Do you floss your teeth?

I think I can officially say I now floss my teeth. Okay, I suppose I should clarify that a little. I think I can officially say I usually floss my teeth. Okay, I suppose I should define my version of “usually” for this, namely that I floss my teeth, on average, four days a week. Not the greatest, but a start.

It started after my latest dentist visit when, as a non-flosser, the technician girl mentioned that I should floss (as does the dentist every time I get my teeth checked), talked to me about heart disease and some other useless nonsense (at least in my head), but then, the next morning, as I looked in the medicine cabinet, I thought of my mom, an avid user of the dental floss, and how she managed to get through her 70+ years and was buried with her natural set of teeth. No dentures for mom, nope, one of the things she was always proud of was her teeth, and she attributed some of this to flossing. So I grabbed the dental floss, that “Glide” stuff now preferred by dentists instead of the minty-flavored string that my wife had left in the medicine cabinet, and flossed my teeth.

The scary part? The next day I did the same thing, but then came the weekend. I realized I’m kind of like Vivian from “Pretty Woman” in that I don’t like to floss in front of my wife. It reminded me of the scene where Vivian is in the bathroom after eating strawberries, flossing her teeth, and Richard thinks she is doing drugs. Vivian says “You shouldn’t neglect your gums”…”Are you gonna watch?” and for whatever bizarre reason in my head I just won’t floss in front of my wife.

Admittedly I don’t floss every day (weekends are pretty much out as we get ready in the bathroom together), but for the most part I’m averaging about four days a week, usually during the weekday, which is better than zero days a week I suppose. It was the other morning, however, while flossing, that I wondered about most people, and decided I would plight: “Do you floss your teeth?”

That’s it for this plight! I”m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Erin Brockovich

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:11 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Erin Brockovich
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Julia Roberts, Albert Finney
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: Lots of swearing and an way adult story.
Date Movie: She’ll make you take her and you’ll like reluctantly go on the outside but be excited to see Julia Roberts in skimpy clothes on the inside.
Gratuitous Sex: Julia keeps the clothes on.
Gratuitous Violence: Erin’s car getting broadsided.
Action: Nothing action.
Laughs: Lots of them – Julia is very sassy!
Memorable Scene: See “Violence.”
Memorable Quote: Too many to write.
Directed By: Steven Soderbergh

Well, I’m back in love with Julia Roberts. Not that I was ever really out of love with her, but after seeing “Erin Brockovich” I remember what I really liked about Julia Roberts – her smile. Alright, there are many other things about her that aren’t bad, but for me, she just has a killer smile.

Alright, enough about my infatuation with Julia Roberts, what about the movie. “Erin Brockovich” was great. I could be really lazy and just end the review there, but I guess I’ll explain some more.

Julia Roberts plays Erin. She’s a single mother, struggling to make ends meet, when she gets in a car accident. She hooks up with Ed (Albert Finney), the head of a small law firm, who takes her accident case, but Erin’s mouth kind of messes up the case. So, Erin’s still out of work, and decides that since Ed’s law firm couldn’t get her a settlement, she would just start working there, and she does. Dressed in short skirts and low tops, most of her co-workers don’t like her (I failed to see the problem), and she stumbles upon some realty files that contain health information and she puts the connection together – the man is screwing over the little people and the little people are dying. But Erin isn’t a lawyer, she’s a mom, and her drive for justice isn’t based on money but by seeing the big, bad company disgraced by the actions they pulled on the local town folk. So, she convinces Ed to take the cases, and she slowly shows him that it isn’t always the money that is important.

Now, kind of like “A Civil Action,” “Erin Brockovich” shows some of the problems that arise when a small firm tackles on a corporation and their team of lawyers, but unlike “A Civil Action,” this story proved just a little more sad and had a little bit of humor thrown in. Why? Because Erin was a sassy, loving, caring, tell it off the cuff, sexy, stepped on, and just lovable person. You feel bad when she gets screwed over, you feel vindicated when she wins, and you can’t help but like her. It was the perfect role for Julia Roberts and Julia Roberts played it perfectly.

The story is serious, Erin is just fun to watch, and up until the end you sometimes loath the lawyer Ed but realize he is just a lovable, big lug. “Erin Brockovich” proved entertaining, combining a touching story about big business trying to screw over the little people, and also showing that just being a nice person can get people to trust you. I liked the movie, think it is one of Julia Roberts’ best performances, and give “Erin Brockovich” 4 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:05 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Julia Roberts, Clive Owen
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2009
Kiddie Movie: They’d be bored. Really bored.
Date Movie: My BFF liked the story but thought it was too long.
Gratuitous Sex: Julia Roberts getting naked would have been shocking, and there is an almost side shot, and they are romantic, but nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Nope.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Not really.
Memorable Scene: The ending is supposed to be shocking, but by then I was just bored.
Memorable Quote: Nothing.
Directed By: Tony Gilroy

DVD Review
Two words can describe “Duplicity,” and those two words are simply, “Too long.”

Let’s start with the story…

In “Duplicity” we get two government agents, Ray (Clive Owen) and Claire (Julia Roberts). As it takes too long to develop, we eventually discover that Ray and Claire are disgruntled with the low-payingness of government work and realize that if they went into the private sector that they can use their spying skills to make some money. Eventually we figure out what we think is going on, namely that Ray and Claire have infiltrated two different corporate “intelligence” divisions, looking to spy on the rival corporation. But, in the case of Ray and Claire, they are looking to steal some corporate secrets and sell them to the highest bidder, and they think they have found their mark.

However, for our couple, their relationship is both business and personal, as they discovered with their first meeting that they have a sexual chemistry and as their history moves on, they have to covertly hook back up to keep things going. As the movie progresses we are treated to current time, to flash-backs, to wondering why this is happening again but in a different situation, to finally getting the big reveal that by the time it comes just seems to be a let-down. Also during it all we get the simple plot of if Ray and Claire can actually trust the other person not to screw them over.

As a basic movie I loved the premise dealing with corporate espionage, the two characters, Ray and Claire using their history as spies to infiltrate and steal corporate secrets, and they looked good together where you could almost believe the chemistry between the two of them. The problem comes in where the movie just continued to keep flipping the plot to keep trying to confuse you, the viewer, so that, as I said, at the end you just don’t care who is stealing what from whom.

I liked Julia Roberts in her role, Clive Owen was good, and I always love Paul Giamatti, but “Duplicity” really doesn’t need 2 hours to drag us through plot twist followed by plot twist followed by plot twist to get us to the eventual ending. Had the story been buttoned up to a little over an hour and a half I could have kept with it, but as I watching the DVD on the couch with my BFF, all I kept thinking about, an hour into the movie, was “where in the hell is this going” and “I wish I had my laptop so I could check my Facebook page.” It’s 2 stars out of 5 for “Duplicity” because it did trick me with the eventual ending, but by then it just seemed like such a waste of time.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

America’s Sweethearts

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

America’s Sweethearts
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Cusack, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Billy Crystal, Julia Roberts, Christopher Walken
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: It’s adult humor.
Date Movie: She’ll make you take her, but it is kind of funny.
Gratuitous Sex: Some bras and talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Some people fight.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots of them.
Memorable Scene: Most of the movie was alright.
Memorable Quote: Both by Eddie (Cusack). While at the wellness center: “Dear Mom, Fuck you.” And during a press junket: “We’ve done a couple of three-ways.”
Directed By: Joe Roth

I’m still trying to figure out just why I liked “America’s Sweethearts.” The movie was predictable, the lines generic, and had a crotch-licking doberman. But in the end it might have just been so over-the-top cute that I enjoyed it just like most of the people in the theater seemed to.

The movie has a lot of things going on… Gwen (Catherine Zeta-Jones) and Eddie (John Cusack) were Hollywood sweethearts, and as long as they were sweethearts their films did well. Then Gwen ends up cheating on Eddie with another co-star, Hector (Hank Azaria), Eddie ends up in a wellness center, and Gwen’s career is fading fast. But they’ve got a movie coming out soon directed by the eccentric Hal (Christopher Walken), only Hal won’t let the movie studio see the film until it is shown to the press. The movie heads have a problem – how to hold a press junket for a movie the press haven’t seen yet and how to get Gwen and Eddie to at least pretend they’re back together. So they re-hire the just-fired Lee (Billy Crystal), a whiz at the publicity spin-machine.

Well, Lee concocts a press junket at a secluded resort so they can wine and dine the press and make them forget about the movie, and he also tricks Gwen and Eddie into going to the junket and going through the motions. Included in all of this is Kiki (Julia Roberts), Gwen’s sister and pseudo-assistant, who has a crush on Eddie. Put it all together and the hilarity ensues as Eddie still thinks he can get Gwen back, Kiki keeps putting up with Gwen’s shit, Lee keeps spinning the publicity machine, Kiki sleeps with Eddie, Eddie almost dies, and Hal shows up with a movie that would actually be a pretty funny movie in its own right if it could ever be done.

This is a movie trying to make fun at the movie-studio publicity machine and how America gets wrapped up in some pretty obnoxious people. Gwen is the epitome of the spoiled star, expecting everything to be done for her, even getting her teeth brushed, yet somehow we love her. Eddie, on the other hand, is the sap, thinking a holistic wellness center could help him get over Gwen. Then you’ve got Kiki, the abused assistant who would probably quit except she’s Gwen’s sister. Now toss in Lee, the publicist who loves you as a friend but will still leak a security tape to the press where it looks like you’re masturbating if he thinks it will help the film.

In “America’s Sweethearts” you get a love quadrangle, a predictable ending, but a lot of jokes that are just plain funny. Sure, the movie could have made a little more fun of the press people who go to press junkets, but in the end this was a romantic comedy for Julia Roberts and John Cusack mixed with your wondering if Catherine Zeta-Jones might be a little like Gwen in real life.

So, to wrap this up, if you’re looking for a cute, romantic comedy then “America’s Sweethearts” ranks up there with rest of them – you know what you are going to get and just hope to get some good laughs along with it. In this movie you get it. It’s 4 Stars out of 5 for “America’s Sweethearts.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Conspiracy Theory

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:15 Long
A Review by:
Stu Gotz

Conspiracy Theory
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts, Patrick Stewart
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 1997
Kiddie Movie: Not really.
Date Movie: Bring them along!
Gratuitous Sex: Julia keeps her clothes on. Damn.
Gratuitous Violence: Some good killing and torture scenes.
Action: Lots of chases with blacked-out windowed sport utility vehicles and black helicopters.
Laughs: Some subtle spots.
Memorable Scene: Oddly enough, for such a good movie, not really.
Memorable Quote: You have to see the movie to understand it, but Jerry says “Alice – You can fit through there?”
Directed By: Richard Donner

(Editor’s Warning: Do you hate when people give away the ending of a movie, thus spoiling it for you? Well, if so, quit reading, and go see “Conspiracy Theory” based on the fact that Stu would have given it 4.5 stars except he feels the director, producer, or whoever had the final say, ruined the ending. With that, Stu gives it 3.5 out of 5 stars, and if you read the review and get pissed about ruining most of the surprises, don’t say I didn’t warn you! The Dude on the Right)

AAARRRGGG!!! This movie totally pissed me off! All was fine and this movie was well on its way to receiving 4.5 out of 5 stars from me until the last five or so minutes. In those last minutes I suspect Hollywood producer types whored this movie out and thereby lost a complete star from me.

“Conspiracy Theory” started off great, and the whole opening credits thing was done in a cool way too! In it we have Mel Gibson driving a cab through the streets of New York City, spouting off crazy theories about anything to his passengers as the intro credits are reflected off parts of his cab. I thought it was cool. Anyway, Mel plays Jerry Fletcher, a kooky, paranoid NYC cabby that makes “The X-Files” Fox Mulder credible. Well, crazy conspiracies are not the only problem that Jerry has, he thinks that somebody is out to get him. As the movie goes, we find out his his suspicions are not without merit and that, in fact, several unknown government agencies are keeping tabs on Jerry. But, are they really with the government?

Enter Patrick “Jean Luke Picard” Stewart, playing Dr. Jonas. Patrick does a great job of being the bad guy in this movie. Oops… Did I give too much away by telling you that Dr. Jonas was the bad guy? Sorry about that, I guess I probably shouldn’t mention that Jerry dies in the end. Oh shit! There I go again spouting theories! Sorry about that – just deal with it. And if you quit reading now and go see the movie, you’ll at least get one surprise perpetrated by me. Anyhow, Jerry is smitten with Alice Sutton, played by the lovely Julia Roberts, a NYC Justice Department Official and, well, this is getting boring.

OK, Jerry isn’t nuts – he was a brainwashed, highly trained killer, but doesn’t remember it. To ruin more of the movie for you, one of his missions was to kill Alice’s father but couldn’t because he fell in love with Alice the first time he saw her. Well, the bad guys are pissed, especially when Jerry was going to work with Alice’s father to expose them, so they kill the dad anyway, and while dad is dying he asks Jerry to watch out for his daughter. (This really isn’t part of the movie, just Jerry recollecting his memory to Alice). Well, Jerry ends up as a cabby, stalking and protecting Alice, but the bad guys have to find Jerry to see if he told anyone else what they had planned. By a strange twist of fate, Jerry ends up dragging Alice into his whole mess, they get chased, Jerry burns his apartment, they get chased some more, we find that the black helicopters are real, Jerry gets shot, the bad guy (Dr. Jonas) is dead, and as Jerry is helicoptered away we see him getting the electric paddles to try to revive him.

Did I ruin enough of this film yet? No? Well read on as to why I threw away one of the stars. So, as the helicopter is flying through the sky, you’re left wondering if Jerry is dead. Cut to the next scene – Alice is standing at Jerry’s grave where she leaves behind a memento that Jerry had given her. Woo hoo, Jerry’s dead! Now cut to the next scene – Alice is riding a horse, something she hasn’t done since her father’s death, and although we are sad that Jerry died, we are happy that Alice has fought the ghosts that haunted her and is getting on with her life. I loved it. I was set on 4 1/2 stars. I had a tear in my eye but a good feeling in my heart. “Come on, roll the credits and let me go home!” I thought. But the credits didn’t roll. No, instead of the standard rolling list of actors, best boy, grips, music, and the other stuff, a black sport utility type vehicle pulls up, Jerry scopes out Alice, Alice finds the memento she placed on Jerry’s grave pinned by the saddle, Alice smiles, and Jerry rides away in a sing-a-long with his government agents/chauffeurs.

Now I’m pissed. Why did they have to do it? Why couldn’t Jerry be dead? Is it too much to ask Hollywood to make a sad movie? Why must there always be happy endings? Life isn’t always happy so why should our movies be? AAARRRGGG!!!

Like I said, “Conspiracy Theory” was (was being the operative word) a great conspiracy/mystery movie, with a touch of action and just a hint of romance. Mel Gibson was a wonderfully believable, paranoid nut-ball, NYC cabby. I think Mel has always done a great job in his strictly action movies, but has had horrible luck in the romantic comedy department (“Maverick,” “Bird on a Wire”… Need I say more?). Well Mel’s luck has turned in this movie and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that the movie’s producer and director didn’t have an identity crisis on what they wanted this movie to be. They could have ruined this movie with the whole romance thing – an easy thing to do with the gorgeous Julia Roberts and the sexy Mel Gibson (did I just call another man sexy? Yikes!), but they didn’t. They could have ruined this movie by turning it into a totally cheese-ball action spy flick, but they didn’t. They could have ruined this movie with a cheesy, happy ending – that they did. “Conspiracy Theory” followed a simple good guy versus bad guy mystery that worked quite well, and although not of Hitchcock quality, it flowed and had you second guessing a lot of things at times. Had Jerry stayed dead it would have been 4 1/2 stars, but, Jerry lives, and for me that blew a perfectly good movie. That makes it 3 1/2 out of 5 stars. Despite its ending “Conspiracy Theory” is a good movie, ’nuff said, and I’m Stu Gotz.