Author: Andy Labis

Bruno

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:21 Long
A DVD Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bruno
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, Gustaf Hammarsten, Paula Abdul, Ron Paul, Snoop Dog
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Studios Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2009
Kiddie Movie: Please send them to bed.
Date Movie: If she liked Borat, she might like Bruno.
Gratuitous Sex: In way, crazy ways. And then some more.
Gratuitous Violence: Some whipping and ultimate fighting that turns into, well, nevermind.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Much better when you can fast-forward through the “movie” parts.
Memorable Scene: The hotel room with Diesel.
Memorable Quote: “It’s like riding a little horse.”
Directed By: Larry Charles

As sometimes I am lazy, after I let you know about the DVD, below is my original review of the movie “Bruno” when it hit theaters. Having seen the DVD, however, I have to say that:

As a movie, with plot, acting, scenery, etc., “Bruno” is still just dumb and probably deserves the Zero Stars my BFF wanted to give it.
On DVD the movie is so much better; I’m even saying 4 stars out of 5, instead of the 3 that I gave the theater version.
So I can hear you saying something like “How can the movie be better on DVD?”, and my simple answer is because you can easily fast-forward through most of the “plot” parts and just laugh at stupid people, and now add the extras on the DVD that give you way more people and things to laugh at. Yes, I still found the hotel room scene with Diesel a riot, but that’s not what we watch someone like “Bruno” for, do we? I don’t think so. I think we watch him for making ordinary people look like buffoons, the movie still has plenty of them to laugh at, but the DVD gives you another hour of buffoonery because, come on, who wouldn’t watch, in utter amazement, as baseball great Pete Rose is being interviewed by Bruno while sitting on a human chair, and when LaToya Jackson says “It’s like riding a little horse,” I almost spit my drink on my TV screen. The extended fashion show footage is great, the extended TV station footage is unbelievable, I am even more disturbed by parents who want their children to be in movies, and for great viewing pleasure, the interview with Hollywood Agent Lloyd Robinson is hilarious. There is also a commentary track where Sacha Baron Cohen and the director, Larry Charles, explain some of the scenes, but I’ll be honest with you, as funny as the movie can be, I didn’t want to spend another hour and a half re-watching it, again, to find out how dumb people really could be.

With that, if you like the jokes of “Bruno” and “Borat,” go ahead and get the DVD. I didn’t see the Blu-ray version so I can’t say that it’s necessary for your viewing pleasure, but being able to jump from joke to joke, in a more rapid-fire format, makes the movie that much better. 4 stars out of 5 for the DVD, 3 stars if you are just watching the “movie” portion.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! And here’s my original review when “Bruno” was in the theater… L8R!!!

As my BFF and I were leaving “Bruno” I overheard a dude who was also leaving say to his friend “I don’t even know what to say about that,” to which his friend said he found the movie hilarious. Then my BFF said to me, “That movie was horrible… Zero stars… but you were laughing so hard I thought you were going to pee your pants.” Yup, I’m a sucker for a “talking” penis joke, and I did laugh a lot, but I also have to agree with my BFF when she said, “Bruno is no Borat.” I guess I’ll start with the loose story…

Bruno is another character created by Sacha Baron Cohen from his “Ali G” days, a gay fashion-meister who desires to be as well known as one of Austria’s other kin (there is a off color joke in there). Sadly for Bruno he is kicked out of the fashion world when an interview goes horribly wrong, and now, jilted by his lover, Diesel, he decides to head to the United States, with his assistant’s assistant, Lutz, to conquer America, only America isn’t ready for his brand of conquering.

Okay, why am I spending a lot of time on the story? It is there, but it’s not really why we want to see “Bruno,” is it? Probably not. I’m thinking most people are heading to see this movie to watch common people, and a celebrity-ish type or two, get tricked into a fake interview/situation by Bruno, the way we loved seeing people skewered by Borat, but for this one, for the most part, it’s too easy to bait people on the homophobia aspect, or even the “outrageousness” of using people as stools and trying to get Paula Abdul to eat sushi off a naked man. I have to say that this time I spent more time saying “Yup, the National Guard dudes knew they were in on some kind of joke,” and “How hard is it, really, to stir up a group of ultimate fighting fans when you start making out with the other dude in the ring?” Sure, seeing the gay-bashing by the fighting fans is sad, but not nearly as much as when Borat stirred up the anti-Semitism at the bar in the previous movie.

And yet I laughed, was disgusted at people (the parents peddling their kids to make them stars should have the local DCFS folks radars going off), and just couldn’t believe Ron Paul’s people didn’t investigate the release they were signing to get let Bruno interview him.

I can hear you asking me, “Alright, dude, just tell me if I should see the damn movie?” Well, I want to give the movie a better rating than 3 stars, but I just can’t, and it’s not because I didn’t laugh a lot because I did, and it’s not because Sacha Baron Cohen doesn’t make great use of people who just don’t have a clue, because he does. I suppose part of the thing is that the movie seems almost too easy, like I said before, but I think it’s also because the “utterly disturbing yet funny as hell” shocking scene in the movie happened too early in the film for me, leaving the rest of the film as just one little skit after another. Hmm, how to put this without giving it away? Okay, remember in “Borat” (I’m assuming you already saw it) when you were just starting to get bored with how foolish Borat was making people seem and then there was the gross-out, nude fighting scene with the obese dude and naked men running through the convention bringing you right back into the laughter? Well, for “Bruno,” that scene happens early in the film, and although there is a bondage scene in the middle of the film, it doesn’t compare, so for most of the movie it’s just another foolish person/situation followed by another foolish person/situation.

I do understand why my BFF didn’t like this movie at all, and she probably knows why I did, but unlike “Borat,” “Bruno” doesn’t seem to have the cross-over appeal to draw in more than people like me who will nearly pee their pants just at the site of a exercise bicycle with a dildo attached to it. As such, I’m sticking with my 3 stars out of 5 (for the movie only).

Bringing Out the Dead

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:58 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bringing Out the Dead
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Nicolas Cage, Patricia Arquette, John Goodman, Ving Rhames, Marc Anthony
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Paramount Pictures, Touchstone Pictures
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think about bringing them unless they are an aspiring filmmaker.
Date Movie: She might get grossed out and hold your hand.
Gratuitous Sex: There might have been, but I don’t remember it.
Gratuitous Violence: Some graphic scenes.
Action: Mostly sped-up film scenes.
Laughs: Lots of chuckles.
Memorable Scene: While Frank treats an over-dose case, his partner Marcus convinces the dude’s friends that he can be brought back from the dead if they all pray while Frank treats him.
Memorable Quote: While impaled on an iron fence, the drug dude says “I’m trying to watch my weight and look what happens.
Directed By: Martin Scorsese

I can understand why all of the critics will be giving “Bringing Out the Dead” rave reviews because in terms of filmmaking things, i.e. cinematography, artsy looks, creative-like acting, and I suppose being different in looks than a blockbuster, “Bringing Out the Dead” scores high marks on all of those things if that’s what you’re looking for in a movie. Maybe because I’m not a film-school type person, or maybe because I’ve never studied film, or maybe because I just want a film to entertain me and can usually get around brilliant cinematography and even some not-so-great acting, but in the end “Bringing Out the Dead” didn’t entertain me that much. I’m not saying it wasn’t great film work, because it was, and I did chuckle a couple of times, but in the end I just walked out saying “I guess it was okay,” and “I hope if I need a paramedic that I don’t get any of those knuckleheads.”

“Bringing Out the Dead” tells the story of a stressed-out paramedic, Frank, played by Nicolas Cage, and takes us on a few nights of his psychotic behavior. He is tormented by the ghost of a girl whom he couldn’t save and gets teamed up with some even more psychotic paramedic buddies. In the meantime he begins to fall for Mary (Patricia Arquette), the daughter of a man who Frank brought, unwillingly supposedly by the voices the body tells Frank, back to life (although he’s still basically brain-dead). Through the nearly two hours we get Frank and his paramedic buddies responding to various calls, with the druggie Noel (Marc Anthony) being the main calls, treated to multiple visits of the hospital emergency room, and begin to wonder if paramedics are really like this (I hope mine aren’t).

It’s a twisted movie, especially Frank’s paramedic buddies. We get Larry (John Goodman) as one of them, we get Marcus (Ving Rhames) as another (probably bringing the most laughs as he works the dispatcher lady over the microphone and plays a preacher while Frank revives an overdose call), and Tom (Tom Sizemore) who seems to like his job mostly so that he can fuck with people. And there is poor Frank, trying desperately to hold it together but really hoping he would just get fired.

Like I said, as a movie-making film “Bringing Out the Dead” is up there with the best of them. The scenes flow, the acting is top-notch, and there are a lot of visuals to deal with. But, and maybe because of these things too, the movie had many of those artsy slow spots that drop the entertainment value down a notch or two. I don’t know, I know Martin Scorsese is a great filmmaker, but sometimes for the boring movie-goer like me, well, I don’t get into the artsy stuff. I loved the scenes with Frank’s buddy, Marcus, especially at the rave party where he convinces the overdose’s friends that if they all pray together that their buddy will come back from the dead, and the visits to the emergency room were generally entertaining, but too many times I looked at my watch and couldn’t believe there was so much time left in the movie.

Well, let’s wrap this up. “Bringing Out the Dead” is a filmmakers film. What I mean by that is that if you appreciate a well made film, well you will probably thoroughly enjoy it. But if you really don’t care about all of that stuff and just want to be entertained, well, “Bringing Out the Dead” probably won’t do it for you. With that I’ll split the rating to 2 ½ stars, but I’m going to add one for the scene where the drug dealer guy is impaled on a fence. So, it’s 3 ½ stars out of 5 from me for “Bringing Out the Dead.”

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Break-Up

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Break-Up
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston, Joey Lauren Adams, Ann-Margret, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau, Judy Davis
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: Definitely more adult subject matter.
Date Movie: Both of you might see some similarities in your own arguments.
Gratuitous Sex: Some strippers.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few. Even the fights were funny.
Memorable Scene: Brooke, balling her eyes out, finally explaining to Gary what is wrong, and Gary just looking at her and saying, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Memorable Quote: Sure, it was in the trailer also, but it’s the line every dude in a relationship wishes he could say: “Why would I want to do dishes?”
Directed By: Peyton Reed

Sometimes while watching a movie I notice the most innocuous things. First, when there was all of the talk of them doing re-shoots for “The Break-Up,” one of the things mentioned was they wanted to make sure things looked current, mentioning that “The Bean,” a wacky piece of art in Chicago, wasn’t completed when they initially did the filming so they came back since it was now complete. Funny, I didn’t remember seeing a shot of “The Bean” in the movie. Then the story changed to something like “We wanted to re-shoot the ending in the matter it was originally written.” So there I am, watching the supposed “new” ending scene, when all I could notice was that one of the cars in the scene seemed to have an old, expired, Illinois license plate on it. The ending scene was nice and all, but now all I could wonder was did some prop dude not realize the Illinois license plate has changed style, or was someone’s car not properly plated. I’ve got to be nuts. Anyway, let’s get to the movie…

“The Break-Up” gives us Vince Vaughn as Gary and Jennifer Aniston as Brooke. Gary is a beer-loving, baseball-loving, fun-time-loving kind of guy. Brooke, well, isn’t nearly that kind of girl, yet she loves Gary. As dude and dudettes in love seem to do, well, they move in together, splitting the mortgage on a condo. But Gary doesn’t seem to appreciate all that Brooke does for him, namely cook, clean, put up with his shit, and look hot for him. Nope, Gary just looks for some down time, preferring to play “Grand Theft Auto” rather than do the dishes. And what dude wouldn’t, as Gary spouts the line most every dude in a relationship would love to spout, “Why would I ‘want’ to do the dishes?” Most dudes, though, know the ramifications of that line, so they keep their mouths shut, but not Gary. And so, our happy couple, that we didn’t actually get to see being that happy together much, break-up. But herein lies the problems: Brooke doesn’t really want to break up. She still loves Gary, but just wants him to appreciate her more. Gary, though, doesn’t pick up that all he needs to say is an “I’m sorry” and “I appreciate you,” because, well, in Gary’s head, he did nothing wrong because Brooke broke up with him. The other problem is since they co-own the condo, neither of them want to move out. So, Brooke hatches plan after plan to make Gary jealous and appreciate her, all of which fail miserably. Gary, on the other hand, still thinks he did nothing wrong, so he begins turning his portion of the condo into bachelor heaven.

Finally things come to a head, their friend finds a buyer for the condo, and the movie takes some of the most realistic turns in a movie about relationships.

The publicity machine for “The Break-Up” seemed to want to promote this movie as a romantic comedy, but really, it isn’t. It actually is a more realistic look at relationships that don’t always seem to go as planned, and that leads to maybe a lot of comedy as we watch from the outside looking in, seeing some of the same arguments in our relationships. You know what happens with that, you lose some of the romance side and instead get a realism a lot of relationship movies don’t have. Look, Brooke is in a relationship trying to get her man to change, only instead of just telling Gary what she asks of him out of the relationship, she tries to manipulate him into seeing things her way. Gary, on the other hand, is a dude who is still trying to figure out what he did wrong when he only bought three lemons instead of twelve, and why it’s wrong for him not to want to do the dishes. When Brooke finally does tell Gary what is really wrong, Gary poses the simple question, “Why didn’t you just tell me that from the beginning?” His buddy, Johnny O (Jon Favreau), finally explains to Gary that Brooke is right, but by this time, things might be too late for our unhappy couple.

There seem to be some complaints about the end of the movie, even the one they re-shot, but I really liked it. The final comment about the re-shoots for the movie state a rumor that test audiences hated the initial ending, so the folks went back for the re-shoot, sticking with the original ending in the original screenplay. I just was happy they stuck with the original ending, or at least this ending, and that’s all I’ll say about this.

Women don’t seem to learn that it is nearly impossible to change their man, especially if they just don’t come out and say what is wrong, because dudes are generally clueless with your manipulations. I liked “The Break-Up” and give it a solid 3 ½ stars out of 5. It would have been 4 stars had we gotten an in-focus shot of Aniston’s “looking fabulous even though it was blurry” butt instead of some dudes in-focus butt. Anyway, finally a more realistic view of a relationship.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Boat Trip

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:34 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Boat Trip
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Horatio Sanz, Vivica A. Fox, Victoria Silvstedt
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Artisan Entertainment
Release Date: 2003
Directed By: Mort Nathan

Alright, so you get Cuba Gooding Jr. and Horatio Sanz as ladies men, but things aren’t going too well for our ladies men on dry land so the book themselves on a cruise and figure it would be a great place to pick up the ladies. The problem is that the end up on a gay cruise, filled with men looking for action, and our boys being the action. So Cuba and Horatio are freaked, want to get off the boat, all until they fall for some of the boat staff. Now they have to pretend they are gay men just looking to be friends with the dudettes, when actually, like most men, they really just want to get in their pants, and maybe have a relationship.

This movie looks kinda funny, but can a movie keep being funny after the first half hour of homophobic gay jokes? We’ll see.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Blast From the Past

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:46 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Blast From the Past
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Brendan Fraser, Alicia Silverstone, Christopher Walken, Sissy Spacek, Dave Foley
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: It’s kinda cute, but more a teen/adult film.
Date Movie: Bring her along.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: A funny fight in the bar between Adam and Eve’s old boyfriend.
Action: Nope.
Laughs: Some funny things, but there could have been more.
Memorable Scene: Adam swing dancing and picking up chicks in the bar.
Memorable Quote: Adam to Troy as he’s leaving: “Thanks for always being happy.”
Troy: “Huh?”
Eve to Troy: “Gay.”
Directed By: Hugh Wilson

Sometimes a movie is hilarious, sometimes a movie makes you cry, and sometimes a movie is just cute. “Blast from the Past” had the potential to be all three, but unfortunately didn’t hit on any of them.

The story kinda goes like this: back in the ’60s, Calvin (Christopher Walken), an offbeat scientist, and his wife Helen (Sissy Spacek), who was pregnant at the time, headed to their fallout shelters of all fallout shelters when Calvin thought that the world was being attacked by the Russians. Oddly enough it was just that a plane had fallen onto their house. Adam (Brendan Fraser) is born and spends 30ish years growing up listening to Perry Como, watching “The Honeymooners,” and living in a world constantly stuck in the traditions of the early 60’s. Well, 30ish years later, when they figure all is better, Calvin heads up to the surface to see if things are safe and maybe get some provisions. Well, Calvin gets the shit scared out of him because where their house used to be there’s now a very scary bar, hookers, an adult bookstore, people eating out of the garbage, and people throwing up on the street. Heading back to the security of his fallout shelter, Calvin relates the scary-ness of the world above him to his family. But Calvin gets sick, and mom knows that they need supplies, so she sends Adam up to the surface to find a grocery store and hardware store to get enough food and supplies for the next 30 years. Adam wants to go up their too, but basically to find a chick.

So, up on the surface, armed with 30 year old baseball cards and stocks that are worth millions, Adam gets to experience a world of the ’90s when he grew up in the ’60s. Well, he finds a friend in Eve (Alicia Silverstone), who agrees to help him get the supplies he needs, for little bit of cash, and she ends up falling in love. Adam falls in love, too, but he doesn’t think that Eve loves him, so he still needs to find a wife. Well, Eve takes him to a bar, where one of the funniest scenes in the movie takes place. Oddly enough, this scene has Adam living his 1960s life in the 1990s, but dancing in a bar based on the ’40s.

Well, that’s about all I’ll bore you about the plot. It’s pretty simple, and can be pretty funny, and could probably make you cry, and could be really cute, but no, the movie I think tried to do all three instead of concentrate on one.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’d be a nice matinee film, or a nice one on the couch on video, but the movie didn’t click for me all of the way through. Adam didn’t seem that impressed that Eve’s radio had a digital display and could change channels at the push of a button, we didn’t get to see Adam amazed at the personal-computer in Troy’s (Dave Foley as Eve’s gay, roommate), room, let alone search the Internet for porn. No, a lot of those jokes were just hinted at, and sort of left up to the imagination, but on this afternoon I didn’t want to imagine, I wanted the comedy thrown right in my face.

Brendan did a good job as Adam, with the goofy grin and quirky attitude, not really understanding the ways of the ’90s, and Alicia as Eve, well she wasn’t bad either (and I just love her smile). But, for me, the movie took too long for Adam to get out of the fallout shelter and into the world above him, and in doing so, there wasn’t the time left in the movie to develop the love story as good as a could have, hit on as many of the jokes as it could have, or maybe even teach Adam that the world of the ’90s can be just a little bit more dangerous than the world of the ’60s.

So, should you spend your money? Well, I give the movie 2 1/2 stars out of 5. I think it could have been a lot better, but it was kind of cute.

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right! L8R!

The Black Dahlia

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:01 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Black Dahlia
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Josh Hartnett, Aaron Eckhart, Scarlett Johansson, Hilary Swank
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2006
Directed By: Brian De Palma

He’s got the reputation. He’s got Academy Award winner Hilary Swank. He’s got up-and-quickly-comer Scarlett Johansson. And he’s got Josh Hartnett. Okay, hopefully Brian De Palma pulls the best out of Josh Hartnett, but the movie does have an interesting story to start, about what the film site says is “Inspired by the most notorious unsolved murder in California history.”

It’s the 1940’s and Bucky (Josh Hartnett) and Lee (Aaron Eckhart) are police officers. They’ve been assigned to cover the death of an actress, Elizabeth Short (Mia Kirshner), whose body has pretty much been mutilated, in the largest sense of the word, and there are tons of twists and turns that seem to involve everyone’s life. Some people are good, some people are dirty, and some people are totally obsessed, but isn’t every good murder mystery supposed to do just that?

Nothing against Josh Hartnett, but the trailer isn’t looking too promising for him, amongst the other casts in the lead roles, but I’ll still try to bump this up on my “must see” list because of Scarlett and Hilary.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Being John Malkovich

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:52 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Being John Malkovich
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Cusack, Cameron Diaz, Catherine Keener, John Malkovich, Charlie Sheen
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: USA Films
Kiddie Movie: Let’s see? Sex. Nudity. Bad language. A fucked up story line. I don’t think so.
Date Movie: She might chuckle or hate you.
Gratuitous Sex: Some, and some nipple shots of Catherine.
Gratuitous Violence: Craig locks Lotte in a monkey cage.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Lots.
Memorable Scene: John Malkovich entering John Malkovich.
Memorable Quote: Too many to quote.
Directed By: Spike Jonze

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall listening in at this pitch meeting. “Well, the basic story of the movie goes like this. There’s this loser puppeteer. He can’t find a job as a puppeteer, is slightly perverted, and his wife is a little goofy and loves animals, especially taking care of a monkey who has ulcers and is in therapy, the monkey that is. Well, one day this puppeteer finds a job on the 7 ½ floor of an office building. The room is about 5 feet high so everybody has to crouch over. While there he finds the woman of his dreams but she has no interest in him. Then, one day he finds this door, crawls through, finds himself in John Malkovich’s head, and then after about 15 minutes he gets spit out on a ramp near the Jersey turnpike.” “Did you say ‘John Malkovich?'” “Yea, well, his nutty wife goes through the portal, thinks she’d like to be a man, falls in love with the hot chick his husband wants, and guess what, the hot chick falls in love with her, but only if she’s in John. But then the puppeteer realizes he can stay in John Malkovich and the hot chick doesn’t seem to care, sort of.” “That’s it?” “Well, you’ve also got a horny old boss who has this mysterious connection to John Malkovich.” “And we have to have John Malkovich?” “Well, yea, otherwise the title ‘Being John Malkovich’ will be pretty silly now, wouldn’t it?”

So, did you catch that? I can see you reading the basic gist of the movie above and going “Wow, that sounds pretty fucked up. I don’t know if I want to see that.” Well, “Being John Malkovich” is pretty fucked up, but totally enjoyable in a fucked up sort of way.

The movie has lots of laughs, mostly for the unbelievability of it all. First of all there is the 7 ½ floor, which you enter by hitting the stop button in the elevator as the light goes between 7 and 8 and prying open the doors with a crowbar. You can’t help but laugh as totally normal people walk around, hunched over, and find this normal. John Cusack as the wacky puppeteer, Craig, is great. Cameron Diaz does probably the only role I’ve ever seen her where I didn’t find her totally hot (just partially hot) as Lotte, Craig’s wife. Maxine (Catherine Keener) plays the “able to use any man” role just about perfect. And John Malkovich plays himself, which sounds bizarre enough, especially when John Malkovich isn’t really John Malkovich but is John Malkovich possessed by Craig. I know, it sounds twisted, but somehow it all comes together.

I guess going into any more of this movie won’t help because it probably won’t make any more sense than what I wrote above. Let’s just say that the humor isn’t the gut-busting kind, but there are lots of laughs and chuckles, mostly at the expense of John Malkovich and one at the expense of what Charlie Sheen will look like when male pattern baldness sets in.

I think you will come out of “Being John Malkovich” in one of two ways, either really liking the movie and saying it was twisted or really hating the movie and saying it was twisted. I’m on the liking side and give it 4 stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Basic

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:35 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Basic
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Travolta, Samuel L. Jackson, Connie Nielsen, Giovanni Ribisi, Brian Van Holt
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Leave them, and yourself, at home.
Date Movie: Leave them, and yourself, at home.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: There is a lot of shooting and people getting beat up.
Action: Some people chase each other.
Laughs: Most of the movie.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: John McTiernan

SPOILER WARNING – SPOILER WARNING – SPOILER WARNING

I begin this review simply by saying if you don’t want to know any of the plot twists, turns, and regurgitations in “Basic,” quit reading know and come back after you have seen the movie to see if you agree or disagree. Otherwise, I’m going to give a lot of the movie away simply for that fact that in doing so you won’t have to waste your money a second or third time to try to go back in the movie to see if anything makes sense in the end. So here we go…

“Basic” is one of those movies that proves sometimes you can have too many plot twists, especially when the final twist ruins what would have been a decent ending to the movie. See if you can follow along, because I’m not really sure I was able to.

John Travolta is Tom Hardy, a DEA agent under investigation for possibly taking bribes. He gets a phone call one evening from an army base commander, Bill Styles (Tim Daly), because something went horribly wrong on a training mission and the interrogator he has doesn’t seem to be cutting it (she’s Lt. Osborne played by Connie Nielsen). It seems Sgt. West (Samuel L. Jackson) and his trainees had a little problem on a training mission. All that are left is Dunbar (Brian Van Holt) and Kendall (Giovanni Ribisi), and Kendall ain’t talkin’ because he’s in the hospital and Dunbar ain’t talkin’ because he wants to see an Army Ranger. Enter Hardy, an ex-Ranger and according to Styles, one hell of an interrogator. So, yea, Osborne doesn’t like Hardy, Hardy gets Dunbar to talk a little, and now that Kendall is awake from surgery, well they get one account of the story, of course implicating Dunbar. So it’s back to Dunbar, who now that his ass is on the line tells a different story of drugs and Kendall, and now it’s back to the hospital and eventually the head doc (Harry Connick Jr.) is involved in some drug trafficking using the army soldiers. Then it’s back to Dunbar, oh wait, maybe it’s back to Kendall, but we know someone is lying and then Kendall’s ears and nose bleed and he proceeds to vomit blood signifying he’s soon dead. Alright, now it’s back to the good doctor who mentions that Dunbar should be black, but our Dunbar is white, so now it’s time for Hardy to get Dunbar to talk by threatening to push him into a spinning propeller. Alright, finally the real story comes out of Dunbar, who is now Pike, or so it would seem, and then Hardy figures it out that Styles is really the lead bad dude, and Styles goes ahead and blows his cover telling Hardy that Kendall was poisoned before it came out that he was poisoned, then trying to bribe Hardy into his drug ring. Hardy says he’ll think about it, Styles pulls a gun, Osborne who is eavesdropping shoots Styles, and you think the movie is pretty much over, especially after Hardy gives Osborne his phone number hoping she’ll call him for some sex. But no, the movie’s not over yet. Nope. Driving away Osborne realizes that Hardy says an overused phrase, then tails him only to find Dunbar, I mean Pike, coming out of the bushes and into Hardy’s car. So rather than call for back-up, she of course follows only to end up in a basement where everyone who was supposed to be dead at the training exercise is magically alive, including the good Sgt. West. And as you try to follow the cryptic explanations from these people as to what they do, what really would have helped would be a real flashback that would have explained the entire more.

So, there you have it, in the end West and Hardy are buddies and not dead, neither are Dunbar and Pike, and somehow this all ties together to get the drug ring stopped. Feel free to use any or all of this spoiler to try to follow along and put it all together as you watch the movie because all I know is that when the credits started to roll I was left with the feeling of “What kind of crap was that?”

Plot twists are great when done properly, and done properly means that you are shocked but yet instantly everything makes sense. “Basic” was full of twists, but after the conclusion twist you sit there too tired of twists to even want to try to piece everything together, you’re just glad to go home.

My recommendation for this movie is wait for its run on cable. There you can watch it again and again if you want without wasting your money on a DVD, or God forbid a second viewing. By trying to be so shocking, “Basic” just leaves you tired. 1 star out of 5.

That’s it for this review! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Banger Sisters

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:38 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Banger Sisters
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Susan Sarandon, Goldie Hawn
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Fox Searchlight
Directed By: Bob Dolman

Alright, so I’m a pig, but Susan Sarandon is still holding on as a MILF, Goldie Hawn – not so much. But the simplest way to put what is said in the trailer is this. Goldie Hawn is the rock groupie who has never grown up. Susan Sarandon has settled into her life in suburbia, complete with kids who don’t know her sordid past, and a loving husband. Goldie is looking for new life, she seeks out Susan trying to find it, and Susan realizes that her past is as much a part of her, and can actually teach her a few lessons on how to deal with her life in suburbia.

This has chick-flick written all over it, but it still looks kinda cute for the dudes. Right now I’d say let your lady drag you to the movie, it might be alright, but get things ready for some sappy chick moments.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Osama is Dead, A Priest is Suspended, Fast Five is Great, and the Cleveland Indians don’t Suck. Here Comes the Apocalypse!

By: The Dude on the Right

Download and ListenDownload the Podcast!

I wonder what Stu Gotz thinks about Osama Bin Laden being dead, but just as, if not more important during this Weekend Wrap-Up! podcast, I question Stu on a topic he will know nothing about, namely how in the hell the Cleveland Indians have the best record in baseball right now. Stu’s weekend was a little tame, mostly just hanging with the kids and watching “Jackass 3,” while I was all over the place. The world’s greatest nephew took me to see Coheed and Cambria in concert at the House of Blues in Chicago, and I liked it even though I didn’t know any songs, and we also had a chance to catch the greatest movie ever, in the likes of “Fast Five,” the fifthwel in the series bringing The Rock into “The Fast and The Furious” franchise. But what would a short tourist trip for the W.G.N. be without being a little bit of a tourist, so myself, The BFF, and the W.G.N. played tourist on Sunday hitting “The Ledge” at The Sears, I mean Willis Tower, checking out The Bean at Millenium Park, and taking in the “Hand Painted Posters from Ghana” exhibit at the Chicago Cultural Center.

And, oh yea, in case you are wondering, Hope Dworaczyk was fired on “Celebrity Apprentice,” and Osama Bin Laden is still dead.

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this podcast! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!