Austin Powers in Goldmember

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:34 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Austin Powers in Goldmember
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mike Myers, Sir Michael Caine, Beyoncé Knowles, Michael York, Robert Wagner, Seth Green, Mindy Sterling, Verne J. Troyer
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: New Line Cinema
Kiddie Movie: Lots of sexual innuendo. Brings the teens, leave the youngins at home.
Date Movie: If she likes Austin Powers, sure, otherwise she just might be grossed out.
Gratuitous Sex: Cleavage and talk, even of an asian three-way, but nothing naked.
Gratuitous Violence: Fighting like you would expect.
Action: Action like you would expect.
Laughs: 92 minutes worth.
Memorable Scene: The opening sequence.
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Jay Roach

After laughing my way through “Goldmember,” my initial reaction was “Who did Mike Myers pay off at the MPAA to get this thing rated PG-13?” Alright, there wasn’t any nudity, they didn’t really swear too much, but there was enough sexual innuendo that led me to my next reaction – I sort of felt sorry for those parents who brought their youngins, youngins who haven’t been told about the birds and the bees, as I’m thinking the parents are going to have a lot of explaining to do as to why they were laughing at certain times in the movie. Alright, enough intro, what about the movie?

Granted most of you really won’t care about the plot because it’s always the same – Dr. Evil tries to blackmail the government for some wrong amount of money or else he’ll destroy the world, in the meantime he’s trying to kill Austin Powers. Once again Mike Myers handles the wacky characters, namely Austin Powers, Dr. Evil, Fat Bastard, and now Goldmember. Personally, I think it was one too many characters because Goldmember really has no impact. Anyway, back in the mix are the rest of the familiar cast of characters, Number Two (Robert Wagner), Scott (Seth Green), and Mini Me (Verne Troyer), but this time we get treated to a new cast of supporting characters, like Michael Caine as Nigel Powers, Austin’s dad, Fred Savage as Number Three, and Beyonce Knowles as Foxxy Cleopatra.

Buried in the taking over the world storyline is the internal conflict Austin is having thinking he has never made his father proud. And that’s really all you need to know about the story.

What really makes this movie click are the scenes I’m not even going to reveal. The opening scene is a riot, you get a take-off on the penis description montage from the second movie, complete with making fun of itself for doing so, and there are some neat plot-twists that easily make you laugh. And, oh yea, there are so many star-studded cameos that are perfectly done.

There really isn’t a way to compare this version of the Austin Powers trilogy to the others because it really takes itself in a different direction. It knows it has to have the basic story of Dr. Evil vs. Austin Powers, but this time it tends to make fun of itself for rehashing the same jokes, and because of this those same old jokes seem fresh.

If you liked any of the other Austin Powers movies, you’ll probably enjoy “Goldmember” all the same. If you couldn’t stand him before, save your money, stay home, and don’t bitch that this movie was crap. I can’t call myself a huge fan of the series, but I’ll give credit to any movie that can keep me laughing for an hour and a half. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Austin Powers in Goldmember.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:35 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Austin Powers:
The Spy Who Shagged Me
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mike Myers, Heather Graham, Michael York, Robert Wagner, Rob Lowe, and a bunch of cameos.
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: New Line Cinema
Kiddie Movie: Nope.
Date Movie: Sure. She might laugh.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of jokes.
Gratuitous Violence: Not really.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Lots of them.
Memorable Scene: The scenes with the “penis” rocket.
Memorable Quote: Too many to mention.
Directed By: Jay Roach

“Mommy, can you explain what was so funny about that spaceship?” That might be one of the many questions your six or seven year old may be asking you if you bring them to see “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me,” and from the audience in the theater when I went, a lot of parents brought the little ones. This movie is rated PG-13 for a reason, and I would say that maybe it’s because a lot of the humor is sexual, although not blatantly, and that would leave a lot of explainin’ to do for your youngin’. Me, I’m over 13 and, well, easily amused, so I didn’t really need that explainin’, I just laughed a lot.

“Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me” seemed to have nearly as much hype as “The Phantom Menace,” at times it seemed even more, and even though no Star Wars, the movie has it’s own merits on an adult level.

The movie opens with Austin Powers recently married to Vanessa, and well, shagging her in a hotel room. But Austin notices something is wrong as he’s using the remote control: He presses “rewind” and Vanessa goes in reverse, he presses “forward” and Vanessa goes forward, he presses “mute” and Vanessa’s mouth moves but nothing comes out (The Dude on the Left seemed to find this a great feature as he chuckled and said “Cool.”), but then problems arise and the previously banished Dr. Evil returns to get back at Powers.

The plot revolves around time travel, but don’t try to get to technical about it, where Dr. Evil goes back to the time when Austin was frozen and steals his mojo (his love power), and Austin is a man who now loves women, but can’t love women. Evil also has new plans to dominate the world, revolving around, as he calls it, the Alan Parsons Project (yes, that being the same name as the group put together by Alan Parsons, and Evil’s son, Scott, brings that up but Dr. Evil is oblivious to it), and the Austin who travels back in time to retrieve his mojo now has to save the world.

Yes, there’s a new babe this time around, this time in the likes of Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham), and she helps Austin save the world, and find his mojo. All is well with the world again, and we are safe again until Dr. Evil returns again, with Mini-Me (his miniature clone), to once again try to kill Austin and dominate the world.

The movie is a goof, and I mean that in the best sense, with scenes poking fun at the nineties culture as Scott Evil and Dad Evil square up on an episode of Jerry Springer, poking fun at sixties culture with the, well, the entire movie, and making a lot of jokes about sex and bodily functions (two scenes come to mind – one where Austin and Felicity are in a tent, backlit, and from the outside it looks like Felicity is grabbing stuff out of Austin’s butt, and the other is the sequence of people looking up at Dr. Evil’s penis looking spaceship, shifting from one group of people to the next, with the transition word being something slang for penis). And like I said, I’m easily amused, and “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me” amused me.

If you liked the first Austin Powers, I’m thinking you’ll like this installment just the same. Scott Evil is once again great at trying to explain to dear old dad how stupid he is, Mini-Me is a hilarious addition, and Mike Myers ability to play the endearing Austin Powers, the bumbling Dr. Evil, and this time adding in the totally gross Fat Bastard (I swear I almost had to throw up watching Fat Bastard and Felicity in bed together) is just about amazing.

It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me.” I laughed, I cried, I almost vomited. What more can you ask from a movie?

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Dr. Seuss’ The Car in the Hat

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:22 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mike Myers, Spencer Breslin, Dakota Fanning, Alec Baldwin, Kelly Preston, Sean Hayes
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: No.
Date Movie: No.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of it implied.
Gratuitous Violence: Comic style.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Nah.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Bo Welch

I’m not usually appalled at a movie, in fact I am one of the most easily amused moviegoers that there is, but the movie version of “Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat” just appalled me. Why? Because they took a cute and comical story and turned it into crap. What’s going to upset me more will be if this movie actually makes money. Why am I so upset? Well, maybe it’s Alec Baldwin (he plays a slime-ball man intent on sleeping with the kids mom) exclaiming to the dog “I can’t believe you whizzed on my taco!”, or maybe it was The Cat explaining to the kids when they almost take The Fish’s advice “Are you gonna listen to him? He lives where he pees!”, or maybe it was the scene where The Cat works to make the couch a little more bouncy where they show The Cat complete with butt-crack, or maybe it was The Cat describing the S.L.O.W. (his wacky car) as the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Watchamajigger, and that it was previously called the Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter, yes, the S.H.I.T., although they at least stop Conrad (Spencer Breslin) from actually saying it, or maybe it was the shameless plug for the Universal Studios ride. I can usually laugh at anything, but sadly there wasn’t anything to laugh at in this movie.
The story pretty much has Mom (Kelly Preston) as a realtor, who is hosting a party that night. Quinn (Baldwin) keeps trying to convince Mom that Conrad should be in military school every time he visits. Mom leaves the kids at home while she’s at work, instructing them not to enter the living room. The kids are babysat by Mrs. Kwan (Amy Hill). Well, it starts raining, Mrs. Kwan falls asleep, and here comes The Cat (Mike Myers), pretty much sounding and acting like Austin Powers. He begins a day of mischief, the kids learn a lesson, and all is well. All is well except the desecration of Dr. Seuss because although they sometimes have a rhyme in the movie, for some reason I’m thinking that The Cat being lactose intolerant was nowhere in Dr. Seuss’ original plan.

Alright, I’m done ranting. Based on the information above, if you want to take your kids to this movie go right ahead because that’s the kind of humor that’s in this movie. Oh yea, also be ready to explain to your kids why it’s funny for The Cat to stare lovingly and call the garden digging device a “dirty ho.” It’s -1 star out of 5 for “The Cat in the Hat.”