MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:23 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Voices of: Kevin James, Courteney Cox, Danny Glover, Andie MacDowell, Wanda Sykes
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Keep the younger ones away, or be prepared for some nightmares.
Date Movie: Only if you’re going to the movie with your kids.
Gratuitous Sex: Technically there are a lot of boobs hanging out, but nah.
Gratuitous Violence: The coyote scenes are a little rough for the little ones.
Action: There’s some car chasing going on.
Laughs: A couple of funny moments.
Memorable Scene: The cows being chased by the police, ala “Cops.”
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Steve Oedekerk

First off, let me get this out of the way. I know cows are female, yet in the movie “Barnyard” cows are portrayed as both male and female. For those of you complaining about this, get over it. It’s a movie, all of the animals talk and party, and maybe the easiest thing for you to do, if you can’t get past the fact of male cows with udders, just consider them man-boobs. Fine, let’s get to the story…

As life has it in this cartoon world of “Barnyard,” farm animals can walk on two legs and talk to each other, but the underlying rule is that they only do it when us humans aren’t watching. For this movie, Ben (voiced by Sam Elliott) is the leader of the animals on the farm, and also their chief protector from the big, bad, coyotes. He’s got a son, Otis (Kevin James), who pretty much just likes to goof off and have fun. Ben is constantly trying to get Otis to take life a little more serious, to grow up as it would be, and maybe take over someday as the leader of the animals, but Otis wants nothing of it, he just wants to party. But wouldn’t you know it, in a cartoon story that isn’t that surprising, there is tragedy at the farm, with Ben biting the bullet, or rather the coyotes biting Ben, and the rest of the movie being about Otis overcoming his grief, stepping up to the plate, and making Dad proud. And wouldn’t you also know it, Otis does just that, although it does take him a little while to get it all figured out.

In the meantime we are treated to Otis falling in love with the new cow on the farm, Daisy (Courteney Cox), find out that cows know how to not only drive cars, but also how to hot-wire them, that the animals can put together a decent band, that little boys shouldn’t go cow-tipping around this farm, and although the animals aren’t really sure what a vegan is, they are sure grateful that there farmer is one.

I have to say that I did enjoy the story of the movie, even if it pretty much is a retelling of the “son must learn to grow-up” story. I also have to say that as cute as the movie was at times, it didn’t do that much for my entertainment value, and the little girl in back of me didn’t seem to find it very entertaining either judged by her fidgety-ness and kicking my seat throughout the film. I guess the only reason I can point my finger at why I wasn’t entertained was simply because once the joke was done, about acting like animals in front of humans and acting like humans when the humans are gone, the jokes aren’t really there anymore.

Ben’s dying seemed to be a little rough for some of the younger kids, and the coyotes also seemed pretty scary for them as well, so even though this is geared towards the kids, keep in mind it is PG and the little ones might have some coyote nightmares for a few days. But all in all, I guess I’m sort of split on this movie, so I’ll just wrap it up with 2 ½ stars out of 5. The movie does have some fun moments, but other than those, I just left the theater going “That was okay, I guess.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

3000 Miles to Graceland

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:05 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

3000 Miles to Graceland
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Kurt Russell, Kevin Costner, Courteney Cox, Christian Slater, Kevin Pollak, David Arquette, Jon Lovitz, Howie Long, Thomas Haden Church, Bokeem Woodbine, Ice-T
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think about bringing them.
Date Movie: She might get a little scared and snuggle.
Gratuitous Sex: You know it’s happening but no nakedness.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of it.
Action: Some, but out of the ordinary.
Laughs: It did have some good jokes.
Memorable Scene: Robbing the casino and Murphy in the car with the bubble-gum girl.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Demian Lichtenstein

“3000 Miles to Graceland” is one of those movies that had just about every element needed to make it cutting edge, but somehow all of those elements just couldn’t come together. It had sex, it almost had nudity, it had quality kills, and it had a story of robbery and double-crossing. Even with all of that I came out of the theater unfulfilled.

“3000 Miles to Graceland”, which I’ll now call 3KMTG, stars Kurt Russell as Michael and Kevin Costner as Murphy. Michael just got out of jail, Murphy a little earlier, and their plan is to rob a casino. It seemed like a good plan – they would be disguised as Elvis imitators, the group of the five of them, and head for the money counting room armed with various forms of artillery. We get many a quality kill as they get the bag-load of dough, they get away, and it’s time to divvy up the cash. But there is dissension in the group, especially with one of the gang now dead, and you know what, the underlying rule of the game is you can never trust a thief. Therefore trust no one.

So you’ve got the story of the thieves, but 3KMTG also throws in a story of Michael getting some action from Cybil (Courteney Cox), but then getting double-crossed as Cybil uses her son to trick Michael while she takes the cash. Who’s gonna get the money, is Cybil trustworthy or just using everyone she can, why can’t cops with laser-sighting hit the bad guys, and is Murphy really an illegitimate son of Elvis? These are just many of the questions we find in the movie. Some are answered, some are not, and some aren’t necessary.

Like I said before, though, with all of these things going on they just don’t come together to make a captivating movie. I liked the story, the quality kills were pretty quality, and Courteney looks good in underwear, but even with all of this it didn’t hit the level of “Pulp Fiction” that this movie seemed to be shooting for, and it could have. Kevin Costner was in one of his best roles in a while, Kurt Russell was great as the bad but still good guy, Courteney played it well as the dudette not knowing if she should be in it for money or for love, and Ice-T was just too cool.

I just wish things didn’t get stupid, especially at the end. Let’s take Murphy and two other bad guys against a slew of SWAT members. Both sides are heavily armed, Ice-T comes through the warehouse, upside down, spinning, and taking out a good number of the good guys, and even with the laser-sightings the good guys can’t seem to hit the bad guys. And if that weren’t enough, how do you lose an ambulance? God this movie had potential.

In the end, even with the quality kills, 3KMTG gets 2 ½ stars from me. It had potential and didn’t get there, but it did have some of the best shoot-em-up scenes in a movie. If only Courteney had gotten naked.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!