Any Given Sunday

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:42 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Any Given Sundy
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx, Cameron Diaz, Dennis Quaid
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Warner Bros.
Kiddie Movie: Nope. Very adult story line.
Date Movie: You make her watch football every Sunday, do you think you should force her to watch any more?
Gratuitous Sex: Some.
Gratuitous Violence: It’s about football – there’s some violence.
Action: It’s about football – there’s some action.
Laughs: A chuckle here and there.
Memorable Scene: Nothing sticks out.
Memorable Quote: Nothing sticks out.
Directed By: Oliver Stone

This may sound petty, but the main problem I had with “Any Given Sunday” was the fact that the football action sequences sucked. The story was alright, Jamie Foxx did a great job as the coming-of-age quarterback, and when does Al Pacino ever give a bad performance? But even though Oliver Stone is Oliver Stone, and maybe it wasn’t his intention to have cool football sequences, going to a football movie I want to see some good football. “Any Given Sunday” didn’t have good football.

The story kinda goes like this: Al Pacino plays a weathered coach, Tony D’Amato, brought up when football was history, for players, owners, and fans. The owner died and left the team in the hands of his daughter, played by Cameron Diaz, who believes the coach’s thinking is old and is hurting the team.

When coach loses his star quarterback, Cap (Dennis Quaid) to an injury and the youngin, Willie Beaman (Foxx) takes charge, you can feel the changing of the guard from old-time football to new-time football, and it’s too bad. But there is hope because Willie quickly learns that as much as football is about him, there is no “I” in “team” and without his team his life is shit. And who helps him open his eyes, you guessed it, Tony.

The story is kind of simple and shows how dirty and profit-driven sports has become, how it isn’t about the players at times (the painkillers and bad medical advice) but at times is still about the players (the painkillers and bad medical advice – kind of along the “what else am I going to do with my life, coach?” mentality). And it’s a good story, although kind of long, and that helps carry the movie, because, like I said, the action sequences went for an artsy feel instead of making you feel the hard-hitting sport that is football.

So this review is short. “Any Given Sunday” had a lot of potential, and a lot of that potential rested in the hands of Pacino, Foxx, and Stone. As a story and as an acting lot the movie was good. But it is a football movie, and with that comes one expectation – great football scenes. I wanted to feel the action. I wanted to cringe when players got hit. I wanted it to be better than “Inside Football” on HBO. I didn’t want a long, drawn-out, artsy shot of a football spiral coming at me. I got the spiral. That disappointed me and with that disappointment comes a 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Ant Bully

MPAA Rated – PG
It’s 1:28 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Ant Bully
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jake T. Austin, Nicolas Cage, Alan Cumming, Zach Tyler Eisen, Paul Giamatti, Myles Jeffrey, Regina King, Cheri Oteri, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep, Lily Tomlin
MPAA Rated: PG
Released By: Warner Bros.
Directed By: John A. Davis

It’s an animated movie, and it looks cute. You get a little kid, Lucas, pissing off an ant hill of, well, ants, usually by drowning them with the water hose. Low and behold, somehow, the ants get a magic potion that will shrink a child down to ant size. Ah, now it time for our little Lucas to learn a lot of lessons about working together, friendship, and being strong, by becoming one with the ant colony.
The movie looks cute, but maybe more for the kids rather than the adults. I’ll still probably try to catch it, but this doesn’t seem to have the fun adult fair other animated movies tend to throw in.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Annapolis

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:48 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Annapolis
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: James Franco, Tyrese Gibson, Jordana Brewster, Donnie Wahlberg
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Touchstone Pictures
Kiddie Movie:
Date Movie:
Gratuitous Sex:
Gratuitous Violence:
Action:
Laughs:
Memorable Scene:
Memorable Quote:
Directed By: Justin Lee

Opening in January, finally most of the artsy movies will be done, and we can just get a decent movie about a recruit joining the Naval Academy. Isn’t that what we all want after Christmas?

Here’s the simple synopsis…

James Franko is Jack. He’s a dude who doesn’t have nearly the connections or standing in society to get into the United States Naval Academy, yet from the trailer, he pesters his way in. Cole is played by Tyrese Gibson. For most of those at the Academy, they got in after high school, yet Cole found his way there after serving a couple of tours of duty and now is an instructor. Cole sees a great future for Jack, only Jack doesn’t always see it, and the story isn’t new, but it looks fairly entertaining. It’s also got Jordana Brewster, who’s looking great.

I’ll have to see how the football season is going if I get a chance to see this film, but it doesn’t look horrible, just kind of re-hashed at a different military school. So what.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Animal

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:17 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Animal
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Rob Schneider
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Not too young.
Date Movie: Let her go see “Moulin Rouge.”
Gratuitous Sex: The movie set was a little cold at times, but that’s about it.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Toilet humor mostly.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: “Is it true you can smell what’s up people’s butts?”
Directed By: Luke Greenfield

I hate to sort of bash a movie when the kids that were leaving seemed to enjoy it so much, but I just thought “The Animal” could have been a much more funny movie if it were geared towards the younger-youngins rather than the just getting to the puberty-youngins. Sure, it had the toilet humor you might expect, and sure it had Colleen Haskell, the little cutie from the first Survivor, and sure it had a fun cameo by Norm MacDonald and Adam Sandler, but I think it just missed its calling.

Rob Schneider plays Marvin Mange. Basically he’s a loser stuck as a clerk in the police evidence room. His dad was a great cop and his dream is to become a great cop like his dad. The problem is that he has neither the instincts nor the aptitude to be a cop. One day his car careens off a cliff and Marvin is next to death. Well, Marvin is rescued by a cooky doctor (Michael Caton) who saves Marvin by replacing his body parts with animal organs. As miraculous as that is, well, it only takes a week for Marvin to recuperate and he’s back on the job unaware of his surgery except that he begins to notice some changes in his actions, you know, things like being able to sniff out drugs, run faster than a horse, dry himself off without a towel, and unless he doesn’t shower I’m sure the had to have noticed the excessive hair on his butt.

While getting his shot on the police force by catching the drug smuggler in the airport, well, Marvin also begins seeing Riana (Haskell) who is an animal and tree lover. There is also a couple of other things that Marvin is noticing, namely his voracious appetite for raw meat and his sexual urges. Finally Marvin hooks up with the cooky doctor who tells him about his surgery and tries to help Marvin deal with his urges. I think that’s enough of the story.

I had a couple of problems with the movie. One was that the jokes basically relied on Marvin’s new-found sexual urges, even to the point of him trying to get it on with a goat and him peeing to mark out his territory, and the other was the stupid sub-plot of Marvin’s friend Miles (Guy Torry), a black guy who thinks he is just getting special treatment because white people feel bad his ancestors were slaves. Not that they weren’t funny at times, and other times they just seemed stupid, but for a movie that could have really been great for kids, well, they even made me a little uncomfortable.

I think they should have kept the movie clean, geared it more towards the fun things Marvin could do now that he had animal instincts and abilities, and just let it be a good family film. Schneider did his best with what he had to work with and Colleen was cute (although I think she’s too squinty), but the movie just went for the cheap jokes instead of really trying to be creative.

Sometimes you get what you pay for or expect and for your hard-earned dollar you get an hour and a quarter of jokes for thirteen year old boys. I can appreciate those jokes as much as the next guy, so I’ll give the movie 2 1/2 stars out of 5 for being what I expected (actually, I’ll make that 3 stars for the scene where the set must have been a little chilly), but in all honesty, you should really just wait for this movie to hit cable.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Eating Chocolate Cake, Hopping at Two Brothers Brewing, Driving to Camp, Ogling a Woman, and Watching Cyrus.

By: The Dude on the Right

Download and ListenDownload the Podcast!

I’m still trying to figure out why a diet can’t include chocolate cake, and during this "Weekend Wrap-Up!" podcast, Stu Gotz can’t seem to figure out why not, either. And even though beer is also a big topic of Stu’s weekend, thanks to a trip to Two Brothers Brewing, we don’t talk only about food and drink, but also about Stu sending a Little Gotz to camp, how I was a swimming champ, and about dudes ogling a woman in f-me shoes at a gas station. We reminisce on the passing of Clarence Clemons and Ryan Dunn, Stu is watching TV on BBC America again (He’s still trying to get me to watch "The In-Betweeners"), I let you know if the movie "Cyrus" is worth a rental, and neither of us really care about this year’s Crosstown Classic here in Chicago, between the Cubs and the White Sox, especially since neither of us have tickets for the series when its at The Cell. Maybe that will change when it ends up at Wrigley Field in a couple of weeks.

All of that and more, and thanks for listening!

That’s it for this podcast! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Amusement

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:25 Long
A Preview by:
The Dude on the Right

Amusement
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Keir O’Donnell, Katheryn Winnick, Jessica Lucas, Laura Breckenridge, Tad Hilgenbrink
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Picturehouse Entertainment
Directed By: John Simpson

The teaser trailer seems to try to build this movie on the “Saw” genre of horror films, and really, there isn’t too much to really care about other than the basic synopsis is that some dude wants to stalk some dudettes related to something when they were all young ins.

The key for this film will be the obvious for the horror genre being a little more fun than the “Saw” side of things, namely some nudity and some sex. It’d got the women, hopefully they will get naked, and then if things are done right there will be blood, and a lot of it. Right now the teaser trailer is only out, it’s from Picturehouse Entertainment so that might mean it won’t even make it to my gigaplex, but in any case I sort of look forward to seeing this on my small screen where I can jump in my seat without the fear of ridicule from the theater goers around me.

That’s it for this preview! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

America’s Sweethearts

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

America’s Sweethearts
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: John Cusack, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Billy Crystal, Julia Roberts, Christopher Walken
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Columbia Pictures
Kiddie Movie: It’s adult humor.
Date Movie: She’ll make you take her, but it is kind of funny.
Gratuitous Sex: Some bras and talk.
Gratuitous Violence: Some people fight.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots of them.
Memorable Scene: Most of the movie was alright.
Memorable Quote: Both by Eddie (Cusack). While at the wellness center: “Dear Mom, Fuck you.” And during a press junket: “We’ve done a couple of three-ways.”
Directed By: Joe Roth

I’m still trying to figure out just why I liked “America’s Sweethearts.” The movie was predictable, the lines generic, and had a crotch-licking doberman. But in the end it might have just been so over-the-top cute that I enjoyed it just like most of the people in the theater seemed to.

The movie has a lot of things going on… Gwen (Catherine Zeta-Jones) and Eddie (John Cusack) were Hollywood sweethearts, and as long as they were sweethearts their films did well. Then Gwen ends up cheating on Eddie with another co-star, Hector (Hank Azaria), Eddie ends up in a wellness center, and Gwen’s career is fading fast. But they’ve got a movie coming out soon directed by the eccentric Hal (Christopher Walken), only Hal won’t let the movie studio see the film until it is shown to the press. The movie heads have a problem – how to hold a press junket for a movie the press haven’t seen yet and how to get Gwen and Eddie to at least pretend they’re back together. So they re-hire the just-fired Lee (Billy Crystal), a whiz at the publicity spin-machine.

Well, Lee concocts a press junket at a secluded resort so they can wine and dine the press and make them forget about the movie, and he also tricks Gwen and Eddie into going to the junket and going through the motions. Included in all of this is Kiki (Julia Roberts), Gwen’s sister and pseudo-assistant, who has a crush on Eddie. Put it all together and the hilarity ensues as Eddie still thinks he can get Gwen back, Kiki keeps putting up with Gwen’s shit, Lee keeps spinning the publicity machine, Kiki sleeps with Eddie, Eddie almost dies, and Hal shows up with a movie that would actually be a pretty funny movie in its own right if it could ever be done.

This is a movie trying to make fun at the movie-studio publicity machine and how America gets wrapped up in some pretty obnoxious people. Gwen is the epitome of the spoiled star, expecting everything to be done for her, even getting her teeth brushed, yet somehow we love her. Eddie, on the other hand, is the sap, thinking a holistic wellness center could help him get over Gwen. Then you’ve got Kiki, the abused assistant who would probably quit except she’s Gwen’s sister. Now toss in Lee, the publicist who loves you as a friend but will still leak a security tape to the press where it looks like you’re masturbating if he thinks it will help the film.

In “America’s Sweethearts” you get a love quadrangle, a predictable ending, but a lot of jokes that are just plain funny. Sure, the movie could have made a little more fun of the press people who go to press junkets, but in the end this was a romantic comedy for Julia Roberts and John Cusack mixed with your wondering if Catherine Zeta-Jones might be a little like Gwen in real life.

So, to wrap this up, if you’re looking for a cute, romantic comedy then “America’s Sweethearts” ranks up there with rest of them – you know what you are going to get and just hope to get some good laughs along with it. In this movie you get it. It’s 4 Stars out of 5 for “America’s Sweethearts.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

American Wedding

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:45 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

American Wedding
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Jason Biggs, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Seann William Scott, Alyson Hannigan, Eugene Levy, Fred Willard, Nikki Schieler Ziering
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Oh no.
Date Movie: Sure, it’s about a wedding.
Gratuitous Sex: Some gratuitous nudity.
Gratuitous Violence: Funny.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Lots.
Memorable Scene: Stifler losing the ring.
Memorable Quote: Too many to list.
Directed By: Jesse Dylan

Well, the boys and girls are back, or at least most of them, in what is supposed to be the last of the “American Pie” series. This time it’s “American Wedding,” where our boy Jim (Jason Biggs, a.k.a. The Pie Fucker) is marrying the first girl he slept with, namely Michelle (Alyson Hannigan, a.k.a. The Lesbian on Buffy). Also back are Finch, Kevin, Jim’s Dad and the must have or you might as well just forget the movie, Stifler. Is it as funny as the original? Does it rise above number two? For me it nicely stuck to the framework of the movies, maybe a little more sappiness (it is about a wedding after all), but it still kept me laughing and almost made me throw up. For me, that’s good enough.
In a hilarious opening scene, once again Jim finds himself in an embarrassing situation, once again not caused by, but aided by his Dad. The question is asked, she says “Yes,” and it’s off to a hilarious look at planning a wedding, setting up a bachelor party, and Stifler trying to land himself a virgin, namely Cadence (January Jones), Michelle’s sister.

I will say that at the beginning of the film I was getting irked because they really put Stifler’s character over the top, so much so that there wouldn’t be any friendship left in my eyes, to the point of why don’t you just call the cops and get him out of your life. But with the addition of Cadence, and Stifler trying to score, it became even better how he transformed himself into the best man, still being rude, crude, and one funny dude.

In the end “American Wedding” adds a new level of gross-out comedy, makes you glad you’re not Jim, although Michelle is quite the sex-crazed girl, so maybe being Jim isn’t so bad, and if you liked either of the first “Pies” you’ll probably enjoy “Wedding.” But, if you didn’t get the humor of the first one’s stay away because this one will probably disgust you even more.

It’s 4 1/2 stars out of 5 for this one. They lost 1/2 star for Stifler being so over the top at the beginning, but that’s really the only complaint I have about the movie.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

American History X

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:59 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

American History X
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Edward Norton, Edward Furlong, Fairuza Balk, Stacy Keach, Elliott Gould, Avery Brooks, Beverly D’Angelo
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Kiddie Movie: No way in hell, but older teens might learn something.
Date Movie: Bring ’em along.
Gratuitous Sex: Sex, and rape.
Gratuitous Violence: It’s about racial hatred, what do you think?
Action: More violence than anything action.
Laughs: A couple of lines.
Memorable Scene: Most of the movie, but a couple of scenes that stand out are when Derek kills the one black guy – it’s one of those scenes where you know what is going to happen, kinda hope they don’t show it, then cringe as they do, the scene in the prison shower (what do think happens), and the ending scenes in the high school bathroom.
Memorable Quote: Most of the movie.
Directed By: Tony Kaye

I left “American History X” just thinking one thing – “Whoa.” Sometimes a movie does that to you.
“American History X” is a story about a lot of things. It’s a story about racism. It’s a story about family. It’s a story about crime. It’s about a scary side of life today hitting on questions of which there really aren’t easy answers, and whichever side of the line you tend to fall on, there is someone just as defiant on the other side.
Edward Norton plays Derek, a skinhead, Nazi type who develops a hatred for blacks, Hispanics, and well, you get the idea. His brother, Danny, as well as the Nazi community he has helped develop, admire him. He is a person of action, he is a person of rhetoric, and he has that look of a leader. The movement is growing, mostly because of the foundation that Derek helped lay, but Derek has another problem, he ends up in jail for murder. This further makes him a hero, but what the skinheads don’t know, and especially his brother, is what happened to Derek in jail.
Danny is headed down the same path as Derek, but hasn’t learned some crucial lessons, and when Derek gets free from the pokey, he wants his brother out of the skinheads, he wants his family to be a family again, and he wants his life to be his own.
That’s the easy way to tell the story, I guess, because this movie works hard in its two hour time to develop how racial hatred is born, how it grows, and how it can be realized that sometimes those you hate are the ones you need the most, while the ones who you supposedly understand and trust will stab you in the back. Derek learns all of these lessons, while Danny learns, just a little to late.
I won’t go into this movie anymore, just say it’s one hell of an emotional movie. The brutality of prison life comes through, the brutality of hatred comes through, and Edward Norton gives one hell of a performance.
With that said, and probably not much of it making sense, because I think to do so this review would turn into a book report, I just have to say I recommend the film. 4 ½ Stars out of 5.
That’s it for this one, I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!

American Gangster

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:37 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

American Gangster
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Josh Brolin, Cuba Gooding Jr.
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Kiddie Movie: For goodness sake, leave them at home.
Date Movie: If she can deal with some gratuitous violence.
Gratuitous Sex: A good sex scene and a ton of nudity.
Gratuitous Violence: Um, duh.
Action: There really isn’t any chasing.
Laughs: A chuckle or two.
Memorable Scene: Frank with his brothers at the diner.
Memorable Quote: At the diner scene when Frank says, “So, what was I talking about?”
Directed By: Ridley Scott

The opening scene in “American Gangster” kind of tells it all as Frank Lucas’ (Denzel Washington) boss/mentor/father figure, Bumpy Johnson, begins to lament the demise of America as the grocery stores become supermarkets, and the smaller stores with customer service become superstores with none. Bumpy then seems saddened in the idea of buying direct from the manufacturer, thus cutting out the middleman, and selling the same product at lower prices. However, as Bumpy was lamenting, you could almost see the wheels spinning inside the head of Frank Lucas, and spin they did as he took the legacy of Bumpy and turned it into an empire. Sadly it was a drug empire, but an empire nonetheless.

“American Gangster” gives us a film adaptation of Frank Lucas, who, during the late 1960’s and early 1970’s, became a heroin kingpin in New York City, and as the movie portrays, even more powerful than the mob. Using the knowledge he gained from Bumpy, Frank quickly realized that to really make money in the drug trade, all he needed to do was cut out the people in the middle and buy directly from the manufactures. So he went to Vietnam, and while our troops were fighting, he was meeting with a drug lord to buy factory direct, found people who would store the heroin in the coffins of American soldiers coming back from Vietnam (and paying them well it seems), and then developed a distribution ring that made him a lot of money. The movie portrays him not getting high on his own supply, but running his operation like a business: Waking early, getting breakfast to formulate his day, meeting with his accountants, going to Sunday mass with his mother, and doing his best not to look flashy, just a businessman, a businessman who was not afraid to shoot someone who might be screwing with his operation.
On the other side of the coin is Richie Roberts (Russell Crowe), an honest cop in a not-so-honest cop world, having lots of family problems, but getting his opportunity to be honest when the feds began to develop special operations drug forces to stem the drug trade. His boss respects Richie’s being honest, in fact can’t seem to really believe it, and just wants Richie to develop a group of investigators who are honest as well and might be able to make a difference. At first the team starts investigating the obvious people, high members of the mob, but slowly Richie starts to see something different, and on a day when Frank seems to stray from his own advice (thanks in part because of a gift from his wife), Richie wonders how a black man can get better seats at the Ali-Frazier fight than a head mob boss. The wheels begin to turn, and Richie eventually gets his man, Frank.

But Richie wants more, and what better way to get it when a dude is facing life in prison being wealthy, or getting out early and being poor. Frank opts for the getting out early, but in an interesting way, not giving up those he did “business” with, but those he felt stole from him, namely a whole slew of dirty cops.
It’s weird, because at times during “American Gangster” you almost just think Frank Lucas is just a great business man, that is until he tells his brother he would kill him (and you know he would) but won’t because he is his brother. You see that Frank has learned a lot from his mentor Bumpy about giving back to the community, as well as the importance of “family” from his associations with the organized crime world. Then you see Richie, who in his heart is an honest guy, but one who can’t keep his family together, instead opting for sleeping with his lawyer and, well, just about anyone. But the important thing in this movie is that both Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe are great in their respective roles. Russell always makes Richie looke, well, just tired, and Denzel lets Frank have a natural swagger, although the scene when Frank is blaring about how people shot at his wife seemed off-kilter. Maybe that’s just me.

“American Gangster” is rated R for all of the reasons you would think. There is a lot of violence, it’s about the heroin trade so you’ve got drug use, Richie gets it on with a chick in a big way, and as was the practice, the chicks cutting the pure heroin and packaging it are naked so there’s no chance of their stealing any. As such, of course, at the movie showing I was at, a family brought their 10ish year old who was applauding at the end of the movie, although I wasn’t sure if he was clapping for his new hero, Frank, or his new hero, Richie.

Lots of great things happen during “American Gangster,” and even though the movie clocks in at over 2 ½ hours I never really got anxious in my seat. The acting is great, the movie looks great, so if your significant other can deal with some gratuitous violence, go and see a movie that will probably get more talk as we get towards the movie award nomination season.
It’s 4 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!