Author: Andy Labis

Bedazzled

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:33 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bedazzled
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Brendan Fraser, Elizabeth Hurley, Frances O’Connor
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Kiddie Movie: Some of the talk gets pretty adult, especially the penis size hints.
Date Movie: Only if you want her to see you ogle over Elizabeth Hurley.
Gratuitous Sex: Elizabeth dresses in some nice outfits, but that’s about it.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: A couple of chuckles.
Memorable Scene: The wish sequence as the pro basketball player.
Memorable Quote: “All five of them banged me like a Salvation Army drum.”
Directed By: Harold Ramis

“Bedazzled” isn’t that bad of a movie, or at least an idea, but there were just so many things wrong with this remake that as I tried to think of the good things, well, even Elizabeth Hurley dressed skimpily throughout the movie didn’t even work.

In this movie you’ve got Elliot (Brendan Fraser). If you’re in corporate America, he’s the employee who is always trying to butt his way into your fun with your co-workers. He always tries to be friendly but so much so that you can’t stand him. You dodge him, give him the wrong times to meet you, and just can’t stand him even though all he really wants to be is your friend. He also has no luck with the ladies and the one girl he really likes, Alison (Frances O’Connor), won’t give him the time of day. Enter The Devil, played by Elizabeth Hurley. Easy enough, Elliot gets seven wishes and The Devil gets his soul. But The Devil is, well, tricky, so if you don’t make your wish with utmost detail, The Devil will technically make it come true, but not really how you want it.

Cases in point: Make a wish to be rich and powerful and married to Alison – get to be a drug lord whose wife is cheating on him. Make a wish to be a professional basketball player – get to be better than Michael Jordan but dumber than a box of rocks and with a small penis. Make a wish to be suave and deboner, a writer, a smooth talker, and want Alison to love you – get to be gay. You get the idea. The problem is Elliot never catches on to the Devil’s plan until he has two wishes left (The Devil says he has one wish, that the Big Mac and drink counted as a wish, but I contend that since that wish was before the contract was signed that it doesn’t count – get me Johnny Cochran!), and is just sick of the whole thing. Then he figures his way out of the contract without even knowing it, we get this sappy commentary about good and evil, and in the end Elliot finds the girl of his dreams.

What’s good? Hmm? Well, some of the wish sequences were cute, but you’ve already seen the good parts in the trailers, like when he can speak Spanish and realizes he can speak Spanish. Brendan isn’t bad as the hopeless romantic who doesn’t have a clue, but it just doesn’t push the funny parts to the next level.

What’s bad? Hmm? Elizabeth Hurley is a crappy Devil. Sure, there are parts where she looks good, but she just doesn’t seem to really have any evil in her, at least not in this role. Then there are the dream sequences. Is Elliot really that stupid that it takes him five wishes to figure out the Devil’s plan? I guess so. Then there is Frances O’Connor in one of the worst performances I have ever seen. Sure there are times when she seems sweet and you can see why Elliot would like her, but quite honestly, it seemed like she had no idea what she was supposed to be doing in her role. I’m not saying that it’s her fault, but her character is useless and there are times when it looks like she’s standing there, laughing at the joke, rather than staying in her role.

By the end of the movie, especially with the good versus evil commentary by The Devil to Elliot, I was just tired. The movie was only an hour and a half but it seemed like an eternity (how’s that for a cheesy review-line!). Really, “Bedazzled” just didn’t work on too many levels and that was too bad. It’s 1 ½ stars out of 5. I say wait for cable on this one, or at worst a rental when the movie you really want isn’t in stock.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Becoming Jane

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 2:00 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Becoming Jane
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Anne Hathaway, James McAvoy
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Miramax
Directed By: Julian Jarrold

Sometimes I have no problem with the girly-type film, hell I liked “Nancy Drew,” but other than the fact Anne Hathaway is in this film I have no real desire to see it. Supposedly it’s about Jane Austen before she became famous, and how she developed her style because of the things that happened around her.

Look, I’m not saying it doesn’t look like a decent film, it does look like some fun for young girls, but I really don’t like period pieces set across the pond. Take the girls to see “Becoming Jane,” I’ll probably be catching “Rush Hour 3.”

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Because I Said So

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:42 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Because I Said So
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Diane Keaton, Mandy Moore, Piper Perabo, Lauren Graham
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Directed By: Michael Lehmann

Okay, I know this is totally a chick-flick, and I’m a Mandy Moore and Piper Perabo fan, but so far the only reason I have to legitimize my going to see it is because there doesn’t seem to be any other movies I really want to see that opens the same weekend. I can see myself in the theater right now, with about 20 dudettes, all of them looking at me funny.

The things I have to do to review movies sometimes.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Beach

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:53 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Beach
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Tilda Swinton, Virginie Ledoyen, Robert Carlisle
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Kiddie Movie: Not at all.
Date Movie: I saw two couples leave in the middle – leave her at home.
Gratuitous Sex: Sex and nudity and I’m still only giving it 1 1/2 star.
Gratuitous Violence: People get shot and some shark wounds.
Action: Some chasing.
Laughs: The movie.
Memorable Scene: The shark wounds.
Memorable Quote: “We’re in dope heaven!”
Directed By: Danny Boyle

Because I’m usually pretty easy to please, if you put some quality violence, some nice gore, a hot lady or two (getting naked is a plus), and the potential for a good movie, well, everything can suck and I’ll still give it a decent rating. “The Beach” had all of that, but I just can’t get past the scene where Richard (Leonardo DiCaprio) goes nuts. It was at that point that I saw two couples leave the movie, and I wanted to also except I had to see where it would all end up. It ended up with a commercial for Macintosh.

I don’t know, ever since “Titanic” it seems like I’ve seen DiCaprio trying to get out of the teenage heart-throb persona that it gave him. There were the stories of his bar hopping in L.A., there was his role in “Celebrity,” and now there is “The Beach.” As Richard, he narrates his way into Bangkok, where he seems to intentionally over-emphasize the “kok” part when he says it, finding himself sick of home and looking for adventure. Shacking up in a bug-infested hotel, one room next to him holds the hot Francoise (Virginie Ledoyen) while the opposite room holds the psychotic Daffy (Robert Carlisle). While sharing a joint through the wall partition, Daffy tells Richard of this beautiful island paradise, with the coolest beach and the best pot. As Richard’s fate has it, the next day there is a map on his door to the island, Daffy went totally wacky, and Richard asks Francoise and her boyfriend if they want to try and find the island. They go along.

So, yea, they find the island paradise, half inhabited by pot-growing folk ready to kill anyone who invades their plantation, the other half inhabited by a commune of hippie-folk, seemingly self-sufficient until someone makes a run to the mainland when the necessities of home become more important than the beautiful beach. Well, Richard falls for Francoise (there’s a surprise – who wouldn’t?), she falls for him, they get naked in the lagoon, and all is well until a group of folks who Richard slipped a copy of the map to try to show up. Richard is sent to a twisted solitary confinement waiting for them to arrive so he can steal the map back, and in the meantime, well, goes insane.

I suspended my disbelief about the movie up until this point because it was a movie, but when Richard finds himself hallucinatingly traipsing through the jungle after the enemy, my suspension of reality turned to “when is this going to end?”

DiCaprio does a decent job as the thrill-seeking Richard, Ledoven is hot and gets naked, you’ve got a couple of gruesome shark bites, and some folks get gunned down. The movie had potential, but seemed to overdue it on the shock value instead of keeping a little bit of realism. My main case in point on this was Daffy’s suicide. The story was that Daffy slit his wrists, his guts, or maybe his neck. Fine, the dude killed himself, but the room, with blood everywhere, and I mean everywhere, looked like his body exploded rather than just a suicide. Maybe a hopped-up-on-drugs suicide can splatter blood all over a room, what do I know, but it just bothered me.

So, with that, I say wait for cable on this one, even with the blood, gore, sex, nudity, and potential for a good story. It just doesn’t go there. 1 ½ star out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Be Kind Rewind

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:42 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Be Kind Rewind
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jack Black, Mos Def, Danny Glover, Mia Farrow
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: New Line Cinema
Directed By: Michel Gondry

I have to say that the premise of this movie made me laugh, the trailer left me laugh, but I hope all of it isn’t blown on the trailer.

Jack Black works in a video store where they rent VHS video tapes (already a quarter of the population might be confused about the movie). In any case, one day he becomes magnetized and erases all of the movies. What is the easiest way to replenish the video supply at the cheapest cost? Why recreate and film their own versions of films like “Ghostbusters,” “Robocop,” and “Driving Miss Daisy,” among others. The thing is that the customers love their recreations better than the originals and even though the store is now making a name for itself, there might be some problem of renting “self-made” versions of actual movies.

I do find the trailer amusing, Jack Black looks to be back in the funny, and Mos Def has shows his is good as the straight guy to the comedic dork. I’m actually looking forward to “Be Kind Rewind.”

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Be Cool

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:59 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Be Cool
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Travolta, Uma Thurman, Vince Vaughn, Cedric the Entertainer, Harvey Keitel, The Rock
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: MGM
Kiddie Movie: The story is adult. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: Good for everyone.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s PG-13, so mostly just suggestive.
Gratuitous Violence: There is some shooting.
Action: No chase scenes, really.
Laughs: I laughed a lot.
Memorable Scene: Any scene with Sin and his posse.
Memorable Quote: “Unless you want an ‘R’ rating, you can only use the ‘F’ word once. I say ‘Fuck that.’ That’s it.” (Editor’s note: And that was it for the use of the ‘F’ word)
Directed By: F. Gary Grey

I don’t know why, maybe because I never read any books by Elmore Leonard and I haven’t seen “Get Shorty,” so I didn’t have any preconceived notions of how the movie should be, and even though John Travolta didn’t seem that great in this movie, I enjoyed “Be Cool.” From the others reviews I’ve seen, it seems that there goes some more of my movie review credibility out the window. Anyway, here’s the story…
Travolta plays Chili Palmer. It seems he’s pretty much sick of being in the movie business and thinks that maybe the music business is where he should stick his nose, especially since he is acquainted with a rising talent, Linda Moon (Christina Milian), and also the recently widowed record executive Edie (Uma Thurman), whose husband, Tommy (James Woods) was gunned down during a meeting with Chili. Chili takes Linda away from Raji (Vince Vaughn who has yet to let me down), her manager who thinks he’s black and totally overacts the part. And then the trouble starts.

Like normal, things don’t always go as easy as you would like. It seems Linda has already signed a contract with Raji and his boss, music dude Nick (Harvey Keitel), so Chili has to figure out a way to resolve that issue. Also, it appears Edie’s record company owes producer Sin (Cedric the Entertainer) a big chunk of change, but sadly, the company is broke and Sin is threatening that some heads will role if he doesn’t get his cash. There’s also some Russian dudes who aren’t too happy with Chili, and the feds think somehow Chili has some information on the mob in town. Who you gonna call when things are this out of control? Of course, you’re gonna call Steven Tyler, whose clothes you used to wash, and he will somehow save the day. Yes, that is correct, you call Steven Tyler, get him to listen to a tape of Linda, and suddenly things work out in the end. And, oh yea, toss in a gay, Samoan, “wants to be an actor” bodyguard named Elliot (The Rock).

Look, there are way to many plot things going on to have me write a full synopsis, but yes, all of them are intertwined in one way or another, and I thought it was marvelous, especially when it all came full-circle as Nick opens the package at the pawn shop.

I don’t know if this was the intent, and I think it’s the reason I liked this movie so much, but for me this was a movie making fun of the entire music, and for what it’s worth, movie industries. There was Raji, totally overacting the white dude who wants to act black, complete with the red, pimp outfit, and unable to command sounding street. Sin and his gangsta’s so overplayed the gangsta stereotype it was hilarious, and the Russian mob was even over-the-top. Not to mention The Rock who is my first pick for an Oscar next year because even if you have no interest in this movie, he is freakin’ hilarious and a reason to see this movie. All that, and I think I’m back in love with Uma Thurman and I’m not really sure why.

I took the movie for a campy look at Hollywood and had a good time with it. You might not, and obviously a lot of other critics didn’t see it the same way, but I know a lot of people around me were laughing. It’s 4 stars out of 5 for me. Maybe don’t try to take the movie as seriously as other people I suppose.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Battlefield Earth

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:57 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Battlefield Earth
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Travolta, Barry Pepper, Forest Whitaker
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: They might like it, but I doubt it.
Date Movie: Only if you want to break up with them.
Gratuitous Sex: Nope.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of shooting of funky lasers, but it ends up lame.
Action: Some chase scenes.
Laughs: The movie.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Roger Christian

This review will be short. Why? Because I don’t want to waste your time the way the movie “Battlefield Earth” wasted mine. I can usually find some good in a movie, maybe a song, maybe some quality violence, maybe some nudity, maybe a good line. But “Battlefield Earth” had none. Sure, somebody out there might like it, but it sure as hell wasn’t me.

Story wrap up: It’s 1000 years from now, the earth has been taken over by aliens, some people are living like American Indians (the resurrection of the tee-pee) on the run, a dude goes to see the world, stumbles across a miniature golf course and a mall (good to see they held up so well), gets captured, and decides he can save the world. Also, a bad dude alien is pissed because he got caught sleeping with the bosses daughter so the boss won’t let him come back to the home planet, so the bad dude decides to use humans to steal some gold. He teaches our hero the alien language, how to fly, and lets this human learn some world history. Hero rounds up some other people, they all learn how to fight, fly, and a bad cliché “Piece of cake” which I found odd since I’m thinking cake has long since become a memory. They save the world, but leave the door open for the sequel. God I hope not.

The story isn’t that bad, maybe the book isn’t that bad, but the movie is. You get two hours of bad dialogue, pretty cheesy effects, screen swipes that can be done better by 95% of movie students, lots of things that make no sense in any real world, and camera shots that look like the cameraman had one leg shorter than the other (just about every shot/scene was tilted at an angle, I’m sure for some dramatic effect, but it just gave me a stiff neck).

Don’t waste your money at the theater, don’t wait for the video, don’t worry if you don’t have HBO or Showtime when it comes to cable, and read a book when it comes to regular TV. I wasted my time on this one so you don’t have to. Zero stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Batman Begins

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:20 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Batman Begins
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Ken Watanabe, Katie Holmes
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie:
Date Movie:
Gratuitous Sex:
Gratuitous Violence:
Action:
Laughs:
Memorable Scene:
Memorable Quote:
Directed By: Christopher Nolan

I hate to stereotype an actor, but the first thing that comes to mind when I hear the name Christian Bale is some Huey Lewis & The News playing, a diatribe about Huey’s music, and a woman being chased with a chainsaw. Such is the influence of Christian Bale from “American Psycho.” But how does that relate to “Batman Begins?” Well, it doesn’t, it’s just that’s the first thing I think of hearing the name Christian Bale.

Alright, this movie is a ways out, but it looks to return to the darkness that made the “Batman” with Michael Keaton one of my all time favorite movies. This one gives us a younger Bruce Wayne, a Bruce Wayne learning how to fight, learning there is a cave under the mansion, and learning to become Batman. He has his mission, keep Gotham City safe from the bad guys, and this one gives us one of the favorite comic book bad guys, The Scarecrow.

The story is there, the bad guy is there, as long as they don’t mess around too much with the Batman formula, this should be a good one. We’ll have to wait and see as things get a little closer.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Barnyard

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:23 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Barnyard
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Voices of: Kevin James, Courteney Cox, Danny Glover, Andie MacDowell, Wanda Sykes
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Keep the younger ones away, or be prepared for some nightmares.
Date Movie: Only if you’re going to the movie with your kids.
Gratuitous Sex: Technically there are a lot of boobs hanging out, but nah.
Gratuitous Violence: The coyote scenes are a little rough for the little ones.
Action: There’s some car chasing going on.
Laughs: A couple of funny moments.
Memorable Scene: The cows being chased by the police, ala “Cops.”
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Steve Oedekerk

First off, let me get this out of the way. I know cows are female, yet in the movie “Barnyard” cows are portrayed as both male and female. For those of you complaining about this, get over it. It’s a movie, all of the animals talk and party, and maybe the easiest thing for you to do, if you can’t get past the fact of male cows with udders, just consider them man-boobs. Fine, let’s get to the story…

As life has it in this cartoon world of “Barnyard,” farm animals can walk on two legs and talk to each other, but the underlying rule is that they only do it when us humans aren’t watching. For this movie, Ben (voiced by Sam Elliott) is the leader of the animals on the farm, and also their chief protector from the big, bad, coyotes. He’s got a son, Otis (Kevin James), who pretty much just likes to goof off and have fun. Ben is constantly trying to get Otis to take life a little more serious, to grow up as it would be, and maybe take over someday as the leader of the animals, but Otis wants nothing of it, he just wants to party. But wouldn’t you know it, in a cartoon story that isn’t that surprising, there is tragedy at the farm, with Ben biting the bullet, or rather the coyotes biting Ben, and the rest of the movie being about Otis overcoming his grief, stepping up to the plate, and making Dad proud. And wouldn’t you also know it, Otis does just that, although it does take him a little while to get it all figured out.

In the meantime we are treated to Otis falling in love with the new cow on the farm, Daisy (Courteney Cox), find out that cows know how to not only drive cars, but also how to hot-wire them, that the animals can put together a decent band, that little boys shouldn’t go cow-tipping around this farm, and although the animals aren’t really sure what a vegan is, they are sure grateful that there farmer is one.

I have to say that I did enjoy the story of the movie, even if it pretty much is a retelling of the “son must learn to grow-up” story. I also have to say that as cute as the movie was at times, it didn’t do that much for my entertainment value, and the little girl in back of me didn’t seem to find it very entertaining either judged by her fidgety-ness and kicking my seat throughout the film. I guess the only reason I can point my finger at why I wasn’t entertained was simply because once the joke was done, about acting like animals in front of humans and acting like humans when the humans are gone, the jokes aren’t really there anymore.

Ben’s dying seemed to be a little rough for some of the younger kids, and the coyotes also seemed pretty scary for them as well, so even though this is geared towards the kids, keep in mind it is PG and the little ones might have some coyote nightmares for a few days. But all in all, I guess I’m sort of split on this movie, so I’ll just wrap it up with 2 ½ stars out of 5. The movie does have some fun moments, but other than those, I just left the theater going “That was okay, I guess.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bangkok Dangerous

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:40 Long
A Preview by:
– The Dude on the Right

Bangkok Dangerous
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Nicolas Cage
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Lionsgate
Directed By: The Pang Brothers: Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang

Some roles I don’t like Nicolas Cage in, but “Bangkok Dangerous” seems to be one of those movies I think I’ll like to see because he seems to play the brooding, loner, in this case being a kick-ass assassin, but then develops some kind of morals, maybe forgetting his basic rule of not getting personally involved with, well, people. For this one Joe (Cage) is hired to off a group of dudes, and, needing some help, he hires a street dude to sort of be his personal delivery boy. All of a sudden Joe learns a lot more about the killing work he has been hired to do, sure, there’s a cute Asian girl involved, and now he is on the run, looking to, oh, who cares? It’s rated R, there looks to be some quality kills, some sex, and maybe even some bad language tossed in for good measure!

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!