MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:07 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Keira Knightley, Lucy Liu, Christopher Walken, Mena Suvari, Mickey Rourke, Jacqueline Bisset, Delroy Lindo
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want your little girl to be a bounty hunter.
Date Movie: If she likes some violence.
Gratuitous Sex: Keira gets naked. It’s kinda artsy, but I’m liking her mosquito bites.
It’s rated R and about bounty hunters, what do you think?
Gratuitous Violence: It’s rated R and about bounty hunters, what do you think?
Action: Not really, although you would think there would be.
Laughs: Some pretty good lines.
Memorable Scene: The “Mix-ed Race” Flowchart at the Jerry Springer Show.
Memorable Quote: “He hasn’t aged well.”
Directed By: Tony Scott

I know it’s sometimes a tough call for moviemakers: Do you take what can be a pretty good action movie and just let it be an action movie, or do you try to make it more artsy, with more symbolism and tricky camera-work, than just people kicking ass? For “Domino,” they opted for the latter, and as much as I could appreciate it, I could have probably appreciated it even more if the story wasn’t so convoluted. I’ll try to give you just enough without giving too much away…

“Domino,” as the opening credits state, is “a movie based on a true story, sort of.” Pretty much Domino Harvey was the daughter of a Hollywood screen star, her father, who died when she was a young girl. That much is true. The movie says that mom tried to stay tight in the Hollywood circles, that Domino was a model and in a sorority, but I can’t confirm any of that. Domino Harvey became a bounty hunter in the movie. That much is true. Then there is the rest of the movie which starts as a story that seems believable, up until the armored car heist.

Alright, as the movie gives us, we see Domino (Keira Knightley) being interrogated by the FBI, agent Taryn (Lucy Liu). Taryn is trying to get the story of what happened to the money in the armored car. From this point it is a series of flashbacks as the “sort of” stuff really starts to take shape. We see Domino shuttled to boarding school, break a nose in a sorority house, dressing kinda slutty, and hooking up with Ed (Mickey Rourke) and his partner Choco (Edgar Ramirez), thus her transformation into being a bounty hunter. Domino is hot, can kick some ass, and there’s some sexual tension between her and Choco. The story is pretty simply, Domino, Ed, and Choco, go about their bounty hunting business, but then get approached by a reality TV producer, Mark (Christopher Walken). He convinces our trio that they should be on a reality TV show about their work as bounty hunters, and they agree.

But there is a problem in bounty hunter land, namely that their major employer, Bail Bondsman Claremont Williams (Delroy Lindo), has cooked up a scheme to get $300,000 for one of his women, Lateesha (Mo’Nique), who needs the money for a lifesaving surgery for her granddaughter. Oddly enough, now the mob, a casino owner, the FBI, and dozens of other are involved, and the story turns from kinda fun and serious, to just a convoluted mess, which I probably could have gone along with if the movie was just normal action fare, but with it trying to be artsy and with a message, I just got tired of following it all especially when some people who are supposed to be dead really aren’t, there had to be an easier way to get into that freezer, and the poor throw money into the air only to see some of it blow away.

Look, I loved the characters. Keira, Mickey, Edgar, and damn just about everyone else were fabulous in all of their roles. Even Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green were great at playing themselves. And damn, Keira even gets naked. But the story, especially as it played out, wasn’t an artsy story at the end, it was an action story and I think should have been treated as such, kinda a “Lethal Weapon” but much darker. Convoluted stories generally work when we aren’t trying to take the movie too seriously, but “Domino” was set up as a serious movie, and a convoluted plot development just falls apart.

In the end, I really wanted to like “Domino,” but just couldn’t, even with the blatant nudity and gratuitous violence. It’s 3 stars out of 5 for “Domino.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on Right!! L8R!!!

Code Name: The Cleaner

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:24 Long
A Preview by:
The Dude on the Right

Code Name:
The Cleaner
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cedric the Entertainer, Lucy Liu, Nicollette Sheridan
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2007
Directed By: Les Mayfield

Cedric the Entertainer is Jake. He gets bipped on the bean and doesn’t remember who he is – he thinks he is Joe Average. But he gets wrapped up with some weird undercover folks, and now Jake is starting to think he might be an undercover agent, and hilarity ensues.

Look, I’m not going to waste your time with the preview because the trailer looked pretty bad, but coming into the new year, maybe what you need is a mindless comedy to get you back to facing the real world.

We’ll see how my weekend goes if I catch this one!

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bernie Mac, Demi Moore
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Lots of fighting.
Date Movie: Only if you hate your mate.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of shooting and fighting.
Action: Lots of chasing and jumping.
Laughs: A line or two.
Memorable Scene: The Angels do a great impression of M.C. Hammer.
Memorable Quote: Bosley: “It’s rainin’ white women!”
Directed By: McG

One of the good things about writing for this web site is that there really aren’t any guideline as to how long a review should be. Thank goodness, because for “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” there isn’t much to write about, pretty much because there really isn’t a story.

You get the three angels back, Natalie (Cameron Diaz), Dylan (Drew Barrymore), and Alex (Lucy Liu), and this time you get Bernie Mac playing Jimmy Bosley, the brother of John from the first movie. The story basically goes that there are these two rings that contain all of the information as to the whereabouts of those in the witness protection program. Oh, how much would they be worth to mob leaders who’ve been ratted out! It’s up to the Angels to get them back, especially since it turns out Dylan is on that list, and that her real name is Helen Zass (insert any available ass joke here). To do so our trio will do whatever possible in as little clothing as possible while wiggling their butts as much as possible. And, oh yea, Demi Moore plays Madison Lee. She used to be an Angel but now is on the wrong side of the law, and also seems to be the only person who can shoot a gun straight. Intertwined with this we are also introduced to Alex’s dad, Mr. Munday (John Cleese) who thought his daughter was a nurse, but now, thanks to Jason Gibbons (the triumphant return of Matt LeBlanc), he is under the impression that his daughter is a prostitute. And, oh yea, Thin Man (Crispin Glover) is back and creepy as ever.

That’s enough of the story because pretty much for an hour and three quarters you can ignore the plot and just wait for the next scene where either a) the Angels dance to an 80’s song, b) the Angels must have entered “The Matrix” because they seem to be able to dodge bullets, c) the Angels kick the asses of a bunch of dudes with guns, yet they have none, or d) you get a lot of bad jokes and one-liners. Demi Moore looks great, but a little scary at times, and Bernie Mac is pretty much wasted in this movie, which is too bad because he can usually add a breath of fresh air to a dull movie. The trio dances around in cute little outfits and perform death-defying stunts regularly, including but not limited to landing on and starting a helicopter in mid-air, jumping motorcross bikes better than the pros, using a luge thingy to tap the cell phone of a bad guy while he’s driving, and being tossed from a speeding car, through some windows and down some stairs, and still able to jump around at will.

If you thought the first movie was stupid, this kicks it up a notch on the stupid scale. It tries to generate a message of empowered women, the importance of friendship, and that guns are bad, but for me it was just an hour and forty five minutes of “Yea, I know it’s a movie, let it go.”

You know exactly what to expect for this movie if you saw the first one, just don’t expect to have a plot that at least made a little sense. This movie doesn’t pretend to say “I’m a film masterpiece,” so I guess the good thing is that there is no deceiving the public into seeing the film. You’ll see it if you want to, and for being a brainless movie it leads the pack with 4 out of 5 stars. But as a movie it shows you don’t need a story to make a movie, just some hot actresses and a big enough budget to do all kinds of special effects, and for that it’s 1 star out of 5. I’ll average them together for 2 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Charlie’s Angels

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right sort of.

Charlie’s Angels
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Bill Murray
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: A waste of time.
Date Movie: A waste of time.
Gratuitous Sex: A waste of time.
Gratuitous Violence: A waste of time.
Action: A waste of time.
Laughs: A waste of time.
Memorable Scene: A waste of time.
Memorable Quote: A waste of time.
Directed By: McG

I won’t waste much of your time and I’m taking The Dude on the Left’s advice and not wasting much of my time, because, well, he found “Charlie’s Angels” a complete waste of time.

Here’s what he told me. The Angles don’t have guns, they can dodge bullets, the story is stupid, and poor Bill Murray, how the mighty have fallen. He said “Charlie’s Angels” was kinda like “The Matrix” but without the cool storyline and that, well, it was a cheesy as you’d expect but not really in a funny way. The thing he found most entertaining was a comment during the movie when a guy on the plane complained about the in-flight movie, a remake of “T.J. Hooker”, and how he wished they would stop making movies of bad ‘80s TV shows.

The Dude on the Left said he’d give the movie 1 star out of 5. I may still waste my time and go see it some day, and you might waste your time too, but don’t say you weren’t warned. And that’s enough wasting of your time and my time writing this review.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right reporting for The Dude on the Left!! L8R!!!