I Am Thor


Rated: Unrated | Running Time: 84 Minutes
From: Dark Sky Films
On Digital Download, Blu-ray, and DVD January 19, 2016

Who knew having a smaller wiener than your co-worker might be a blessing in disguise? For Jon Mikl Thor, nature’s short givings put him in a position to follow his dream. And follow his dream he has.

You see, early in the documentary “I Am Thor” we learn that Jon lost his job as a naked waiter because his wiener wasn’t long enough. He was doing well as a naked waiter, or so it seemed, but then the new guy came, longer schlong and all, and suddenly Jon was back to his quest of music domination, a quest that never left the man who would be Thor.

Continue reading I Am Thor

Maybe I’m Finally Old

Do you sign up for every, new, social media platform?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

I signed up for peach.cool last night. I’m told it’s the latest thing, like Facebook was the latest thing, like Twitter, like Snapchat, like Vine, like MySpace (Do the kids even know what MySpace is, or Prodigy, or AOL?), and because I want to be hip I had to be a part of it. Yup, you can find me with my username, @aplabis, which is also where you can find me on Twitter. You can also find me on MySpace at, hmm, what was I on MySpace? Oh, yea, The Dude on the Right. But don’t look for me on Snapchat, you’re better off looking for my mom-in-law, GrandmaEleanor, she’s a hoot.

Anywho, I signed up for Peach, made a quick post, found a cute GIF of puppies, and posted my weather, but as I write this I still have no friends. I could probably have friends, most likely searching for people I follow on Twitter by using their Twitter handle, or using some phone number search thing they have on Peach, but then I’m just now following the same people on Peach that I now follow on Twitter, which are also some of the same people I have as friends on Facebook, and a few of the people I know who use SnapChat.

Continue reading Maybe I’m Finally Old

Beware of Old People Who Can’t Hear

It started with a simple comment about underwear. My dad-in-law was over, along with my mom-in-law, for Christmas Eve dinner. The evening was filled with light conversation and a wonderful meal filled with Osso Buco, rissoto, and wine. With dinner over and us now gathered in the living room, he excused himself to the bathroom. It was upon his return and his simple questioning about “armor underwear” that I realized we are now in for a world of change where we can no longer talk about old people behind their backs, or in front of them, or when they go to the bathroom.

And it’s all Steve Jobs’ fault.

Some short backstory.

Continue reading Beware of Old People Who Can’t Hear

A Star Wars Quest

Would you spend a day in a theater for a movie marathon?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

I was fairly content in my lack of planning to see the new “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” but then came the Facebook taunts. Thank God, as I wrote on my Facebook post, for “Best. Wife. Ever.”

Like many a Star Wars fan, as the publicity machine began, every new trailer brought the hope of the return of the franchise to the greatness it once was, the “Please don’t give away too much of the story” moments, and built the excitement in me to see the movie. Pre-sales for tickets were announced, but I was too big and slow, like the dinosaurs, in getting initial tickets for the Thursday night screenings, let alone the opening weekend. A little bummed I figured I would see it eventually, and then some jealousy would hit me when my nephew mentioned he was going to the Star Wars marathon.

Continue reading A Star Wars Quest

The Wreath Bow Conundrum

Where Should the Bow Go on a Wreath?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

With Christmas season upon us, the decorations sprouting on houses that will annoy one and all when they aren’t taken down in a timely manner, and shopping in full force, there is one question that will be the toughest to answer, and that question is not what you should get your loved one so they won’t be disappointed, again, this year with your “thoughtful” gift that you picked up on Christmas Eve? No, the question will simply be, as you go to hang your Christmas wreath, should the bow go on the top or the bottom?

Continue reading The Wreath Bow Conundrum

How Much Does This Cost? I Must Be At Macy’s.

As the cold of winter was beginning to approach my wife decided to analyze my long-sleeved shirts, and it was decided that I need some replacements. I will say that one of the things I dread is shopping for clothes, mostly because I don’t really know what goes with what, although I did learn a trick from my Aunt and that was simply to look at the mannequins.  Why? The stores aren’t going to dress them to look like crap, so if you pick out some clothes similar to the mannequins you will usually do fine.

As it turned out my wife and I found ourselves at Macy’s, you know, the store that has the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and much like most trips to Macy’s I found myself consistently just wondering how much something was going to cost. If part of their marketing is to confuse the customer what the final price of a purchase will be, I believe they are the winner, hands down.

Continue reading How Much Does This Cost? I Must Be At Macy’s.

Brownie Farts Equal Awesome

Are your farts usually smelly?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Only I could somehow tie together a visit by the spirit of my Mom with farts that smell like brownies. It’s what I do, and here’s how I do it.

It was an evening like any other evening in our house. Milo was protecting us by barking at any little stirring outside, while my wife and I were preparing for a fun-filled evening on the couch. Suddenly the smell of brownies filled the air near our living room, drifted around the kitchen, down the hall, and I even smelled them a bit in my office. It seemed weird because we weren’t making brownies, we didn’t have any brownies, and the closest thing we had to the wonderful chocolatey goodness was this stuff called brownie brittle in the pantry. The problem? When my wife opened the pantry door there was no smell of brownies in the pantry.

Bummer, I was hoping for a surprise of homemade brownies.

Continue reading Brownie Farts Equal Awesome

Just Buy Wrinkle-Free Clothes

Do you know how to iron your clothes?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

I can’t believe I screwed this up.

After seven years of having the love of my life offer to iron my clothing, and my letting her, on a recent morning, on the oddness of my having to wear a suit, and with said suit a dress shirt, I started one of our morning conversations with “I think I’m going to…” She knew I had a meeting, she knew I needed a dress shirt, she cut me off and said, “Iron your shirt?” “The shirt’s fine,” I said, “and besides, I’ll be wearing a suit coat over it.” She insisted on inspecting my shirt, she decided it needed to be ironed (I still insist it was fine), and she ever so calmly nudged me to give ironing a try.

And here’s where I screwed up.

Continue reading Just Buy Wrinkle-Free Clothes

The Challenge of the Dust Collector

I suppose I got it from my father. I’m not talking about my wonderful good looks, nor my nose, but my love of knick-knacks. You know knick-knacks? If you type “knick-knack” into Google you get: “a small worthless object, especially a household ornament,” with wonderful synonyms like: “trinket, novelty, gewgaw, bibelot, ornament, trifle, bauble, gimcrack, curio, tchotchke, memento, souvenir, kickshaw.” My wife simply calls them dust collectors, so I guess, I’m a dust collector, although looking at the synonyms I’m thinking of shifting to calling them bibelot if only because then it sounds fancy.

Continue reading The Challenge of the Dust Collector

A New Watch Every Few Years?

Are You Considering Buying the Apple Watch?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

It’s almost here. It’s almost time. The world, and our lives, is about to change. Why? Because the Apple Watch is almost on sale. Fine, there hasn’t been an official launch date, there is finally an official Apple “Special Event” titled “Spring Forward” that will most likely showcase the watch, and other than some articles about possible pricing, some sightings of it out in the wild, and the general rumors that seem to come around any Apple release, we still don’t know anything official about it except, that, in the world of watches, unlike the watch that you might receive as a graduation gift, an anniversary gift, a birthday, you know, the watch you will cherish for the rest of your life, the Apple Watch will actually have a shelf life. Watches in the past were mechanical, or even if digital maybe you would just need to change a battery, and there are people who still have a wind-up watch handed down for generations. The Apple Watch, on the other hand, is technology, and like all technology has a shelf life.

Continue reading A New Watch Every Few Years?