Category: Movie Reviews

Blade II

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:57 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Blade II
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Leonor Varela, Norman Reedus, Ron Perlman, Luke Goss
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: I saw one dad bring his 6 year old looking daughter and wanted to call the DCFS. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: She might just be disgusted by all the useless killing, or get scared and snuggle.
Gratuitous Sex: Some perverted vampire rave/feeding.
Gratuitous Violence: I don’t know if gratuitous is even the right word.
Action: Lots of people running after one another.
Laughs: Some pretty decent one-liners.
Memorable Scene: Too many to list.
Memorable Quote: None really come to mind.
Directed By: Guillermo del Toro

Sometimes it’s all about the violence, and “Blade II” had enough of it to satisfy anyone’s quest for a battle. What else do you need?

The story sort of goes like this… Blade (Wesley Snipes) is still out killing vampires, but he’s also on a quest to find his old friend Whistler (Kris Kristofferson), who, it turns out, didn’t die in the original “Blade” movie. After rescuing Whistler, things seem sort of back to normal, it’s all about the vampires, but something else is brewing. It seems there is a mutant vampire on the loose that actually attacks vampires, turning them into mutant zombies called reapers whose only goal is to just kill more vampires (and the occasional human). This has the vampire nation running scared, and their only hope is to team with Blade to kill the reapers. Now it’s up to Blade and his crew, Whistler and Scud (Norman Reedus), combining with the Blood Pack from the vampire nation (a group of super-fighters whose original goal was to kill Blade), to hunt out the reapers, kill them, and eventually find the lead reaper, Nomak (Luke Goss), and kill him as well. But are things that simple? Is Blade being set-up or used? Will the Blood Pack turn on Blade and just kill him anyway? All good questions, and all are answered as the movie goes on.

Okay, enough about the story, it doesn’t really matter anyway. What matters in “Blade II” is the kick-ass violence and there is a lot of it. Blade goes around kicking ass with great karate moves and I also think Blade has been watching the WWF as he also has incorporated some wrestling moves into his brand of martial arts; the killing of the vampires is an event in itself; and the reapers take bloodsucking to a gruesome new level combining bits of “Alien” with looks of “The Predator.” The only thing I found missing from “Blade II” was some unnecessary nudity not associated with vampires cutting each other up – sadly Nyssa (Leonor Varela), the chick member in the Blood Pack and daughter of the head vampire kept her clothes on. It looks like she wouldn’t look too bad with her clothes on my bedroom floor.

Anyway, if you’re into seeing a movie with lots of senseless violence, some good lines back and forth between Whistler, Scud, and Rienhardt (Ron Perlman), and some pretty decent plot twists that don’t matter anyway, I highly recommend “Blade II.” If not, stay away, stay far away. I’m giving “Blade II” 4 stars out of 5. It’s still has some of that mystical stuff that was present in the original, it has some of the best fighting and quality kills I’ve seen in a while, and if Nyssa had just gotten naked and maybe given Blade some vampire lovin’, I’m sure I would have given the movie 5 stars. Oh well.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Black Snake Moan

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:56 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Black Snake Moan
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Christina Ricci, Justin Timberlake
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Paramount Vantage
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: Only if you might want them to be a foul-mouthed nymphomaniac.
Date Movie: If she can appreciate an artsier movie.
Gratuitous Sex: Some of it by choice, some of it not, and Christina has nice boobs.
Gratuitous Violence: A couple of fights.
Action: There isn’t any chasing going on.
Laughs: A chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene: When Lazarus is playing “Black Snake Moan.”
Memorable Quote: Lazarus to Preacher: “My wick is dry on this.”
Directed By: Craig Brewer

Okay, before I get to this review, let me get the male pig in me out of the way. God bless Christina Ricci. God bless her for being 27 years old and maintaining a smokin’ hot body. And as importantly, God bless her for not being afraid to show-off her smokin’ hot body by getting naked in a movie. Now, back to a little more resemblance of professionalism (yea, right).

“Black Snake Moan” gives a movie that I think will split people into two camps. Camp A will really like the movie, understand its artsy nature with great performances, and come out of the theater thinking they have seen a great film accentuated with some good blues music. Camp B will be saying something like “What the hell was that piece of crap?” or “What happened to Samuel L. yelling ‘I want these mother fucking snakes off this mother fucking plane!’? That’s the Samuel L. I like,” and coming out of the theater feeling they wasted their movie-money. Me, I was in Camp A. Here’s the story…

Samuel L. Jackson is Lazarus. He spends his days selling his produce in a small, southern town. His wife has just left him, shacking up with Lazarus’ brother, and he is sort of stuck trying to figure out the rest of his life. Christina Ricci is Rae. She’s a nymphomaniac in love with Ronnie (Justin Timberlake). Sadly for her Ronnie is shipping out to the military, leaving her in uber-nympho mode which leaves her either having sex consensually or, having ingested a few too many pills and liquor, being raped. Rae’s life and Lazarus’ life intersect when Rae is left for dead near Laz’s pad. Laz finds her, and after realizing she isn’t possessed, just messed up, he decides it is his mission to save her from her nympho, self-destructive ways. What better way to accomplish this than by first chaining the girl to his radiator?

And so Lazarus begins his mission, first trying to get Rae physically healthy, and then trying to help her mind. But Lazarus isn’t a psychologist, so in desperation, namely because Preacher R.L. has found out Laz has a young, half-naked white girl chained to his radiator, he works with R.L. to see if the good preacher can talk some sense into Rae to stop her evil ways.

And of course, in the meantime, Lazarus is coming to terms with his own demons, and finding himself smitten with Angela (S. Epatha Merkerson), who helps him with some cough medicine for Rae. Through it all, and with Laz being an old blues singer, the music works to hold it all together, especially when Ronnie is back from his military stint because, well, loud noises frighten him.

“Black Snake Moan” has a lot of darkness in it, which isn’t really a surprise since Rae’s character has pretty much been abused all of her life, compounded by the fact that her mother tells her she wishes she would have had an abortion rather than her daughter. Lazarus, meanwhile, is in his own dark place, having given up his blues playing and hating his ex. But the movie does give a glimmer of hope to the most mixed up of characters, namely Rae and Ronnie, and you have a feeling that Lazarus is going to be all right, too.

The challenge for “Black Snake Moan” was really to find three people who could play the roles of Lazarus, Rae, and Ronnie, and the trio of Jackson, Ricci, and Timberlake was great. Samuel L. was probably in one of the best roles I have seen him in, Christina Ricci again shows a talent way beyond just taking her clothes off and looking hot, and Justin Timberlake has so far been picking roles (this one, and also “Alpha Dog”) that we forget he’s bringing sexy back and that he actually has talent as an actor.

Like I wrote before, I am in Camp A of people seeing “Black Snake Moan.” Even though the movie was more of the artsy, dramatic vein, I really liked most everything about the film, even the fact it didn’t take as dark a turn it seemed to foreshadow. Camp B people probably think the movie is a 1 starrer, but because I’m in Camp A I’m going to give “Black Snake Moan” 4 stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Big Momma’s House

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Big Momma’s House
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Martin Lawrence, Paul Giamatti, Nia Long
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: They will probably find Big Momma funny but might not know why.
Date Movie: She might chuckle or wonder why you brought her to such a piece of garbage.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Some fighting.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Simple humor.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Raja Gosnell

Sometimes it was funny. Sometimes it was dumb. Most of the time it just tried to hard or didn’t push the envelope far enough. The movie was “Big Momma’s House.”

The story isn’t new – Cops go on a stakeout, one cop, in disguise, falls in love with stakeout victim, other cop keeps telling him he’s getting too close, cop dismisses it, cops catch bad guy, cop in love gets the girl. The quickest other movie references that comes to mind are the “Stakeout” movie series. This time we’ve got Martin Lawrence and Paul Giamatti as the cops and Nia Long as the person their protecting/staking out. Martin plays Malcom, and also Big Momma in disguise. Paul is John, and Nia is hot, oh wait, I mean Sherry. Sherry is on the run from her escaped-from-prison ex-boyfriend, and decides Big Momma’s house is the place to be. The real Big Momma is out of town for a few days. And Malcom, the master of disguises, decides he can pull off being Big Momma. Donning a mask, some giant inserts, and a new voice, Malcolm works to find out if Sherry is a bad girl or good girl, all the while knowing that her ex-boyfriend will probably show up for some old money lying around. Malcolm’s in love, John doesn’t really know what to do, and Sherry loves Big Momma and is falling in love with the Malcolm while not in disguise because he’s just a really nice guy.

Yea, you can figure the ending – The bad guy gets captured, Malcolm has to explain himself to Sherry, and everyone lives happily ever after.

The story is simple, so giving things away like I did don’t really hurt watching the movie much. It’s that laughs that try to hard. The jokes are easy – the big, ol’ black lady working the town jokes, taking a dump jokes, guy loves girl jokes, nosey neighbor jokes, and I think you get the point. They come and they come a lot, but they don’t push the envelope to gross-out or gut-busting and that is where this movie comes up short, which is too bad because Martin Lawrence keeps trying so hard but just can’t find the right movie to put him to the next level. I like Martin, think he can be very funny, but just can’t find that role to make him a must-see at a movie.

So, did I like the movie? At times, yes, it made me chuckle. But, at times, no, it made me just wonder why this or that scene should be funny. It just didn’t hit the “cute” level it seemed to be reaching for. With that I give “Big Momma’s House” 2 stars out of 5. There was a lot of potential it just didn’t reach.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Big Lebowski

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:57 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Big Lebowski
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi, David Huddleston
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Grammercy Pictures
Release Date: 1998
Kiddie Movie: I doubt they’d get the humor.
Date Movie: She’ll love it or hate it.
Gratuitous Sex: Some nudity, but no real sex.
Gratuitous Violence: Some beating up of some people.
Action: Some gunfire.
Laughs: I laughed a lot.
Memorable Scene: A bunch of them.
Memorable Quote: Too many for me!
Directed By: Joel Coen

From the reaction in the theater, I’m going to guess there are only going to be two types of people seeing “The Big Lebowski”: Those that think it is hilarious, and those that think it sucks. There won’t really be much in the middle, I don’t think, but for me, I’m in the first category – I thought it was hilarious.

“The Big Lebowski” is from the same folks who brought us “Fargo.” It definitely ain’t no “Fargo,” and it really teaches you one thing – If a stranger comes in to your apartment and pisses on your rug, just clean it up, go bowling, and don’t tell your Vietnam Vet bowling partner.

The story of “The Big Lebowski” sort of goes like this: Jeff Lebowski (Jeff Bridges) is “The Dude.” He is mistaken for a really rich dude, The Big Lebowski, and a couple of thugs come to The Dude’s apartment seeking money that The Big Lebowski’s wife owes. Well, The Dude can’t help them, so the one guy pisses on The Dude’s rug. When The Dude tells his buddy Walter (John Goodman), Walter, the crazed Vietnam Vet dude, convinces The Dude that he should go to The Big Lebowski and demand a new rug. Well, if I give the entire story’s twists and turns this review will go on for days, so I’ll cut to the chase. The Dude gets hired by The Big Lebowski to be the bagman for his wife who is kidnapped. The Dude ends up involving Walter, the money drop doesn’t go as planned, The Big Lebowski’s sister gets involved, you get some German nihilists, and a porn king. And then you have poor The Dude, who finds himself wrapped up in a goofy plot for money when he would have rather been either smoking pot, drinking white russians, or bowling (or maybe all three at the same time).

Does it sound goofy? Well, it is, but that is why I loved this film. The odd-ball friendship between The Dude, Walter, and Donny (Steve Buscemi) as bowling partners and friends works brilliantly, especially with the intertwining of the kidnapping mystery. Then there is the portrayal of life in L.A., which, well, even if it’s wrong, it’s sort of what I pictured.

Honestly, I really don’t know what else to say about “The Big Lebowski” except I laughed my ass off. You might too, or you might leave the theater just saying something like “Boy, that was stupid.” So, I guess all I can really say is if you like twisted movies poking fun at lifestyles (bowling, laid-back, psycho veteran, porno king, Los Angeles, a wealthy philanthropy guy, bimbo wife, whacked-out artistic sister, and more), then you will probably like “The Big Lebowski.” Otherwise, maybe go play some miniature golf.

From me, I give “The Big Lebowski” 4 stars out of 5. You might give it the same, or you might give it only 1. I doubt you’d give it a 3. Oh well – to each their own sometimes!

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!

Big Fish

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:50 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Big Fish
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Albert Finney, Billy Crudup, Jessica Lange, Alison Lohman, Helena Bonham Carter, Robert Guillaume, Matthew McGrory, Steve Buscemi, Danny DeVito
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures.
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: The stories are cute, but they might start to get bored.
Date Movie: It’s alright for the both of you.
Gratuitous Sex: There is a butt shot you really probably don’t want to see.
Gratuitous Violence: Not really.
Action: Ehh.
Laughs: Some.
Memorable Scene: The twins are fun to watch.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Tim Burton

Maybe it was just that I couldn’t get wrapped up in the characters, but there was a point during “Big Fish” where, sure, the stories being told seemed mostly unbelievable yet entertaining, but I just didn’t care anymore. I guess I’ll try to explain this a little better in my review. Let’s go…
“Big Fish” gives us Will Bloom (Billy Crudup). His father, Ed (the older played by Albert Finney, the younger by Obi-Wan Kenobi, oops, I mean Ewan McGregor) has been telling these seemingly tall tales about his lives adventures to anyone who would listen, and Will is finally sick of it, especially when Ed makes himself the center of attention at Will’s wedding by retelling the tale of how Ed was fishing when Will was born. The story is more involved than that, but Will is sick of it because, well, Will knows it isn’t true, that Ed, being a traveling salesman, was just out of town when he was born. It is with this knowledge, knowing that Ed’s most famous story is false, that Will assumes every other tale his father has told him is a lie also. Now that Ed is dying, Will just wants to find out how his Dad really lived his life.

And so “Big Fish” switches from scenes with Will in the present coupled with flashbacks detailing the stories his father has told throughout the years. A couple of the stories go as follow: One involves how this giant named Karl (Matthew McGrory) came to town one day and started eating sheep and livestock. Ed goes to confront the giant, to convince him to leave town, and they become friends and leave together. Along the way they split up for a spell leaving Ed to discover this seemingly fictional town that has you wondering if Ed had an untimely demise, that this place could be heaven, and that as Ed leaves the town, he comes back to life because it wasn’t yet his time to visit there. So Ed hooks back up with Karl, and the both of them end up at the circus. Karl gets hired by Amos Calloway (Danny DeVito), the ringleader at the circus who also might be a werewolf, and Ed goes off to find the love of his life, Sandra (the elder played by Jessica Lange, the younger by Alison Lohman). Okay, I think you get the point that Ed’s stories seem far-fetched, and if that doesn’t make you think so, there’s also the story of Ed parachuting into China to steal some plans to the power-plant only to find conjoined at the hip twins, Ping and Jing, with two bodies and only two legs, so he gets their help to escape China and helps them join the circus with Karl and Amos. You can see how Will has trouble believing his dad’s stories of his life.

And so the story goes on, eventually Ed ends up on his deathbed in the hospital, when Dr. Bennett (Robert Guillaume) puts things into perspective for Will.

Yes, it is a touching story about a son trying to connect with his father, and it has the wackiness and attention to detail that you would expect with Tim Burton directing, but about halfway through the movie, I just didn’t care about the stories that the young Ed was telling. I guess I’ll just leave the review there giving it 2 ½ stars out of 5. If you’re looking for a quirky matinee, go ahead and see “Big Fish.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bicentennial Man

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 2:11 Long
A DVD Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bicentennial Man
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Robin Williams, Embeth Davidtz, Sam Neill, Oliver Platt
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Touchstone Pictures & Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Cute, but not too young.
Date Movie: She might get bored instead of snuggle.
Gratuitous Sex: Talking about it.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Some chuckles.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Chris Columbus

Call me a sadist, call me boring, call me lazy, just don’t call me late for dinner. Anyway, as I’m watching “Bicentennial Man” on DVD, the movie came back to me in bits and pieces from the time I saw it in the theater. Unfortunately those bits and pieces didn’t get any better.

Anywho, if “Bicentennial Man” is any indication of “the very near future,” as it says at the beginning of the movie, I want no part of it. Why? Sure you’ve got some pretty cool cars, but no one seemed to watch TV anymore. What’s up with that? Oh well, at least I’ll have some cool android to clean the dude pad, I just hope it isn’t Andrew, the android in this movie. Just clean my kitchen, I don’t want conversation. For that I’ve got fake people in chat rooms on the internet.

In “Bicentennial Man” we get the story of Andrew (Robin Williams) the android. He’s bought by Sam Martin (Sam Neill), seemingly to help out around the house, but from the hint of one of the daughters it seemed more like Sam was just “keeping up with the Jones'” because all of her friend’s families already had an android. But Andrew is different, he has human qualities, like creativity and feelings, that his fellow androids lack, and for Sam it seems Andrew becomes kind of like the son he never had as Sam explains to Andrew how to save money, teaches Andrew about the birds and the bees, and is more like a dad to Andrew than an owner. But Andrew is a robot and he doesn’t like it, or maybe more importantly doesn’t like being alone. He wants to love, so he searches for another robot like him, doesn’t find one but does find Rupert (Oliver Platt), an inventor dude, who helps Andrew look human.

It’s a bunch of years later, Andrew now looks like Robin Williams, and he falls in love with Portia (like the car, complete with nice curves, only spelled differently), the granddaughter of one of Sam’s daughter who Andrew had a thing for years ago. Portia (Embeth Davidtz) has a problem though – how can you fall in love with a robot? Well, she does but can’t accept it, and it’s up to Andrew to prove to her that robots need people too. Thanks to Rupert figuring out a way for Andrew to have a, well, penis, well, Andrew and Portia live happily ever after. Enough about the story.

“Bicentennial Man” looks like it would be a cute movie for the kids, kinda like “Mrs. Doubtfire” if she were a robot in the future, but that is not this movie. This movie has the story of a robot searching for his true identity, searching to make his mark in life, and even searching for sex. Kinda adult fare for the kids, don’t ya think? And the movie’s over two hours long, and it feels it. At least on video you can hit the “pause” button.

Robin holds back a lot of humor in this role, and I think that’s too bad because “Bicentennial Man” had the potential to be a gut-buster of a film if it wanted to be. Instead it kept to the serious side most of the time, with an occasional joke of a robot not understanding human phrasing of sentences, and other more adult humor. I wanted it to be a fun movie for kids to see, but I can’t recommend you rent it unless one, you want to have to explain a little more about sex than you already have, and two, are ready for the kids to learn when to say “piece of shit.” If you see the video you’ll understand what I’m talking about.

In all honesty, I didn’t expect “Bicentennial Man” on video to be any better than “Bicentennial Man” in the theaters, and I stick to my rating. The premise was good, and the robot being Robin Williams gave the role potential, but it took Andrew nearly 200 years in his life and about two hours of movie time to figure out that because he was a robot, well, he would see everyone he ever loves die, forever. Kinda like “The Highlander” dude. Andrew finally realizes this isn’t how he wants to live his life and has Rupert make one more upgrade so he can grow old. He finally becomes human.

I give “Bicentennial Man” 2 stars out of 5. Watch how young the kids are if you rent it or else you’ll have some explaining to do, and the movie could have been so much more. Oh well.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bewitched

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bewitched
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Nicole Kidman, Will Farrell
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: It’s an adult story.
Date Movie: It’s a romantic comedy, duh?
Gratuitous Sex: Talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Ehh.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: The filming of the show with all of the characters at the dinner table.
Memorable Quote: Most of Will Ferrell’s lines.
Directed By: Nora Ephron

I know you don’t want to hear this, and yes, I am one of the most easily amused people out there, but I was mildly amused at “Bewitched” but thought they really blew it at the end. Here’s the story…

Will Ferrell is Jack Wyatt. He’s a Hollywood actor who is too full of himself and just had a couple of big movie flops. Looking to rebound his career, his assistant dude, Richie (Jason Schwartzman), convinces him he would be great in the role of Darren in a remake of “Bewitched” that is being done. Jack signs on, but much to the dismay of the shows producers, he insists that whoever is cast as Samantha, well, she needs to be an unknown. Nicole Kidman is Isabel. She’s a real witch, looking to stop being a witch, because she wants to experience life like the rest of us, not being able to snap her fingers and get anything she wants.

Well the casting for the new series isn’t going to well, a lot of times simply that those trying for the role can’t twitch their nose like the original Samantha. Then, in a bookstore, Jack spies Isabel, sees her twitch her nose, and decides she would be the perfect Samantha, especially since he can make sure to keep all things about him. She thinks Jack is the real deal, not some Hollywood blow-hard, and takes the role, but eventually she becomes wise to Jack’s plans, especially when she pretty much has no lines in the show, that and her friends convince her just what a tool Jack is.

But Isabel still sees something in Jack, especially when Jack is under a spell to treat her like a queen. But Isabel doesn’t like Jack under a spell, so she reverses it and gives Jack the lashing he really deserves. Not surprisingly, especially for a romantic comedy, Jack has a newfound respect, and love, for Isabel because no one has ever talked back that way to him before. The next challenge for Isabel – tell Jack she is really a witch.

Yup, you can guess it, Jack doesn’t take this too well, but both he and Isabel are now miserable without each other, blah, blah, blah.

Look, the movie’s a romantic comedy, and like most romantic comedies, we know how it is going to end. No surprise here. What was a surprise was the film folks decided that to get our lovebirds back together, Uncle Arthur (played by Steve Carell), a character from the original “Bewitched” television series, needed to show up and convince Jack he should be with Isabel. This is the point that I ended up going from kinda liking the movie to being more disappointed in it. Sure, I got by with the Aunt Clara showing up, of course Isabel would have a wacky Aunt, but the Uncle Arthur nod wasn’t needed at all, Steve Carell just didn’t pull it off either, and my idea would have been that the weird assistant Robbie should have given Jack a “What’s so weird about you being in love with a witch?” speech. I hate to say it, but the Uncle Arthur insertion dropped this movie from a solid 3 ½ stars to 2 stars out of 5. Will Ferrell was his usually funny self, Nicole was just adorable, and Michael Caine and Shirley MacLaine added some extra fun. I just felt the “having someone from the original series save the day” concept ruined the film.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:31 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beverly Hills Chihuahua
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Drew Barrymore (voice), Piper Perabo, Andy Garcia (voice), George Lopez (voice), Jamie Lee Curtis
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment
Kiddie Movie: It’s PG for some sort of scary stuff.
Date Movie: If she’s the mother of your children.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Some scary dog moments, but nothing horrible.
Action: Dogs chase each other.
Laughs: Mostly for kids.
Memorable Scene: Even though it was weird, the Chihuahua Nation scene was interesting.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Raja Gosnell

When “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” was originally in the theaters, Stu Gotz had a birthday party for one of his little Gotz’s, and mentioned that the kiddies all seemed to have a good time watching the movie, and that he actually enjoyed the movie, too. When I got a chance to see the DVD of the movie, I figured I’d give it a shot as well, sans anyone’s kids around me, to see if Stu was just wrapped up in “little kid” euphoria, or if the movie is okay for adults. I suppose you’ll just have to keep reading to find out.

For the story, the movie is mostly about Chihuahuas, in this case two of them, Chloe (voiced by Drew Barrymore) and Papi (voiced by George Lopez). Chloe is an uber-pampered dog, living in Beverly Hills (duh?), owned by Viv (Jamie Lee Curtis) who spares no expense for the pampering, and clothing, or her pet. Papi, on the other hand is the rambunctious companion of a landscaper, and Papi has the hots for Chloe. In the movie, yes, we get dogs that talk to each other, and Chloe won’t give Papi the time of day because, well, she is too “good” for him. Enter Rachel (Piper Perabo). When Viv has to go out of town for business, she entrusts Rachel to take care of her beloved pooch. Sadly, Rachel is also kind of an uppity Beverly Hills’ chick and doesn’t really care, nor understand, the uppity needs of Chloe, so when Rachel heads south of the border, to Mexico, with Chloe in tow, and Rachel ignoring Chloe for some fun time with her friends, Chloe decides to head out, and wouldn’t you know it, bad things start to happen to Chloe. Thankfully, enter trusty old German Shepherd, Delgado (voiced by Andy Garcia), who befriends Chloe and tries to keep her safe from the bad guys, and bad dogs, and works to get her back to the States.

In the meantime, with Chloe missing, Rachel goes into full panic mode, on the hunt for Chloe, and is joined by Papi and his owner, and wouldn’t you know it, there is the underlying story of a dog-fighting ring, and of course, our entire cast of humans and dogs come together to save the day, bust the bad guys, and love blossoms as Chloe realizes her true love doesn’t need to be a pampered dog from Beverly Hills, but could also be a hard worker who loves her.

Okay, does it really matter what the story is about? I mean, it’s about a bunch of talking dogs and their inept owners, it’s from Disney, and for kids it will probably be great as they will love the fun-loving romps that the dogs have. For the adults, I suppose what I figure is that if you have kids, and are forced to watch the movie with them, it won’t bore you to tears like some kid’s movies because there is a laugh or two, but I’m guessing that unless you’re a big, burly dude who owns a little dog, you’re going to hate this movie. Pretty much you will know if “Beverly Hills Chihuahua” is for you, or your kids, from the commercials, so for those of you it is marketed for, it’s a solid 3 ½ stars out of 5 from me. I don’t think Stu Gotz was wrapped up in “little kid” euphoria when he saw it, for parents it’s a movie you can sit with and not tear your eyes out, while your watching it with your kids.

As far as the basic DVD package, I’ve got to say there isn’t that much as far as extras. There’s an animated short about “The Legend of the Chihuahua” that is kind of cute, the “Deleted Scenes” feature isn’t very funny, and the “Blooper Scooper” is kind of funny showing the dogs not always following their trainers, but pretty much the standard DVD version is really just for watching the movie with your kids.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Best in Show

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Best in Show
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Michael McKean, Parker Posey, Catherine O’Hara, Fred Willard
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: Not too young.
Date Movie: If she’s a dog person.
Gratuitous Sex: Just talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: I almost laughed my butt off!
Memorable Scene: The entire dog show competition.
Memorable Quote: Too Many to quote.
Directed By: Christopher Guest

If you are a dog owner, a dog lover, or just really like dogs, I implore you to see “Best in Show.” You will probably find it one of the funniest movies of all time. If you are a cat lover, got bit by a dog as a small child, are deathly afraid of them, or don’t really like dogs, I can still recommend “Best in Show” as a funny movie, but you just might not get it.

“Best in Show” is kinda a mockumentary about, well, a dog show, and some of the contestants vying for the prize. We get introduced to a Florida couple bringing their terrier. She used to sleep with everyone and he has two left feet, literally, but they love each other and their dog. We also meet a fishing shop owner who really wants to be a ventriloquist and owns a cool bloodhound. There’s also the neurotic weimaraner owners whose dog is traumatized by seeing his owners do it, well, doggy style, and gay couple with their Shih Tzu, and the Nicole Smith-like with the standard poodle. We get their initial stories, their trips to the City of Brotherly Love, Philadelphia (where our Florida folks are looking forward to see where they make cream cheese), and of course, the dog show.

And it is at the dog show where I nearly bust a gut as sports-style commentator Buck (Fred Willard) trades every sexual innuendo and lewd comment he can with Trevor (Jim Piddock), the dog expert who can’t be shaken, no matter what Buck says.

“Best in Show” mixes subtle humor (four clocks on the hotel wall showing what time it is in various cities, except all of those cities are on the east coast so they all read the same time) with all-out bust-a-gut humor (Eugene Levy as Gerry Fleck, with two left feet, and nearly every comment by Buck). But a lot of the jokes are about dogs, so unless you are fond of dogs, you may chuckle but you won’t laugh. I laughed my ass off.

I’ll give you two ratings for “Best in Show.” For dog lovers it’s 5 stars out of 5. Just outright hilarious. For cat lovers it’s 3 stars out of 5. You’ll just think we’re nuts.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beowulf

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:53 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Beowulf
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ray Winstone, Anthony Hopkins, John Malkovich, Rogin Wright Penn, Angelina Jolie
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: It should really be rated R.
Date Movie: Only if she likes video games.
Gratuitous Sex: Would have been better in real life.
Gratuitous Violence: Even though video-game-ish, there was a ton of it.
Action: The dragon scene at the end.
Laughs: A chuckle here and there.
Memorable Scene: Hrothgar’s final questioning of Beowulf about how Beowulf got away from Grendel’s mom.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Robert Zemeckis

I love technology, and I love CGI for the most part, but so far, between “The Polar Express” and now “Beowulf,” I still can’t stand performance capture movies. I guess I’ll get more into that later, let’s first get to the story of “Beowulf.”

If I ever had to read “Beowulf” I must have really hated it because I have absolutely no recollection of the story. Pretty much, though, the movie gives us Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) as King of some land up in Viking land. He’s an old dude, but has a younger wife, Wealthow (Robin Wright Penn). Even though Hrothgar brags about his killing a dragon, there’s this strange creature, Grendel (Cripsin Glover), who really doesn’t like the singing going on in town so he attacks it a lot. The King is finally fed up and says that the town will no longer have any fun, so as not to have Grendel come back, and that they need a hero to kill the beast.

Enter Beowulf (Ray Winstone).

Beowulf’s some kind of badass who has heard that the land has a creature to slay, and he and his men are just the people to slay it. Of course knowing that those who have tried to kill Grendel have used various weapons to no avail, Beowulf figures it’s best to fight the beast in his birthday suit, with his willy hidden by various objects, reminiscent of “Austin Powers.” And so Beowulf kills Grendel and now Grendel’s Mother (Angelina Jolie) is both pissed but also looking for some lovin’ and a new son. Beowulf, in the meantime, is looking to stop the violence, and maybe a kingdom wouldn’t hurt, so hey, he takes one for the team.

Beowulf eventually becomes King, replacing Hrothgar, and his reign is pretty benign, with his folks pretty much running roughshod over neighboring regions, but then some things change, Grendel’s Mother is pissed again, and now a dragon threatens to destroy Beowulf’s kingdom, or at least kill his Queen Wealthow (she became his when Hrothgar died), and his young hottie to sleep with girl, I believe she was Ursula (Alison Lohman). So it’s up to Beowulf to save the day, and hopefully, once and for all, remove the curse from the land.

In its premise “Beowulf” had so much potential to captivate me the same way I loved “300,” but damn, I just can’t get over the performance capture look that just gives the film cartoonish feel, like I’m watching a video game. For me I would have liked to see Robin Wright Penn in real life as the Queen, maybe Ray Winstone wouldn’t be buff enough but I think he’d still be good in real life as Beowulf, and the animation work they did for Angelina Jolie, well, they might as well just had her there in real life, and I think Unferth’s character (he was in line to be King until Beowulf came along) would have been better played by a real John Malkovich. Hell, it even would have been better seeing Anthony Hopkins old-man butt when his toga-thing almost falls off rather than the cartoon version.

The only thing I guess “Beowulf” being “animated” helped was the fact that the MPAA, in its still bizarre wisdom, let a movie that had tons of violence, lots of people getting pulled apart, lots of talk about sex (although no one dropped the F-bomb), general debauchery, and Angelina Jolie might at well have been naked for real because the only thing missing from her character when it came out of the water were some nipples and a landing strip, be rated PG-13. I guess even when the line between real and cartoon becomes as close as “Beowolf” put it, being a cartoon lets you get away with a lot more.

As much as the look of the movie bugged me and really disconnected me from the story, I went to see this version of “Beowulf” in 3-D, and I will give props to 3-D technology because it has become incredible, but so far it’s been limited to cartoon movies, of which “Beowulf” technically is (though there was a preview for “Journey to the Center of the Earth” next year, with real people, that looks very cool). If you do see this movie do yourself a favor and spend the extra two bucks (which I don’t really understand because I didn’t get to keep the glasses) to at least be a little dazzled.

In the end “Beowulf” just didn’t wrap me in to a movie that done in real life, and just going balls out for the R rating like “300” did, well, it probably could have been fantastic for me. As such I’ve got to only give the movie 2 stars out of 5. The only reason I can tell you to see this movie is for the 3-D version because it will give you a glimpse of the future of movies.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!