Author: Andy Labis

Battlefield Earth

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:57 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Battlefield Earth
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Travolta, Barry Pepper, Forest Whitaker
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: They might like it, but I doubt it.
Date Movie: Only if you want to break up with them.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of shooting of funky lasers, but it ends up lame.
Action: Some chase scenes.
Laughs: The movie.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Roger Christian

This review will be short. Why? Because I don’t want to waste your time the way the movie “Battlefield Earth” wasted mine. I can usually find some good in a movie, maybe a song, maybe some quality violence, maybe some nudity, maybe a good line. But “Battlefield Earth” had none. Sure, somebody out there might like it, but it sure as hell wasn’t me.

Story wrap up: It’s 1000 years from now, the earth has been taken over by aliens, some people are living like American Indians (the resurrection of the tee-pee) on the run, a dude goes to see the world, stumbles across a miniature golf course and a mall (good to see they held up so well), gets captured, and decides he can save the world. Also, a bad dude alien is pissed because he got caught sleeping with the bosses daughter so the boss won’t let him come back to the home planet, so the bad dude decides to use humans to steal some gold. He teaches our hero the alien language, how to fly, and lets this human learn some world history. Hero rounds up some other people, they all learn how to fight, fly, and a bad cliché “Piece of cake” which I found odd since I’m thinking cake has long since become a memory. They save the world, but leave the door open for the sequel. God I hope not.

The story isn’t that bad, maybe the book isn’t that bad, but the movie is. You get two hours of bad dialogue, pretty cheesy effects, screen swipes that can be done better by 95% of movie students, lots of things that make no sense in any real world, and camera shots that look like the cameraman had one leg shorter than the other (just about every shot/scene was tilted at an angle, I’m sure for some dramatic effect, but it just gave me a stiff neck).

Don’t waste your money at the theater, don’t wait for the video, don’t worry if you don’t have HBO or Showtime when it comes to cable, and read a book when it comes to regular TV. I wasted my time on this one so you don’t have to. Zero stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Batman Begins

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:20 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Batman Begins
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Ken Watanabe, Katie Holmes
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie:
Date Movie:
Gratuitous Sex:
Gratuitous Violence:
Action:
Laughs:
Memorable Scene:
Memorable Quote:
Directed By: Christopher Nolan

I hate to stereotype an actor, but the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the name Christian Bale is some Huey Lewis & The News playing, a diatribe about Huey’s music, and a woman being chased with a chainsaw. Such is the influence of Christian Bale from “American Psycho.” But how does that relate to “Batman Begins?” Well, it doesn’t, it’s just that’s the first thing I think of hearing the name Christian Bale.

Alright, this movie is a ways out, but it looks to return to the darkness that made the “Batman” with Michael Keaton one of my all time favorite movies. This one gives us a younger Bruce Wayne, a Bruce Wayne learning how to fight, learning there is a cave under the mansion, and learning to become Batman. He has his mission, keep Gotham City safe from the bad guys, and this one gives us one of the favorite comic book bad guys, The Scarecrow.

The story is there, the bad guy is there, as long as they don’t mess around too much with the Batman formula, this should be a good one. We’ll have to wait and see as things get a little closer.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Barnyard

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:23 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Barnyard
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Voices of: Kevin James, Courteney Cox, Danny Glover, Andie MacDowell, Wanda Sykes
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Keep the younger ones away, or be prepared for some nightmares.
Date Movie: Only if you’re going to the movie with your kids.
Gratuitous Sex: Technically there are a lot of boobs hanging out, but nah.
Gratuitous Violence: The coyote scenes are a little rough for the little ones.
Action: There’s some car chasing going on.
Laughs: A couple of funny moments.
Memorable Scene: The cows being chased by the police, ala “Cops.”
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Steve Oedekerk

First off, let me get this out of the way. I know cows are female, yet in the movie “Barnyard” cows are portrayed as both male and female. For those of you complaining about this, get over it. It’s a movie, all of the animals talk and party, and maybe the easiest thing for you to do, if you can’t get past the fact of male cows with udders, just consider them man-boobs. Fine, let’s get to the story…

As life has it in this cartoon world of “Barnyard,” farm animals can walk on two legs and talk to each other, but the underlying rule is that they only do it when us humans aren’t watching. For this movie, Ben (voiced by Sam Elliott) is the leader of the animals on the farm, and also their chief protector from the big, bad, coyotes. He’s got a son, Otis (Kevin James), who pretty much just likes to goof off and have fun. Ben is constantly trying to get Otis to take life a little more serious, to grow up as it would be, and maybe take over someday as the leader of the animals, but Otis wants nothing of it, he just wants to party. But wouldn’t you know it, in a cartoon story that isn’t that surprising, there is tragedy at the farm, with Ben biting the bullet, or rather the coyotes biting Ben, and the rest of the movie being about Otis overcoming his grief, stepping up to the plate, and making Dad proud. And wouldn’t you also know it, Otis does just that, although it does take him a little while to get it all figured out.

In the meantime we are treated to Otis falling in love with the new cow on the farm, Daisy (Courteney Cox), find out that cows know how to not only drive cars, but also how to hot-wire them, that the animals can put together a decent band, that little boys shouldn’t go cow-tipping around this farm, and although the animals aren’t really sure what a vegan is, they are sure grateful that there farmer is one.

I have to say that I did enjoy the story of the movie, even if it pretty much is a retelling of the “son must learn to grow-up” story. I also have to say that as cute as the movie was at times, it didn’t do that much for my entertainment value, and the little girl in back of me didn’t seem to find it very entertaining either judged by her fidgety-ness and kicking my seat throughout the film. I guess the only reason I can point my finger at why I wasn’t entertained was simply because once the joke was done, about acting like animals in front of humans and acting like humans when the humans are gone, the jokes aren’t really there anymore.

Ben’s dying seemed to be a little rough for some of the younger kids, and the coyotes also seemed pretty scary for them as well, so even though this is geared towards the kids, keep in mind it is PG and the little ones might have some coyote nightmares for a few days. But all in all, I guess I’m sort of split on this movie, so I’ll just wrap it up with 2 ½ stars out of 5. The movie does have some fun moments, but other than those, I just left the theater going “That was okay, I guess.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bangkok Dangerous

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:40 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bangkok Dangerous
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Nicolas Cage
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Lionsgate
Directed By: The Pang Brothers: Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang

Some roles I don’t like Nicolas Cage in, but “Bangkok Dangerous” seems to be one of those movies I think I’ll like to see because he seems to play the brooding, loner, in this case being a kick-ass assassin, but then develops some kind of morals, maybe forgetting his basic rule of not getting personally involved with, well, people. For this one Joe (Cage) is hired to off a group of dudes, and, needing some help, he hires a street dude to sort of be his personal delivery boy. All of a sudden Joe learns a lot more about the killing work he has been hired to do, sure, there’s a cute Asian girl involved, and now he is on the run, looking to, oh, who cares? It’s rated R, there looks to be some quality kills, some sex, and maybe even some bad language tossed in for good measure!

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bad Santa

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:31 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bad Santa
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Tony Cox, Brett Kelly, Lauren Graham, Bernie Mac
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Dimension Films
Kiddie Movie: Definitely not, no matter how loudly the kids scream they want to see the movie.
Date Movie: If she’s got a twisted sense of humor.
Gratuitous Sex: Some pretty wild scenes.
Gratuitous Violence: Some punches get thrown, and some gunfire, too.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Lots of them.
Memorable Scene: Too many to mention.
Memorable Quote: Too many to mention.
Directed By: Terry Zwigoff

The trailers for “Bad Santa” sure provided a challenge for parents as their kids were now asking “Daddy, why is Santa bad?” I’m not a parent, nor do I pretend to be, but I suppose parents had to adjust their explanation of Santa Clause a bit, maybe explaining that sometimes Santa’s helpers, you know, those ones at the mall, end up being naughty, not nice, and Santa still treats them the same and they will get a lump of coal in their stocking hung by the fireplace. Anyway, I wasn’t presented with that problem, I was just looking for a twisted Christmas movie, and I sure got it.

Pretty much the story goes that Willie (Billy Bob Thornton) and Marcus (Tony Cox) infiltrate a different mall every year, posing as Santa and his helper elf, in order to case out the joint and rob it of its loot. Every year Willie says that this will be his last job, then when the money runs out, well, he’s back to calling up Marcus setting up the next job. As it turns out, this time The Kid (Brett Kelly) shows up on Santa’s lap, and then lets Willie into his life. Early on we don’t really know if The Kid really believes Willie is Santa, we hope not, and that somehow Willie is just taking the place of a father-figure, a really twisted father-figure at that, because The Kid’s parents are going to be away from the house for a few years (the kid is being taken care of by his totally out of it grandmother).

Meanwhile, Willie goes about the holiday season being totally hammered, or banging fat women in the dressing rooms, at least until he meets up with Sue (Lauren Graham), a bartender with a Santa fetish, even if Santa is a drunk loser. Marcus, on the other hand, just keeps trying his best to hold the con together, mostly threatening legal action for firing a black elf.

“Bad Santa” is a dark comedy in every sense of the word, yet still humorous in a truly adult way. But for those of you easily offended, who were appalled at the trailer running during a football game and having to explain things to your kids, well, you probably won’t find the humor in it at all. The ending gives you a couple of fun plot twists, and although I’m usually one rooting for the darkest of endings, “Bad Santa” actually ended in a sappy, yet still dark, sort of way.

This movie is definitely not for everyone. If you found the trailer the least bit offensive, stay away, but for the rest of you there is a humor present. You won’t be huddling around the fireplace year after year waiting for “Bad Santa” to come on the TV so you can watch it with your family, and I highly doubt TBS will be having 24 hours of “Bad Santa”, but for adult humor at the holiday time, this one fits the bill. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for “Bad Santa.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bad News Bears

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:53 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bad News Bears
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Billy Bob Thornton, Greg Kinnear, Marcia Gay Harden, Sammi Kane Kraft, Jeffrey Davis
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: I’d say keep anyone under ten at home unless you want them to be a potty-mouth.
Date Movie: She might just be repulsed at Coach.
Gratuitous Sex: Some push-up bras and the team is sponsored by a Gentlemen’s Club.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of kids fighting.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: Coach explaining to one of his players why he was at his house.
Memorable Quote: Too many one-liners to pick.
Directed By: Richard Linklater

I have to admit that I was pretty much under the notion that it was totally unnecessary for them to do a remake of “Bad News Bears.” Then I saw the movie and I have to admit I was highly entertained. I will warn you, however, and apparently no one checks the movie ratings, that this version is PG-13, and I an hoping that the dad who brought his to not-too-well-mannered kids who appeared to be around 5 or 6, well, that he has a lot of explaining to do to mom when they start cursing up a storm around the house.

Now I don’t remember the original that well to really comment or compare, I really just remember the scene from “Breaking Training” where Tanner is running around the Astrodome because they wouldn’t let them finish the game. That being said, I’m not going to try to compare them. Let get to the story…

For “Bad News Bears” we get Billy Bob Thornton playing the drunk, Coach Buttermaker. He’s a pest exterminator by day who gets hired by Liz (Marcia Gay Harden) to coach a team of misfits. It seems Liz didn’t like that the lousy kids couldn’t be on a team, did some kind of protest/lawsuit, and now there’s pretty much a bunch of good little league teams, and the Bears. With their first game being a complete massacre, Buttermaker decides their only hope is to get Amanda (Sammi Kane Kraft) to pitch, and the team actually gets a little better. Then of course there’s the bad boy, Kelly (Jeffrey Davis), who ends up coming around after an encounter with rival coach Roy (Greg Kinnear). Yes, you can guess, our rag-tag team of losers eventually learn how to play as a team, Buttermaker realizes that being an asshole coach isn’t really a good way to help kids have fun, and everyone learns valuable lessons about teamwork, friendship, raising kids, and if winning is everything.

Kids insulting and fighting with each other is still funny to this day, and “Bad News Bears” makes the most of it, though they do take it to a level that is probably good for the ten and over crowd, but leave the younger ones at home. Billy Bob is great in this role, similar to his role in “Bad Santa,” just a little nicer I suppose, and the kids in this flick do a great job at messing with each other. In a showing, though, of how times have changed from the original, it appears that being sponsored by a bail bondsman isn’t as bad. There is an ode to “Chico’s Bail Bonds,” but for our 2005 Bears, “Bo-Peep’s Gentlemen’s Club” is our new sponsor, which isn’t a bad thing because they do seem to send some cheerleaders to the game.

I found “Bad News Bears” enjoyable for the older crowd, and I’m sure some parents may be offended at the language and actions of both the kids and their Coach. Lots of chuckles, and couple of good laughs, and just almost two hours of entertainment and I’m giving “Bad News Bears” 4 stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bad Boys 2

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:27 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bad Boys 2
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Martin Lawrence, Will Smith, Joe Pantoliano
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Directed By: Michael Bay

Did you know the original “Bad Boys” was released in 1995, that was like 8 years ago, and did you know that its original budget was around 23 million dollars and it made about 141 million worldwide? I didn’t, but I’m sure the folks at Columbia pictures did, hence a remake of a movie I didn’t even see.

Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are back as the cool cops, funny yet getting the job done at the same time. This time the twist is that Smith’s character falls for Lawrence’s sister, and it might get in the way of their case.

This is another movie that the plot really doesn’t matter. You will go and see it because it looks funny, Lawrence and Smith had good chemistry in the original, and you know there will be cool car chases, things blowing up, and maybe some nudity.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Bachelor

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:38 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Bachelor
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Chris O’Donnell, Renee Zellweger, Artie Lange
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: New Line Cinema
Kiddie Movie: They’d be bored.
Date Movie: She might make you got and then she’ll hate it.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Ehh.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Gary Sinyor

“The Bachelor” had a pretty cool premise. Chris O’Donnell plays Jimmy. He finds out that in order to get his grandfather’s inheritance, as well as save the pool table factory, he has to get married by his 30th birthday. The problem is that his 30th birthday is about 30 hours away and he’s totally screwed up his relationship with the girl he wants to but isn’t ready to marry, Anne (Renee Zellweger). Since he thinks she’s out of the picture on a trip out of the country he goes on a quest tracking down all of his old girlfriends to make them his bride. I wanted the movie to be funny, even though as a romantic comedy you know exactly where this movie would end up, but there was just something missing. Maybe I just couldn’t fathom how Jimmy could find all of his old girlfriends in the 30 hour span, maybe I just didn’t understand why he couldn’t want to initially marry Anne (sorry, but if I was dating her there would be no hesitation in my face to marry her), maybe the jokes were pretty lame, or maybe I’m just becoming a bitter, single, wondering were my future wife is thirty-something dude. I don’t know, but I was just let down.

Alright, let’s fill in some story blanks. Jimmy and Anne have been together about 3 years. Like I said before, Jimmy’s grandfather dies and leaves the stipulation in the will that to get the 100 millionish dollars Jimmy would have to fulfill some conditions (I did like the “What is this, ‘Bruester’s Millions?'” line), like staying married for 10 years and having a kid within 5. It should be simple except that Jimmy already botched asking Anne to marry him so she is questioning the relationship and is supposedly on her way out of the country. So, Jimmy searches for his old girlfriends (could you find 8 of your old girlfriends in a 30 hour span? He did.), and they all turn him down, mostly through his own bumbling of explaining what was going on. Hmm, I’m thinking for 50 million dollars (figuring I’d get half), hell, I’ll marry him. Anyway, it turns out Anne didn’t go overseas, just with her sister to their parents anniversary dinner, and she realized she really loves him and is on her way back to find him (she doesn’t know about the money). Well, low and behold they find each other (she finds out about the money but realizes he really wants to marry her), and it’s a happy ending.

I don’t know, I’m thinking the movie could have been funnier if Jimmy didn’t have a girlfriend and had 30 hours to find Miss Right because then you could have been routing for a certain girl instead of knowing the ending. The things women would do to win him over could have been hilarious, the running from crazed dudettes could have been more real, and it still could have had a storybook ending.

In the end I was disappointed and with that “The Bachelor” get 1 ½ stars out of 5 from me. I love a good romantic comedy, this just wasn’t one of them.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Baby Mama

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Baby Mama
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Steve Martin, Sigourney Weaver, Greg Kinnear, Dax Shepard, Maura Tierney
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Studios Home Entertainment
Kiddie Movie: They will be bored and you will probably have to answer where babies actually come from.
Date Movie: It’s a 5 Star movie on The Dudette Scale.
Gratuitous Sex: Cleavage, talk, and pushed up boobies are all you will get.
Gratuitous Violence: Umm, no.
Action: Umm, no again.
Laughs: Probably more for the dudettes who can understand it more than us dudes.
Memorable Scene: The shower scene (Dudes, it’s not what you instantly put into your head).
Memorable Quote: “My avatar is dressed like a whore!”
Directed By: Michael McCullers

I saw “Baby Mama” in the theater, and even though this movie screamed dudette-flick, I enjoyed it. The weird thing is that as I watched the DVD, pretty much everything I thought in the theater crept back into my head, and you know what? I still liked it.

“Baby Mama” is a tough movie to review, but not because of the content but maybe just because I see too many movies. The reason I say that is because as the movie starts out, I was buying the entire process, but the movie shifted to “let’s put in a twist” and then “make the ending obvious mode.” I was already set with the original “obvious ending mode,” but I pretty much hated the one the movie finished with. I suppose we’ll start with the basic story, first…

Tina Fey, she of “Saturday Night Live,” “30 Rock,” and “Mean Girls” fame plays Kate. Kate is a 37 year old business woman who has given up love and children for her career, and although she’s not looking for love, she now wants a baby. Unfortunately for Kate she is cursed with a T-shaped uterus, which I guess means it is nearly impossible for her to conceive a baby, even when she was going the sperm donor/in vitro route. Adoption isn’t an option for her, either, so she ends up looking for a surrogate mother with the help of Chaffee Bicknell (Sigourney Weaver) and her surrogate agency. Enter Angie (Amy Pohler) and Carl (Dax Shepard), two, over-the-top, for no better way to put it, white trash folks, looking for a paycheck. Angie agrees to have Kate’s baby, Angie and Carl break up so Angie moves in with Kate, and we now have a white trash girl living with a female executive, but they both have a lot they can learn from each other, especially Kate as she finds a new man, Rob (Greg Kinnear), while Angie, well, she needs to learn some basic manners and how to sing.

Angie and Kate are bonding as Angie moves along in her pregnancy, and for me the new love interest and Kate’s over-aggressive mother were fun enough, but suddenly Michael McCullers (he wrote and directed the movie), I guess, felt the movie needed some kind of diabolical turn to mix things up. I didn’t need mixing up, and once the mixing up happened I instantly knew how this movie was going to end.

Now that might sound a bit obscure, but I really hate to give this movie away by saying anything else, thus ruining it for most of you, the casual movie-goer. Ughh, I so want to give it away!!!!

So let me get to the good and ignore the bad; Tina Fey and Amy Pohler were fantastic as polar opposites actually needing each other and letting their bond as baby mama and surrogate mama grow. Hooray! Sigourney Weaver was great as the creepy, overly fertile Chaffee Bicknell. And the person who made me crack up the most was Steve Martin as Barry, the hippie/guru/wanting his new store to have the “essence of a shell he found on the beach while he was walking” man. So as far as star-power goes, I’ve got to recommend “Baby Mama,” even for the dudes. For me, well, I was just disappointed the film folks felt they needed to “stir-up” the original story.

Let’s see, me, being disappointed in the ending story, I’m giving the movie 2 ½ stars, but on “The Dudette” scale the movie is probably the perfect length with an uber-happy ending for 5 stars on that scale. I’ll average them together and round up because I loved Steve Martin’s character and Tina Fey’s slutty outfit therefore leaving “Baby Mama” with 4 stars out of 5.

For you dudettes out there, especially those that are mama’s, go ahead and round up your dudette friends and have a dudette DVD viewing party, leaving the kids with your dude, and for you dudes out there, “Baby Mama” isn’t that horrible, and just remember payback can be a bitch when you rent “Iron Man”!

As far as the DVD goes, I’m still in the dark ages, without a Blu-Ray player, so I couldn’t partake in cooler things like getting insights into scenes instantly, without stopping the movie, or having to listen to the entire commentary, and fine, as much as I liked the movie, I don’t think I would be creating clips, “My Scenes” as they would be on the Hi-Def side, but on the standard DVD side, I have to say I was happier with the actual ending, rather than the alternate ending, there were a couple of quick, “Hey, this is how this movie ended up being made!” clips, but I have to say that there were a couple of deleted scenes, that although I can understand why they were deleted, they were funny as hell. Do your self a favor and at least watch the deleted scenes.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Babel

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:22 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Babel
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Gael García Bernal and Kôji Yakusho
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Paramount Vintage
Directed By: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

The trailer for “Babel” reminds me a little of “Syriana” where you get a bunch of different stories that somehow intertwine, and how no one seems to be able to understand each other. The trouble seems to start when Susan (Cate Blanchett) gets shot and her companion Richard (Brad Pitt) is having a hell of a time communicating to the people in the town that he needs help, needs to call the US Embassy, and then, somehow, this shooting turns into an international incident bringing even more people into the story.

I’m sure this is supposed to be put on the radar for some Oscar nominations, and it does look interesting, but “Syriana” was hard enough to follow without the language issue, now we’ve got intertwining stories where people can’t understand each other.

A renowned director and a good cast, so I suppose I’ll do my best to catch this one.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!