Andy Wonders Archives - Page 6 of 19

Do You Yell at the TV While Watching Sporting Events?

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Everything was shaping up nicely for me to have a repeat run at a March Madness bracket win. I had Louisville to win it all, and as long as that shaped up, the only thing standing in my way from booting a competitor who also had Louisville to win it all was for UConn to beat Iowa State. With that win securely in my back pocket, there wasn’t much standing in my way of wealth and riches, or at least bragging rights and trying hard not to explain how I picked the winning bracket for two years in a row, but alas, there I was, tired, falling asleep, and figuring I would wake up the next morning secure in my continued involvement of paying attention to the NCAA tournament.

Then Milo had to pee.

Yup, it’s 11PM, Milo’s done in his litter box, and rather than turn the TV back on I do what anyone else would do, check things out on their phone. I launch the CBS Sports app, check out the scores, and there it is, Kentucky back in the game against Louisville, with only a little time left. Lying in bed I was now more torn about turning the TV back on, except I knew one thing: If the TV was on there was no chance I wouldn’t wake my wife because I’m a TV yeller.

I can generally control myself watching sporting events, especially when my wife is around, but back in the bachelor days, if I was watching a Chicago Bears game, I’m sure my neighbors wondered what all of the ruckus was in my place as expletives, cheering, and general merriment was a regular staple of watching the game. The Louisville/Kentucky game, especially with a few bucks and ultimate bragging rights on the line, well, it would have been nearly impossible for me to control myself.

So there I was, continually hitting the little “refresh” arrow on the app, even though it was supposed to update itself, cringing through ever timeout, almost yelling at my phone when I would see a missed free throw on the text summary, and then, with the realization that I was now with most people, with a fully busted bracket, I had to resign myself to the fact that my fail-safe method of winning another bracket game wasn’t so fail-safe after all.

Much like the Cubs, though, there’s always next year, when I won’t know a damn thing about any team, but will go into March Madness thinking this it will be my comeback year.

I’m sure my wife was happy I “watched” the end of the game on my phone, thereby securing her sleeping ability, and unless the Bulls or Blackhawks end up in the playoffs (I’m not even going to mention the Cavs in that statement), TV yelling will be kept at a minimum, at least until fall when the Chicago Bears, with their newly-formed defense, will lead to my dream matchup of a Bears/Browns Super Bowl!

As my TV yelling possibilities have come to a close for a while, I wonder: Do you yell at the TV while watching sporting events?

That’s it for this one! I’m Andy!! L8R!!!

Have You Gone Somewhere to do Something You’re Not Supposed to Do?

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Fine. I’ll admit what I’m wondering about is kind of weird today, but it was spurred on by a news report about the opening of the baseball season this week, specifically the Chicago White Sox as the Cubs aren’t in until Friday, April 4th for their home opener, while the Sox start at home today. Right now the White Sox seem to be the bearer of better opening day weather, hopefully in the 60’s but kind of cloudy, while the Cubs will have the traditionally cold, 43 degrees, but at least it’s not supposed to rain.

Sorry, I got a little distracted about the weather, back to the news report.

I’m watching the report and it’s your traditional kind of stuff how the weather should be fine, how hope springs anew for the team, how there are new food offerings at the ballpark, and then they show a clip of a police office detailing how there will be zero tolerance for alcohol on the street, how the police will be watching for drunks in the neighborhood, and how they’ll be on the lookout for “individuals coming down to do stuff they’re not supposed to.”

To me it just seemed like an odd statement, “individuals coming down to do stuff they’re not supposed to.” Isn’t that who the police are always supposed to be looking for? And what dictates “what you’re not supposed to do” at an opening day? So please, tell me if you would like to comment, what are some things you are supposed to do at an opening day so that I know what I’m now supposed to do?

As opening days go, or any event I suppose, there are probably a lot of things you didn’t intend to do, but I’m wondering, in attending an event, have you gone somewhere to do something you’re not supposed to do? And for that matter, what was it?

That’s it for this one! I’m Andy!! L8R!!!

Will We Hear Another Song from The Chainsmokers?

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The other day I’m doing some channel-hopping on the Dude-mobile radio, and I land on some relaxing Eminem with Rihanna. I’m singing along, nailing the Rihanna parts, the song finishes, and on comes a new beat I’ve never heard before. I quickly look at the display on the radio, and it says the song is called #selfie. Basically it’s a dance beat with some girl talking about being at a club, but mostly talking about taking another “selfie.” You know a selfie, those generally dorky pictures of yourself with or without some friends, taken with your camera-phone, which we can now count on to go away quickly thanks to the old folks at the Academy Awards trying to be hip and ruining another thing the youngin’s enjoy.

Anyhow, the song plays along, with the girl, Alexis Killacam, speaking in rapid, broken-thought, rambling commentary about club-going, some dude named Jason, but mostly how she is going to post another lovely photo of herself to the internet where, and she’s not commenting on this, but you know five years from now, when she is looking for a job, she will have forgotten about her long-forgotten Instagram account, because, really, who will be using Instagram in five years, and her potential employer will see these wonderful photos and not hire her.

Fine, I’m coming up with my own story for this girl, back to The Chainsmokers.

In my in-depth analysis of The Chainsmokers, I’ve come to find they are a DJ due from New York City, one of the born the year I graduated from high school (Ugh!) who came up with the song on a lark. They wanted to spotlight the conversations they would hear in a club, and sure, capitalize on the term “selfie.” Smart dudes.

The song is kind of funny, is going viral, of course, and my guess will go away in about a month. As much as this song will be gone, it’s still kind of difficult for DJ’s to break into the world of the mainstream, so I’m wondering: Will we hear another song from The Chainsmokers?

Have You Played Flappy Bird?

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Let me tell you a story. There once was a man, Dong Nguyen. He came up with a game. It was called “Flappy Bird.” It was a simple game, easily addictive, and the man was making, rumor has it, $50,000 a day. Said man didn’t like the fame, or infamy as some people might say, for creating a game supposedly responsible for marriage fights, lost time at work, bad grades, and being a cheesy game. Lots of people downloaded it, and yes, even I downloaded it, but even more surprising, while I was helping my mom-in-law with her iPhone, there it was, “Flappy Bird” on her phone – yup, it was viral, and yes, she was annoyed with its difficulty.

What is a man to do who doesn’t like the “fame.” He pulls the game from the app store, or course, and gets even more publicity.

And now what is a man to do who doesn’t like the “fame.” Well, the stories are going around, thanks to Mr. Nguyen’s own tweets, that he will be putting the game back in the app store, “but not soon.”

Alright, oddness of things as it is, and as a person who has a few apps in the app store who wishes to God they would make just $50 per day, and as a person who was kind of shocked to see the game on his mom-in-laws phone, I wonder: Have you played “Flappy Bird?”

That’s it for this one! I’m Andy!! L8R!!!

Do You Have the New Facebook Wall Yet?

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Much in Facebook fashion, once people finally get used to the latest “design” rollout, quit complaining about it, and just accept it, Facebook changes the look of things again, sparking a few people saying how much they like it, but mostly creating a tidal wave of complaints wondering why Facebook has to change things. I’m coming to realize one, that people don’t like change, but mostly I’m coming to realize that the folks at Facebook are geniuses, knowing that the best way to get people who might have lost touch with their engagement with the social media site to come back is to have their friends complain about it.

Yup, Jim at the office hasn’t been on Facebook for a while, is walking past a group of colleagues and hears Joe complain, “Facebook changed things again. I hate it.” while Steve says, “It’s not so bad.” Jim, wondering what the hubbub is about, decides to head back to his cubicle, have his password reset because he doesn’t remember what he used and hasn’t logged in for a while, and then bam, there he is, “Liking” his friend’s post about a dinner at an Applebee’s, getting sucked back into Candy Crush, and looking up an old friend from high school. Meanwhile, at the McDonald’s where the retirees hangout, Mable is telling Earl that Facebook changed things again, Earl says “Why do you go on that thing, anyhow?,” and then Dorothy, who hasn’t been on Facebook for a while, asks Mable what is going on because she didn’t hear while she was changing her hearing aid batteries. Mable again starts talking about how she doesn’t like that Facebook keeps changing things, Dorothy tells Mable she hasn’t been on it since the last time they changed things, that she hated it, and not having enough neighbors in Farmville to get to the next level bugged her, and Earl sparks in “Why do you go on that thing, anyhow?”

Guess what happens next? Yup, you guessed it, Dorothy immediately, when she gets home, logs back into Facebook, using her super-secret password of her dog’s name, and posts on Earl’s wall, who has a fake Facebook identity of Billy, that it was great seeing him at the McDonalds, and that he should come by later for some “pie.”

Yes, I’m thinking the folks at Facebook really are geniuses as they roll out new “versions” of the timeline, ponder if Mable will ever find out about Dorothy and Earl, and I wonder: Do you have the new Facebook wall, yet?

That’s it for this one! I’m Andy!! L8R!!!

Have You Watched a Concert on TV?

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I was going to wonder about primary elections, but while I’m sitting here on the couch typing things, I have the replay of Pitbull from the South by Southwest conference, or I guess, to be hip, I should just go with SXSW, playing on my Apple TV. As much as it occurs to me that I haven’t been to a concert in a while, do miss them, and maybe should investigate getting back in the swing of them, what occurs to me more is how much fun Pitbull is having. Maybe weird for me, a dude closing in a 50, but I do know most of the songs he’s singing, and watching his concert is kind of weird because things have come a long way in the concert world. No longer is anyone “ashamed” or tentative about using “virtual” duets during their concerts, in fact, Pitbull might just be the poster child, as it also occurred to me that just about every one of his songs is some kind of duet with another pop star, from Christina Aguilera to Kesha (notice I dropped the $, as she wishes), from Shakira to Ne-Yo. During the show he had the “Pitbull Dancers,” and a super-solid backing band, but also during the show, on the giant screen behind him, were the “video” portions of the duets he sings, with the other singers there in spirit, while Pitbull would sing along with them.

It was a great show, makes me really want to go see Pitbull live, even if half of the people who sing with him won’t be with him, at least physically, because, well, if half of the fun Pitbull seems to be having wears off on me, that concert would just be a happy-fest, but as I sit here watching my TV, and Pitbull, I wonder: Have you watched a concert on TV?

That’s it for this one! I’m Andy!! L8R!!!

Does Your Pet Have a Facebook Page?

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Our dog, Milo, recently had a birthday, and some of his friends on Facebook wished him a “Happy Birthday.” Yes, that’s right, he has a Facebook page. He thanked those who wished him the best for another year, with his traditional “Woof!” at the end, and as he is now older than I am, clocking in at a 49 years, he wonders if he should maybe shut down the page. Okay, he’s not wondering that, right now he’s probably just wondering when I’m going to give him his breakfast while I’m typing this, but his introduction into Facebook wasn’t out of my being a “trying to treat our dog like a human” thing, he ended up with a page simply because I was in full Farmville mode and needed more “neighbors.” His having a page helped many a time, through the proliferation of “…ville” games, and even into the Candy Crush era, but it was kind of funny, as his posts would show up on my wall as “Liking” the latest game, that my friends would undoubtedly become “friends” with Milo.

He doesn’t give as many updates as he used to, mostly because you can’t have two Facebook apps on your phone and it’s too much of a pain to log out and back in on the app, so when we are out and “he” wants to let his friends know where he is checking in at, it’s up to me to quit being lazy and do the extra steps.

Maybe once I get hooked into the next game he’ll be a little more active, but for now his page sits kind of quietly, like many a Facebook page, where people wish their friends, who probably don’t even pay attention to Facebook any longer, Happy Birthday, and never even notice their “friend” didn’t thank anyone. I do wonder, though: Does your pet have a Facebook page?

That’s it for this one! I”m Andy!! L8R!!!

Do You Own, or Know Someone Who Owns, a Giant Clock?

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Maybe it’s just one of those things that once you get stuck in your head, you can’t help but notice, kind of like how after you buy a new car you see your make of car everywhere, but lately I’m seeing a proliferation of giant clocks. I’m not talking about outside, like on the corner of a bank, I’m talking in people’s homes, kind of like art, but mostly just like a giant clock. I think I first noticed one on a home show, then on a TV show, then I saw one in Sam’s Club, and now it’s like I’m seeing them everywhere. I know, back in the day people would get some bad artwork for a wall, and maybe there isn’t any bad artwork left, although, I suppose, when you are decorating a house, and the couple has a disagreement on what should be on a wall, a giant clock is an easy compromise. It harkens back to a simpler day when people had clocks in their homes, whether grandfather clocks, that clock in the kitchen, a nice mantle clock, or even that clock blinking “12:00″ on the VCR. Functional, I suppose, in this day and age when it appears less people wear a watch and use their phone to see what time it is, or maybe it’s just because they are cheap. Okay, scratch that, they aren’t that cheap as I just looked and the least expensive one I could find, on a quick search for 30” wall clock, was $70.

We don’t have a giant clock on our wall, although we do have some spots that could probably fit one, but I wonder: Do you own, or know someone who owns, a giant clock?

That’s it for this one! I’m Andy!! L8R!!!

Are You a Toilet Roll Replacer?

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So the other day I had to use the toilet, and sadly it was a #2 in a place that wasn’t home. It wasn’t horrible, I mean the bathroom there is clean, but for whatever reason pooping at locations other than home is always a little squirmy for me as I worry more about any noises and smells than germs for the most part because, well, many a study has been done that you aren’t picking up most horrible illnesses from the toilet, and you are more likely to catch something by shaking someone’s hand. For this trip the toilet roll was empty, but there, on the back of the toilet, was a roll of toilet paper, though not brand new, as you could tell someone had used it from its lack of still being “glued” together.

Me being me, I immediately grabbed the roll while sitting there, while pondering life, and replaced the empty toilet paper roll on the toilet paper holder. I then thought to myself two things. One was “Who is the lazy-ass who used the toilet paper and didn’t put the fresh roll on the holder?”, and two,”I guess I’m a toilet roll replacer.” The latter occurred to me as it also occurred to me there have been many a time when I’ve had to put the fresh roll, sitting right there on the toilet, on the holder, and I wonder: Are you a toilet roll replacer?

That’s it for this one! I’m Andy!! L8R!!!

Have You Been to an Opening Day?

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Now that pitchers and catchers have duly reported, as well as the rest of the players, it’s that time of year when, unless your basketball team is great, or you are a hockey nut, your sport’s thoughts are probably drifting to baseball, because, as James Earl Jones says in “Field of Dreams,” – “The one constant through all the years… has been baseball.”

Yes, even if you are a casual fan there is hope, hope that this year your team might be a little bit better, that maybe, just maybe, this could be the year that they catch fire and actually become good, or that, God forbid, they might actually make it to the playoffs (Oh, wait, most everyone makes it to the playoffs nowadays – scratch that – The World Series).

Me, I have three teams that have my loyalty, the Cleveland Indians, Chicago White Sox, and Chicago Cubs. The Indians are always near and dear to my heart because they are really my home-town team, the team I loved while growing up in Lorain, OH, even though they always sucked, and my first big-league game. The White Sox and Cubs are a result of my transplantation to Chicago for college, and my general sticking around here. Back in college we would go to the old Comisky Park quite a bit as it was right across a few streets from Illinois Institute of Technology, my college alma matter, and a trip to a Cubs game became a staple of Rush Week in our fraternity.

As the years progressed my core group of friends would generally score bleacher tickets to opening day for the Cubs, a little easier back in the day before the online ordering system became a cluster-f of “Waiting Room” delays, though lately, I’ve missed a few, although, for me, the bleacher experience has come and gone, preferring now the comfort of my own seat, with a little less of a “drunk” crowd around me.

In any case, opening day is coming soon, and though I’ll be missing it this year I will have hope for all of my teams, at least until probably the end of opening day, and I wonder: Have you been to an opening day?

That’s it for this one! I’m Andy!! L8R!!!