Bad Santa

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:31 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Bad Santa
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Tony Cox, Brett Kelly, Lauren Graham, Bernie Mac
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Dimension Films
Kiddie Movie: Definitely not, no matter how loudly the kids scream they want to see the movie.
Date Movie: If she’s got a twisted sense of humor.
Gratuitous Sex: Some pretty wild scenes.
Gratuitous Violence: Some punches get thrown, and some gunfire, too.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Lots of them.
Memorable Scene: Too many to mention.
Memorable Quote: Too many to mention.
Directed By: Terry Zwigoff

The trailers for “Bad Santa” sure provided a challenge for parents as their kids were now asking “Daddy, why is Santa bad?” I’m not a parent, nor do I pretend to be, but I suppose parents had to adjust their explanation of Santa Clause a bit, maybe explaining that sometimes Santa’s helpers, you know, those ones at the mall, end up being naughty, not nice, and Santa still treats them the same and they will get a lump of coal in their stocking hung by the fireplace. Anyway, I wasn’t presented with that problem, I was just looking for a twisted Christmas movie, and I sure got it.

Pretty much the story goes that Willie (Billy Bob Thornton) and Marcus (Tony Cox) infiltrate a different mall every year, posing as Santa and his helper elf, in order to case out the joint and rob it of its loot. Every year Willie says that this will be his last job, then when the money runs out, well, he’s back to calling up Marcus setting up the next job. As it turns out, this time The Kid (Brett Kelly) shows up on Santa’s lap, and then lets Willie into his life. Early on we don’t really know if The Kid really believes Willie is Santa, we hope not, and that somehow Willie is just taking the place of a father-figure, a really twisted father-figure at that, because The Kid’s parents are going to be away from the house for a few years (the kid is being taken care of by his totally out of it grandmother).

Meanwhile, Willie goes about the holiday season being totally hammered, or banging fat women in the dressing rooms, at least until he meets up with Sue (Lauren Graham), a bartender with a Santa fetish, even if Santa is a drunk loser. Marcus, on the other hand, just keeps trying his best to hold the con together, mostly threatening legal action for firing a black elf.

“Bad Santa” is a dark comedy in every sense of the word, yet still humorous in a truly adult way. But for those of you easily offended, who were appalled at the trailer running during a football game and having to explain things to your kids, well, you probably won’t find the humor in it at all. The ending gives you a couple of fun plot twists, and although I’m usually one rooting for the darkest of endings, “Bad Santa” actually ended in a sappy, yet still dark, sort of way.

This movie is definitely not for everyone. If you found the trailer the least bit offensive, stay away, but for the rest of you there is a humor present. You won’t be huddling around the fireplace year after year waiting for “Bad Santa” to come on the TV so you can watch it with your family, and I highly doubt TBS will be having 24 hours of “Bad Santa”, but for adult humor at the holiday time, this one fits the bill. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Bad Santa.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bernie Mac, Demi Moore
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Lots of fighting.
Date Movie: Only if you hate your mate.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of shooting and fighting.
Action: Lots of chasing and jumping.
Laughs: A line or two.
Memorable Scene: The Angels do a great impression of M.C. Hammer.
Memorable Quote: Bosley: “It’s rainin’ white women!”
Directed By: McG

One of the good things about writing for this web site is that there really aren’t any guideline as to how long a review should be. Thank goodness, because for “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” there isn’t much to write about, pretty much because there really isn’t a story.

You get the three angels back, Natalie (Cameron Diaz), Dylan (Drew Barrymore), and Alex (Lucy Liu), and this time you get Bernie Mac playing Jimmy Bosley, the brother of John from the first movie. The story basically goes that there are these two rings that contain all of the information as to the whereabouts of those in the witness protection program. Oh, how much would they be worth to mob leaders who’ve been ratted out! It’s up to the Angels to get them back, especially since it turns out Dylan is on that list, and that her real name is Helen Zass (insert any available ass joke here). To do so our trio will do whatever possible in as little clothing as possible while wiggling their butts as much as possible. And, oh yea, Demi Moore plays Madison Lee. She used to be an Angel but now is on the wrong side of the law, and also seems to be the only person who can shoot a gun straight. Intertwined with this we are also introduced to Alex’s dad, Mr. Munday (John Cleese) who thought his daughter was a nurse, but now, thanks to Jason Gibbons (the triumphant return of Matt LeBlanc), he is under the impression that his daughter is a prostitute. And, oh yea, Thin Man (Crispin Glover) is back and creepy as ever.

That’s enough of the story because pretty much for an hour and three quarters you can ignore the plot and just wait for the next scene where either a) the Angels dance to an 80’s song, b) the Angels must have entered “The Matrix” because they seem to be able to dodge bullets, c) the Angels kick the asses of a bunch of dudes with guns, yet they have none, or d) you get a lot of bad jokes and one-liners. Demi Moore looks great, but a little scary at times, and Bernie Mac is pretty much wasted in this movie, which is too bad because he can usually add a breath of fresh air to a dull movie. The trio dances around in cute little outfits and perform death-defying stunts regularly, including but not limited to landing on and starting a helicopter in mid-air, jumping motorcross bikes better than the pros, using a luge thingy to tap the cell phone of a bad guy while he’s driving, and being tossed from a speeding car, through some windows and down some stairs, and still able to jump around at will.

If you thought the first movie was stupid, this kicks it up a notch on the stupid scale. It tries to generate a message of empowered women, the importance of friendship, and that guns are bad, but for me it was just an hour and forty five minutes of “Yea, I know it’s a movie, let it go.”

You know exactly what to expect for this movie if you saw the first one, just don’t expect to have a plot that at least made a little sense. This movie doesn’t pretend to say “I’m a film masterpiece,” so I guess the good thing is that there is no deceiving the public into seeing the film. You’ll see it if you want to, and for being a brainless movie it leads the pack with 4 out of 5 stars. But as a movie it shows you don’t need a story to make a movie, just some hot actresses and a big enough budget to do all kinds of special effects, and for that it’s 1 star out of 5. I’ll average them together for 2 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!