Ever After: A Cinderella Story

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:01 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Ever After: A Cinderella Story
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Drew Barrymore, Anjelica Huston, Dougray Scott, Megan Dodds, Melanie Lynskey
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 1998
Kiddie Movie: Girls – sure. Boys might get bored.
Date Movie: It will show her how sensitive you are.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: The Prince gets hit in the head with an apple, and there’s a little sword-fight, but nothing that bad.
Action: Some chase scenes.
Laughs: A couple.
Memorable Scene: None come to mind.
Memorable Quote: None come to mind.
Directed By: Andy Tennant

Sometimes a movie is just, well, enjoyable. Such is “Ever After.”

The story is, well, similar to the fairy tale in that you have Danielle (Drew Barrymore) playing the stepdaughter of the wicked stepmother Rodmilla (Anjelica Houston). She has two stepsisters, the uppity Marguerite (Megan Dodds), and the nice, “if Danielle leaves I’m going to be stuck doing the cooking,” Jacqueline (Melanie Lynskey). Rodmilla wants Marguerite to marry Prince Henry (Dougray Scott), but Danielle and the Prince are falling in love as they sneak off to places together. So much for the likes of the original fairy tale, but that’s okay.

Let’s backpedal a little. The movie opens with an old lady telling the Brothers Grimm that the story of Cinderella is real, to a point, and she was there to set them straight. Switch to the story. Danielle’s dad marries Rodmilla, and Danielle is hoping for a nice mother because hers is dead. Well, as Danielle’s fate would have it, Dad has the big grabber as he is leaving and Danielle is left to live with Rodmilla and her new stepsisters. Doing whatever she can to please Rodmilla, Danielle just wants to be loved, even if that means doing servant duties for her step-mom. Anyway, one day in the fields, Prince Henry is running away from home because his father is arranging his marriage to some Spanish girl and Danielle bips him in the bean with an apple. She’s embarrassed that she just hit the prince, and the prince rides off tossing her some gold to keep her mouth shut. What to do with the money? Well, one of her old servants is being sent off to America because, well, being framed by Rodmilla, and Danielle poses as a countess type to get him out of jail. In the end, to do so, she must plead his case to the prince, who doesn’t recognize her as the servant girl, and in doing so the prince becomes enamored with her spunky attitude. And such love blooms.

Keeping a long story short, and not giving much more away, Danielle poses as a countess some more, the Prince falls in love, has a ball (they call it a mask), Danielle “the servant” is exposed, she runs from the ball losing her glass slipper, and in the end they all live happily ever after.

Yea, this movie is more of a chick-flick than a guy-loving action movie, and the younger girls will probably love it, but hey, I’m a sensitive 90’s type of guy and really liked it. Barrymore played a great, spunky, servant girl who is always willing to challenge a thought, Huston was just so wicked I couldn’t believe it, although there was one scene where you almost felt she really had a heart, and Scott was pretty good as the prince too, not ready to take over the responsibilities of being king, nor understanding them. All in all, great performances throughout.

Sometimes kind of hokey, sometimes kind of funny, but just simply enjoyable. It’s the story of a fairy tale, and comes off as such, but that’s just what I was expecting. I got a little more. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Ever After.”

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:31 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Drew Barrymore (voice), Piper Perabo, Andy Garcia (voice), George Lopez (voice), Jamie Lee Curtis
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment
Kiddie Movie: It’s PG for some sort of scary stuff.
Date Movie: If she’s the mother of your children.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Some scary dog moments, but nothing horrible.
Action: Dogs chase each other.
Laughs: Mostly for kids.
Memorable Scene: Even though it was weird, the Chihuahua Nation scene was interesting.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Raja Gosnell

When “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” was originally in the theaters, Stu Gotz had a birthday party for one of his little Gotz’s, and mentioned that the kiddies all seemed to have a good time watching the movie, and that he actually enjoyed the movie, too. When I got a chance to see the DVD of the movie, I figured I’d give it a shot as well, sans anyone’s kids around me, to see if Stu was just wrapped up in “little kid” euphoria, or if the movie is okay for adults. I suppose you’ll just have to keep reading to find out.

For the story, the movie is mostly about Chihuahuas, in this case two of them, Chloe (voiced by Drew Barrymore) and Papi (voiced by George Lopez). Chloe is an uber-pampered dog, living in Beverly Hills (duh?), owned by Viv (Jamie Lee Curtis) who spares no expense for the pampering, and clothing, or her pet. Papi, on the other hand is the rambunctious companion of a landscaper, and Papi has the hots for Chloe. In the movie, yes, we get dogs that talk to each other, and Chloe won’t give Papi the time of day because, well, she is too “good” for him. Enter Rachel (Piper Perabo). When Viv has to go out of town for business, she entrusts Rachel to take care of her beloved pooch. Sadly, Rachel is also kind of an uppity Beverly Hills’ chick and doesn’t really care, nor understand, the uppity needs of Chloe, so when Rachel heads south of the border, to Mexico, with Chloe in tow, and Rachel ignoring Chloe for some fun time with her friends, Chloe decides to head out, and wouldn’t you know it, bad things start to happen to Chloe. Thankfully, enter trusty old German Shepherd, Delgado (voiced by Andy Garcia), who befriends Chloe and tries to keep her safe from the bad guys, and bad dogs, and works to get her back to the States.

In the meantime, with Chloe missing, Rachel goes into full panic mode, on the hunt for Chloe, and is joined by Papi and his owner, and wouldn’t you know it, there is the underlying story of a dog-fighting ring, and of course, our entire cast of humans and dogs come together to save the day, bust the bad guys, and love blossoms as Chloe realizes her true love doesn’t need to be a pampered dog from Beverly Hills, but could also be a hard worker who loves her.

Okay, does it really matter what the story is about? I mean, it’s about a bunch of talking dogs and their inept owners, it’s from Disney, and for kids it will probably be great as they will love the fun-loving romps that the dogs have. For the adults, I suppose what I figure is that if you have kids, and are forced to watch the movie with them, it won’t bore you to tears like some kid’s movies because there is a laugh or two, but I’m guessing that unless you’re a big, burly dude who owns a little dog, you’re going to hate this movie. Pretty much you will know if “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” is for you, or your kids, from the commercials, so for those of you it is marketed for, it’s a solid 3 ½ stars out of 5 from me. I don’t think Stu Gotz was wrapped up in “little kid” euphoria when he saw it, for parents it’s a movie you can sit with and not tear your eyes out, while your watching it with your kids.

As far as the basic DVD package, I’ve got to say there isn’t that much as far as extras. There’s an animated short about “The Legend of the Chihuahua” that is kind of cute, the “Deleted Scenes” feature isn’t very funny, and the “Blooper Scooper” is kind of funny showing the dogs not always following their trainers, but pretty much the standard DVD version is really just for watching the movie with your kids.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bernie Mac, Demi Moore
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Lots of fighting.
Date Movie: Only if you hate your mate.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of shooting and fighting.
Action: Lots of chasing and jumping.
Laughs: A line or two.
Memorable Scene: The Angels do a great impression of M.C. Hammer.
Memorable Quote: Bosley: “It’s rainin’ white women!”
Directed By: McG

One of the good things about writing for this web site is that there really aren’t any guideline as to how long a review should be. Thank goodness, because for “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” there isn’t much to write about, pretty much because there really isn’t a story.

You get the three angels back, Natalie (Cameron Diaz), Dylan (Drew Barrymore), and Alex (Lucy Liu), and this time you get Bernie Mac playing Jimmy Bosley, the brother of John from the first movie. The story basically goes that there are these two rings that contain all of the information as to the whereabouts of those in the witness protection program. Oh, how much would they be worth to mob leaders who’ve been ratted out! It’s up to the Angels to get them back, especially since it turns out Dylan is on that list, and that her real name is Helen Zass (insert any available ass joke here). To do so our trio will do whatever possible in as little clothing as possible while wiggling their butts as much as possible. And, oh yea, Demi Moore plays Madison Lee. She used to be an Angel but now is on the wrong side of the law, and also seems to be the only person who can shoot a gun straight. Intertwined with this we are also introduced to Alex’s dad, Mr. Munday (John Cleese) who thought his daughter was a nurse, but now, thanks to Jason Gibbons (the triumphant return of Matt LeBlanc), he is under the impression that his daughter is a prostitute. And, oh yea, Thin Man (Crispin Glover) is back and creepy as ever.

That’s enough of the story because pretty much for an hour and three quarters you can ignore the plot and just wait for the next scene where either a) the Angels dance to an 80’s song, b) the Angels must have entered “The Matrix” because they seem to be able to dodge bullets, c) the Angels kick the asses of a bunch of dudes with guns, yet they have none, or d) you get a lot of bad jokes and one-liners. Demi Moore looks great, but a little scary at times, and Bernie Mac is pretty much wasted in this movie, which is too bad because he can usually add a breath of fresh air to a dull movie. The trio dances around in cute little outfits and perform death-defying stunts regularly, including but not limited to landing on and starting a helicopter in mid-air, jumping motorcross bikes better than the pros, using a luge thingy to tap the cell phone of a bad guy while he’s driving, and being tossed from a speeding car, through some windows and down some stairs, and still able to jump around at will.

If you thought the first movie was stupid, this kicks it up a notch on the stupid scale. It tries to generate a message of empowered women, the importance of friendship, and that guns are bad, but for me it was just an hour and forty five minutes of “Yea, I know it’s a movie, let it go.”

You know exactly what to expect for this movie if you saw the first one, just don’t expect to have a plot that at least made a little sense. This movie doesn’t pretend to say “I’m a film masterpiece,” so I guess the good thing is that there is no deceiving the public into seeing the film. You’ll see it if you want to, and for being a brainless movie it leads the pack with 4 out of 5 stars. But as a movie it shows you don’t need a story to make a movie, just some hot actresses and a big enough budget to do all kinds of special effects, and for that it’s 1 star out of 5. I’ll average them together for 2 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Charlie’s Angels

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right sort of.

Charlie’s Angels
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bill Murray
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: A waste of time.
Date Movie: A waste of time.
Gratuitous Sex: A waste of time.
Gratuitous Violence: A waste of time.
Action: A waste of time.
Laughs: A waste of time.
Memorable Scene: A waste of time.
Memorable Quote: A waste of time.
Directed By: McG

I won’t waste much of your time and I’m taking The Dude on the Left’s advice and not wasting much of my time, because, well, he found “Charlie’s Angels” a complete waste of time.

Here’s what he told me. The Angles don’t have guns, they can dodge bullets, the story is stupid, and poor Bill Murray, how the mighty have fallen. He said “Charlie’s Angels” was kinda like “The Matrix” but without the cool storyline and that, well, it was a cheesy as you’d expect but not really in a funny way. The thing he found most entertaining was a comment during the movie when a guy on the plane complained about the in-flight movie, a remake of “T.J. Hooker”, and how he wished they would stop making movies of bad ‘80s TV shows.

The Dude on the Left said he’d give the movie 1 star out of 5. I may still waste my time and go see it some day, and you might waste your time too, but don’t say you weren’t warned. And that’s enough wasting of your time and my time writing this review.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right reporting for The Dude on the Left!! L8R!!!

50 First Dates

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:36 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

50 First Dates
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Adam Sandler, Drew Barrymore, Rob Schneider, Sean Astin, Dan Aykroyd
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: There’s a lot of crude humor. Keep it to the teens.
Date Movie: It is a decent romantic comedy.
Gratuitous Sex: Nothing gratuitous.
Gratuitous Violence: Lucy beating up Henry when she wakes up in bed with him and doesn’t know who he is.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Some good ones.
Memorable Scene: Nothing stands out.
Memorable Quote: Henry, when trying to cop a feel: "After the 12th date, I’m entitled to unlimited boob access."
Directed By: Peter Segal
Produced By: Jack Giarraputo, Steve Golin, Nancy Juvonen

Maybe it’s just Adam Sandler’s way to make sure guys can have some fun when they have to go see romantic comedies with their dudettes – toss in some vomit joke, some nipple rubbing, and jokes about wet dreams. Me, I actually thought those jokes took away from what was developing into a sweet, romantic movie. Maybe I’m just becoming a puss as I age. Here’s the story.

Sandler plays Henry Roth. Marine veterinarian by day, dude to show tourist women a good time by making up all kinds of professions only to leave them without even a phone number by night. Opening the movie we are treated to an onslaught of testimonials of Henry’s ability to show a good time, so Henry is instantly painted as a womanizer. Then one day he finds himself in a café and sees Lucy (Drew Barrymore). For a change he finds a girl that makes him happy, actually can see himself getting in a real relationship with her, and his womanizing ways might be over. After their getting-to-know-each-other breakfast, they agree to meet each other for breakfast the next day, only when Henry arrives for their breakfast date, he is shocked that Lucy doesn’t remember him. It is explained to him that Lucy has short-term memory loss caused by a car accident about a year ago. Pretty much all of her memories lead up to the day of the accident and every time she goes to sleep, well, the previous day is gone. Henry then learns that her father and brother, along with the café patrons, do their best to keep each day the same so she doesn’t freak out finding out about the accident. This leads to every day being the same for dad and brother, watching a tape of the same football game they were scheduled to watch, and seeing “The Sixth Sense” every night because Lucy was giving it to dad as a birthday present. Lucy constantly thinks it’s the Sunday of her dad’s birthday, and everyone else plays along. But Henry thinks things can be different.

After slowly getting approval from dad to start seeing his daughter, and seeing how a day goes when Lucy finds out what happened, Henry develops a plan so that every morning Lucy starts the day watching a video tape explaining the accident, how her friends and family love her, and how she is dating Henry. An hour or two after this, Lucy accepts her fate and at least now gets to have a new day, with new discoveries, and Henry not having to work as hard to get her to like him because the tape already explains that they’re dating. All is going well for our happy couple until one day Lucy discovers that Henry is giving up on his dream to sail to Alaska and study walruses so he can be with Lucy. She decides to dump Henry, erase him out of her journal she has now been keeping, and he’ll be able to get on with his life. Blah, blah, blah, yea, they live happily ever after, although the ending isn’t as cookie cutter as you might think, which I did find refreshing.

Anyway, the movie is cute in the aspect of the chemistry between Lucy and Henry that develops every day. There’s a scene where Lucy has a beach party with the friends she hasn’t seen in a year, comments on all of their changes, and when one of Lucy’s girlfriends questions Adam on his having to make sure Lucy falls in love with him every day, she slaps her husband asking him why he can’t do the same. It’s those cute moments that make the film. But, in Adam Sandler tradition, the film is laced with uncomfortable weirdness and sexual humor that, although funny in their weirdness ways, I found took away from the movie. Case in point – Ula (Rob Schneider), Henry’s friend, being a sort of creepy sidekick who likes to rub his nipples and stores a joint down his butt-crack.

I liked the movie, but for a change found the sexual humor mostly stupid and unnecessary. Sure the premise for the movie is sort of out there, but there is a sweetness in Henry that Sandler plays well, and Barrymore does a great job with the Lucy character treating each new day with an innocence of that first date, that first kiss, that first time you realize you love someone. The movie really didn’t need a walrus barfing on Henry’s vet assistant, Alexa (Lusia Strus), whom we are pretty sure is a woman, but looks like a man, nor the idea that Doug (Sean Astin), Lucy’s brother, wants to know if steroids can cause wet dreams. It stood as a better romantic comedy on its original premise and really didn’t need the crude humor. 2 ½ stars out of 5. I probably would have given it 3 ½, but the unnecessary stabs at humor cost it a star in my book.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!