MPAA Rated – Unrated
It’s 1:21 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right
Movie Stats & Links
|Kane Hodder, Danielle Harris, Zach Galligan, Caroline Williams
|Dark Sky Films
|Blu-Ray Release Date:
|August 13, 2013
|Only if you want to turn them into a psycho killer, or a horror film director.
|If she’s a fan of over-the-top gore.
|Lots and lots.
|There is a little chasing, but not that much.
|In the over-the-top horror vein.
|I don’t know why, but I loved the rocket launcher scene.
|“And that’s the only reason those aren’t my balls hanging from that tree!”
|Cool Things About the Blu-ray:
|The extras are actually well-done. Not too long, and pretty interesting to see how some of the things are done.
“And eventually the hatcheting starts and Victor Crowley stomps on a head.”
I scribbled that in my notes after I became a little worried watching “Hatchet III.” Fine, there was the opening scene with Victor Crowley and Marybeth, and sure, there was Marybeth, covered in blood at the police station, but for a brief moment I was worried that the folks making “Hatchet III” failed to read the title of their own movie. Low and behold, my worry ceased, any disappointment was gone, and Victor Crowley was back to his good ol’ self, hatcheting away, and we had a wonderfully bloody end to a trilogy of gory goodness.
I’d say the story for “Hatchet III” doesn’t really matter, but for this movie it sort of does as it’s not just a gore-fest, but actually does a nice job in giving the final answers as to why Victor Crowley can’t be killed by normal means, why he can be cut in half and still come back to massacre (And if you think I’m giving anything away, oh, please!), and what needs to be done to finally put him to rest. The story revolves around Marybeth (Danielle Harris), hell-bent on killing Victor (Kane Hodder), and how she seems to do the job, finds herself happily locked up on jail for doing so, and Sheriff Fowler (Zach Galligan – Yes, that Zach Galligan from “Gremlins”) and his boys investigating the bloodbath Marybeth told them about. Low and behold Amanda (Caroline Williams) enters the picture explaining to a deputy and Marybeth that Victor isn’t really dead, and when the screams start coming over the radio it’s off to the person holding the key to getting rid of Victor.
In the meantime, well, the SWAT team and the sheriff’s crew are stuck in the swamp with Victor, and of course things don’t go so well. We find that Victor has a thing for testicles, we find that it really isn’t that easy to aim a rocket launcher, and when our heroine finally shows back up, if she would have just listened to the crotchety lady she could have save a couple of lives, especially after a tender, touching moment towards the end of the film between Amanda and Victor.
The one thing really missing from “Hatchet III,” especially in the realm of the horror genre, was blatant nudity, and I was even watching the “uncut and unrated” version. The gore was top-notch, the story told enough without boring you too, and the people are generally stupid. Heck, I even really liked the “Hatchet III: Behind the Scenes,” and I rarely like extras on Blu-ray. But the lack of gratuitous sex and/or nudity, that hurt the movie for me, especially when, for the original “Hatchet,” on the extras, Adam Green, the writer for the “Hatchet” trilogy, says “If I’m not going to see some nudity and some gore, don’t waste my time.” I know Adam didn’t direct this one, but I’m sorry, Marybeth getting hosed down in the slammer didn’t cut it.
You will get most of what you would expect for a movie called “Hatchet III,” especially as a viewer of the previous two, but in terms of homage to the great films, the lack of boobs was bad, and I sadly have to drop my rating a star. I was heading to a 4 star review, but I’ve got to stick with some rating morals and drop “Hatchet III” to a 3 star out of 5 movie. The gratuitous violence just wasn’t enough to overcome the lack of gratuitous nudity.
The extras on the Blu-ray will probably be fun for the fans. Like I said, I did enjoy the “Hatchet III: Behind the Scenes,” and the “Raising Kane” feature was nice. Yes, you get some commentary stuff, too, for those so inclined.
I good gore-fest, but I’m still wondering if the nudity ended up on the cutting room floor.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!