Changing Lanes

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:39 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Changing Lanes
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Affleck, Amanda Peet
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Paramount Pictures
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: Lots of swear words and an adult story. Leave them with the sitter.
Date Movie: It’s a drama, but she’ll just probably say something like “See, guys are stupid.”
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Not really beating the crap out of each other, but Gavin has a pretty bad car crash.
Action: Some suspense.
Laughs: Not really.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Roger Michell

A lot of critics liked “Changing Lanes.” I’m not one of those critics. Let’s start with the basic story.

Ben Affleck is Gavin. He’s a partner in a law firm and on his way to deliver proof that an old man left his foundation to the law firm to take care of. On the way he has a fender-bender with Doyle (Samuel L. Jackson). Doyle is a recovering alcoholic trying to make a court date so he can keep some custody of his two sons. Gavin drops the proof and Doyle picks it up but he’s late for his court date. Gavin can’t prove his case without the proof Doyle picked up, Doyle lost all custody of his kids because he was twenty minutes late, and now it’s a day of who can get the other to flinch. Unfortunately for Gavin, Doyle has the trump card – Gavin just doesn’t realize it.

So both of our boys go through a really crappy day. Gavin is trying to get his file back; Doyle almost gives it back until Gavin pays a computer hacker to fuck with Doyle’s financial life, and now it’s a movie about ethics and just being a good person. Blah.

As I got about an hour into this movie I was bored. Yea, both lives are screwed up, both men are doing whatever is in their power to get their lives back together, and I knew that, in the end, their lives would be back on the road to rebuilding their mental states/ethics to the next level. And it happened.

Don’t get me wrong, the movie was okay, but from all of the rave reviews I had been reading, I figured “Changing Lanes” would be great. For me it wasn’t great, it was just okay. So I say see it, it’s an okay drama, but I was bored with the story about half the way through. Both men are stupid. 2 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Cell

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:47 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Cell
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Vincent D’Onofrio, Vince Vaughn
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2000
Kiddie Movie: Don’t even think of bringing them.
Date Movie: She’ll get squirmy and hold you, then again, you might get squirmy too.
Gratuitous Sex: Weird sex and lots of nudity.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of it, mostly in twisted mind sequences, but who wants to see a dude’s intestines being pulled out in any state of consciousness?
Action: Not much action.
Laughs: Some twisted chuckles here and there.
Memorable Scene: The dude getting his intestines pulled out.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Tarsem Singh

After watching “The Cell” my one thought was “Whoa, that was one fucked-up movie.” It was sick, it was demented, it reminded me of this twisted cross between “Hellraiser” and “Silence of the Lambs,” and in the end I can’t say it was the greatest movie, but it was sure entertaining, and although it was pretty obvious how things would turn out (they have to turn out that way – it’s pretty standard in Hollywood now that there aren’t any deviations from a happy or expected ending, although maybe they should try more – look at what a cool twist did for “The Sixth Sense,” but I’m sorry, I digress), “The Cell” kept me paying attention for the entire movie, and that’s always a good thing.

Here’s the story: Jennifer Lopez plays Catharine Deane, this psychiatrist type of lady working for a controversial company. What the company says is that it can implant the thoughts of one person into another’s mind so that person A can interact with the mind of person B, hopefully helping them to get over a comatose state caused by a variety of brain problems. Well, Catharine has been working with this young boy who’s mind has essentially shut off, but she can’t get through to him in his mind. Since his mind is full of ugly images, well, Catharine wants to reverse the process so that she can show the boy that life isn’t as ugly as his mind shows. Alright, enough intro and foreshadowing.

So, Catharine is going about her days but there is a killer, Carl (Vincent D’Onofrio), on the loose. He’s got mental problems, likes to turn girls into dolls by drowning them, cleaning them, and well, it’s pretty sick. The problem is that Carl has kidnapped one more victim, has her in the holding tank that will soon fill up with water, and his mind finally snaps him into a catatonic state. With no way to wake him up, the fed people enlist the help of Catharine to enter the dude’s mind to try to find out where he is holding her. Blah, blah, you can figure out the end.

What is cool with the movie is that it paints a fucked up version of reality in the mind of the psychotic. Dark images, blown exaggerations of reality, and how scary a psychopath might really be seeing the world, well, that’s what we see in the mind of the catatonic. Meanwhile, in the eyes of the living, we see how life can be better, how we can still be in charge, and how good people just want to help.

What is bad about the movie is you already know the ending – eventually they figure out where the killer is hiding the body, and the chief investigator guy saves her. That I fear is the Hollywood status-quo. Me, personally, I would have preferred them figuring out where the girl was too late, the chief investigator snaps, leaving a way for a more twisted sequel. But, that’s me – always hoping for an edge.

I’d say “The Cell” is, as a movie, about a 2 ½ starrer, but, adding the quality violence, the dude hanging but hooks in his back, and just a totally fucked up view of reality in the mind of a killer, well, let’s add another star and give “The Cell” 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Catch a Fire

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:41 Long
A Preview by:
The Dude on the Right

Catch a Fire
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Derek Luke, Tim Robbins
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Focus Features
Release Date: 2006
Directed By: Phillip Noyce

The trailer says this movie is based on a true story, so I’ll take its word for it. In any case, the trailer shows Derek Luke playing Patrick Chamusso. It’s South Africa in a time when things aren’t that great for the black population, in fact it pretty much sucks, but he’s been flying under the radar just trying to raise a family while working at the oil refinery. When there’s an explosion at the refinery, he gets taken in as a suspect, and while being held, and in trying to make him spill any beans, the bad folks fuck with Patrick’s wife. Low and behold they are both let go, but Patrick now knows that he has to now stand up for the rights of those being persecuted, so he takes the cause of the folks fighting the oppressors, because he knows that is the only way the blacks in South Africa can finally be recognized as people.

This looks like a really good movie, and Tim Robbins as the Secret Police dude looks great, but things are getting busy on the movie front (as they always do in the fall), so I have to sometimes decide between good films and popular films. I would like to catch this one, though, no matter what.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Dr. Seuss’ The Car in the Hat

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:22 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Mike Myers, Spencer Breslin, Dakota Fanning, Alec Baldwin, Kelly Preston, Sean Hayes
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2003
Kiddie Movie: No.
Date Movie: No.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of it implied.
Gratuitous Violence: Comic style.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Nah.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Bo Welch

I’m not usually appalled at a movie, in fact I am one of the most easily amused moviegoers that there is, but the movie version of “Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat” just appalled me. Why? Because they took a cute and comical story and turned it into crap. What’s going to upset me more will be if this movie actually makes money. Why am I so upset? Well, maybe it’s Alec Baldwin (he plays a slime-ball man intent on sleeping with the kids mom) exclaiming to the dog “I can’t believe you whizzed on my taco!”, or maybe it was The Cat explaining to the kids when they almost take The Fish’s advice “Are you gonna listen to him? He lives where he pees!”, or maybe it was the scene where The Cat works to make the couch a little more bouncy where they show The Cat complete with butt-crack, or maybe it was The Cat describing the S.L.O.W. (his wacky car) as the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Watchamajigger, and that it was previously called the Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter, yes, the S.H.I.T., although they at least stop Conrad (Spencer Breslin) from actually saying it, or maybe it was the shameless plug for the Universal Studios ride. I can usually laugh at anything, but sadly there wasn’t anything to laugh at in this movie.
The story pretty much has Mom (Kelly Preston) as a realtor, who is hosting a party that night. Quinn (Baldwin) keeps trying to convince Mom that Conrad should be in military school every time he visits. Mom leaves the kids at home while she’s at work, instructing them not to enter the living room. The kids are babysat by Mrs. Kwan (Amy Hill). Well, it starts raining, Mrs. Kwan falls asleep, and here comes The Cat (Mike Myers), pretty much sounding and acting like Austin Powers. He begins a day of mischief, the kids learn a lesson, and all is well. All is well except the desecration of Dr. Seuss because although they sometimes have a rhyme in the movie, for some reason I’m thinking that The Cat being lactose intolerant was nowhere in Dr. Seuss’ original plan.

Alright, I’m done ranting. Based on the information above, if you want to take your kids to this movie go right ahead because that’s the kind of humor that’s in this movie. Oh yea, also be ready to explain to your kids why it’s funny for The Cat to stare lovingly and call the garden digging device a “dirty ho.” It’s -1 star out of 5 for “The Cat in the Hat.”

Cast Away

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:23 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Cast Away
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Dreamworks SKG
Release Date: 2000
Directed By: Robert Zemeckis

You’ll see it because it has Tom Hanks. That might be the only reason. Here you’ve got the story of a dude who gets on a Fed Ex plane, the plane goes down, he ends up stranded on a desert island, and unlike the TV show “Survivor,” this dude is left alone to figure out how to make shelter, find food, and make fire. His survivor challenge is simply to stay alive. On the island he seems to have two friends – his pocket watch with a picture of the woman he loves and a volleyball which he colors to look like a face. He finally gets sick of the island, builds a raft, heads back out to sea, is found, and looks to find out what happened to the years he missed.

This looks like a movie that will see if Tom Hanks can carry a movie all on his own, especially when I’ve heard that about an hour of the movie is Tom Hanks on the island.

If he can make the movie it should get him another Oscar nod, and if not, well, we’ll just wait till the next one. No matter what he does he is always in the running.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Casanova

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:48 Long
A Preview by:
The Dude on the Right

Casanova
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Heath Ledger, Sienna Miller, Oliver Platt
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Touchstone Pictures
Release Date: 2005
Directed By: Lasse Hallstrom

Heath Ledger is Casanova. Hooray. Really, there’s not much more to say about this film. The trailer shows that Casanova falls for another dudette, yet she puts off his advances. Not good news for Casanova’s rep, but maybe he wants more in a relationship this time, instead of just being Casanova. Looks like an R-rated movie for the dudettes to me, for us dudes, all we can home for is that it’s Sienna Miller that gets naked and not Oliver Platt.
That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Casino Royale

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:24 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Casino Royale
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Daniel Craig, Eva Green, Mads Mikkelsen, Judi Dench
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Release Date: 2006
Kiddie Movie: It’s for the teens and above.
Date Movie: She’ll stare at Daniel Craig’s body while you stare at Eva Green’s.
Gratuitous Sex: The PG-13 variety you expect in a Bond film.
Gratuitous Violence: See “Sex.”
Action: See “Sex.”
Laughs: They actually poke a little bit of fun at the Bond franchise.
Memorable Scene: Nothing totally stood out.
Memorable Quote: M: “Christ, I miss the cold war.”
Directed By: Martin Campbell

In my preview of “Casino Royale” I wrote, “All I want is a fun action/adventure flick, with cool gadgets and hot chicks.” I didn’t think I would like a Bond movie without cool gadgets, but the movie didn’t need them. And it had hot chicks. Let’s get to the movie…
Daniel Craig is the “new” James Bond, in the early days when James has just been given his 007 status, and he’s not doing too well as the new guy on the block. Nope, he storms an embassy bringing un-needed attention to MI-6, he breaks into M’s pad, and he seems to be killing more people than necessary. But James has a job to do, even if it is unofficial at first, so what better place for James to end up than in the Bahamas. There he begins to track down the bad people in a plot to sell arms to other bad people, and also hit on the bad dude’s women. Eventually sniffing out what is going on, James gets back on M’s good side by thwarting an attack on an airplane, and finds himself in a high stakes poker game at Casino Royale. Suddenly James is falling in love, ordering weird drinks, driving fast, taking chances, getting tortured, and of course almost dying.

I suppose I could go into the story a little more, but I don’t think it is really necessary for this James Bond review because other than the lack of gadgets, most everything is included that you would want. There is the main bad dude with some odd physical ailment (in this case, and we don’t know why, he has a bad eye that bleeds every now and then), James is charming in that James Bond kind of way (only this time not over-the-top), you have some slutty women and some not-so-slutty women, and there are times you will sit there and wonder exactly how James will get out of a sticky situation (in this case, being tied while naked, to a chair, and getting his balls whacked). And I was loving it all, almost.

For me there was one thing really wrong with “Casino Royale,” and that is simply it was about a twenty minutes too long. I base it about twenty minutes too long because it seemed like just about every scene was stretched out a few minutes too long. The big chase scene at the beginning of the movie was cool, but yea, I get it, the bad guy has mad jumping skills while James still is able to keep up. Then there is the scene in the stairwell where after about two flights of stairs I got it, I didn’t need the extra three or four flights. The poker tournament, well, I got that as well. And finally, after James and Vesper (Eva Green) get away and think of living their lives together, well, from the trailers I knew Vesper was supposed to end up trapped in an elevator filling up with water – just get to it already – I realize their lives may not end happily ever after.

I liked Daniel Craig as James Bond, and loved the subtle poking fun at the James Bond franchise. I loved Eva Green as Vesper Lynd and wished my accountant looked like she does. Judi Dench was her solid self as M. And even though the only high tech gadget seemed to be a portable defibrillator, I have to say it was pretty refreshing to have a James Bond movie that didn’t take things to a bizarre level, instead just keeping with the action and spy stuff (I think they learned a thing or two from “The Bourne Identity” movies). But for dragging too long, too many times, I’ve got to drop my rating for “Casino Royale” to 3 ½ stars out of 5. I’m not saying don’t catch this in the theater, in fact I say you can even pay full-price instead of hitting the matinee, but just be ready for some scenes where you will be saying to yourself “Self, I get it already.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Thank God for Steven Tyler!

Okay, I have to admit I was very worried about my American Idol.  I mean, with the failed Ellen experiment over, no hope for Paula Abdul returning, and Simon Cowell heading out of town, or at least to another show, all that was left was top dog Randy Jackson from the old guard.  Would Simon’s snide remarks be missed?  How many times would Randy say “Dog?” No Paula Abdul nuttiness, or at least Ellen thinking she could be nutty?  Would I care?

Turns out I did care, as this was probably the first time in a few years I actually enjoyed the auditions, although it did get off to a rocky start.

Yup, there she was, some girl who auditioned a few years ago and somehow the “Does she ever stop smiling?” Jennifer Lopez remembered her.  The girl wasn’t that good, if Simon were there I’m thinking he would have blasted her, or at least given her the big “No,” but oddly enough the three judges let her through, with J-Lo and Randy basing their judginess on her previous audition and the fact she made it to Hollywood.  Steven Tyler thought she was a flower that would blossom, and then, as I began to see it, Steven Tyler is really the reason to watch American Idol right now.

Sure, Jennifer Lopez is working the “sweetness, oh I don’t want to say ‘No’ but I have to” act to the hilt, and many times Randy just seems to be sitting back, analyzing a contestant like they were a business proposal, but there is Steven, goofy face for goofy singer, getting into the groove with the good singers, slinging wacky anecdotes, and so far, at least for one show, just seeming to have a great time, and even when he tells someone to go back home because they aren’t very good, somehow it just sounds nice.

I do admit that part of me misses Simon Cowell because quite frankly, some of these people really need someone just to crush their hopes and dreams so they can get on with their lives rather than getting let go with some glimmer of hope that they could be that girl who makes it through again, but all in all, I’ve got to give a big hug to the new trio, because even when they say “No,” it’s like a big “We’re sorry but you suck,” group hug.

The producers weren’t too annoying with the “background” spots before a singer, they didn’t give some of the overly annoying people too much time, you can already see some standouts where, with a makeover, have a great shot at stardom (but sorry one dude, your nose is huge), and if the auditions continue like this first episode, American Idol will be back on my “Must see” TV viewing list.

And Steven Tyler, thank you – I hope your act doesn’t get old.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Is Ricky Gervais Mean, Will the Chicago Bears be in The Super Bowl, and Would the Dalai Lama be Offended?

By: The Dude on the Right

Download and ListenDownload the Podcast!

I forgot to give a “Happy Birthday” shout-out to the world’s fantastical niece, as well as wish Steve Jobs from Apple a “Get well soon” during this episode of our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast, but at least Stu Gotz was somehow able to fit an f-bomb and Dalai Lama into the same sentence, and such is how it goes sometimes for a podcast!

In the meantime, though, Stu and I talk football, with me ready to book my ticket to see the Chicago Bears in Dallas for the Super Bowl, but Stu thinking there might be some trouble as the Green Bay Packers come to the wonderful turf of Soldier Field. We also give our analysis of Ricky Gervais and his handling of The Golden Globes, because, well, Stu and I are the experts when it comes to award show hosting, and I also give Stu the prediction that Jake Gyllenhaal will end up with Anne Hathaway soon, now that he is busted up with Taylor Swift, but hey, only time will tell.

We are both excited about TV starting back up again, with new episodes of “Chuck,” “House,” “Glee,” the NBC Thursday night lineup, and of course “American Idol,” Stu was okay with “Salt” but not “The Bounty Hunter,” I think Stu is a cheap-ass for bitching about reading a free newspaper, and neither of us are really excited about the upcoming movies of “The Company Men” nor “No Strings Attached.” At least we have the Chicago Bears v Green Bay Packers in the ultimate game of “Winner goes to the Super Bowl!” Hopefully next Monday will be an elation podcast of “We’re going to the Super Bowl!,” but we’ll talk about it for sure.

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this podcast! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Beer-Snobbery, Understanding Women, Lots of Movie Talk, and Stu Likes Boobs!

By: The Dude on the Right

Download and ListenDownload the Podcast!

Stu Gotz is back! Yup, Stu Gotz is back for our “Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast, but sadly, sound effects are not. Yup, I’ve got some technical difficulties with an upgrade of my Podcast software and bad testing on my part, but that doesn’t stop Stu and I from recollecting things that have gone on while Stu was away with the Gotz family. Stu, it seems saw a lot of movies, so I do my best to move Stu’s various synopsi along while he tells you if you should see “Black Swan,” “Tron: Legacy,” and “Gulliver’s Travels.”

Since Stu was gone, I was wondering how the Little Gotz’s fared being away for Christmas and if Santa was able to find their boat, and Stu was happy to report that the boys enjoyed Christmas, even without snow, and that Santa made it to the boat to keep the kids happy.

Me, meanwhile, being newly married, am trying to understand women, and who better to ask for advice than Stu!

We talk about “Dinner for Schmucks,” Stu hopes to convice Mama Gotz to see “The Green Hornet” with him while I have to work on convincing My BFF to come with me to “The Dilemma,” we are both looking forward to “Chuck” coming back and think the new Paula Abdul show sucks. Yes, we do talk a little about the shooting in Arizona, but that’s too serious for the two of us so I tell Stu about some bat-shit crazy women on “The Bachelor” and work to convince Stu that the Chicago Bears will be in the Super Bowl.

Stu tells of beer-snobbery, I tell of Idol-aprehensiveness, and Stu likes boobs. Yup, Stu is back.

Thanks for listening!

That’s it for this podcast! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!