MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Rachel Weisz, Amy Poehler, Christopher Walken
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks SKG
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: Nope.
Date Movie: Nope.
Gratuitous Sex: Rachel gets horny in one scene.
Gratuitous Violence: A horse and Christopher Walken gets shot with an arrow.
Action: Nope.
Laughs: Few.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Barry Levinson

You would think you could put Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Christopher Walken, and Rachel Weisz in any movie and there would be something enjoyable about it, wouldn’t you? Somehow “Envy” proves this wrong.

This review will be short because I finally hit a movie that I came really close to walking out on. My preview of the movie gave this synopsis: “The story has Ben Stiller as Tim and Jack Black as Nick. It seems they are best friends and co-workers. Nick comes up with some cockamamie invention called Vapoorizer, a spray that makes dog poop vanish. Tim had a chance to buy into it before it hit big, but he thought it stupid. Now Nick is rolling in dough and Tim just gets more envious of Nick. Add Christopher Walken and hilarity ensues.” The problem – hilarity didn’t ensue, in fact, hilarity was nowhere to be found. Alright, that’s really not true, I did laugh a couple of times, but you know, I don’t even remember at what.

I’m not going to waste your time with this movie any more than you should waste your time with this movie. It’s ½ star out of 5, and the only reason for the ½ star was because there was a scene where Rachel looked extremely hot. What a waste of talent.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:07 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Keira Knightley, Lucy Liu, Christopher Walken, Mena Suvari, Mickey Rourke, Jacqueline Bisset, Delroy Lindo
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want your little girl to be a bounty hunter.
Date Movie: If she likes some violence.
Gratuitous Sex: Keira gets naked. It’s kinda artsy, but I’m liking her mosquito bites.
It’s rated R and about bounty hunters, what do you think?
Gratuitous Violence: It’s rated R and about bounty hunters, what do you think?
Action: Not really, although you would think there would be.
Laughs: Some pretty good lines.
Memorable Scene: The “Mix-ed Race” Flowchart at the Jerry Springer Show.
Memorable Quote: “He hasn’t aged well.”
Directed By: Tony Scott

I know it’s sometimes a tough call for moviemakers: Do you take what can be a pretty good action movie and just let it be an action movie, or do you try to make it more artsy, with more symbolism and tricky camera-work, than just people kicking ass? For “Domino,” they opted for the latter, and as much as I could appreciate it, I could have probably appreciated it even more if the story wasn’t so convoluted. I’ll try to give you just enough without giving too much away…

“Domino,” as the opening credits state, is “a movie based on a true story, sort of.” Pretty much Domino Harvey was the daughter of a Hollywood screen star, her father, who died when she was a young girl. That much is true. The movie says that mom tried to stay tight in the Hollywood circles, that Domino was a model and in a sorority, but I can’t confirm any of that. Domino Harvey became a bounty hunter in the movie. That much is true. Then there is the rest of the movie which starts as a story that seems believable, up until the armored car heist.

Alright, as the movie gives us, we see Domino (Keira Knightley) being interrogated by the FBI, agent Taryn (Lucy Liu). Taryn is trying to get the story of what happened to the money in the armored car. From this point it is a series of flashbacks as the “sort of” stuff really starts to take shape. We see Domino shuttled to boarding school, break a nose in a sorority house, dressing kinda slutty, and hooking up with Ed (Mickey Rourke) and his partner Choco (Edgar Ramirez), thus her transformation into being a bounty hunter. Domino is hot, can kick some ass, and there’s some sexual tension between her and Choco. The story is pretty simply, Domino, Ed, and Choco, go about their bounty hunting business, but then get approached by a reality TV producer, Mark (Christopher Walken). He convinces our trio that they should be on a reality TV show about their work as bounty hunters, and they agree.

But there is a problem in bounty hunter land, namely that their major employer, Bail Bondsman Claremont Williams (Delroy Lindo), has cooked up a scheme to get $300,000 for one of his women, Lateesha (Mo’Nique), who needs the money for a lifesaving surgery for her granddaughter. Oddly enough, now the mob, a casino owner, the FBI, and dozens of other are involved, and the story turns from kinda fun and serious, to just a convoluted mess, which I probably could have gone along with if the movie was just normal action fare, but with it trying to be artsy and with a message, I just got tired of following it all especially when some people who are supposed to be dead really aren’t, there had to be an easier way to get into that freezer, and the poor throw money into the air only to see some of it blow away.

Look, I loved the characters. Keira, Mickey, Edgar, and damn just about everyone else were fabulous in all of their roles. Even Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green were great at playing themselves. And damn, Keira even gets naked. But the story, especially as it played out, wasn’t an artsy story at the end, it was an action story and I think should have been treated as such, kinda a “Lethal Weapon” but much darker. Convoluted stories generally work when we aren’t trying to take the movie too seriously, but “Domino” was set up as a serious movie, and a convoluted plot development just falls apart.

In the end, I really wanted to like “Domino,” but just couldn’t, even with the blatant nudity and gratuitous violence. It’s 3 stars out of 5 for “Domino.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on Right!! L8R!!!

Blast From the Past

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:46 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Blast From the Past
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Brendan Fraser, Alicia Silverstone, Christopher Walken, Sissy Spacek, Dave Foley
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: It’s kinda cute, but more a teen/adult film.
Date Movie: Bring her along.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: A funny fight in the bar between Adam and Eve’s old boyfriend.
Action: Nope.
Laughs: Some funny things, but there could have been more.
Memorable Scene: Adam swing dancing and picking up chicks in the bar.
Memorable Quote: Adam to Troy as he’s leaving: “Thanks for always being happy.”
Troy: “Huh?”
Eve to Troy: “Gay.”
Directed By: Hugh Wilson

Sometimes a movie is hilarious, sometimes a movie makes you cry, and sometimes a movie is just cute. “Blast from the Past” had the potential to be all three, but unfortunately didn’t hit on any of them.

The story kinda goes like this: back in the ’60s, Calvin (Christopher Walken), an offbeat scientist, and his wife Helen (Sissy Spacek), who was pregnant at the time, headed to their fallout shelters of all fallout shelters when Calvin thought that the world was being attacked by the Russians. Oddly enough it was just that a plane had fallen onto their house. Adam (Brendan Fraser) is born and spends 30ish years growing up listening to Perry Como, watching “The Honeymooners,” and living in a world constantly stuck in the traditions of the early 60’s. Well, 30ish years later, when they figure all is better, Calvin heads up to the surface to see if things are safe and maybe get some provisions. Well, Calvin gets the shit scared out of him because where their house used to be there’s now a very scary bar, hookers, an adult bookstore, people eating out of the garbage, and people throwing up on the street. Heading back to the security of his fallout shelter, Calvin relates the scary-ness of the world above him to his family. But Calvin gets sick, and mom knows that they need supplies, so she sends Adam up to the surface to find a grocery store and hardware store to get enough food and supplies for the next 30 years. Adam wants to go up their too, but basically to find a chick.

So, up on the surface, armed with 30 year old baseball cards and stocks that are worth millions, Adam gets to experience a world of the ’90s when he grew up in the ’60s. Well, he finds a friend in Eve (Alicia Silverstone), who agrees to help him get the supplies he needs, for little bit of cash, and she ends up falling in love. Adam falls in love, too, but he doesn’t think that Eve loves him, so he still needs to find a wife. Well, Eve takes him to a bar, where one of the funniest scenes in the movie takes place. Oddly enough, this scene has Adam living his 1960s life in the 1990s, but dancing in a bar based on the ’40s.

Well, that’s about all I’ll bore you about the plot. It’s pretty simple, and can be pretty funny, and could probably make you cry, and could be really cute, but no, the movie I think tried to do all three instead of concentrate on one.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’d be a nice matinee film, or a nice one on the couch on video, but the movie didn’t click for me all of the way through. Adam didn’t seem that impressed that Eve’s radio had a digital display and could change channels at the push of a button, we didn’t get to see Adam amazed at the personal-computer in Troy’s (Dave Foley as Eve’s gay, roommate), room, let alone search the Internet for porn. No, a lot of those jokes were just hinted at, and sort of left up to the imagination, but on this afternoon I didn’t want to imagine, I wanted the comedy thrown right in my face.

Brendan did a good job as Adam, with the goofy grin and quirky attitude, not really understanding the ways of the ’90s, and Alicia as Eve, well she wasn’t bad either (and I just love her smile). But, for me, the movie took too long for Adam to get out of the fallout shelter and into the world above him, and in doing so, there wasn’t the time left in the movie to develop the love story as good as a could have, hit on as many of the jokes as it could have, or maybe even teach Adam that the world of the ’90s can be just a little bit more dangerous than the world of the ’60s.

So, should you spend your money? Well, I give the movie 2 1/2 stars out of 5. I think it could have been a lot better, but it was kind of cute.

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right! L8R!


MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:37 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kate Beckinsale, Christopher Walken
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: It actually gets kind of sad.
Date Movie: This is a toss-up. It’s not really funny, but actually more of a drama. Good luck.
Gratuitous Sex: Michael skips through foreplay. Good for him, bad for her.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Ehh.
Memorable Scene: I saw the rest of the movie in my head from the time Michael’s head rested on the “Bed, Bath, & Beyond” bed.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Frank Coraci

If you do not want to read any spoilers about this movie, “Click,” stop reading now, because for this movie I have no problem giving away key plot points, and I will be quick to give some key plot points right away in this review. I will even give you my rating now so you don’t have to continue if you don’t want to, and for “Click” I give the movie 1 ½ stars out of 5. It does have some funnies, but not many, and Kate Beckinsale is smoking hot and pretty much the movie gets 1 ½ stars because of her and the fact that she likes to role-play, but that’s another story for another time.

“Click” gives us Adam Sandler as Michael, in a movie that had a lot of potential to just be a funny, goofy movie, but tried to get way too preachy, and it didn’t work. As it is, Michael is an architect in a firm where he is trying to get the next promotion. His boss is Mr. Ammer (David Hasselhoff). As such he has to work too much and sacrifice family time for getting the next project done. At home things are hectic, with his two kids, and his smokin’ hot wife, Donna (Beckinsale). Time after time Michael misses family things because of work things, and somehow every remote control for the family is in his family room. That’s right, you’ve got the remote for the ceiling fan, the remote for the garage door, the remote for a remote-controlled car, etc. The remote that seems to be missing is the remote for the TV, and when he really needs this remote he heads to the place in the middle of the night that you would think would have a Universal Remote, “Bed, Bath, and Beyond.” Alright, it is the only store that is open this late at night. Well, Michael gets there, meets a creepy dude, and lays down on a bed proclaiming he is tired. This is the instant that I lost it because I knew, from there, that the rest of the movie was pretty much a dream, although the movie folks tried to show, in the end, it wasn’t.

So Michael, now in his dream-state, finds a door labeled “Beyond,” and he finds Morty (Christopher Walken), who gives Michael the Universal Remote he has been looking for. This remote isn’t just for his TV, it’s for his life. It can control the volume of his dog’s barking, it can let him fast-forward through fights with his wife, it can fast-forward, well, pretty much this remote is all about the fast-forwarding, and it learns what Michael wants to fast-forward through, and then does so automatically. Suddenly Michael is fast-forwarding through his life, a lot of times at ten years at a time, and wondering how he got divorced from his wife, how his little girl grew up into a hottie with big boobs, how his dog died, how he got fat, and how he ends up at his son’s wedding. And so, yes, with the help of Morty, he learns his lesson, that he shouldn’t have made his life about work, that he should have made his life about his family, and in his last, dying breath (doesn’t this sound like a great comedy), he tries to convince his son that going on his honeymoon is more important than going to a business meeting.

Next thing you know, Michael wakes up.

Yup, there Michael is, in the bed in the “Bed, Bath and Beyond” he found himself “tired” in, realizing his life isn’t over, that he can make it better, if only he becomes a family man instead of letting Mr. Ammer rule his life. Ahh, lessoned learned, but to try to say “Michael wasn’t dreaming,” when Michael gets back home from “Bed, Bath and Beyond,” low-and-behold, there on the kitchen table, it the “Universal” remote, and a note from “Morty,” asking Michael if he knows how to use the remote know. Duh, Michael throws the remote in the trash (could a sequel be there if the movie makes enough money?).

There have been way-too-many movies proclaiming that you should make sure you spend time with your family as opposed to your work, and a lot of them did a decent job. This movie didn’t because it publicized itself as a movie about a dude getting a remote control that can control his life, and it is supposed to be funny. Instead it ends up a way-to-sort-of-serious movie, preaching the importance of family. And even with the funny, it wasn’t really funny. There was a way overdone subplot of the family dog humping a giant, stuffed duck; The funny moments were pretty much already in the trailer; and one of my gauges as to how good a movie will be still holds true – when they publicize the hell out of the movie, it will leave a lot to be desired.

What sort of makes me sad is that Adam Sandler can be very funny, but lately he has been involved with movies that just fail to remember how to make the funny and instead try to get a little serious. The little kids were great in the movie, and Kate Beckinsale, just being the gorgeous dudette she is, left me getting this movie above the 1 star mark, so like I said at the beginning, it’s 1 ½ stars out of 5 for “Click.” I’m almost afraid Adam Sandler has lost the funny. That would be too bad.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!