. He reminded me of a huge white OJ. Taking a
moment to recapture the spotlight, Adam finished his fifth song and
then took a break by walking into a prop-house in the back of the
stage. Though you couldn't see him you could still hear him. It was
his mom's house and he had walked in to find his mom rubbing herself
with a carrot. Yikes!?! You got a sick but still funny mind Mr.
After ten songs, two visits to moms house (the second visit he
found his mother under the goat), and a psycho stage visit from
Chris Farley, Adam slowed things down. Sitting back in a rocking
chair while sipping a Margarita, Adam sang the "Grandma"
song and "What The Hell Happened To Me" as pictures of his
past flashed on a huge "Drive In" movie screen. It was
kind of neat to see the old pictures of a youthful curly headed
Adam. The girls just said "aaww.... He's so cute." That's
about all the rest he and the audience got because everyone was back
on their feet dancing to a song dedicated to "all the bake-o's
out there." "Why whatever do you mean Mr. Sandler?" I
innocently thought to myself, "Surly you're referring to the
salad topping and not people who smoke pot... are you?" Well
when a huge penguin graced the stage followed by a megga joint all
(Side note: In the movie Billy Madison, what's with the penguin?
And on the album What The Hell Happened To Me, what's with the goat?
Is it just simple silliness or something deeper? Adam, if you're
reading this, you and I got to blow a joint together so you can
explain this whole thing to me)
Well, by now it was over an hour into Adam's performance and I
began to think about my friend Cory. Had him and his wife made it
this far into Adam's performance? If they had, I'm positive they
wouldn't make it through Adam's next song. It was a love song. A
song about making love at a medium pace. A song about sucking cock
at a medium pace. A song about shoving a shampoo bottle in and out
of Adam's ass at a medium pace. I almost shit in my pants, at a
medium pace, because I was laughing so hard. The songs lyrics and
the thought of a "shaking fist rebuking the demon Adam"
Cory, carrying out his wife who had fainted, had me dying of
laughter in my seat. I wonder if they ever made it that far into the
The night ended with Adam doing a cover of Springsteen's "Out
in the Street" and a dancing ovation by the crowd. I enjoyed
Adam Sandler's comical music performance. He's no Weird Al, thank
God. Adam plays original music with a dirty and perverted lyrical
twists - which is perfect for me. I wish Adam Sandler well in his
musical career and hope he does better than John Travolta did or
than Keanu Reeves is doing, If Adam's show comes to your town, blow
someone you know to get tickets. It will be well worth the salty and
bitter taste (so I'm told). If you do miss the show, don't worry,
HBO recorded this show for a special due out later this year. Keep
an eye out for it and get HBO if you don't have it already. I give
Adam Sandler TWO BIG THUMBS UP!
Comical Highlights: - The Goat... Nuff said. - The Halloween
song with special psycho appearance by Chris Farley - The tokn'
penguin - Horny mommy - and the thought of Cory making it through