MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, but you might know him better as The Rock, and now that he has secured the name from the wrestling folks, I suppose I’ll just start calling him The Rock now, and for this one, and with all due respect to the rest of the actors, it’s really all about The Rock, and if I had made the movie, he would have been, pretty much, the only actor.
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: For goodness sake, leave them at home.
Date Movie: For goodness sake, leave her at home.
Gratuitous Sex: It might have added a star if Rosamund got naked.
Gratuitous Violence: I will say the violence was pretty gratuitous.
Action: It was supposed to be scary, but it wasn’t.
Laughs: Only when there weren’t supposed to be any.
Memorable Scene: Rosamund did look good as it didn’t look like she was wearing a bra and it was a little cold on the set at times.
Memorable Quote: Absolutely none.
Directed By: Andrzej Bartkowiak

I couldn’t believe I was laughing, but there I was, watching “Doom,” and rather than being held spellbound, rather than sitting on the edge of my seat afraid of what was around the corner, I was just laughing. It wasn’t that the movie was a comedy, but it all just kind of piled on every cliché about an action movie that the movie just became funny for me. And that is not what I wanted.

Pretty much the movie starts trying to follow the video game story of “Doom,” namely there has been some kind of incident at a science lab on Mars. Enter who are supposed to be our heroes, namely Sarge (The Rock), Reaper (Karl Urban), Destroyer (DeObia Oparei), Goat (Ben Daniels), Duke (Raz Adoti), Portman (Richard Brake), and The Kid (Al Weaver). There is also a good scientist-doctor, who’s good-looking, too, along for the ride, namely Samantha Grimm (Rosamund Pike). Their mission: To save the trapped scientists, retrieve any scientific data, and rid the facility of the menace that is terrorizing it. But what is terrorizing the facility? Like the game, it seems there has been some weird sciencing going on over on Mars, and now there are these mutants hell bent on infecting or killing anything that isn’t a mutant. So, our bunch of warriors quickly find out that it’s not a disgruntled employee wreaking havoc, and eventually the good doctor fills who is left in what might be going on after Sarge loses most of his crew. Now it’s up to Sarge and the few men left, along with the doctor, to save the day. And then, just when you thought the movie was pretty stupid to begin with up to this point, it takes a horrible turn, which, I won’t really ruin for you if you see the film, but all I could think at the climactic battle was how dumb The Rock looked as a giant scorpion in “The Mummy Returns,” and how dorky he seemed in this ending, which is too bad because other than his role in “The Mummy Returns,” I’ve been enjoying his career.

Anyway, there was a pretty cool scene, kind of an homage to the video game, as for a couple of minute the action is in the first person shooter mode, but unlike when I was playing the game, this didn’t scare me at all.

Look, I loved the video game. It was creepy, there were times when it actually scared me, but it took the player to levels that were really supernatural, and sadly, the movie didn’t do any of this for me, and in all honesty, I don’t think it could. For the movie, I suppose, they had to have some sort of storyline, when, for the most part, although “Doom” the game does have a story, it really is just about shooting things and finding things and ways to continue to the next level.

They did do a nice job recreating the look of the video game, but that’s not enough, and really, for the game, snappy dialogue really wasn’t necessary. For the movie, the dialogue is pretty much useless also, mostly because it is so bad.

I wanted this movie to be good, but as I sat through it, I realized it had no chance. Some video games have a chance to be made into movies, games more like the Tomb Raider series, but the only way “Doom” would have worked, at least for me, is if they pretty much just followed a walk-thru of the game, let it be one dude like the game, in this case Sarge, having to kill lots of mutants and find clues along the way, sometimes finding a doctor who might give him some help, but this movie lost it in trying to be, well, a movie, instead of a video game.

For “Doom,” it’s 1 star out of 5. I’m so disappointed.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Be Cool

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:59 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Be Cool
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn, Cedric the Entertainer, Harvey Keitel, The Rock
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: MGM
Kiddie Movie: The story is adult. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: Good for everyone.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s PG-13, so mostly just suggestive.
Gratuitous Violence: There is some shooting.
Action: No chase scenes, really.
Laughs: I laughed a lot.
Memorable Scene: Any scene with Sin and his posse.
Memorable Quote: “Unless you want an ‘R’ rating, you can only use the ‘F’ word once. I say ‘Fuck that.’ That’s it.” (Editor’s note: And that was it for the use of the ‘F’ word)
Directed By: F. Gary Grey

I don’t know why, maybe because I never read any books by Elmore Leonard and I haven’t seen “Get Shorty,” so I didn’t have any preconceived notions of how the movie should be, and even though John Travolta didn’t seem that great in this movie, I enjoyed “Be Cool.” From the others reviews I’ve seen, it seems that there goes some more of my movie review credibility out the window. Anyway, here’s the story…
Travolta plays Chili Palmer. It seems he’s pretty much sick of being in the movie business and thinks that maybe the music business is where he should stick his nose, especially since he is acquainted with a rising talent, Linda Moon (Christina Milian), and also the recently widowed record executive Edie (Uma Thurman), whose husband, Tommy (James Woods) was gunned down during a meeting with Chili. Chili takes Linda away from Raji (Vince Vaughn who has yet to let me down), her manager who thinks he’s black and totally overacts the part. And then the trouble starts.

Like normal, things don’t always go as easy as you would like. It seems Linda has already signed a contract with Raji and his boss, music dude Nick (Harvey Keitel), so Chili has to figure out a way to resolve that issue. Also, it appears Edie’s record company owes producer Sin (Cedric the Entertainer) a big chunk of change, but sadly, the company is broke and Sin is threatening that some heads will role if he doesn’t get his cash. There’s also some Russian dudes who aren’t too happy with Chili, and the feds think somehow Chili has some information on the mob in town. Who you gonna call when things are this out of control? Of course, you’re gonna call Steven Tyler, whose clothes you used to wash, and he will somehow save the day. Yes, that is correct, you call Steven Tyler, get him to listen to a tape of Linda, and suddenly things work out in the end. And, oh yea, toss in a gay, Samoan, “wants to be an actor” bodyguard named Elliot (The Rock).

Look, there are way to many plot things going on to have me write a full synopsis, but yes, all of them are intertwined in one way or another, and I thought it was marvelous, especially when it all came full-circle as Nick opens the package at the pawn shop.

I don’t know if this was the intent, and I think it’s the reason I liked this movie so much, but for me this was a movie making fun of the entire music, and for what it’s worth, movie industries. There was Raji, totally overacting the white dude who wants to act black, complete with the red, pimp outfit, and unable to command sounding street. Sin and his gangsta’s so overplayed the gangsta stereotype it was hilarious, and the Russian mob was even over-the-top. Not to mention The Rock who is my first pick for an Oscar next year because even if you have no interest in this movie, he is freakin’ hilarious and a reason to see this movie. All that, and I think I’m back in love with Uma Thurman and I’m not really sure why.

I took the movie for a campy look at Hollywood and had a good time with it. You might not, and obviously a lot of other critics didn’t see it the same way, but I know a lot of people around me were laughing. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for me. Maybe don’t try to take the movie as seriously as other people I suppose.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Osama is Dead, A Priest is Suspended, Fast Five is Great, and the Cleveland Indians don’t Suck. Here Comes the Apocalypse!

By: The Dude on the Right

Download and ListenDownload the Podcast!

I wonder what Stu Gotz thinks about Osama Bin Laden being dead, but just as, if not more important during this Weekend Wrap-Up! podcast, I question Stu on a topic he will know nothing about, namely how in the hell the Cleveland Indians have the best record in baseball right now. Stu’s weekend was a little tame, mostly just hanging with the kids and watching “Jackass 3,” while I was all over the place. The world’s greatest nephew took me to see Coheed and Cambria in concert at the House of Blues in Chicago, and I liked it even though I didn’t know any songs, and we also had a chance to catch the greatest movie ever, in the likes of “Fast Five,” the fifthwel in the series bringing The Rock into “The Fast and The Furious” franchise. But what would a short tourist trip for the W.G.N. be without being a little bit of a tourist, so myself, The BFF, and the W.G.N. played tourist on Sunday hitting “The Ledge” at The Sears, I mean Willis Tower, checking out The Bean at Millenium Park, and taking in the “Hand Painted Posters from Ghana” exhibit at the Chicago Cultural Center.

And, oh yea, in case you are wondering, Hope Dworaczyk was fired on “Celebrity Apprentice,” and Osama Bin Laden is still dead.

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this podcast! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!