Category: Movie Reviews

Chasing Liberty

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:41 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Chasing Liberty
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mandy Moore, Matthew Goode, Jeremy Piven, Annabella Sciorra, Mark Harmon
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: It’s mostly middle to late teen content.
Date Movie: It’s a dudette flick, but he might like watching Mandy.
Gratuitous Sex: Mandy gets naked, but we don’t see it.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: There’s some chase scenes.
Laughs: Quite a few, actually.
Memorable Scene: When our heroes are in Venice it’s pretty fun.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Andy Cadiff

Maybe I’m just older and not hip with the times, and granted she’s of age, but when, if ever, would a daughter complain to her father than no one’s ever going to be able to get to third base with her? As a movie geared for the teen crowd, that scene in “Chasing Liberty” I just found a little odd. The rest of the movie, although farfetched, did have its cute moments and is what it is. Let’s go…

Mandy Moore plays Anna Foster. Like many late teen girls, she’s searching for her individuality. There’s only one problem: She’s the President of the United States’ daughter. Out on a date for her is not a simple task as a huge contingent of Secret Service personnel follows her wherever she goes. This comes to a head in the films opening scene, resulting in her confronting her father (played very well by Mark Harmon) about her lack of sex life. She’s pissed, her dad understands, and they agree that when they visit Prague, only two Secret Service people will be assigned to her when she goes to an opera with the daughter of the French Ambassador’s daughter, Gabrielle (Beatrice Rosen). When the opera turns out to be a rock concert, the Pres sends out the army of agents to protect his little girl. She’s at the club, spots the various agents, and Gabrielle hatches a plan so she can get away. Running out of the club, she spots a dude on a motor scooter, asks him to help her get away, and she’s off and running. The dude, it turns out is Ben Calder (Matthew Goode), and he’s got a secret.

Well, she doesn’t tell him who she really is, he doesn’t tell her who he really is, and now their off traipsing the European countryside and Anna wants to make her way to Berlin’s Love Festival, or as her dad calls it, an orgy. Oh yea, dad is totally against her going to the festival, and, oh yea, Anna and Ben fall in love, all the while staying one step ahead of the two agents assigned to watch them, Weiss (Jeremy Piven) and Morales (Annabella Sciorra).

So, “Chasing Liberty” is generic teen dudette fair, with a nice love story and a hunky guy. It does touch on some more adult issues, like who knew Anna was a virgin, and the issue of trying to find yourself living under the way to watchful eyes of your parents. Mandy Moore does a good job of taking you through the emotions of any older teen being a little rebellious, falling in love, and having her heart broken, and Matthew Goode does well in his predicament keeping his secret from Anna yet still, obviously, falling in love.

For the teen girls, they’ll probably enjoy the movie, though then demand a few concessions from their parents. Hey, if it’s good enough for the President’s daughter, going to the Love Festival should be good enough for them, too. Just remind your daughter that Anna is eighteen years old. It’s 3 stars out of 5 for “Chasing Liberty.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Chasing Amy

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:51 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Chasing Amy
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams, Jason Lee, Dwight Ewell, Jason Mewes
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Miramax Films
Release Date: 1997
Kiddie Movie: Way over the heads of anyone not at least in high school and even then it could be a stretch.
Date Movie: Not if there are romantic or sexual complications in your relationship. Trust me on this one!
Gratuitous Sex: Just some heavy smooching between girls.
Gratuitous Violence: Nope.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: I almost pissed myself.
Memorable Scene: I really liked it when Banky was asking a ton of questions about the whole lesbian love thing between Alyssa and her lover. The guy has no shame and a huge set of balls to be posing the questions how he does. Very funny!
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Kevin Smith

The movie’s premise was simply put to me “it’s a romantic comedy where a geeky cartoonist falls in love with a lesbian.” “Hmmm. . .” I thought, “A romantic comedy with lesbians. Has potential.” Then when I found out who wrote it, well, “Chasing Amy” rose to the top of my “must see” list.

“Chasing Amy” was written a directed by Kevin Smith of “Clerks” fame and “Mallrats” flame (as in disaster). I loved the dime budgeted “Clerks” and actually was one of the few people who didn’t demand an apology from Kevin for “Mallrats.” I think Kevin learned a lot from his poorly received second movie and it shows in this, the third installment of his “Jersey” trilogy. What I think he learned is that he is best at writing witty and sharp dialog between characters and that he doesn’t need big sets, stunts, or good acting to get his point across. Basically, in “Chasing Amy,” Kevin concentrated on what his characters would say and how they would react. When his characters do speak and react it doesn’t come off as being contrived or “Hollywood Cookbook” dialog mishmash. What I’m trying to say is that the movie feels real.

So we know the movie is about a dork falling in love with a dyke and we can all assume there will be turmoil there from, right? Right. But the movie is so much more. I don’t want to over analyze this thing, however, the movie really does do a great job of bringing out romantic and friendship emotional issues in a way that’s not dull and often funny.

Here’s how it breaks down. Holden (Ben Affleck) and Banky (Jason Lee) are life long friends that have found success together as the comic artist team for “Bluntman and Chronic” (which is a loose spoof and interpretation of their old friends Jay and Silent Bob from Jersey). All is going well for the artistic duo until Holden falls for a cartoon artist he meets at a trade show. Alyssa Jones (Joey Adams) is a talented blonde knock-out with a thing for girls. Banky realizes this is a love that cannot be, and tries to save his buddy from heartache, but Holden won’t accept that. He pursues Alyssa nonetheless under the false pretense of friendship. As you might expect things come to a head, Holden bares his soul, Alyssa freaks out, and the two fall in love. HUH?!? I thought she was gay. I guess she, and the movie so quaintly puts it, “just needed some dick.” All is going well until Banky tries to bridge the gap created by Alyssa by digging up some dirt on her, and boy does he find some ugly shit! This shit he finds is so ugly that Holden foolishly thinks he can’t live with it. Remember in “Clerks” how Dante couldn’t deal with the fact that his girlfriend had sucked 36 cocks before his? Well Holden takes that feeling to the 10th power, and there ends the romance and the artistic duo’s friendship too in somewhat of an unexpected confrontational ending (I won’t give it away). So sad.

So what is the lesson we are supposed to learn? Well, aside from the fact that females are evil I think Kevin wants to say that the past is just that and in a relationship look to the future. Ohhh, how sweet. “Chasing Amy” is not a hugely romantic comedy and has some mixed acting, but nonetheless it is a movie I would recommend seeing for its dialog and creative character scenarios. In my mind “Clerks” is still an edgier movie, but “Chasing Amy” is a close second. I liked “Chasing Amy” and I give it 4 out of 5 stars and I’m Stu Gotz. ’nuff said.

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bernie Mac, Demi Moore
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Lots of fighting.
Date Movie: Only if you hate your mate.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of shooting and fighting.
Action: Lots of chasing and jumping.
Laughs: A line or two.
Memorable Scene: The Angels do a great impression of M.C. Hammer.
Memorable Quote: Bosley: “It’s rainin’ white women!”
Directed By: McG

One of the good things about writing for this web site is that there really aren’t any guideline as to how long a review should be. Thank goodness, because for “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” there isn’t much to write about, pretty much because there really isn’t a story.

You get the three angels back, Natalie (Cameron Diaz), Dylan (Drew Barrymore), and Alex (Lucy Liu), and this time you get Bernie Mac playing Jimmy Bosley, the brother of John from the first movie. The story basically goes that there are these two rings that contain all of the information as to the whereabouts of those in the witness protection program. Oh, how much would they be worth to mob leaders who’ve been ratted out! It’s up to the Angels to get them back, especially since it turns out Dylan is on that list, and that her real name is Helen Zass (insert any available ass joke here). To do so our trio will do whatever possible in as little clothing as possible while wiggling their butts as much as possible. And, oh yea, Demi Moore plays Madison Lee. She used to be an Angel but now is on the wrong side of the law, and also seems to be the only person who can shoot a gun straight. Intertwined with this we are also introduced to Alex’s dad, Mr. Munday (John Cleese) who thought his daughter was a nurse, but now, thanks to Jason Gibbons (the triumphant return of Matt LeBlanc), he is under the impression that his daughter is a prostitute. And, oh yea, Thin Man (Crispin Glover) is back and creepy as ever.

That’s enough of the story because pretty much for an hour and three quarters you can ignore the plot and just wait for the next scene where either a) the Angels dance to an 80’s song, b) the Angels must have entered “The Matrix” because they seem to be able to dodge bullets, c) the Angels kick the asses of a bunch of dudes with guns, yet they have none, or d) you get a lot of bad jokes and one-liners. Demi Moore looks great, but a little scary at times, and Bernie Mac is pretty much wasted in this movie, which is too bad because he can usually add a breath of fresh air to a dull movie. The trio dances around in cute little outfits and perform death-defying stunts regularly, including but not limited to landing on and starting a helicopter in mid-air, jumping motorcross bikes better than the pros, using a luge thingy to tap the cell phone of a bad guy while he’s driving, and being tossed from a speeding car, through some windows and down some stairs, and still able to jump around at will.

If you thought the first movie was stupid, this kicks it up a notch on the stupid scale. It tries to generate a message of empowered women, the importance of friendship, and that guns are bad, but for me it was just an hour and forty five minutes of “Yea, I know it’s a movie, let it go.”

You know exactly what to expect for this movie if you saw the first one, just don’t expect to have a plot that at least made a little sense. This movie doesn’t pretend to say “I’m a film masterpiece,” so I guess the good thing is that there is no deceiving the public into seeing the film. You’ll see it if you want to, and for being a brainless movie it leads the pack with 4 out of 5 stars. But as a movie it shows you don’t need a story to make a movie, just some hot actresses and a big enough budget to do all kinds of special effects, and for that it’s 1 star out of 5. I’ll average them together for 2 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Charlie’s Angels

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right sort of.

Charlie’s Angels
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bill Murray
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: A waste of time.
Date Movie: A waste of time.
Gratuitous Sex: A waste of time.
Gratuitous Violence: A waste of time.
Action: A waste of time.
Laughs: A waste of time.
Memorable Scene: A waste of time.
Memorable Quote: A waste of time.
Directed By: McG

I won’t waste much of your time and I’m taking The Dude on the Left’s advice and not wasting much of my time, because, well, he found “Charlie’s Angels” a complete waste of time.

Here’s what he told me. The Angles don’t have guns, they can dodge bullets, the story is stupid, and poor Bill Murray, how the mighty have fallen. He said “Charlie’s Angels” was kinda like “The Matrix” but without the cool storyline and that, well, it was a cheesy as you’d expect but not really in a funny way. The thing he found most entertaining was a comment during the movie when a guy on the plane complained about the in-flight movie, a remake of “T.J. Hooker”, and how he wished they would stop making movies of bad ‘80s TV shows.

The Dude on the Left said he’d give the movie 1 star out of 5. I may still waste my time and go see it some day, and you might waste your time too, but don’t say you weren’t warned. And that’s enough wasting of your time and my time writing this review.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right reporting for The Dude on the Left!! L8R!!!

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:55 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Johnny Depp, Freddie Highmore, Anna Sophia Robb, Christopher Lee, Missi Pyle
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: It’s pretty good for everyone.
Date Movie: They might like it, too.
Gratuitous Sex: Really, what do you think?
Gratuitous Violence: No.
Action: Some fun action scenes.
Laughs: There are good chuckles for adults and kids.
Memorable Scene: Technology has made the factory even that more enjoyable.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really stands out.
Directed By: Tim Burton

I was worried that with “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” I would be totally disappointed in the movie because of my love for “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” My worry was unfounded, although I do have one major gripe, which I’ll get to later. Let’s get to it…

The story is pretty much the same as “Willy Wonka,” with a little more of a backstory. This time we learn why Willy Wonka got into the chocolate business, his family issues as a little boy, and why the Oompa Loompa’s are working in the factory instead of people. Once again Willy offers up a tour of his factory to some lucky children who find the magic tickets, and our kids are the same. You of course get poor kid Charlie, the fat slob Augustus, the TV addicted genius Mike, the gum-chewing Violet, and the spoiled brat Veruca. Along with them come their parents, who are just as wacky as their kids.

So, you get the kids touring the factory, and yes, Augustus falls in the chocolate river, Violet turns into a blueberry, and Mike gets put inside a TV. Different, though I actually liked it better, was Veruca’s fate, mostly because the animals were so cute. Different, also, was the way they worked the ending, but I’m sticking that the “Willy Wonka” ending was a little better and more poignant.

The main difference between the “Willy Wonka” version and the “Charlie” version is mostly the technological advances that give the “Charlie” version a slight advantage. The factory is fantastic, the Bucket’s homestead is oddly angular, and the elevator is pretty cool. I will also add that the folks playing the other kids and their parents were fantastic. However, this movie would have easily been 4 ½ stars except for one thing – the Oompa Loompa songs were horrible. When I asked Stu about this movie, he said the same thing, that the Oompa Loompa songs were unintelligible. And that is way too bad.

What they did, rather than the campy “Oompa Loompa Doom-pa-de-do” songs, was rework them into extravagant musical numbers with the instruments overpowering the lyrics, so much so that you really couldn’t understand the lesson the Oompa Loompa’s were trying to convey about the actions of kids, how eating too much is bad, chewing too much candy is gross, being spoiled is the parent’s fault, and watching too much TV rots your brain.

The way they did the Oompa Loompa’s was interesting, and overall I enjoyed the movie, the characters, and even though Johnny Depp was pretty creepy, he even won me over. I just don’t understand how you can make this movie and screw up the Oompa Loompa songs, and that’s enough for me to drop my rating to 3 ½ stars out of 5. I understand they couldn’t just copy the way the songs were done in the “Willy Wonka” version, but they should have been able to come up with something better than they did.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Charlie Bartlett

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:37 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Charlie Bartlett
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Anton Yelchin, Robert Downey Jr., Hope Davis
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: MGM
Release Date: 2008
Directed By: Jon Poll

Here’s a tricky movie to promote, kinda like “Superbad,” where even though some of the core group of folks who might want to see this movie are high-schoolers, it’s rated R. In any case we get Charlie (Anton Yelchin). He comes from a wealthy family and doesn’t fit in at his new school, the new school he is at because he gets tossed from all of the private schools. Going to therapy himself, one day he helps a fellow student and suddenly Charlie is the “psychiatrist” for his fellow classmates. Suddenly Charlie is cool, falls in love, and the Principal sees that things are amuck and that Charlie must be dealt with.

A dark comedy with what looks like clever writing, Charlie Bartlett looks like a fantastic character and this might be fun for adults who were the snooty kids in high school but have since grown up, kinda like us nerds could relate to the boys of “Superbad.”

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Changing Lanes

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Changing Lanes
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Affleck, Amanda Peet
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: Lots of swear words and an adult story. Leave them with the sitter.
Date Movie: It’s a drama, but she’ll just probably say something like “See, guys are stupid.”
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Not really beating the crap out of each other, but Gavin has a pretty bad car crash.
Action: Some suspense.
Laughs: Not really.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Roger Michell

A lot of critics liked “Changing Lanes.” I’m not one of those critics. Let’s start with the basic story.

Ben Affleck is Gavin. He’s a partner in a law firm and on his way to deliver proof that an old man left his foundation to the law firm to take care of. On the way he has a fender-bender with Doyle (Samuel L. Jackson). Doyle is a recovering alcoholic trying to make a court date so he can keep some custody of his two sons. Gavin drops the proof and Doyle picks it up but he’s late for his court date. Gavin can’t prove his case without the proof Doyle picked up, Doyle lost all custody of his kids because he was twenty minutes late, and now it’s a day of who can get the other to flinch. Unfortunately for Gavin, Doyle has the trump card – Gavin just doesn’t realize it.

So both of our boys go through a really crappy day. Gavin is trying to get his file back; Doyle almost gives it back until Gavin pays a computer hacker to fuck with Doyle’s financial life, and now it’s a movie about ethics and just being a good person. Blah.

As I got about an hour into this movie I was bored. Yea, both lives are screwed up, both men are doing whatever is in their power to get their lives back together, and I knew that, in the end, their lives would be back on the road to rebuilding their mental states/ethics to the next level. And it happened.

Don’t get me wrong, the movie was okay, but from all of the rave reviews I had been reading, I figured “Changing Lanes” would be great. For me it wasn’t great, it was just okay. So I say see it, it’s an okay drama, but I was bored with the story about half the way through. Both men are stupid. 2 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Cell

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Cell
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Vincent D’Onofrio, Vince Vaughn
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think of bringing them.
Date Movie: She’ll get squirmy and hold you, then again, you might get squirmy too.
Gratuitous Sex: Weird sex and lots of nudity.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of it, mostly in twisted mind sequences, but who wants to see a dude’s intestines being pulled out in any state of consciousness?
Action: Not much action.
Laughs: Some twisted chuckles here and there.
Memorable Scene: The dude getting his intestines pulled out.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Tarsem Singh

After watching “The Cell” my one thought was “Whoa, that was one fucked-up movie.” It was sick, it was demented, it reminded me of this twisted cross between “Hellraiser” and “Silence of the Lambs,” and in the end I can’t say it was the greatest movie, but it was sure entertaining, and although it was pretty obvious how things would turn out (they have to turn out that way – it’s pretty standard in Hollywood now that there aren’t any deviations from a happy or expected ending, although maybe they should try more – look at what a cool twist did for “The Sixth Sense,” but I’m sorry, I digress), “The Cell” kept me paying attention for the entire movie, and that’s always a good thing.

Here’s the story: Jennifer Lopez plays Catharine Deane, this psychiatrist type of lady working for a controversial company. What the company says is that it can implant the thoughts of one person into another’s mind so that person A can interact with the mind of person B, hopefully helping them to get over a comatose state caused by a variety of brain problems. Well, Catharine has been working with this young boy who’s mind has essentially shut off, but she can’t get through to him in his mind. Since his mind is full of ugly images, well, Catharine wants to reverse the process so that she can show the boy that life isn’t as ugly as his mind shows. Alright, enough intro and foreshadowing.

So, Catharine is going about her days but there is a killer, Carl (Vincent D’Onofrio), on the loose. He’s got mental problems, likes to turn girls into dolls by drowning them, cleaning them, and well, it’s pretty sick. The problem is that Carl has kidnapped one more victim, has her in the holding tank that will soon fill up with water, and his mind finally snaps him into a catatonic state. With no way to wake him up, the fed people enlist the help of Catharine to enter the dude’s mind to try to find out where he is holding her. Blah, blah, you can figure out the end.

What is cool with the movie is that it paints a fucked up version of reality in the mind of the psychotic. Dark images, blown exaggerations of reality, and how scary a psychopath might really be seeing the world, well, that’s what we see in the mind of the catatonic. Meanwhile, in the eyes of the living, we see how life can be better, how we can still be in charge, and how good people just want to help.

What is bad about the movie is you already know the ending – eventually they figure out where the killer is hiding the body, and the chief investigator guy saves her. That I fear is the Hollywood status-quo. Me, personally, I would have preferred them figuring out where the girl was too late, the chief investigator snaps, leaving a way for a more twisted sequel. But, that’s me – always hoping for an edge.

I’d say “The Cell” is, as a movie, about a 2 ½ starrer, but, adding the quality violence, the dude hanging but hooks in his back, and just a totally fucked up view of reality in the mind of a killer, well, let’s add another star and give “The Cell” 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Catch a Fire

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:41 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Catch a Fire
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Derek Luke, Tim Robbins
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Focus Features
Release Date: 2006
Directed By: Phillip Noyce

The trailer says this movie is based on a true story, so I’ll take its word for it. In any case, the trailer shows Derek Luke playing Patrick Chamusso. It’s South Africa in a time when things aren’t that great for the black population, in fact it pretty much sucks, but he’s been flying under the radar just trying to raise a family while working at the oil refinery. When there’s an explosion at the refinery, he gets taken in as a suspect, and while being held, and in trying to make him spill any beans, the bad folks fuck with Patrick’s wife. Low and behold they are both let go, but Patrick now knows that he has to now stand up for the rights of those being persecuted, so he takes the cause of the folks fighting the oppressors, because he knows that is the only way the blacks in South Africa can finally be recognized as people.

This looks like a really good movie, and Tim Robbins as the Secret Police dude looks great, but things are getting busy on the movie front (as they always do in the fall), so I have to sometimes decide between good films and popular films. I would like to catch this one, though, no matter what.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Dr. Seuss’ The Car in the Hat

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:22 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mike Myers, Spencer Breslin, Dakota Fanning, Alec Baldwin, Kelly Preston, Sean Hayes
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: No.
Date Movie: No.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of it implied.
Gratuitous Violence: Comic style.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Nah.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Bo Welch

I’m not usually appalled at a movie, in fact I am one of the most easily amused moviegoers that there is, but the movie version of “Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat” just appalled me. Why? Because they took a cute and comical story and turned it into crap. What’s going to upset me more will be if this movie actually makes money. Why am I so upset? Well, maybe it’s Alec Baldwin (he plays a slime-ball man intent on sleeping with the kids mom) exclaiming to the dog “I can’t believe you whizzed on my taco!”, or maybe it was The Cat explaining to the kids when they almost take The Fish’s advice “Are you gonna listen to him? He lives where he pees!”, or maybe it was the scene where The Cat works to make the couch a little more bouncy where they show The Cat complete with butt-crack, or maybe it was The Cat describing the S.L.O.W. (his wacky car) as the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Watchamajigger, and that it was previously called the Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter, yes, the S.H.I.T., although they at least stop Conrad (Spencer Breslin) from actually saying it, or maybe it was the shameless plug for the Universal Studios ride. I can usually laugh at anything, but sadly there wasn’t anything to laugh at in this movie.
The story pretty much has Mom (Kelly Preston) as a realtor, who is hosting a party that night. Quinn (Baldwin) keeps trying to convince Mom that Conrad should be in military school every time he visits. Mom leaves the kids at home while she’s at work, instructing them not to enter the living room. The kids are babysat by Mrs. Kwan (Amy Hill). Well, it starts raining, Mrs. Kwan falls asleep, and here comes The Cat (Mike Myers), pretty much sounding and acting like Austin Powers. He begins a day of mischief, the kids learn a lesson, and all is well. All is well except the desecration of Dr. Seuss because although they sometimes have a rhyme in the movie, for some reason I’m thinking that The Cat being lactose intolerant was nowhere in Dr. Seuss’ original plan.

Alright, I’m done ranting. Based on the information above, if you want to take your kids to this movie go right ahead because that’s the kind of humor that’s in this movie. Oh yea, also be ready to explain to your kids why it’s funny for The Cat to stare lovingly and call the garden digging device a “dirty ho.” It’s -1 star out of 5 for “The Cat in the Hat.”