entertainment ave!

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:32 Long
A Review by:
- Stu Gotz

This movie could have been easily called “Police Academy Joins the Navy”. It has the same plot as the Academy movies – a bunch of misfits pull it together to overcome great odds. Plus, it was written and produced by Hugh Wilson and directed by David Ward. You know… the guys who wrote, directed, and produced Police Academy. Hey guys get some fresh ideas.

Now don’t let my opening comments scare you off. Down Periscope is an OK movie with some funny moments, it’s just not a laugh riot. The movie breaks down like this… Lt. Cmdr. Tom Dodge (Grammer) is a highly talented and well trained sub Executive Officer. He’s been passed over for several promotions because his loose style doesn’t sit well with most higher ups. That, and he has a tattoo on his penis. Dodge is becoming restless about not being promoted so he gives the ultimatum to use him or lose him. This gets him a command on a 1940′s diesel sub for war games. His mission is to use this 40′s wreck to sneak past the entire Nuclear Navy. This would be hard enough given the poor technology he has, but Dodge’s command includes an uptight by-the-book Executive Officer (Snider), a crew of rejects, and the Navy’s first female Dive Officer (Holly).

The cast of misfits and female combination leads to very predictable jokes. But, predictable or not the jokes are still pretty funny. Some jokes I particularly liked are when the crew makes Ex 0 Pascal (Snider) walk the plank or when the crew steals Lt. Emily Lake’s (Holly) clothes and washes them in HOT water. Whew… what a site Lake is in her tight fitting busting bosom, tight assed uniform.

Anyway, the crew ships off in the 40′s relic to put her through her paces. This leads to some tense moments and more comic relief. In the end, this motley crew accomplishes their mission. Yahoo!!!

Back when the movie was in theaters, I read some reviews of it. One reviewer really hated Down Periscope. In his review he compared Down Periscope to Das Boot. What a Jack Ass! Down Periscope is intended to be a 90′s goofball comedy. That it is. Das Boot was a drama. The two cannot and should not be compared to each other. If you were to do that one could say Das Boot was a terrible movie because it didn’t make me laugh. Another reviewer compared Down Periscope to Operation Petticoat. One shouldn’t try to compare these two comedies either because one is a 90′s goofball comedy and the other a 50′s light-hearted comedy. Both movies are good comedies, but should be judged on individual intents and on the era from when they came. Reviewers that try to make the comparisons should be shot. These are probably the same assholes who order hot fudge sundaes and expect to get banana splits. Comedies are not dramas which are not musicals and not all movies are intended to be Academy Award winners.

Down periscope is not an outstanding movie but it will make you laugh. It’s a good flick to watch with your honey and OK for the kiddies. There are a few sexual jokes, but nothing explicit. I give Down Periscope 2.5 stars out of 5 stars.

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:17 Long
A Review by:
- The Dude on the Right

I can fully understand critics giving this movie zero stars, ½ star, or maybe 1 star. I really can. I understand this, because, yes, the movie is everything these critics have been writing or saying about it. But “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo” is the kind of movie made not having a critic’s opinion in mind, but rather appealing to the folks of the country of Easily Amused, of which I am proclaiming myself King, because, yes, as dumb as the movie pretty much was, I couldn’t help but laugh at each of the new words and phrases that were invented to replace the word “penis.” And who can’t appreciate a pimp-boat.

Deuce Bigalow’s (Rob Schneider) last couple of years haven’t been going well. First he loses his wife with one leg to a turtle feeding mishap where the lettuce was tainted with meat, inviting the sharks to come along, that once they spit out the lettuce decided Kate would make a better meal. Then his development of a device to stop whales from beaching kinda goes haywire. Now Bruce is a wanted man and thank goodness for Bruce that his old buddy T.J. (Eddie Griffin) is having some issues in Amsterdam and invites Bruce to pay him a visit.

It seems that gigolos are having a bit of a problem in Amsterdam, namely they are being killed off, and T.J. is worried as business starts to dry up. When T.J. is framed for one of the murders, it’s now up to Deuce to go under-cover, meeting up, again, with a variety of freaky women (one has a penis for a nose, watch out for her sneeze, another who has more of a blow-hole rather than a tracheotomy, watch out for hiccups, and another has giant ears, so of course there is no better way to get a man to stop checking out her ears if she were to get a boob job), and once again, rather than just being the man-whore that he is, he makes the women feel better about themselves. As Deuce’s investigation gets deeper and deeper, of course there is also a love interest that develops for Deuce, and yes, in the end, Deuce saves the gigolos from being blown up, and all is back to normal in the man-whore world.

Like I said, as King of Easily Amused, I knew what to expect going into this film, and got exactly that, and a little bit more thanks to the likes of Norm Macdonald as a crotchety old man-whore. There is also an extension of the vocabulary for the word “penis,” and I’m sure I missed some, but we find “Lock Ness Monster,” “schlong,” “man-gina,” “he-pussy,” “magic shenis,” “snatch pole,” and “she cock” to name a few. We are also introduced to some new terminology for kinky sex acts, expanding on the “Dirty Sanchez” to give us things like the “Filthy Ramirez,” “Cambodian Creamsicle,” “Turkish Sno-Cone,” “Chili Rainbow,” and the scarily portrayed “Portuguese Breakfast.”

Look, the boys are in Amsterdam, so you definitely get some drug use, some nudity, and some kinky sex. You also get exactly what you will expect from this movie, so for those critics who gave it zero stars, like I said, I understand your stance, but for me, it’s 3 ½ stars out of 5 for being exactly what it was made out to be: humor for us in the land of Easily Amused. Stupid. Yea, so what, but I still enjoyed it and that’s why I’m King.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:28 Long
A Review by:
- The Dude on the Right

I really didn’t like “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” when it was in the theaters. Maybe I was just in a bad mood, but I didn’t find it funny, wondered why it was made, and just didn’t like it. Back then I gave it 1 star. But then I got the DVD and decided that this movie really isn’t that bad.

Rob Schneider plays Deuce Bigalow. He’s a fish tank cleaner who gets most of his enjoyment by making the girl in the fish store dip her breasts in the snail tank so he can see her boobs. He gives his fish bottled water and drinks rusty pipe water, and he ends up taking care of a cool, gigolo’s fish while the gigolo is out of the country. He accidentally trashes the place and needs to come up with a ton of cash or face the wrath of Antoine, the cool gigolo, and with the help of T.J., a man pimp, becomes a gigolo, or rather, a man whore, himself. But Deuce doesn’t score the hot chicks, nope, T.J. sets Deuce up with the “freaks” where Deuce charms the ladies with good verbal skills rather than being good in the sack.

Alright, to be a little more fair the movie does go deeper than that, sort of preaching the message that everyone is special in their own way, and maybe because I was in a better mood, maybe being a little bit older, or maybe being at home where I don’t try to engross myself in a movie most of the time, but this time I enjoyed “Deuce Bigalow..”. The scenes that gave me chuckles in the theater gave me chuckles again, like the narcoleptic girl who tied her hair to the light so she wouldn’t drown in her soup when she fell asleep, but also felt a little sorry for Deuce, especially as his relationship with Kate fell apart.

It’s an adult rental but remember to bring out the child in you when you watch it. If you do as I say it’s 3 stars out of 5. If you’re looking for an intelligent comedy, “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo” isn’t it, but if your looking for stupid fun, go ahead and rent it!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:17 Long
A Review by:
- The Dude on the Right

I hate to sort of bash a movie when the kids that were leaving seemed to enjoy it so much, but I just thought “The Animal” could have been a much more funny movie if it were geared towards the younger-youngins rather than the just getting to the puberty-youngins. Sure, it had the toilet humor you might expect, and sure it had Colleen Haskell, the little cutie from the first Survivor, and sure it had a fun cameo by Norm MacDonald and Adam Sandler, but I think it just missed its calling.

Rob Schneider plays Marvin Mange. Basically he’s a loser stuck as a clerk in the police evidence room. His dad was a great cop and his dream is to become a great cop like his dad. The problem is that he has neither the instincts nor the aptitude to be a cop. One day his car careens off a cliff and Marvin is next to death. Well, Marvin is rescued by a cooky doctor (Michael Caton) who saves Marvin by replacing his body parts with animal organs. As miraculous as that is, well, it only takes a week for Marvin to recuperate and he’s back on the job unaware of his surgery except that he begins to notice some changes in his actions, you know, things like being able to sniff out drugs, run faster than a horse, dry himself off without a towel, and unless he doesn’t shower I’m sure the had to have noticed the excessive hair on his butt.

While getting his shot on the police force by catching the drug smuggler in the airport, well, Marvin also begins seeing Riana (Haskell) who is an animal and tree lover. There is also a couple of other things that Marvin is noticing, namely his voracious appetite for raw meat and his sexual urges. Finally Marvin hooks up with the cooky doctor who tells him about his surgery and tries to help Marvin deal with his urges. I think that’s enough of the story.

I had a couple of problems with the movie. One was that the jokes basically relied on Marvin’s new-found sexual urges, even to the point of him trying to get it on with a goat and him peeing to mark out his territory, and the other was the stupid sub-plot of Marvin’s friend Miles (Guy Torry), a black guy who thinks he is just getting special treatment because white people feel bad his ancestors were slaves. Not that they weren’t funny at times, and other times they just seemed stupid, but for a movie that could have really been great for kids, well, they even made me a little uncomfortable.

I think they should have kept the movie clean, geared it more towards the fun things Marvin could do now that he had animal instincts and abilities, and just let it be a good family film. Schneider did his best with what he had to work with and Colleen was cute (although I think she’s too squinty), but the movie just went for the cheap jokes instead of really trying to be creative.

Sometimes you get what you pay for or expect and for your hard-earned dollar you get an hour and a quarter of jokes for thirteen year old boys. I can appreciate those jokes as much as the next guy, so I’ll give the movie 2 1/2 stars out of 5 for being what I expected (actually, I’ll make that 3 stars for the scene where the set must have been a little chilly), but in all honesty, you should really just wait for this movie to hit cable.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:20 Long
A Review by:
- The Dude on the Right

Critics everywhere are bashing “The Benchwarmers,” but not this critic. Nope, in the land of the easily amused, where farts and getting hit in the nuts are always funny, and trust me, that is my land, “The Benchwarmers” is a movie tailor-made for this critic. There was, though, some disappointment in the film, but mostly because I can’t recommend it for younger kids who this movie could really appeal to. Anyway, let’s get to the story.

In “The Benchwarmers” we get three buddies, Gus, Richie, and Clark, played respectively by Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Heder. One day they come to the aid of a nerdy kid getting farted on, and then later in the day, when our trio is having some fun on the baseball diamond, they challenge the bully little league team for rights to the field. Yea, that’s right, it’s three dudes versus a full team of kids. As it goes, Richie and Clark have no baseball skills so pretty much it’s Gus striking out every kid on the other team, and hitting home runs every time he is up to bat.

It turns out that Mel (Jon Lovitz) hears of our trio’s conquest and dreams up a tournament where Gus, Richie, and Clark get to take on all of the bully little league teams in competition for a way-cool stadium to be paid by Mel. Suddenly the nerdy Gus, Richie, and Clark are on their way, kicking bully kid butt and taking names, all to the delight of the nerd nation. Controversy arrives later in the film, but, of course, everyone learns a lesson that yes, nerds and bullies can get along.

There are four names associated with this movie that will tell you exactly what you can expect: Rob Schneider, David Spade, Jon Heder, and Adam Sandler (he’s not really in the movie, but is one of the Producers). What does that mean? Of course you know what it means – fart jokes, toilet humor, and overall dumb jokes that will make me laugh if that’s your cup of tea. And I did. Spade is great as the nerd working at the video store who, when he sees the girl of his dreams at the Pizza Hut, all he can say is “I like salad.” Schneider does a nice job as the savior of the team but still harboring a secret, and Heder is back to giving us the funny like he did in “Napoleon Dynamite.” Jon Lovitz is, well, doing his best Jon Lovitz.

There are no surprises here at the level of humor you are going to get, but I will say that there is something that did bum me out about the movie, and that is wondering why the Sandler folks always have to go so over the top that they can’t get the movie to a PG rating. Why do I say that? Because this really could have been a great movie for the 8 to 13 year old kid crowd, but the inclusion of the occasional “shit” here and there, and I’m sure the ratings board didn’t look too kindly on the drunken “little leaguer,” nor the excessive vomiting, thus kicking it into PG-13 range. What kept the movie rolling, especially towards the end of the film when the slapstick humor was getting old, were the little kids getting behind The Benchwarmer team, complete with internet broadcasts of the game with youngin’s calling the play-by-play. I guess my only recommendation to the Adam Sandler folks is sometime your audience doesn’t always have to be the teen crowd, sometimes you can triple your box-office take when you get mom and dad taking the kids to the movie, rather than just the fart-loving teen going with his other fart-loving teen friends.

If you’ve read my reviews before, you know I’m easily amused, and this movie easily amused me. With that, 3 ½ stars out of 5. The sad thing is that I think this could have easily been a 4 ½ star family film by being a little more creative with the humor rather than a having Gus join his wife in the shower so he could pee.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:35 Long
A Review by:
- Stu Gotz

So what’s it all about?
Sonny Koufax is a cynical, slightly ill-tempered, New York City born and raised slacker that never grew out of his college mentality. He lives off a frivolous lawsuit, works as a toll booth attendant one day a week, has a roommate raking in the big bucks, and wonders why his girlfriend is dumping him. Hmm…

So, one day, his roomie, Kevin (Jon Stewart), has to go out of town to go handle a big case for his law firm in China. Unfortunately that same day, Kevin’s unknown son shows up on their doorstep. Sonny figures he can handle him in Kevin’s absence, and here’s where the cheap laughs begin. Sonny’s solution to spilt milk? Put a news paper on it. Sonny’s solution to a wet bed? Put newspaper on it. Sonny’s solution to vomit? Put newspaper on it. Are you getting the idea that Sonny is in over his head? Well, in a short time he realizes it too, but rather that sending the kid to an orphanage, Sonny tries to stick it out a little longer. This is when he discovers that little kids are chick-magnets.

Enter the thinly written love interest Layla (Joey Lauren Adams) and the beginning of the change in Sonny’s lifestyle. You see, up to this point Sonny has been keeping little Julian as somewhat of a pet. He lets the kid dress like he wants, eat what he wants, shows him how to scam money off dented Spaghettio’s, and how to get cheap laughs by tripping rollerbladers in Central Park. Along with little Julian’s school teacher, who informs Sonny that little Julian is “the smelly kid”, Layla brings out a deeply, hidden, seriousness in Sonny that turns the tide of his irresponsible lifestyle and handling of little Julian. Sonny now takes a responsible attitude in raising Julian making sure the kid is squeaky clean, doing his homework, dressing well, eating properly, and no longer getting his kicks from watching rollerbladers wipe out. Quite a change indeed. Too bad the state finds out the Sonny is in custody of Julian illegally and snatches little Julian off to an orphanage.

Julian being taken into state custody comes as quite a blow to Sonny and this situation straightens him out even more so he decides to fight for the right to raise Julian by going to court. Now if you had a hard time buying any part of this movie up until now, you’re not gonna believe any of the court BS. But hey!!! It’s a movie… A comedy… With Adam Sandler… You just have to suspend reality and enjoy the laughs as they come. Hmm… “suspend reality and enjoy the laughs as they come.” I like that and that really is the best way to prepare yourself for this or any other Adam Sandler movie. So anyway, in the end, Adam doesn’t but does get Julian back. “Does but doesn’t” you ask? Hey, that’s all I’m gonna say. I’m not gonna spoil the whole movie for you.

What Did I Think?
You’ve got to love a movie that prominently mentions or features Hooter’s throughout. But seriously, I expect that this will be another hit for Adam. It doesn’t match up to “The Wedding Singer” as far as romance goes and isn’t as far-out and zany as “The Waterboy” was, but, what it is, is a good blend of slapstick with shtick. What does that mean? It goes for cheap, but still good, laughs and funny, real-life situations magnified as Sandler can do. The movie didn’t take itself too seriously, never bored me, didn’t over do the whole love plot thing, made me laugh so hard I almost choked on my popcorn, didn’t make me feel cheated out of 8 bucks, so I give it 4 of 5 stars. Plus, it had Hooters’ Girls!!!

It’s a great film, and I’m Stu Gotz! ’nuff said.

Oh, wait, I do have one more thing to say… Piss on all you critics that slammed this movie. Not all films are meant to be art. Some are just intended to be mindless and entertaining. “Big Daddy” wasn’t totally mindless, but sure was entertaining!