Tag: movie reviews

Coyote Ugly

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:41 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Coyote Ugly
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Piper Perabo, Adam Garcia, Maria Bello, Melanie Lynskey, Izabella Miko, Bridget Moynahan
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Touchstone Pictures
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: It’s really a chick flick disguised as a dude flick.
Date Movie: Not too young – they won’t get it.
Gratuitous Sex: No.
Gratuitous Violence: Some bar fighting.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: A line here and there.
Memorable Scene: Anytime the girls are dancing on the bar.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: David McNally

I was hoodwinked. I was tricked. I was boondoggled. I went to see “Coyote Ugly.” Much like probably most every other guy who saw the trailer for “Coyote Ugly,” seeing hot babes dancing on a bar, spraying water, dressed pretty skimpily, well, my first reaction in seeing this was “I have got to see this movie.” It didn’t really matter what the plot was, it didn’t really matter about character development, it didn’t really matter about anything – I just wanted to see hot babes dancing on a bar, hopefully getting their t-shirts wet, and maybe even getting naked. Then I saw the rating – PG-13, and I got a little worried. But that didn’t stop me from eagerly wanting to see the movie – visions of babes on a bar still danced in my head. Then I saw the movie and felt betrayed, suckered, and hoodwinked – “Coyote Ugly” is a chick flick with hot babes dancing on a bar for good measure.

Hot babes aside, the story kinda goes like this: Violet (Piper Perabo) moves from her small New Jersey town to New York City searching for her dream as a songwriter. Her dreams get squashed when she finds out the meaning of “Unsolicited Material,” namely, you can’t send music to a record company without their asking. Her dreams shattered, her apartment vandalized, Violet is almost ready to give up except she has found a dude-friend, Kevin (Adam Garcia), who gives her a little bit of hope, and she overhears these hot babes in a diner talking about how much money they made and how one of them was leaving work at the bar. With opportunity knocking, Violet heads to Coyote Ugly – the bar, and looks for a job. Yes, she gets hired, yes, she has no idea what she is getting into, and yes, the love story develops. It’s also from her working at the bar that she begins to get over her stage fright, and just when her luck gets more crappy because she gets fired because of her idiot boyfriend, you can’t expect this movie to end this way and know that in the end she’ll get the dude and get to sing her song.

Yes, the story wrap-up was kind of quick, but it’s your basic girl-with-a-dream and a love story mixed in – hence, chick flick. Did the trailer say that? You know what, maybe it did – all I still remember from the trailer was hot babes dancing on a bar. The movie had that, too, but really it’s not a movie about hot babes, just one hot babe and her dream.

Is the movie bad – no, not really. Is the movie calculated – yea, you pretty much could figure out everything that was going to happen. Should you see it – well, it’s geared more for the upper-teen audience, so if your girlfriend wants to see a movie, suggest this one. She might squawk, saying all you want to see are hot babes dancing on a bar, and well, this will be true. But she’ll probably get a feel good movie and get past the scenes that tricked this dude into expecting more (or maybe less if you’re talking about clothing).

All in all I’m giving “Coyote Ugly” 3 stars out of 5. It holds its own as a story, John Goodman as Violet’s dad is pretty funny, especially when he finds out where she works, and even though not the movie I expected (I expected a story revolving around the 5 bartenders, their individual lives outside the bar, intertwined with their working in the bar) it wasn’t that bad.

That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Couples Retreat

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Couples Retreat
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Jon Favreau, Faizon Love, Kristen Davis, Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell, Jean Reno, Jim McMahon
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2009
Kiddie Movie: It’s mostly adult conversation. Get a sitter.
Date Movie: It’s got hot hunks for her and bikini clad women for you. It’s couples night!
Gratuitous Sex: A lot of suggested and talk, but still keeping it PG-13.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots from start to finish.
Memorable Scene: I keep coming back to “Dave’s” son in the home improvement store.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stands out.
Directed By: Peter Billingsley

Maybe I’m a stupid critic, but sometimes I think movies are made with the sole intention of bringing at least a little bit of a smile to the person who forks over their hard-earned money, and somehow I can enjoy those movies for exactly what they are. They aren’t made for “artistic” reasons, they aren’t supposed to spotlight the acting talents of the cast, and they aren’t supposed to invoke deep thoughts of the meaning of life or break new ground, and I believe “Couples Retreat” is one of those movies, with cheesiness, a slight cringe factor, a peeing child, and enough eye candy for both the dudes and dudette. So, critics be damned, I enjoyed the movie for what I wanted – a nice trip to the theater with my BFF where we could hold hands, laugh a little, and come out of the theater both going “That was kind of funny.”

Here’s the story…

Four couples are having four different “couple” issues. You’ve got Couple Number A: Dave (Vince Vaughn) and Ronnie (Malin Akerman) who have a couple of kids, Ronnie wants to do some home remodeling, and Dave gets to play a lot of Guitar Hero, or Rock Band (I always get them confused) because he is a sales rep. Then there is Couple Number B: Jason (Jason Bateman) and Cynthia (Kristen Bell), who are having relationship issues thanks to an inability to make a baby. Joey (Jon Favreau) and Lucy (Kristin Davis) were married right out of high school, have a teenage daughter who wears too little clothes, and are just waiting for their daughter to move out of the house so they can get divorced as Couple Number C. And finally you get newly divorced Shane (Faizon Love) hooking up with the youngster, Trudy (Kali Hawk), and Shane just can’t keep up, in the Couple Number D category.

Well, Jason and Cynthia decide that they want to make their marriage work and what better way to do it than by taking a trip to Bora Bora with their friends so that the two of them can work on their marriage while the others just have good time. The surprise comes when the resort people tell everyone that if they don’t all partake in the “couple’s therapy” session that they will just be sent home.

So our couples suck it up and all of them begin to realize their relationships have issues, even if they weren’t out in the open before, and wouldn’t you know it, thanks to some bonding, they all realize how they should work things out.

Look, like I wrote in that opening paragraph, “Couples Retreat” isn’t a cinematic masterpiece, and hell, even though it was filmed in Bora Bora, I think that was for the filmmakers to be able to write-off a trip to Bora Bora because the movie could have been filmed at any “tropical” local for the same scenery, but what “Couples Retreat” is is a funny look at married friends, and sure, some of the “situations” are over-the-top and dorky, but really, what are you expecting from a trailer that shows a yoga instructor pretty much having “over-the-clothes” sex with the women?

I like Vince Vaughn, and in his “every man” shlubness we tend to like he is just as good in his role as Dave. Somehow I totally bought the fact that Jason and Cynthia would put together a PowerPoint sales presentation to convince their friends to come to Eden with them, and, well, I pretty much liked everyone in their roles. The jokes were simple, the movie didn’t get too preachy on “how” to have a good marriage, and you’ve got to love little kids. It’s 3 ½ stars out of 5 for “Couples Retreat.” It’s nothing groundbreaking – just a fun time for both of you at the movie, or at least to snuggle on your couch when it makes it to DVD.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Cop Land

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Cop Land
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Harvey Keitel, Ray Liotta, Robert De Niro
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Miramax
Release Date: 1997
Kiddie Movie: Lots of use of the “F” word, and a nudie bar scene so I’d say probably not.
Date Movie: It’s a good drama, bring them along.
Gratuitous Sex: Some boob shots in the nudie bar.
Gratuitous Violence: Some quality kills, blood, and a gory burn victim.
Action: No real high speed car chases in this one, but some pretty good suspense type scenes.
Laughs: Not really.
Memorable Scene: None stand out, just the whole movie is good.
Memorable Quote: Again, none stand out.
Directed By: James Mangold

I’ll be honest with you, when I first heard about “Cop Land” all I knew was that Sylvester Stallone was to star in the movie. Knowing this I honestly thought the movie was doomed to be cheesy. Let’s face it folks, Stallone has a knack, or maybe a curse, that in any movie he has top billing, although often action packed and entertaining, it tends to be over-acted and unbelievable. I call it the “Stallone Factor.” With that I wrote the movie off. But then I heard that Di Niro, Liotta, and Harvey “The Bad Lieutenant” Keitel were also in the movie. Hmm… maybe this movie would be good after all. You know what? It wasn’t good… It was GREAT! Best cop/mob drama I’ve seen in a long time, and maybe that Stallone curse is lifted!

Unlike other cop and mob movies, “Cop Land” doesn’t overdue stereotypes and avoids all those cliché high speed chase scenes that end up in monumental explosions. Instead, we are given an overweight, droopy Sheriff Freddy Heflin (Stallone) who desperately wants to be an NYPD Cop. Problem is he’s partially deaf, and therefore winds up being the patsy Sheriff of a podunk New Jersey town. This really doesn’t sit all that well with him, but what else is he to do? Harvey Keitel plays Ray Donlan – You can think of him as the “Godfather” of bad cops, and it’s a role he plays well. All of the bad cops in New York’s 34th precinct report to him, and he keeps the heat off them courtesy of mob money.

Now, in order to keep better tabs on his men and get some pretty safe housing at cheap interest rates, Ray and the mob boys have worked it out over the years so that the players in this cop game get the low interest loans, usually in exchange for bending the law and always keeping their mouths shut. Basically the cops of the 34th own Garrison, New Jersey (didn’t Pullman try something similar in Chicago?), and this land has its own rules, which Sheriff Freddy really has no control over. Anyway, “Cop Land” also has the likes of Gary “Figs” Figgis, played by Ray Liotta, as a coked out (and I’m not talkin’ soda) cop who wants out of it all. This doesn’t sit too well with Ray. And lastly, we have the smooth, NYPD Internal Affairs Investigator, Moe Tilden (Robert Di Niro), who knows what’s going on and desperately wants to expose it all, but he doesn’t have that one piece of evidence to put the case together. So, how does it all play out? Well… I don’t want to spoil it for. Just know this – Ray is one heartless mother-fucker, Sheriff Freddy gets a spine, and a lot of bad cops wind up dead.

For me the best way to describe “Cop Land” is “believable.” Sitting there in the theater I really felt sorry for poor, dim-witted Sheriff Freddy, I felt rage when I thought about what a ruthless bastard Ray was, and I just loved Di Niro’ s portrayal of a sneaky and cynical IA officer. With that being said I give “Cop Land” 4 of 5 stars. A great movie – ’nuff said, and I’m Stu Gotz.

The Cooler

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:41 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Cooler
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: William H. Macy, Maria Bello, Alec Baldwin, Shawn Hatosy, Ron Livingston
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Lions Gate Films
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: Definitely not.
Date Movie: It’s good for the both of you.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of it. Yea! But a little too real. Boo! Personally, I didn’t need to see William H. Macy’s butt, but hey, like I said, it was too real.
Gratuitous Violence: There are some quality beatings.
Action: No real chase scenes.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: I would have to say the Shelly/Mikey sit down in the back room. Especially when Shelly punches Mikey’s girlfriend in the pregnant belly.
Memorable Quote: Lots of them, but Shelly questioning Bernie, as they looked at a hooker walking away, asking “I’d bet you’d like to birdie that hole?” gives you a good sense of the film.
Directed By: Wayne Kramer

Now I know why I always lose money in Vegas. I think all of my friends are coolers. Yea, that’s got to be it, because when I’m gambling by myself it always seems I’m ahead, but if one of them is around, or comes by me to say “Hi”, my luck changes in an instant. Yea, that’s got to be the reason. That or the fact that maybe I’m just a cooler. Or maybe it’s just that the house always has the edge. Oh well, in any case there’s a movie out called “The Cooler” and it’s fantastic.

“The Cooler” gives us the story of Bernie Lootz played brilliantly by William H. Macy (and might I make a little aside saying that Macy is one lucky guy – not only is he blessed with being a talented actor, he also gets to feel up Maria Bello in the movie). He is a sad-sack, and also, what is known in the casino world, as a cooler. Pretty much if you are on a hot streak at the casino, if a cooler comes around you, sits next to you for a hand, maybe throws some dice, your luck changes in an instant. You would think that anyone with that talent would be well worth any amount of money to a casino owner, but sadly for Bernie, he is in the debt of owner Shelly (Alec Baldwin) so he’s pretty much working for nothing. It’s his last week working for Shelly, his debt finally paid, and Bernie’s looking to get the hell out of town because rather than be happy with his talent, it drives him crazy, especially because he’s unlucky, too.

Then one day he tries to make waitress Natalie’s (Bello) life a little better, and oddly enough they get together. Bernie’s not that smooth with the ladies, so Natalie helps him along, reassuring him that she’s had worse, and slowly they both fall in love. This is not good for Shelly because a Bernie in love brings lady luck to his side, and suddenly his cooler powers turn to, well, warmer powers, because now everyone starts winning in his presence. This is doubly bad for Shelly because financial backer Nicky (Arthur Nascarella) and his consultant Larry (Ron Livingston) are looking to transform the Shangri-La into a flashy casino for the Vegas strip. Shelly, on the other hand, prefers old-school casinos, where you could break someone’s kneecaps if they try to cheat.

But Bernie’s good fortune takes a bad turn when he runs into his estranged son Mikey (Shawn Hatosy) and his pregnant girlfriend. Bernie gives him some dough to help with the coming grandchild, then finds Mikey in trouble with Shelly. Being the good dad, Bernie agrees to take Mikey’s debt, meaning he’s going to be working for Shelly a while longer. Shelly also takes the lead by subtly suggesting that, for her own sake if you get what I mean, Natalie should get out of Bernie’s life.

Does Bernie end up with Natalie? Can Shelly convince Nicky and Larry to leave the casino alone? Will ‘N Sync ever record another album now that Joey Fatone is becoming a gigantic movie star (he plays a lounge singer in “The Cooler”)? Well, the first two questions are answered, the last, well, only time will tell.

“The Cooler” just has fabulous acting by everyone involved, and couple that with a great dramatic story and you get a fantastic movie. Alec Baldwin played a slimy character in “The Cat in the Hat” and I thought he sucked. In “The Cooler” as Shelly, Alec makes up for that mistake one hundred fold. You loathe him for some of his actions, yet inside the man there is a twisted sense of caring for his friends, namely his dealing with aging crooner, Buddy, played by Paul Sorvino. Macy continues to be one of the most solid actors out there, and Maria Bello is fabulous in her portrayal as Natalie, a giant acting leap from the last movie I saw her in, as Liz, the owner of Coyote Ugly (although I did like her in that movie also, this one really lets her talents shine). This is truly an adult movie, with some sex scenes between Bernie and Natalie that present sex in a real light, and some quality violence that really shows how things probably were in the casino industry. It’s 5 stars out of 5 for “The Cooler.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Constantine

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:01 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Constantine
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: I think it best you leave them at home.
Date Movie: Only if she’s a Keanu fan.
Gratuitous Sex: There should have been nudity had I written the script.
Gratuitous Violence: Yea, pretty much.
Action: There’s some chasing going on.
Laughs: Not really.
Memorable Scene: Hell looked kinda cool.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Francis Lawrence

I am truly and utterly disappointed in Keanu Reeves, or John Constantine (the character he plays), or whoever was responsible for this. Constantine is getting ready to drown Angela (Rachel Weisz) so she can reconnect with her ability to see demons and bad things. Angela takes off her shoes and asks Constantine if she has to take all of her clothes off. He looks at her, pauses for a moment, and then says……… “No.” I don’t care if you’re trying to get back in God’s good graces, if Rachel Weisz is in front of you and she asks you if she needs to take off all of her clothes, there is one, and only one answer, and that answer, even if she doesn’t really need to, is “YES!!!!” She did look fabulous all drenched in water, but enough about my being a prude, let’s get to the movie.

John Constantine is trying to get back on God’s good side. It seems he was blessed, or maybe it was more of a curse, but when he was born he had the ability to see demons who took up residence on the middle plane of life. Not being able to take the visions anymore, he attempted suicide, found himself in hell, got revived, and realized he was doomed to going back to hell upon his death because suicide, well, is a mortal sin. He figures maybe he can get back on the Big Man’s good side if he takes up the cause of exterminating the half-breed demons who are trying to do a little more evil than just hang out here on our life plane. What he doesn’t fully realize yet is there is this maniacal plot by Balthazar (Gavin Rossdale from the band Bush who shows he has some acting chops), Satan’s son who has his own grand plans for life on earth. Enter Angela. It seems her sister committed suicide, which has a Catholic Angela distraught because she knows her sister is now destined for an eternity in hell. She thinks something strange is afoot because even though she was able to eventually block out her ability to see demons and bad things coming, she knows her sister wasn’t able to, and maybe something sinister caused her to jump to her death.

So Angela eventually convinces Constantine to take her into his world (where the bathtub scene that could have been so much more comes in), and suddenly our two heroes find themselves deep in the middle of Balthazar’s plan.

Sadly the movie becomes entirely predictable, we can easily figure out how Constantine can get back on the side of God, and low and behold, well, you figure it out for yourself.

This is a movie that needed too much explaining, and for much of the movie we get just that. This is also a movie that had some potential, but pretty much lost it from the start as it shifted from how Constantine would exorcise demons to Balthazar’s plot. Yes, some of the scenes of hell were fantastic, and Keanu did a great job as the brooding, dying, destined for hell but really, really, really wanting to make it up to God even though the Angel Gabriel (Tilda Swinton) keeps telling him it’s pretty much hopeless, dude that I guess Constantine is supposed to be. Sadly it gets lost in a story that became totally predictable for me.

In the end I’m giving “Constantine” 1 ½ stars out of 5. It could easily have gained a star or two had John given the appropriate answer to Angela before he drowned her, but sadly, the movie is only rated R for violence and demonic images.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Conspiracy Theory

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:15 Long
A Review by:
– Stu Gotz

Conspiracy Theory
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts, Patrick Stewart
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 1997
Kiddie Movie: Not really.
Date Movie: Bring them along!
Gratuitous Sex: Julia keeps her clothes on. Damn.
Gratuitous Violence: Some good killing and torture scenes.
Action: Lots of chases with blacked-out windowed sport utility vehicles and black helicopters.
Laughs: Some subtle spots.
Memorable Scene: Oddly enough, for such a good movie, not really.
Memorable Quote: You have to see the movie to understand it, but Jerry says “Alice – You can fit through there?”
Directed By: Richard Donner

(Editor’s Warning: Do you hate when people give away the ending of a movie, thus spoiling it for you? Well, if so, quit reading, and go see “Conspiracy Theory” based on the fact that Stu would have given it 4.5 stars except he feels the director, producer, or whoever had the final say, ruined the ending. With that, Stu gives it 3.5 out of 5 stars, and if you read the review and get pissed about ruining most of the surprises, don’t say I didn’t warn you! The Dude on the Right)

AAARRRGGG!!! This movie totally pissed me off! All was fine and this movie was well on its way to receiving 4.5 out of 5 stars from me until the last five or so minutes. In those last minutes I suspect Hollywood producer types whored this movie out and thereby lost a complete star from me.

“Conspiracy Theory” started off great, and the whole opening credits thing was done in a cool way too! In it we have Mel Gibson driving a cab through the streets of New York City, spouting off crazy theories about anything to his passengers as the intro credits are reflected off parts of his cab. I thought it was cool. Anyway, Mel plays Jerry Fletcher, a kooky, paranoid NYC cabby that makes “The X-Files” Fox Mulder credible. Well, crazy conspiracies are not the only problem that Jerry has, he thinks that somebody is out to get him. As the movie goes, we find out his his suspicions are not without merit and that, in fact, several unknown government agencies are keeping tabs on Jerry. But, are they really with the government?

Enter Patrick “Jean Luke Picard” Stewart, playing Dr. Jonas. Patrick does a great job of being the bad guy in this movie. Oops… Did I give too much away by telling you that Dr. Jonas was the bad guy? Sorry about that, I guess I probably shouldn’t mention that Jerry dies in the end. Oh shit! There I go again spouting theories! Sorry about that – just deal with it. And if you quit reading now and go see the movie, you’ll at least get one surprise perpetrated by me. Anyhow, Jerry is smitten with Alice Sutton, played by the lovely Julia Roberts, a NYC Justice Department Official and, well, this is getting boring.

OK, Jerry isn’t nuts – he was a brainwashed, highly trained killer, but doesn’t remember it. To ruin more of the movie for you, one of his missions was to kill Alice’s father but couldn’t because he fell in love with Alice the first time he saw her. Well, the bad guys are pissed, especially when Jerry was going to work with Alice’s father to expose them, so they kill the dad anyway, and while dad is dying he asks Jerry to watch out for his daughter. (This really isn’t part of the movie, just Jerry recollecting his memory to Alice). Well, Jerry ends up as a cabby, stalking and protecting Alice, but the bad guys have to find Jerry to see if he told anyone else what they had planned. By a strange twist of fate, Jerry ends up dragging Alice into his whole mess, they get chased, Jerry burns his apartment, they get chased some more, we find that the black helicopters are real, Jerry gets shot, the bad guy (Dr. Jonas) is dead, and as Jerry is helicoptered away we see him getting the electric paddles to try to revive him.

Did I ruin enough of this film yet? No? Well read on as to why I threw away one of the stars. So, as the helicopter is flying through the sky, you’re left wondering if Jerry is dead. Cut to the next scene – Alice is standing at Jerry’s grave where she leaves behind a memento that Jerry had given her. Woo hoo, Jerry’s dead! Now cut to the next scene – Alice is riding a horse, something she hasn’t done since her father’s death, and although we are sad that Jerry died, we are happy that Alice has fought the ghosts that haunted her and is getting on with her life. I loved it. I was set on 4 1/2 stars. I had a tear in my eye but a good feeling in my heart. “Come on, roll the credits and let me go home!” I thought. But the credits didn’t roll. No, instead of the standard rolling list of actors, best boy, grips, music, and the other stuff, a black sport utility type vehicle pulls up, Jerry scopes out Alice, Alice finds the memento she placed on Jerry’s grave pinned by the saddle, Alice smiles, and Jerry rides away in a sing-a-long with his government agents/chauffeurs.

Now I’m pissed. Why did they have to do it? Why couldn’t Jerry be dead? Is it too much to ask Hollywood to make a sad movie? Why must there always be happy endings? Life isn’t always happy so why should our movies be? AAARRRGGG!!!

Like I said, “Conspiracy Theory” was (was being the operative word) a great conspiracy/mystery movie, with a touch of action and just a hint of romance. Mel Gibson was a wonderfully believable, paranoid nut-ball, NYC cabby. I think Mel has always done a great job in his strictly action movies, but has had horrible luck in the romantic comedy department (“Maverick,” “Bird on a Wire”… Need I say more?). Well Mel’s luck has turned in this movie and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that the movie’s producer and director didn’t have an identity crisis on what they wanted this movie to be. They could have ruined this movie with the whole romance thing – an easy thing to do with the gorgeous Julia Roberts and the sexy Mel Gibson (did I just call another man sexy? Yikes!), but they didn’t. They could have ruined this movie by turning it into a totally cheese-ball action spy flick, but they didn’t. They could have ruined this movie with a cheesy, happy ending – that they did. “Conspiracy Theory” followed a simple good guy versus bad guy mystery that worked quite well, and although not of Hitchcock quality, it flowed and had you second guessing a lot of things at times. Had Jerry stayed dead it would have been 4 1/2 stars, but, Jerry lives, and for me that blew a perfectly good movie. That makes it 3 1/2 out of 5 stars. Despite its ending “Conspiracy Theory” is a good movie, ’nuff said, and I’m Stu Gotz.

Confessions of a Shopaholic

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Confessions of a Shopaholic
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Isla Fisher, Krysten Ritter, Joan Cusack, John Goodman, John Lithgow, Kristin Scott Thomas, Fred Armisen, Leslie Bibb, Lynn Redgrave
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Touchstone Home Entertainment
Release Date: 2009
Kiddie Movie: Good for tween girls.
Date Movie: My BFF didn’t care for it that much.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Some cute moments.
Memorable Scene: Nothing stands out.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: PJ Hogan
Cool Things About the Blu-ray: There are some “nothing special” leftovers in the blooper and deleted scene areas. Other than that, the Blu-ray specials mostly are devoted to the fashion stuff with a look at Patricia Field and the green scarf.

I do my best to be objective when watching movies that really aren’t meant for me, so instead of watching “Confessions of a Shopaholic” by myself, I snuggled with my BFF on the couch to get a woman’s opinion while watching the DVD, especially since she likes shopping. I guess to start this review the easiest thing to say is the movie wasn’t really meant for her, either. Let’s get to the story…

Isla Fisher is Becky Bloomwood. She likes to shop. Now I don’t just mean she goes “La, la, la. That looks nice, I think I’ll buy it!”, nope, I’m talking obsessive, must get the best, must get the first, must use up every ounce of credit card I have to the point I can’t pay the bills but still want to shop, shop. Becky, by chance, is also a writer, and she would really like to write for a fashion magazine, but instead she finds herself writing about finance, brought on by her love, and need for possession, of this green scarf.

So now Becky has money troubles because of her addiction to shopping, she is constantly being hounded by a collection dude, she isn’t really writing for the magazine she wants to but loves the attention, and wouldn’t you know it, she also falls in love with her boss at the finance magazine place. Ah, life is so complicated!

Alas, “Confessions of a Shopaholic” is a romantic comedy, so you know what that means? Yup, romance and comedy, only for this movie most of it is on the PG level, hence the PG rating, so really, in my adult realm, I found the movie mostly in the cute category, nothing to write home about, and really nothing to snuggle for with my BFF as we watched it, and we both kind of agreed that this movie is probably better suited for the teen girl crowd, who likes to look at fashion, wishes she could buy it, and would find Hugh Dancy, Becky’s boss, dreamy.

Look, I know I’m not the target audience anyway, but the movie sticks a little too much to the cutesy script, which I guess is okay for the tween girls, but as adorable and as funny as Isla Fisher can be, the movie just fell flat for both me and my BFF most of the time. As such, I can’t give it more than 2 stars out of 5, but for your tween girl who dreams about high fashion, she might find it fun.

As far as the Blu-ray DVD, I wish I could say the extras were another reason to get the Blu-ray, but unless you are a total fashion obsessed person, or what some music videos there isn’t a reason for the Blu-ray other than the picture. I mean, you get a little insight into the fashion sense of Patricia Field, some analysis of the green scarf that plays a big role in the movie, and some music videos, but even the standard DVD extras, the bloopers and deleted scenes, just seem to be thrown in for good measure.

Get it for your teenage daughter who likes fashion and impress on her the fact that yes, you can spend too much money on clothes, otherwise, the movie leaves a lot to be desired.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Comebacks

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:24 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

The Comebacks
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: David Koechner, Carl Weathers, Melora Hardin, Matthew Lawrence, Brooke Nevin
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Fox Atomic
Release Date: 2007
Kiddie Movie: Keep it to the teens and older.
Date Movie: Only if your date thinks the trailer is kind of funny.
Gratuitous Sex: It’s PG-13 so Brooke Nevin doesn’t get naked, but we get lots of adult innuendos, skimpy outfits, and a leg-humping iPod.
Gratuitous Violence: Over-the-top football stuff.
Action: This ain’t no action flick.
Laughs: Quite a few.
Memorable Scene: Randy’s big chance.
Memorable Quote: Coach: “What do we want him to do?”
Team: “Die sad!”
Directed By: Tom Brady

Sometimes I think about trying to join one of the film critic societies, like the Online Film Critics or even the Chicago Film Critics Association, and then I come out of a movie like “The Comebacks” and realize that if they investigated me, read my review of this movie, and realized I gave it the same rating as “Michael Clayton,” well, my credibility might be shot because I’m going to guess that when the reviews come out, well, I don’t see “The Comebacks” getting a lot of praise. So maybe I should start my own society, and since I’ve already proclaimed myself King of “The Land of the Easily Amused,” maybe “The Film Society of the Easily Amused” might not be such a stretch. If you can’t guess from this opening paragraph so far, well, I liked “The Comebacks.”

Coach Lambeau Fields (I suppose we can assume his parents were Green Bay Packer fans) pretty much sucks as a coach, leaving mishaps in his wake of what should be historic sports moments. For example, Coach Fields gets the blame for causing Bill Buckner’s error during the 1986 World Series. Kind of in retirement, his fellow coach, Freddie (Carl Weathers), lets Lambeau know about an opening at Heartland State University in Texas for a head football coach. He takes the position after promising his wife, Barb (Melora Hardin), that he wouldn’t let coaching get in the way of paying attention to the family, and of course, he forgets about his family.

So the good coach is at Heartland State, has a rag-tag group of football players to meld, and no, this is not your serious, sports, “based on a true story” kind of movie; Nope, this film works to spoof tons of inspirational sports movies, like “Field of Dreams,” “Stick It,” “Bend It Like Beckham,” “Radio,” and “Rudy,” but unlike say a “Scary Movie” type of film, that really builds on parodies of horror films, “The Comebacks” mostly just uses the sports film as a quick joke and then gets back to the story at hand – Coach Fields trying to once and for all not be such a loser.

In the mix you get Lance (Matthew Lawrence) as the quarterback who has a knack for fumbling a lot, Michelle (Brooke Nevin) as the rebellious daughter of Coach Fields who helps Lance get over his fumbling in a very creative way, Trotter (Jackie Long) as the over-the-top, bling-wearing receiver who has spreewells on his Segway yet a soft spot for “My Little Pony” collectibles, rather than “Radio” we get iPod (Jermaine Williams), and not to be left out is the little runt of the team, Randy (Martin Spanjers), who has one of the funniest moments in the movie, especially since his name is very similar to one Rudy Ruettiger.

The thing I found a little odd about “The Comebacks” is that it probably could have been left on its own as a comedy without having to keep trying to make fun of other sports movies, not that it wasn’t funny seeing Rocky Balboa disintegrate into a puff of dust, but it wasn’t necessary because the core story of the film was funny enough.

My easiest recommendation is for you to watch the trailer for the film; it pretty much lets you know the jokes you will get. I can probably guess that if you are an adult still living in “The Land of the Easily Amused,” you will probably enjoy “The Comebacks” and as an adult may I recommend you watch out for a few things: The school logo for Heartland State (I almost wish I could buy one of their t-shirts); The nickname for the gymnastics team spelled out on their shirts; And pay close attention to the filmstrip from the photo booth that Lambeau is holding in a moment of sadness (I started laughing, the older couple behind me finally saw what I saw, but the young teens who I think snuck out of school to see the film didn’t seem to get it, thankfully).

The movie gave me exactly what I expected, and then a little more, and as much as Ali Larter made the whipped-cream bikini famous in “Varsity Blues,” Brooke Nevin’s (as Michelle) method for helping a football player get over the dropsies might become famous, but sadly won’t be able to be used by any coaching staff. So, yea, I’m going to give “The Comebacks” the same rating I gave “Michael Clayton,” 4 stars out of 5. You might only give it 1, but then you probably aren’t an adult living in my kingdom, nor a 13 year old male.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Collateral

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:00 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Collateral
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Tom Cruise, Jada Pinkett Smith
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: DreamWorks / Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: Please leave them at home, unlike the one dad in the theater who had a balling 8 year old on his hands as he was leaving in the middle of the movie.
Date Movie: Bring her along, she might find Tom Cruise not so dreamy this time.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of people get killed.
Action: There’s some running and chasing going on.
Laughs: There’s quite a few good lines.
Memorable Scene: When real estate deal #1 falls on the cab and when Vincent pretends he is a government dude over the taxi CB.
Memorable Quote: Max, to real estate deal #1 on the roof of his cab: “My man, you alright?”
Directed By: Michael Mann

Tom Cruise as the bad guy. There’s a tricky option because women probably won’t want to go and see Tom Cruise being the bad guy, let alone with grey hair, and dudes won’t want to go because, well, it’s Tom Cruise. Dudes and Dudettes, don’t go see this movie because of Tom Cruise, even though he does a great job as the bad guy, go and see this movie because this is the movie that takes Jamie Foxx to that next level on the acting scale.

Tom Cruise is Vincent. He gets hired to kill people. Jamie Foxx is Max. He drives a cab. For his first fare we are introduced to Annie (Jada Pinkett Smith), and we find that true, Max is a cabbie, but yes, he has his sights set on his own limo company, and seems to have a good plan. He’s also a good talker and listener and even gets Annie’s number. Then we meet Vincent, Max’s second fare. Here we find that Max is great at knowing exactly how long it will take to get somewhere. Vincent is impressed with this feat, as well as the cleanliness of Max’s cab, and we also find that Vincent has five places to go, for real estate deals he tells Max, and Max agrees to six or seven hundred dollars to drive Vincent around for the night (technically a no-no in the cabbie world, I finally realize what the “Not For Hire” means on a cab). Luckily for Max, Vincent’s first deal falls out of the window and onto Max’s cab, probably the only reason Max makes it out alive. If you don’t understand this, as you’re watching the movie, listen for the part where one detective brings up another murder case involving a cabbie who goes on a murder rampage and then kills himself. This was probably Max’s initial fate, but with a dead guy on a cab, it’s now time to improvise.

Now it’s a long night in Los Angeles, as Max now knows the fate of each of Vincent’s “real estate deals,” and he’s in a pickle of being murdered, or letting people who are probably bad in their own right, get murdered. In the meantime, we get fantastic conversation between Max and Vincent, especially as the truth of Max’s limo dreams come to light in a fantastic visit to Vincent’s mother. Trust me, this will all make sense as the movie plays out.

Everyone is praising Michael Mann for the great cinematic look of Los Angeles at night, and I do agree, except for one thing. My plea for directors and cinematographers: GET RID OF THE DAMN STEADICAM SHOTS! I understand that as a cab is driving along it hits bumps and bounces around. If I’m in a cab, that’s fine, I can deal with it, but in a movie theater it just makes me nauseous because my seat’s not moving. The same thing when running after people – please bring back the camera on the railroad track thing. Alright, enough of my cinematographic critiquing.

“Collateral” is a great psychological thriller, and Cruise does a great job as the bad guy, in a way because he is sort of likeable. But the key in this movie is Foxx. His portrayal of Max is fantastic. With him driving Annie around, we know he is hitting on her, but his stories to her play off like reality. We see the shear terror when he finds out what he is in for, and his confusion in trying to figure out how to get out of this mess without any innocent people getting killed. Nothing against Tom Cruise in his role, but I think a lot of other actors could have pulled off being Vincent. For me this one is about Jamie Foxx (who also stars as Ray Charles in the upcoming movie “Ray,” which already has Oscar buzz around it).

Sure, this movie gets overblown at times, namely at the nightclub scene and the subway chase, and sure, it’s pretty easy to see the ending of the film, but if you’ve see enough movies, endings usually aren’t a surprise. This, however, is a movie full of tension, with a lot of great lines, and fabulous performances by Cruise, Foxx, and the jazz club owner, Daniel (Barry Shabaka Henley). Hell, even Jada Pinkett Smith was great as the unsure of herself prosecutor.

After leaving “Collateral” I couldn’t help but remember a scene in “Fight Club,” well, kinda remember. There’s a scene where Tyler puts a gun to a guys head, asks him what his dream in life was, asks him why he wasn’t pursuing his dream, then took his driver’s license saying he would be back later and he better be following that dream or he will kill him. He explains that as afraid that man was with a gun to his head, he will wake up the next day on a track to fulfill his dreams. In a weird way, Vincent does the same for Max, as he angrily questions “What the fuck are you still driving a cab?” At that point Vincent and Max’s lives change, and it would have never happened had the first “real estate” deal not landed on Max’s cab.

A great film, but get rid of the jittery scenes. Don’t be afraid about Tom Cruise, he has shown he can tackle any role while you still site there going “Hey, that’s Tom Cruise.” This movie becomes a little bit more, thanks to Mr. Foxx. It’s 4 ½ stars out of 5. Bring the date for the evening show, buy the popcorn and soda-pop, and sit back.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Club Dread

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:43 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Club Dread
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, Erik Stolhanske, Brittany Daniel, Bill Paxton, Jordan Ladd
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Fox Searchlight
Release Date: 2004
Kiddie Movie: Only if you want them exposed to nudity, drugs, murder, and a bad comedy.
Date Movie: See “Kiddie Movie.”
Gratuitous Sex: Thankfully yes!
Gratuitous Violence: But it doesn’t look real.
Action: People get chased.
Laughs: Some, but not nearly as much as there could have been.
Memorable Scene: The nudity.
Memorable Quote: Coconut Pete: “That son of a, son of a bitch.”
Directed By: Jay Chandrasekhar

“Super Troopers” is one of those movies that when I come across it while scrolling through the cable channels, well, I usually end up staying for a spell. I enjoyed it and because of that I was looking forward to “Club Dread,” the latest installment from the Broken Lizard crew. Sadly, “Club Dread” didn’t fare as well for me in the comedy book.

In “Club Dread” we get the Broken Lizard folks, along with the likes of Bill Paxton (playing Coconut Pete), Jordan Ladd (Penolope), and Brittany Daniel (Jenny). Coconut Pete is running Pleasure Island, a getaway for those looking to drink a lot, do some drugs, and get laid, and for most of the guests, they’re getting their money’s worth. For the staff, however, things aren’t going too smoothly as they start to die, one by one. Who’s doing the killing, who can they trust, who will get laid, and can they stop the killer? Well, all of those questions get answered, but sadly not in a funny way.

Both The Dude on the Left and I agreed that the movie had a lot of potential. It had the poking fun at horror movie thing going (but nowhere near on the comedic level of “Scary Movie”), it had a good plot of making fun of Jimmy Buffett, it had a live version of Pac-Man, and it had some quality nudity, but they just couldn’t seem to put all of these things together. Oddly enough the storyline that really didn’t work for me was the poking fun at horror movie thing because I’m thinking it could have been a better movie focusing on the goofiness of Coconut Pete and his music, and just having wacky goings on at the club, maybe poking fun in a “Survivor” meets “Temptation Island”, on an island where you can drink a lot, do some drugs, and get laid.

This is definitely a wait for cable kind of movie, and even then, only in small doses. It has its moments, like when one of the guests asks Pete to play “Margaritaville” and Pete insists back that she wants to here “Pina Coladaburg” (get it?), and the live version of Pac-Man was pretty funny even without the gutting of the Pear. You do get some quality nudity but sadly that wasn’t enough to carry this movie.

In the end I’m giving “Club Dread” 1 star out of 5. It really had a lot of potential, but lost it somewhere trying to make too many jokes and trying to do what the “Scream” franchise already did.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!