MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:08 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Ben Affleck, Matt Damon, Linda Fiorentino, Salma Hayek, Jason Mewes, Kevin Smith, Chris Rock
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Columbia/Tristar Home Video
Release Date: 1999
Kiddie Movie: Nope, lots of swearing.
Date Movie: She might find it funny or maybe just find it disturbing.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: They don’t show it, but it’s hinted at.
Action: Not really.
Laughs: Lots.
Memorable Scene: Rufus falling out of the sky and Silent Bob’s facial expressions.
Memorable Quote: Two quotes by Jay: “Snootch to the motherfuckin’ nootch!” & “Beautiful, naked, big-tittied women just don’t fall out of the sky you know.”
Directed By: Kevin Smith

I don’t know why but “Dogma” is quickly becoming one of my favorite videos to watch or movies to watch for on cable. Maybe it’s the way they question religious beliefs, maybe it’s the subtle jokes, or maybe it’s because they bust on the platypus. In any case, as long as you can keep an open mind about religion, well, “Dogma” might just be a movie for you.

Opening with a disclaimer that the movie is fictitious and should be taken as a comedy, Silent Bob (Kevin Smith) and Jay (Jason Mewes), joined by the 13th apostle, Rufus (Chris Rock) help Bethany (Linda Fiorentino) make her way to New Jersey to stop two banished angels, Loki and Bartleby (Matt Damen and Ben Affleck) from entering a church and negating all of existence. How can entering a church end existence? Well, it seems the Pope has decreed, in conjunction with the New Jersey church’s anniversary, that all who pass through the church doors get their sins forgiven. Loki and Bartleby, who have been banished by God from Heaven for eternity, could find their way back into heaven if they walk through the church doors. This would make God fallible and thus end existence as we know it. Alright, my explanation isn’t the greatest, but Bartleby does a better job explaining it to Loki, and they begin their journey to the Garden State.

So it’s a race against time to stop Bartleby and Loki, and Bethany and her entourage aren’t without their difficulties getting to Jersey. There’s a run-in with a shit demon, Jay constantly trying to get in Bethany’s pants, Bethany questioning why she is chosen to stop the angels, and Azrael and his goons trying to stop Bethany because he wants existence to end.

Like I said before, “Dogma” is at its best on many levels, from Loki’s conversation with a nun resulting in her wondering what she is doing with her life, to the Rufus’ dilemma of not being in the bible because, well, he is a black man, to Alanis Morrissette playing God, and portraying God as kinda, well, a ditz. This movie isn’t to be taken seriously, but it may make you wonder if Mary did have sex with Joseph after Jesus was born because, as Rufus explains, “Do you really think he would have stayed married to her for all those years if he wasn’t getting laid?”

I didn’t see “Dogma” in the theater so I can’t say which place might be a better venue to see it, but it is nice to be able to pause and rewind to go back and catch a joke or two you might have missed in the theater. That and the fact that the DVD subtitles helped me figure out one of my favorite lines, only because it still doesn’t make sense to me, “Snootch to the motherfuckin’ nootch!” I give Dogma 4½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Down to Earth

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:27 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Down to Earth
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Chris Rock, Regina King
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 2001
Kiddie Movie: Not too young.
Date Movie: Nah.
Gratuitous Sex: Some talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Not really on screen.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Only when the old white dude is on the screen.
Memorable Scene: When the old, white dude is on screen.
Memorable Quote: Chris Rock’s jokes.
Directed By: Chris and Paul Weitz

You know what disappointed me the most about “Down To Earth?” Of course you don’t, but I’m gonna tell you. It is simply that the movie had so much potential and didn’t use any of it.

The story is one that has been done before, your classic “dude’s soul has been taken before its time so he comes back to earth in another dude’s body.” It’s just that I think it was done wrong.

This time we get Lance (Chris Rock). He’s a struggling comic whose only goal is to get one of the last amateur slots at The Apollo before it closes. Then he gets whacked by a truck, only it isn’t his time. In heaven the error is discovered and Lance is given the option to go back to Earth in another man’s body. What body does he chose? Well, that of an older white dude, Mr. Wellington, only so that he can get closer to the girl of his dreams. Mr. Wellington is basically a rich, pompous asshole, so his co-workers and staff are a little perplexed by the change that has come over him, but they don’t really care too much as long as they are still getting a piece of his money pie. The premise sounds funny – a dude from the hood in the body of an older white dude making the older white dude act like a dude from the hood. The only problem is that for most of the movie we see Chris Rock on the screen instead of the old white dude that the characters see, and that just isn’t funny. Why do I say this isn’t funny? Because, well, most of the only scenes people laughed at were when they showed the old dude acting like Lance.

Some people will say the premise of the older white dude hitting on the younger black dudette is stupid; some people will say Chris needs to go back to doing stand-up; but I say the only problem with “Down To Earth” was that they needed to have an older white dude playing the black dude in a white dude’s body. We needed to see more of the older white dude and less of Chris Rock.

I like Chris Rock, think he is hilarious, and the writing for “Down To Earth” could have been funny, but this wasn’t the movie for Chris Rock to be the leading man. Had the story been the other way around, say an older white dude being put into the body of a young black man, making Chris Rock’s role playing himself but possessed by an older white dude, well, that would have been the leading role for him in a role-reversal film. I want to give “Down To Earth” a better rating, but sadly it’s only 1 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Doctor Dolittle

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:25 Long
A Review by:
Stu Gotz

Doctor Dolittle
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Ossie Davis, Oliver Platt, Kristen Wilson, and animal voices by Norm MacDonald, Albert Brooks, Ellen DeGeneres, Chris Rock, and more.
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 1998
Kiddie Movie: Too much bathroom humor for the really little one’s.
Date Movie: I took one.
Gratuitous Sex: No. But a lot of jokes around the topic.
Gratuitous Violence: No.
Action: No.
Laughs: I thought so.
Memorable Scene: Norm MacDonald as a dog loosing a thermometer up his butt.
Memorable Quote: Anything that Chris Rock said while playing the part of a Guinea Pig, but “Why do they call me a Guinea Pig? I ain’t Italian, and I ain’t pork” comes to mind.
Directed By: Betty Thomas

If you have fond memories of the classic musical, “Dr. Dolittle,” then you may not like 20th Century Fox’s updated version, in fact I dare say you’ll hate it. In his latest incarnation, Doctor Dolittle (Eddie Murphy) is an uptight, overworked, big city physician about to sell out his practice to an HMO for big bucks. On a particularly hectic day Dr. D. whacks a stray dog and bumps his head on the steering wheel. This awakens a long lost gift of his by which he is able to communicate with animals, a talent which had been dormant in him since childhood. So here is the good Doctor thinking he’s crazy, and pretty soon everyone else does too. But, not to worry, Dr. D. isn’t destined to spend his life in the loony bin. Nope, in the end Dr. D. comes to terms with his gift and people respect him for it. Aww… How nice. How predictable. How funny.

OK… So the movie lacks substance (it does make a poor point about selling out) but it did make me laugh. Granted I saw all the jokes coming a mile away, but they were funny none the less. I think that had to do with the writing and casting. You know how the movie “Clerks” was terribly acted but you didn’t care because the writing was so good? Well, this movie is no “Clerks” and it’s not as smartly written, but the point is that the dialogue in “Doctor Dolittle,” along with the situations and acting, all lead to funny outcomes. Am I making any sense? Anyway, I thought that Albert Brooks was a perfect suicidal tiger, Norm MacDonald was a great street mutt with an attitude, I’ll never be able to look at a Guinea Pig again and not think of Chris Rock, and oh so many more actors lent their voices to make this a very funny movie.

A lot of the reviews that I read had the critics pretty much trashing Eddie Murphy’s new comedy, “Doctor Dolittle.” Most of the big-town C’s bitched that the movie was predictable, used too much toilet humor, and went for the easy jokes. Well… That’s all true. But none the less I laughed my ass off through the whole movie. Hey, isn’t the point of a comedy to make you laugh? So I say to all the big paper critics that not all movies are art and sometimes a predictable joke delivered at the right time by the right person is just what a movie audience needs. I didn’t mind laying out eight bucks to see this movie, but this movie is definitely better at matinee prices. All that being said I give “Doctor Dolittle” 3 of 5 stars. I’m Stu Gotz and “Doctor Dolittle” is a good film. ‘Nuff Said!

Bee Movie

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Bee Movie
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: The voices of Jerry Seinfeld, Renee Zellweger, Matthew Broderick, John Goodman, Chris Rock
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Dreamworks Animation SKG
Kiddie Movie: It’s better for them.
Date Movie: Only if she’s the mother of the kids your are bringing.
Gratuitous Sex: Vanessa is curvy, but only in a cartoon way.
Gratuitous Violence: Some swatting at bees.
Action: Lots of flying sequences.
Laughs: A chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene: Nothing stood out.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Steve Kickner, Simon J. Smith

About halfway through “Bee Movie” I thought “Enough already. Enough already with the “B” pun jokes. We get it, it’s a movie about bees.” And actually, about halfway through the movie I actually had about enough of the film. I guess I couldn’t put myself into the mindset of a six year old.

In “Bee Movie” we are shows a beehive like no other, complete with families and cars. Okay, fine, I get it, it’s a cartoon. Anyway, Barry B. Benson (voiced by Jerry Seinfeld) and Adam (voiced by Matthew Broderick) have recently graduated and it’s now time for them to decide what job at the hive they want to have for the rest of their lives. Barry, though, thinks life should have more choices rather than one job for life, and on a dare takes a trip with the “Pollen Jocks,” those bees responsible for gathering nectar and spreading pollen, and discovers our human world. He finds our world dangerous, invigorating, and strange, and would be dead if it weren’t for the kindness of Vanessa Bloome, voiced by Renee Zellweger, who is a florist (bloome, get it?), and likes bees. Barry does the one thing he isn’t supposed to do, and that is talk to humans in this case thanking Vanessa for saving his life, and Barry becomes smitten with her, and she seems kind of smitten with him as well. Eventually Barry finds out that us humans have been setting up bee camps and harvesting their honey, honey that is rightly the property of the bees. So, with the help of Vanessa, Barry sets out to sue the food companies that sell honey, not realizing the consequences of returning the honey to the beehives.

Oh, why am I even trying to come up with a synopsis for this movie? In the likes of cartoons the movie is alright, and I’m sure the kids will enjoy the bright colors and flying sequences, but I was rather bored with most of the movie. I also couldn’t believe they invoked a slavery reference of our enslaving the bees.

I have to say, even with all of the publicity for the movie, I was never really excited about seeing the film. The premise seemed cute enough, but not enough to last for an hour and a half, and you can only do so many bee/flower/insect puns without them getting old.

For me I’m giving “Bee Movie” 1 star out of 5, for the kids it’s probably somewhere around a 3 starrer, so I suppose I’ll sort of meld them together and give it 2 stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Bad Company

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:51 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Bad Company
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Anthony Hopkins, Chris Rock
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Touchstone Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Not really.
Date Movie: Sure, bring her along.
Gratuitous Sex: Wishful but no.
Gratuitous Violence: People getting shot.
Action: People getting chased.
Laughs: Chris Rock style humor.
Memorable Scene: I have just two words to say: Air Supply
Memorable Quote: Jake Hayes’ mother: “Hand me that umbrella so I can hit you again.”
Directed By: Joel Schumacher

Are you looking for just a fun movie, with a few laughs and some action, that probably could have done better by pushing the edge into the R rating, and will do well for a weekend matinee or waiting for it at the couple-of-dollar cinema, then “Bad Company” is for you. Are you looking for a fantastic spy thriller dominated by fantastic acting and a terrifying plot? Stay home.

Let’s go…

So by now you have seen from the trailers that the CIA needs Jake Hayes, the twin brother of Kevin Pope (both played by Chris Rock), to help save the world. Oakes (Anthony Hopkins) is the man who must make this happen, and he doesn’t think this plan will work, but the powers that be say bring him in. So Oakes recruits Hayes, a man who could really use $50,000 so that the love of his life doesn’t move to Seattle. The problem is that Oakes and the rest of the CIA people don’t really tell Hayes what is going on, up until the bad dudes almost kill him.

To keep things simple, Kevin Pope set up a deal with a Russian to buy a suitcase sized nuclear bomb. If the CIA doesn’t get it, the really bad dudes will and set it off in the USA. Well, Pope gets killed, Hayes gets recruited, and yes, he saves the day (please, like you couldn’t figure that out?). And really, that’s all you need to know about the plot.

There’s nothing special about this movie. Chris Rock does what Chris Rock does – play things a little over the top, and for me he just isn’t as funny when it comes off like he is doing shtick. The better times for Chris Rock are when he is the straight CIA man. Please get him out of the roles as the over-the-top black man beaten down by the white man and give this guy a villain role. Hopkins is in a role that he plays well, but when doesn’t he? He’s the CIA guy who has no belief that the plan to recruit Hayes will work, but his hands are tied so he does what he can to get Hayes to realize the potential inside of him.

Don’t expect too much and you’ll like this movie. Expect a lot and you’ll be disappointed. I give it 3 stars out of 5. Catch the matinee, the cheaper show, or wait for a rental.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!