Blogging From an Airplane, and Watching an R-Rated Movie on a Plane.

By:

The Dude on the Right
Here I am, some probably 25,000 to 32,000 feet up in the air, in a tube being
held up by a whole bunch of stuff I learned in college (something about airfoils
and jet propulsion), on my way to Houston for my favorite niece’s birthday. I
just got done watching last Monday’s episode of “Heroes” titled “Godsend,”
thanks to iTunes. Since I screwed up my TiVo Season Pass (how the hell did “Two
and a Half Men” get ahead of “Heroes”?) I was able to give Apple and NBC a
couple of bucks by downloading the episode yesterday as part of my pre-trip
planning. I also typed a couple of movie previews, and since I’m just killing a
little more time because someone already did the crossword puzzle in the
American Way magazine, I figured I would type this blog, which if things go as
planned, I can post tonight. Obviously, if you are reading this, things went as
planned.

Weird how things sometime turn out when you are flying, though, because at
first there was no one sitting in the seat in front of me, then these two girls
seat-jumped (worrying me that the one now in front would put her seat back), and
then the dude who actually was assigned that seat showed up. He nicely let her
stay in his seat, instead taking the aisle. He then proceeded to slur his words
a bit (by his own admission he was at the airport bar and almost missed the
flight), explaining to her that country music in San Antonio is a lot different
than country music in Chicago, and she nicely dealt with conversation. As my
luck would have it, the dudette decided to spend the flight staring out the
window, with her seat in the upright position, while drunk dude proceeded to put
his seat as far back as possible, and probably drool a little while he napped.
Two empty seats next to me, someone in front who didn’t put their seat back, and
a nice take off and safe landing. That’s about all I ask for in a plane flight.

Anyway, I should probably start to wrap-up this quick little blog entry,
which is really just a test of seeing if I have my laptop set-up to remotely get
my blog updated, thanks to the free internet access at the hotel I am staying.
Sadly it doesn’t look like internet access on the airlines will be happening
soon, but then again, maybe it’s a good thing because the people in back of you
could peak through the seat and see that you are looking at internet porn. Which
does lead me to an interesting dilemma because since I watched “Heroes” on the
way down to Houston, I brought a couple of DVD’s to watch on the trip back to
The Windy City, one being “Thank You for Smoking” and the other being “Artie
Lange’s Beer League.” The dilemma part: They both are rated “R” and they both
contain nudity. Hopefully on the flight back there won’t be anyone sitting
behind me to wonder what kind of pervert watches that kind of stuff on a plane,
or maybe, better yet, a hot dudette will be sitting behind me, moving to the
seat next to me because she is interested in the kind of pervert that would
watch that kind of stuff on a plane. But that’s a story for a later blog.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

What’s New? A Podcast of: Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up: Go Bears! And Movies, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Sweet Sixteen Talk.

For this podcast of “Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up,” The Dude on the Right is happy the Chicago Bears are heading to the Super Bowl, and screw the orange crop, he’s hoping for a sudden freeze in Miami, complete with snow, on February 4th. The Dude also saw “Pan’s Labyrinth.” Stu Gotz, meanwhile, is worring The Dude will start painting himself in Bears’ colors, and took his kids to see “Arthur & The Invisibles.” Stu also helps The Dude with his “wearing a tie” dilemma.

The Doomsday Clock, Simon Cowell is the Only One Who Cares, and My Demon Dog.

Last week, in a nutshell, wasn’t too bad.

First there was news of the
Doomsday Clock moving
5 minutes before midnight. Now at first I was a little concerned, I mean this
clock is counting down to the end of the world – shouldn’t we all be stockpiling
food and water? This has to be as bad as Y2K, right? Well isn’t it? Oh wait; I
have no idea what the hell the Doomsday Clock is! Apparently I live under a rock
because this is a very important turn of events. After a quick search on the
information superhighway all is revealed. I found out that I don’t know anything
about this clock because I missed every issue of the Bulletin of the Atomic
Scientists, since 1947. Whew! I was really worried. Somehow that information was
missing among
global warming,

WMD’s and

Britney Spears not wearing underwear while out partying. Which makes me
wonder why in the world are a bunch of geeks changing time on a clip-art clock
every time they decide some nuclear threat has changed (did I mention it is an
arbitrary decision). Oh I know! They are

"experts." Need I say more……?

Then there is the start of
American Idol. Now I
must admit I do not care for the actual competition, I like to see the
auditions. I mean come on; can you believe there are people who don’t realize
they suck as bad as they do? I love the contestants that go up there, sing like
goats being tortured, and cry when Simon tells them the truth. How is it
possible that people can go through life actually thinking they have the best
voice on the planet? Do all of their friends and families actually think they
are good? Aren’t they supposed to love ya, or at least want to protect the
family name? It is mind-boggling. From what I can tell the only person who
actually loves these people (or humanity) is Simon. Hell, he will actually look
you in the face and tell you the truth. There should be less bashing of Simon
and more bashing of the uncaring family members who would rather you be
publicly humiliated then tell you, in private, that you can’t sing.

To round off my week I successfully took my demon dog to the vet. Now you
have to experience my demon dog to truly understand the success of this event.
My demon will bite just about anyone, at anytime, because you only thought about
touching her (I have scars to prove it). Now since her demonic behavior did not
appear until I had her for over 2 years, I couldn’t get rid of her because,
well, she was my demon dog. So, after extensive training and Prozac (for me and
the dog), I have been able to control most of her anger issues. This last one
was a stress free trip to the vet (for me not her). Face it, what dog wants
needles and fingers stuck in their butt? Usually this trip consists of a few
sedatives and three to four vet assistances holding her still. This time, after
five minutes and only three angry snaps at my hands, I was able to get a muzzle
on her. This was then followed by a calm, quiet, sober dog taking a shot in her
butt, and allowing fingers up her butt, without so much as a whimper. Could this
mean the exorcism worked? Only time will tell.

See Ya!
Trash

Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up: Go Bears! And Movies, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Sweet Sixteen Talk.

By:

The Dude on the Right
Stu was treated to a change in our theme music, at least for a few weeks, and
with Stu involved it must be another episode of "Stu & The Dude’s Weekend
Wrap-Up!"  Me, I’m psyched, because the
Chicago Bears beat up
the New Orleans Saints, and now it’s the Bears v. the
Colts (of Indianapolis of
course) in Super Bowl XLI. 
Aside from tattoo questioning, and wondering if Tony Dungy is bummed because
Lovie Smith will now always be known as the first black head coach to lead a
team to the Super Bowl, only because the Colts had the later game, Stu is
worried I’m going to start painting my face and belly.  Both of us also saw
some movies, mine being

"Pan’s Labyrinth," while Stu took his kids to see "Arthur and The
Invisibles."

Stu thinks I might be able to pull off wearing two ties to my
niece’s Sweet Sixteen party, and doesn’t seem to find Sacha Baron Cohen’s speech
at The Golden Globe Awards nearly as amusing as I did.

Thanks for listening and your comments.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Download and Listen Here Subscribe Here



Yahoo! Podcasts

What Tie Should I Wear, and I Pray My Niece Doesn’t Wear Cher’s Dress.

By:

The Dude on the Right
The last couple of days have brewed a cornucopia of blog ideas, ranging from
smoke alarm batteries, to a dream where I was eating human stew, to another
dream that included a fight resulting in two dudes falling from the top of the
Hancock building in Chicago, to yet another dream of my neglecting someone
else’s baby. But nothing is occupying my mind right now more than what tie I
should wear to the Sweet Sixteen party of my favorite niece (and her friend),
and now, after watching
“My Super Sweet 16” on MTV, how the hell can my niece
and her friend’s party ever top that of Cher (and no, not that Cher), especially
since I don’t think my niece is going to get a new Jaguar as a present.

On to my first dilemma – what tie to wear? In the photo included with this
blog I’ve narrowed it down to seven ties. From left to right, I start with the
colorful and swirly tie, which might have worked back in the early nineties, but
damn, for whatever reason, boring stripes seem to be back in style (I did like
the swirly and colorful era because when you spilled something on your tie, it
blended right in). Up next is my red, “power” tie. The problem here is I’m going
to a Sweet 16 party and not a job interview. Now there’s my Daffy Duck beach
party tie, which would be perfect if I knew if the party had a theme, like a
beach party (and don’t get me started, yet, on the Mardi Gras theme Cher had for
her party on MTV), and it was probably the favorite tie I would wear when I was
in my Radio Shack manager phase. I could reflect back to my high school days
when the rebel dudes would wear their ties with a big, ol’, fat knot (the 4th
one from the left), but if I did wear that tie, along with the humiliation of a
39 year old dude being seen like that, my mom would disown me.

Up next is another of my favorite ties, but sadly it’s after Christmas so a
“Grinch Stealing Christmas” theme tie probably won’t work, and then comes my tie
which only works if you wear it on one of two days, January 8th (The King’s
birthday), or August 16th (The King’s deathday). Any other day and you just seem
like an Elvis kook. Sadly, the seventh tie is the one I sent to the dry cleaners
today, because unless the theme of my niece’s party is “Be a Slob With Your
Food!”, “Get a Job!”, “Fun at the Beach!”, “Remember the Early Eighties in High
School”, “Christmas a Month Later!”, or “Elvis. ‘nuff Said!”, I’ve got to stick
with the boring, dark blue tie, that matches my suit.

But my choice of tie is nothing compared to my worrying about how my niece
and her friend’s party will compare to Cher’s.

Thanks to my buddy Stu Gotz, who mentioned the show “My Super Sweet 16” on
MTV, I decided to watch it. It was Cher’s party, and she has been known to throw
the coolest parties, and supposedly her Bat Mitzvah was legendary. Her theme was
Mardi Gras (thankfully none of the girls seemed to know what you had to do to
get beads because that would be just wrong), and she was ready to just die
because the float she was supposed to ride to her party looked like crap a
couple of days before said party. Then, of course, was the car shopping, where
she pretty much wanted a Jaguar, and not the $30,000+ version, nope, she wanted
the
$90,000+ version, and would die if she didn’t get it. So the party starts,
she arrives via a magic trick (which, of course, she was totally worried it
wouldn’t work because she would be so embarrassed), she does some dancing where
her pants kept falling down (didn’t she at least rehearse in those pants prior
to the party?), and is worried about what her friends will think about her dress
that is pretty revealing.

I know my niece didn’t have a Bat Mitzvah, so she doesn’t have that party to
compare it to, and aside from the fact I’m not sure if my niece will be arriving
on a float, if the party has a theme, if she’ll be doing a spotlight dance where
her pants fall down, and I’m assuming my sister and brother-in-law won’t be
getting her a $90,000 car as her gift, I’m not sure how my favorite niece’s
Sweet 16 party can stack up to Cher’s. But as her Uncle, I just pray to Little
Baby Jesus that my niece doesn’t wear a dress that was skimpier than the outfit
of a stripper named Destiny I remember seeing years ago in Las Vegas. Cher wore
that dress.

And I still have to try to figure out what tie to wear, and why the hell I
had a dream where I was eating human stew.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

What’s New? A Podcast of: We Welcome “Trash’s Trash,” Is “American Idol” Meaner, and some Shout-Outs.

For this podcast The Dude on the Right introduces a new feature, “Trash’s Trash,” wonders about the mean-ness at “American Idol,” questions his regard for “Da Coach,” and gives some “shout-outs.”

We Welcome “Trash’s Trash,” Is “American Idol” Meaner, and some Shout-Outs.

By:

The Dude on the Right
We have a new feature here at Entertainment Ave!,
"Trash’s Trash." 
One of our staff members,
Trash,
wanted to contribute more, so I gave her a blog.  What have I done?

But
in other podcast talk,
"American Idol" has started again, and I think Simon, Paula, and Randy are
meaner this year, or maybe it’s just me.  I’m also not as big a Mike Ditka
fan as I used to be, and I give some well-deserved shout-outs.

Thanks for listening and your comments.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

Download and Listen Here Subscribe Here



Yahoo! Podcasts

I Can Be an “Expert” About Resolutions.

I thought about making my first "Trash" entry all about me, about who I am,
where I come from, but screw that.  If you want to know about me, my

Entertainment Ave! bio is here. 

So, you know what, here it is, the third week of January and I wondered how
are all of those resolutions for 2007 are  working out for you? The answer
is probably "Pretty damn bad."

This year I decided to use the advice of "experts" to set my 2007 goals. 
Hey, they are "experts," they get paid pretty good money to sit in a chair on
CNN, and they give you advice. I figured those "experts" had to know something I
didn’t – After all, how can you fail with advice like… "set realistic goals"
and "don’t get discouraged if you slip."  Well, apparently, I do know
something these "experts" do not know…..my life in 2006 is just as crappy as
it was in 2007.

Let’s take the resolution millions of American’s make every year.  "In
2007, I will lose 10 pounds."  Now before I allowed myself to fail, I took
the advice of "experts" and modified that goal to be "I will exercise at least
20 minutes, three days a week (to get that Bowflex body of course)."  Well
even as we speak I have managed to crank out only one 30 minute workout. 
WHY!?  Easy!  I did not change jobs in 2007.  I have the same
crappy hours.  I continue to work my ass off for 12 hours a day, five days
a week, to come home tired.  And I manage to make my way to the couch when I
get home, and have to convince myself tomorrow will be better.  Guess what! 
It is not any better because I still have the same job with long hours!  If
I actually had any chance of meeting my simple goal of exercising at least 20
minutes, three days a week (to get that Bowflex body), I would have had to have
achieved a different goal first…..find a  better job with fewer hours.  Oh,
and screw that don’t get discouraged crap.  I was a human being in 2006,
and I guess that I am still a human being in 2007.  So let us think about
this one – If I had the human emotion of disappointment in 2006, I am guessing
nothing magical happened at midnight, 2007, in whatever time-zone, to erase that
human emotion (no spaceship took me on board and did experiments on me at
midnight, I think).

So I have to ask myself this new question…  "How does one become a CNN
‘expert?’"  My guess is they only work 10 hours a week and may not actually be
human.  If I had that gig then I would have all of the time in the world to achieve
my goal, and not feel bad if I didn’t!

See Ya!
Trash

What’s New? A Podcast of: Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up: “Alpha Dog” Talk, Football Talk, Weather Talk, and Anniversary Talk.

For this podcast of “Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up,” The Dude on the Right is mad at the weather people, Stu Gotz is mad he liked Justin Timberlake in “Alpha Dog,” and Stu solicits The Dude’s view of the upcoming Chicago Bear’s game. Stu also wonders why Mama Gotz wants to do some special celebrating for their five-year anniversary.