Author: Andy Labis

Pawn

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:28 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Pawn
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ray Liotta, Forest Whitaker, Sean Faris, Michael Chiklis, Common
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Anchor Bay Entertainment
Released On: April 23, 2013
Kiddie Movie: Send them to bed.
Date Movie: It’s suspenseful and sometimes violent. She might snuggle.
Gratuitous Sex: Not really.
Gratuitous Violence: Some pretty good quality kills.
Action: It’s pretty much all set in the diner. No major chase scenes here.
Laughs: Nah.
Memorable Scene: You could tell amiss was everywhere when Will went to the bathroom.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: David Armstrong
Cool Things about the Blu-ray: Nothing really – just a “behind the scenes” featurette.

I really wanted to like “Pawn” a lot more than I did, I mean it had Forest Whitaker, Ray Liotta, Michael Chiklis, and even Common did a good job in his role, but sometimes a movie goes for too many twists and turns, and I think this is where “Pawn” kind of loses it a bit.

First, let’s get to the story…

We get a dude being interrogated in a hospital bed, and we get a scene with Will (Whitaker) entering a diner. Will is also a police office. It’s obvious something is amiss in the diner as Will seems like a regular, and Charlie (Stephen Lang) behind the bar sends off signals that there is a robbery in progress. As the movie would have it things are really amiss in this diner, people are not who they seem, and we are supposed to be led on an hour and a half suspense ride of “who really are the bad guys,” but instead we have Nick (Sean Faris), fresh out of jail, and being set up as the real bad guy, the pawn as it would be, and we are supposed to wonder if Common will be able to figure out that Nick isn’t bad, just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or is he really the bad guy?

I’m not going to go too much more into this movie so as not to spoil it should you rent or buy it, but I will say that I find it odd that the mob ends up looking like a complete bunch of boobs in this movie, and although sometimes they get portrayed that way, I’m thinking Ray Liotta’s character, simply credited as “Man in a Suit,” would never be a part of the mistake going on there.

The acting is good, I was surprised to find as many big names in the movie as there are, but I think the movie would have been better served with one less twist or turn, and just let the movie play out where the cops thought Nick was the bad guy, and go from there.

A decent enough thriller, some quality kills, but a story that tries too hard leaves “Pawn” as a 3 star out of 5 from me. A lot of potential lost in a lot of muck.

In terms of the extras on the Blu-ray, well, you aren’t getting this one for the extras because there is just a basic, behind-the-scenes kind of featurette where pretty much we get young actors saying how awesome it was, yet slightly intimidating, to work alongside some legends.  Good enough.

That’s it for this one! I’m the Dude on the Right! L8R!!!

Lincoln

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:30 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Lincoln
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Daniel Day-Lewis, Sally Field, Tommy Lee Jones, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, James Spader, Hal Holbrook
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks Studios
Release Date: March 26, 2013
Kiddie Movie: A lot of talking. Probably boring for most kids.
Date Movie: More if she likes politics.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: There is some war violence.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Abraham Lincoln has some great stories.
Memorable Scene: The scene in the theater when Lincoln gets shot.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Steven Spielberg
Cool things on the Blu-ray: One of the better feature packages with the “Making of,” a nice look at the authenticity, and all of them about the right length without dragging out the uselessness.

First, an admission. When I heard there was going to be a movie called “Lincoln,” I have to admit that I thought it was going to be a biopic, kind of giving us a look into the entire life of Abraham Lincoln. I also admit that I didn’t pay too much attention to the movie, or press, when it was in the theaters, other than hearing it was a really good film, and that Daniel Day-Lewis was incredible in it. Then I watched the Blu-ray, and I finally understand what all of the hubbub was about.

Let’s get to the film.

Now, my first assumption about the movie was wrong – “Lincoln” is not a biopic, but rather a snapshot of a period of Abraham Lincoln’s life, concentrating on the end of his life, and his determination to get the 13th Amendment passed before the end of the Civil War would occur. This was important due to the reasoning for the war and the Emancipation Proclamation, and Lincoln’s fear that should the war end, any slaves that were free might have to go back to being slaves. It’s also not so much about Lincoln, but rather about the politics at the time, with the President being the focal point. Sure, there is some insight into his life, his relationship with Mary Todd (Sally Field), and his two sons, Tad (Gulliver McGrath) and Robert (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), but if you are a fan of political theater, this movie portrays it in all of its grandeur and bickering.

Yes, there is infighting and distrust among Lincoln’s cabinet; Yes, there is a real look at how blacks were pictured in the world at the time; Yes, politics hasn’t changed much in all of these years. And yes, “Lincoln” is a great film, with some of the best performances by all actors, and the brilliant thing Steven Spielberg did with the movie was keep the movie buttoned to the end period in Lincoln’s life so that the movie could stay focused and not lead the viewer in a variety of directions throughout Lincoln’s life that might confuse the end result.

The other brilliant thing – The scene in the theater when Lincoln gets shot. I’ll leave it at that.

If you are looking for an action-packed Civil War movie, this isn’t it, but if you are looking for acting at its finest (Tommy Lee Jones was also incredible), a sad look that politics hasn’t changed in all of this time, and a movie that deserves its accolades, “Lincoln” is it. I will warn you, however, that it is a movie about two and half hours long and there is a lot of talking, so just sit back and enjoy the goodness. It’s 4 ½ stars out of 5.

For a rental or purchase, if you are a fan of the movie, as I was, there is a good chance you will actually get sucked into the extras as part of the Blu-ray, especially on the combo pack. The extra features are nicely done, concise, and cover most everything you would want from how Steven Spielberg came about to making the movie, a well-done but not too technical look at how they kept things authentic, and as a fan of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, it was also a nice, little insight into the mastery of John Williams.

Of many of the Blu-ray packages I have seen, “Lincoln” is one of the best mostly because it doesn’t bog things down with deleted scenes that were best deleted, bad “outtakes” we don’t care about, or filler. A great film, well done extras, and oh hell, I’ll add the half a star and give the Blu-ray combo pack 5 stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Ever After: A Cinderella Story

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:01 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Ever After: A Cinderella Story
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Drew Barrymore, Anjelica Huston, Dougray Scott, Megan Dodds, Melanie Lynskey
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 1998
Kiddie Movie: Girls – sure. Boys might get bored.
Date Movie: It will show her how sensitive you are.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: The Prince gets hit in the head with an apple, and there’s a little sword-fight, but nothing that bad.
Action: Some chase scenes.
Laughs: A couple.
Memorable Scene: None come to mind.
Memorable Quote: None come to mind.
Directed By: Andy Tennant

Sometimes a movie is just, well, enjoyable. Such is “Ever After.”

The story is, well, similar to the fairy tale in that you have Danielle (Drew Barrymore) playing the stepdaughter of the wicked stepmother Rodmilla (Anjelica Houston). She has two stepsisters, the uppity Marguerite (Megan Dodds), and the nice, “if Danielle leaves I’m going to be stuck doing the cooking,” Jacqueline (Melanie Lynskey). Rodmilla wants Marguerite to marry Prince Henry (Dougray Scott), but Danielle and the Prince are falling in love as they sneak off to places together. So much for the likes of the original fairy tale, but that’s okay.

Let’s backpedal a little. The movie opens with an old lady telling the Brothers Grimm that the story of Cinderella is real, to a point, and she was there to set them straight. Switch to the story. Danielle’s dad marries Rodmilla, and Danielle is hoping for a nice mother because hers is dead. Well, as Danielle’s fate would have it, Dad has the big grabber as he is leaving and Danielle is left to live with Rodmilla and her new stepsisters. Doing whatever she can to please Rodmilla, Danielle just wants to be loved, even if that means doing servant duties for her step-mom. Anyway, one day in the fields, Prince Henry is running away from home because his father is arranging his marriage to some Spanish girl and Danielle bips him in the bean with an apple. She’s embarrassed that she just hit the prince, and the prince rides off tossing her some gold to keep her mouth shut. What to do with the money? Well, one of her old servants is being sent off to America because, well, being framed by Rodmilla, and Danielle poses as a countess type to get him out of jail. In the end, to do so, she must plead his case to the prince, who doesn’t recognize her as the servant girl, and in doing so the prince becomes enamored with her spunky attitude. And such love blooms.

Keeping a long story short, and not giving much more away, Danielle poses as a countess some more, the Prince falls in love, has a ball (they call it a mask), Danielle “the servant” is exposed, she runs from the ball losing her glass slipper, and in the end they all live happily ever after.

Yea, this movie is more of a chick-flick than a guy-loving action movie, and the younger girls will probably love it, but hey, I’m a sensitive 90’s type of guy and really liked it. Barrymore played a great, spunky, servant girl who is always willing to challenge a thought, Huston was just so wicked I couldn’t believe it, although there was one scene where you almost felt she really had a heart, and Scott was pretty good as the prince too, not ready to take over the responsibilities of being king, nor understanding them. All in all, great performances throughout.

Sometimes kind of hokey, sometimes kind of funny, but just simply enjoyable. It’s the story of a fairy tale, and comes off as such, but that’s just what I was expecting. I got a little more. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Ever After.”

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!

John Dies at the End

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

John Dies at the End
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Chase Williamson, Rob Mayes, Clancy Brown, Paul Giamatti
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Magnolia Home Entertainment
Released On: April 2, 2013
Kiddie Movie: Oh no, put them to bed.
Date Movie: If she is a fan of the b-movie genre.
Gratuitous Sex: Just a lot of boobs.
Gratuitous Violence: Over-the-top and gratuitous.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: In the over-the-top gore/goofiness kind of way.
Memorable Scene: The monster made out of meat products.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Don Coscarelli
Cool things on the DVD: Nothing stands out but the “Creature Corps” feature is a nice look at making creepy creatures.

“John Dies at the End.” Now, please stop it with the “You should have said, ‘Spoiler alert,’” because that’s the title of the movie, and not my synopsis. The movie could also easily be called “John and Dave Save the World,” which I guess is also a spoiler, but before any more direct spoiling or synopsising, let’s get to the story.

Okay, this is going to be goofy. We are introduced to Dave (Chase Williamson), discussing an axe and the death, or seeming death, of a strange being. An interesting take if one version of the axe that chopped of the head of said being is the same axe after it has been rebuilt over time. Re-enter Dave, now talking with Arnie (Paul Giamatti) in a Chinese restaurant, trying to tell Arnie his story so that Arnie may tell the world, and the story of the “soy sauce.”  It seems the world is being attacked by beings from an alternate universe, and somehow John and Dave take it upon themselves to save us all. In the meantime, there is this “soy sauce” that gives people strange powers and offers lots of hallucinations, and also gives a glimpse of the strangeness of the invasion. In the meantime, during Dave’s storytelling, we find his story of his buddy John, his meeting up with a monster made out of meat parts, his finding a dog that helps, well, helps them a lot, and also how there are these bugs that try to infest humans on the way to domination. We also find a hot dog that works like a cell phone, a girl with no hand who can open a “ghost” door, a magician who can help kill the invaders, and an alternate universe where girls walk around without tops so as not to scare John and Dave.

Does that sound a little confusing? Well, I will admit that “John Dies at the End” is a tad confusing, what with not really knowing if parts of the story are bits and pieces of hallucinations or actually happening in the real world, but through it all it is totally entertaining, in a B-Horror, B-Comedy, B-I would totally watch on late night cable, B-movie kind of way.

There is goofiness, there is lots of over-the-goofiness gore, there are some creative goofy monsters, and although at times confusing, it is confusing fun. The acting isn’t anything to write home about, well, except for the always-awesome Paul Giamatti, but I don’t think this is a movie made for Oscar-style performances. Instead it does exactly what you want it to do, if you are a fan of the B-movie kind of film – entertain.

All movies aren’t supposed to be spectacles, some just entertain, and “John Dies at the End” entertained me. It may not be your cup of tea, I admit, but it was mine and I give it 4 stars out of 5.

Extra-wise the Blu-ray doesn’t have that much except some nice interviews and some normal “Making of” stuff, at least on the entertaining side. I didn’t care for the deleted scenes, but so be it.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you floss your teeth?

I think I can officially say I now floss my teeth. Okay, I suppose I should clarify that a little. I think I can officially say I usually floss my teeth. Okay, I suppose I should define my version of “usually” for this, namely that I floss my teeth, on average, four days a week. Not the greatest, but a start.

It started after my latest dentist visit when, as a non-flosser, the technician girl mentioned that I should floss (as does the dentist every time I get my teeth checked), talked to me about heart disease and some other useless nonsense (at least in my head), but then, the next morning, as I looked in the medicine cabinet, I thought of my mom, an avid user of the dental floss, and how she managed to get through her 70+ years and was buried with her natural set of teeth. No dentures for mom, nope, one of the things she was always proud of was her teeth, and she attributed some of this to flossing. So I grabbed the dental floss, that “Glide” stuff now preferred by dentists instead of the minty-flavored string that my wife had left in the medicine cabinet, and flossed my teeth.

The scary part? The next day I did the same thing, but then came the weekend. I realized I’m kind of like Vivian from “Pretty Woman” in that I don’t like to floss in front of my wife. It reminded me of the scene where Vivian is in the bathroom after eating strawberries, flossing her teeth, and Richard thinks she is doing drugs. Vivian says “You shouldn’t neglect your gums”…”Are you gonna watch?” and for whatever bizarre reason in my head I just won’t floss in front of my wife.

Admittedly I don’t floss every day (weekends are pretty much out as we get ready in the bathroom together), but for the most part I’m averaging about four days a week, usually during the weekday, which is better than zero days a week I suppose. It was the other morning, however, while flossing, that I wondered about most people, and decided I would plight: “Do you floss your teeth?”

That’s it for this plight! I”m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Did you eat too much Easter candy?

It appears that the Easter Bunny really loves me as there was an Easter basket left for me, filled with tons of goodies, most of which aren’t part of my losing weight plan, but that’s okay because upon seeing the basket I figured I would have enough goodies for weeks. Then yesterday came, I got back from the road, and staring at me were the Reese’s peanut butter cup eggs along with the chocolate covered fruit things from Trader Joe’s. And they stared. And they stared. And they stared. They finally stared enough saying, “Dude, you know you want to eat us. You know you do!”

I couldn’t let the candy down so I decided they shouldn’t last for weeks, maybe just a few days, and then proceeded to eat enough to almost give me a tummy ache.

Tummy ache aside, and knowing I blew my allowed food for the day in one shot, they we so good, but I knew that the next day I’d be back on track because, well, it doesn’t hurt to throw caution, or a food eating plan, out the window every now and then.

As my tummy was happily filled yet turning somersaults, I wondered and I plight: Did you eat too much Easter candy?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Would you ever clip your fingernails in church?

Going to Easter mass led to its share of normal Easter observations. Of course that is that initial observation of “Where are all of these people going to church today the rest of the year?” As a person who used to be an Easter and Christmas kind of church-goer, I understand, but even when I was that kind of guy I always wondered what kept all of the people away during the rest of the year, or is it mostly just the laziness attitude like I had back in the day. Oh well.

The next observation is the general Easter outfits. Sure, there are some people who don’t dress up, sometimes wearing jeans, but at least usually not any t-shirts with sayings like “I’m with stupid!” on them, but I also don’t think God is that concerned with your getting all gussied up to pray to him. I think he would rather you be a good person rather than worry about what clothes you are wearing. There were also the share of a little more inappropriate outfits, usually worn by the high school girls, teetering on, or actually crossing the line, into skanky, and as these girls aren’t normally prostitutes, I’m not guessing these are there normal outfits and are actually out for a little bit of shock value.

However, nothing was as shocking as looking down on the floor after a I say in the pew. As you can probably guess from the question for this poll, I looked down and there it was, a nicely clipped fingernail. As I usually am when I see those dental floss thingies on the ground, seeing fingernail clippings just seems a little gross, let alone on the floor at church. Now sure, I know sometimes there are fingernail emergencies, but maybe about a foot or two away from what looked like it was a pinkie fingernail clipping, there it was, the thumbnail fingernail clipping, and all I could think about was the person sitting in church, maybe waiting for mass to start and finished reading their Sunday bulletin, and deciding “You know what? My fingernails need to be clipped. Now where did I leave my fingernail clippers.”

Sure, there is the theory that maybe they actually clipped them into a tissue, and then when fishing said tissue out of their pocket that the fingernail clippings inadvertently fell to the floor, but now I’m getting the queasies just thinking about the used tissue in their pocket.

And so, in the spirit of Easter mass, I plight: Would you ever clip your fingernails in church?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Did you waste any time at work following March Madness?

By now, by my unscientific method, 90% of you who filled our March Madness brackets are already out of the office pool, and in fact were probably out of the running before the Thursday evening games even started. Me, as I’m typing this before the tournament starts, still have hope right now, but will probably post a comment later announcing my super picks are still in the running.

Whether or not you are still in the running, and especially if not because you have some slim hope you will be able to make a comeback, I’m also using a totally unscientific guess thinking that part of your paying attention to March Madness happened in the workplace. There might have been a quick online search to see who won that afternoon game, maybe you had score alerts sent to your smartphone, or you are hardcore and had a window on the computer with the games running, easily hidden for if the boss walked by, or had an app tracking each shot. I will not lie, I will, undoubtedly have checked on things while I should have been working, but I plight: Did you waste any time at work following March Madness?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Eye

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Eye
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jessica Alba, Parker Posey
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Lions Gate Films
Release Date: 2008
Directed By: David Moreau, Xavier Palud

Jessica Alba is Sydney Wells. She’s blind. She gets an eye transplant, though not in the hope of seeing how hot she is, just wanting to be able to see. Wouldn’t you know it, Sydney isn’t just able to see our world, but now she can see things in a the spirit world, and as hard as it to adjust seeing how ugly her friends are (kidding), now she has to contend with the afterlife and scary things that freak her out. Can Sydney figure out who she got her eyes from in the hopes of saving her sanity, or at least save her from gauging her eyes out? Me, I’m thinking Sydney would be hot, even without any eyes, because, quite honestly, I’m not looking at them and my only shot at her would probably be if she couldn’t see.

The movie is a remake of an Asian film, “Jian Gui,” and it’s rated PG-13, so here’s probably another one good for the teens.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:48 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jim Carrey, Kate Winslet, Kirsten Dunst, Elijah Wood
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Focus Features
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: A little too involved for them.
Date Movie: Sure, it’s romantic.
Gratuitous Sex: A little.
Gratuitous Violence: Not really.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Quite a few, but not gutbusters.
Memorable Scene: Joel and Clementine trying to hide the memory of her somewhere else in Joel’s memories.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Michael Gondry

Part of me really appreciated the clever story and great acting in “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,” but as I was leaving most of me was saying “What the hell was that?” Let’s start with the story.

As the movie begins, we are introduced to Joel (Jim Carrey). He wakes up, finds his car is damaged, and begins his trek to work only to decide on a whim to go to Long Island. In a diner Joel sees Clementine (Kate Winslet), and makes the comment that he falls in love with any woman who will give him time of day. Low and behold, we see Clementine and Joel on the train back to the city where they hit it off. Then the opening credits roll, and we next find Joel, ready to give Clementine a Valentine’s Day/Make-up gift (they got in a big fight). At the bookstore Clementine doesn’t seem to know who Joel is, seems to already have a boyfriend, and Joel is really confused, until he finds out that Clementine had all memory of him erased. Not to be outdone, Joel decides to visit the same clinic and have Clementine erased from his memory as well. And then the fun begins.

So he meets Dr. Mierzwiak (Tom Wilkenson), his receptionist, Mary (Kirsten Dunst), and the Doc’s technicians, Stan (Mark Ruffalo) and Patrick (Elijah Wood). Joel gets set for the procedure by bringing every memento of him and Clementine, to trigger memory responses, which our good technicians will erase when Joel is drugged to sleep. So at first Joel is alright with these memories being erased, after all, they are the crappy memories at the end of the relationship. But slowly he gets to memories of Clementine when things are good and he no longer wants to forget her, but remember the good times. The problem is that Joel’s asleep, that and the fact that we’ve got two of the most unethical technicians and a stoned receptionist not paying attention to Joel’s fighting the procedure.

This is where the fun comes, with Joel and Clementine trying to find a place to hide Clementine’s memory in an old memory not scheduled to be erased. We get a trip to one of Joel’s most embarrassing moments (it’s pretty funny), Joel as a little kid in a giant kitchen, until eventually the Doc has to be called in to finally get rid of Clementine once and for all.

Alright, the story sounds a little complicated, and it is, but if you follow along, I think you’ll have fun with this movie. The only problem I had was that from the trailers, well, it really depicted this as more of a comedy than this movie is. It’s actually more of a romantic drama, with some comedic spots put in. Don’t think Jim Carrey as funny man, think of Jim Carrey as drama man, kinda more like he was in “The Truman Show” rather than “Bruce Almighty.” And he’s great at it, playing the loser-ish Joel, then the guy in a crappy relationship, then the guy in love, then the guy trying desperately not to lose the memory of the love of his life. Kate Winslet is great too. She plays Clementine with a whimsical look most of the time, until the end of their relationship when her talking too much is the problem, mostly because she’s not really asking how they can get their relationship back to its blissful period. You hate her, but then you really like her, and then everything comes together at the ending.

So, is the movie good? Well, I’m classifying “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” as an artsy romantic drama with some comedic elements to lighten the mood. Visually impressive with a creative story, Charlie Kaufman writes an entertaining look at if we really want bad memories erased. This is also the first movie that comes close to showing a person inside a dream, sometimes able to control the actions in the dream, then losing control, then controlling it again. It’s a weird experience when you’re dreaming, then realizing you’re in a dream and can control what’s going on (sometimes I’m able to do that), and the filmmakers have really brought this to light. And if they’re looking for any more wacky stories in a dream state, I can give them tons, like the butterman incident or the magic stones that turn into a staircase at the bowling alley. I’m sorry, I digress, back to the movie.

Anyway, if you like a more artsy movie, “Eternal Sunshine…” is as good as any. If you’re looking for an all-out comedy, keep looking and stay away. So I guess, in the end, even saying “What the hell was that?”, that I did like this movie. The acting was great, you get to see Kirsten Dunst in panties and an almost see-through top, and the story is kinda wacky. It’s just not the story I expected from the trailers. 4 stars out of 5 for this one, but remember, this isn’t an all-out laugh fest.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!