Maybe This is Why Your Child is Fat

I kind of remember the first time I saw a little baby being fed Cheerios. I believe it was in church. I found it kind of odd, but it did seem to keep the baby happy. At issue, though, in my head, was the baby was kind of chubby and the bag of Cheerios the mom had was about two servings of Cheerios. In my head I said, “Shouldn’t you at least scale down the amount you give the kid to be an appropriate serving?”

Oh well.

I don’t know why the Cheerios thing came to my head when I saw the girl, but there she was, yes, kind of chubby, and gnawing on a fast-food hash brown. I pegged her to be about three years old, a cute-enough kid, and found it odd, her gnawing on a hash-brown, or maybe more odd, that Mom was just about forcing it down her throat. I guess I’ll leave any preaching aside, but today just wonder: Would you feed fast-food hash browns to a three year old?

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

The Halloween Lie?

Now that it’s over, and my research has begun, I’m beginning to think that Halloween is just a lie. Okay, maybe not Halloween, but the idea that hundreds of cute, little kids will be showing up at your door, with their cute, little costumes, pronouncing “Trick or treat!”, and you will smile with glee, tell them how cute they are, give them some candy, and have their parents remind them to say “Thank you.” I think it’s a scam propagated by the candy companies to entice you to buy bags and bags of candy only to leave you waiting by the front door, peering out to see if the kiddies are coming, while you are chowing down on Reese’s Cup after Reese’s Cup only to be left with bags and bags of candy to eat because hey, who returns candy?

Sure, some of my Facebook friends professed their busloads of children arriving at their door, and a couple of people I talked to spoke of a couple of dozen kids showing up, but I think they are just plants for the candy companies, sustaining the stories, and I also think they are paid-off by the candy folk. I also think the companies hire a couple of hundred little kids, dress them up nicely, and ship them off to a few neighborhoods so that some pictures can be posted and the tall-tales of Halloween mayhem will continue.

Why do I feel that this entire trick-or-treating thing is a scam? It started when I lived in my townhouse. I remember the first Halloween. There were a lot of kids in the neighborhood, and in my head I thought a townhouse development would be a fantastic place to trick-or-treat so I loaded up on candy. I think that first year I had five kids show up. Year after year I would buy candy in the anticipation of kids, but there were years with no kids, some years I would have maybe five, but I think the best year was about ten and that was only because some high-schoolers were running from house to house, with their pillow cases, not really in costume, and I was able to unload a bag of candy on them.

A neighborhood anomaly I figured, so when we moved to our new house, a neighborhood with a lot of kids, hope for trick-or-treaters began anew. How many bags of candy would we need? Should we give out full-size bars? Should we decorate the house? The big night came, a howling night of cold with a winter wind that would leave the kiddies in their winter coats and the parents huddled at the end of the walk saying “Don’t forget to say ‘Thank you!'”, we expected it all. And expected. And expected.

Peering out the window and the door, the streets were barren. Leaves were blowing by, “Is that a group of kids?” “No, just the neighbor walking their dogs.”, but finally, success, our neighbors started their trick-or-treating, so here they came. The dog was dressed like The Lion King, the little girl was from Frosted, and the boy was adorable as he tried to jump up to ring the doorbell.

Two kids, a dog, and yes, parents reminding their children to say “Thank you.”, and that was it. The trick-or-treating was over. Left with bags of candy we blamed the weather, but I don’t think it was the weather, I think Halloween trick-or-treaters is a lie, and even though I probably won’t believe you if you answer anything higher than 25, I wonder: How many trick-or-treaters did you have for Halloween?

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

It’s Peanut Butter and Jelly Time

Every now and then for lunch, especially when the household is out of things like chicken breast, ham, or maybe even a leftover from dinner the night before, we break out the peanut butter and jelly. It might seem odd coming from a 40something year old dude, but I still like the standard peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The fact even came up with someone when they asked what I had for lunch one day, and I told them a PB&J sandwich. He initially looked at me like I was crazy, like how could you be having a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at your age, but then you could see the look on his face that it sounded refreshing and different, with almost a hint of jealousy that I was enjoying the tasty mix of the creamy peanut butter with the sweetness of the jelly.

There are a lot of variations on the sandwich, well, okay, maybe not a lot, but even the standard sandwich has choices like crunchy or smooth peanut butter, jelly or jam, toasted bread, white or wheat, and even with or without the crusts. For this wondering I’m not going to get crazy about the choices, but for me, I like my peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a little bit more jelly. Others I know prefer a lot of the peanut butter and just a dab of the jelly, then of course there are those who go for the even mix. And so I wonder: How do you like your peanut butter and jelly sandwich?

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Shopping Until You’re Dropping

So the other day was the 25th of October which means Christmas is now less than two months away. I’m already seeing stories on Facebook about stores that won’t be open on Thanksgiving to kick off the shopping season, and even though I do have my question of their validity, I’m too tired of “Snoping” everything for people when they keep sharing stuff that sounds odd, but with the simple thought that “It sounds good enough for me I’ll share it anyway even if there is not chance Bill Gates will give me money.” Then of course there is the opposite story, the ones how “Store X is the Devil because they will be open on Thanksgiving.”

Soon there will be the radio station playing nothing but Christmas music, although even with thousands and thousand of Christmas songs and variations they’ll be playing the same, short playlist of the same songs over and over, with Halloween coming to a close the shelves will magically transform to all things Christmas, and we’ll start to here stories of strategies for the best sales, and what the hot toy of the season will be. Yup, Christmas season is pretty much here, my wife is already threatening that we should decorate our house, and last weekend would have been perfect for it because the weather was nice except, well, we don’t really have any decorations for the house. Yet.

Bells will be jingling, reindeer will have a red nose, and there will be this baby in a manger very soon, but I’m wondering: Have you started your Christmas shopping yet?

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Sitting Where Their Butt Sat

As sometimes my wondering follows current events or people I see while I’m out on the town, the experience of moving has left me with lots of things I’m wondering about so count on seeing a few as the weeks roll by. This time it’s about toilet seats.

There are things I don’t always think of that are important I suppose, but others in my family seem to have it as just about #1 on the priority list when moving. Sure, there is contacting a moving company, making sure you have everything at closing, packing, maybe figuring out new furniture or the best place to put a lamp, even buying cleaning supplies for the initial move-in, but nowhere on my list of things to do was buy a new toilet seat. Yet there it was, I would say #2, nah, actually #1, on things to buy and install for the new house.

At the Home Depot we’re in the toilet seat isle and it’s not the easiest of choices to make. There are the easy-remove versions, elongated versus round (and from the number of boxes that were obviously returned it appears most people don’t get this one correct), padded, no-slam, and then do you go with the no-name brand versus say a Kohler? Sadly they didn’t have the version with the money molded into the plastic, so standard white was in order for our bathroom.

With new toilet seats in hand (we went with Kohler, with the slightly nicer one for the upstairs bathroom), and at the new house, changing out the toilet seats became one of my first priorities as, well, the need to use the toilet was quickly approaching and there would be no sitting where their butts sat. I will say as gross as it can be to change out your own toilet seat and see whatever gets in places under the plastic caps, it’s even a little more gross when it’s not your toilet seat and not your own gross.

With my fat ass nestled nicely on the new seat, and my correct guessing that we had round instead of elongated toilet bowls, I must admit it was kind of nice to be the person to christen a new toilet seat knowing mine was the first butt to grace its plastic. I also couldn’t help but wonder: Do you change the toilet seat when you move to a new place?

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Old Boots. New Dirt.

Artist: Jason Aldean
Listenability Scale: 93%
Released by: Brokem Bow Records
A Review by:
– Andy Labis

Well shit. I admit I pretty much dismissed caring about Jason Aldean and his new album, “Old Boots, New Dirt” after hearing the first single, “Burnin’ it Down.” Although a little catchy, I really didn’t care for it. It was nice and all, had some dirty, thought-provoking lyrics like “We’re just hangin around… Laying right here, naked in my bed.”, but I guess any thoughts of being a big-shot music mogul who can pick singles should just run out of my head because I would find myself changing stations whenever the fastest selling country single in 2014 would come on the radio.

Lucky for me I was given the chance to hear the rest of the album, and although I’ll let you know my favorites by the end of this review, I won’t count on any of my choices being the next hit single, though the album has potential for a ton of them.

“Just Gettin’ Started” kicks off the album, upbeat, and the stage is set that Jason’s on a trip of having a great time, mixing a bad-boy image with a touch of the sensitive side, and “Show You Off” continues the country-rockin’ attitude of “Hey, I’ve got this hot girl. Look at me.”

There’s a lot of up-beatness on the album, continuing on with songs like “Sweet Little Somethin’” and “I Took It With Me,” as well as “Tonight Looks Good On You,” but me, I was really liking a lot of the more thought-provoking, slower, reflective songs.

Songs like “Tryin’ To Love Me” and the line “I pushed, you pulled. Should’ve just fell into you…” bring instant thoughts of the jackass guy who doesn’t know how lucky he is with the good woman, and “Don’t Change Gone” is a wonderful, reflective look at a love, gone.

My favorites on the album, you know, those songs I can listen to over and over again, contain the trio of the title track, “Old Boots, New Dirt” that is another reflective-style song of trying to move on, “If My Truck Could Talk” which is just a fun look at something in your life that knows more about you than you do as well as knows every story of your life (I really love the lines “Anything to shut it up.” and “I’d have to find a river bank and roll it off, if my truck could talk.”), as well as the previously mentioned “Tryin’ to Love Me.”

Jason Aldean seems to like to portray the bad-boy image a lot, but “Old Boots, New Dirt” shows he’s quite the sensitive kind of guy, who also happens to like some cold Jack Daniels. My not really caring for “Burnin’ it Down” aside, I have to say that listening to “Old Boots, New Dirt” reminded me not to dismiss an album because of one song that’s not to my taste because I’m not fast-forwarding through anything else on the album. It’s 93% on the Entertainment Ave! Listenability Scale from me for “Old Boots, New Dirt.” If you, like me, aren’t a fan of his fastest selling single of 2014, I encourage you to give the rest of the album a try. You’ll probably like it.

That’s it for this one! L8R!!!

747

Artist: Lady Antebellum
Listenability Scale: 91%
Released by: Capitol Records Nashville
A Review by:
– Andy Labis

You might think Lady Antebellum, after four albums, would begin to lose their ability to stay fresh and shift a little into “resting on our laurels” mode, as well as that sometimes cookie-cutter, hit-manufacturing process some artists will drift. You would be wrong. Their fifth studio album, “747”, is as fresh as ever, contains a number of songs that keep getting stuck in my head, and though not perfect shows that the trio of Hillary Scott, Charles Kelley, and Dave Haywood aren’t about to just take the safe route with manufactured, radio-friendliness, and a “Whoa oh” thrown into a song for good measure.

If you’re a country fan you’ve undoubtedly heard “Bartender.” It’s been all over the country charts hitting the top spot easily with sing-a-long goodness and the fact that the girl is “comin’ in hot.” “Bartender” shows a little where most of the album is going, at least theme wise, with a lot of love is over (Bartender), missing love (Damn You Seventeen), realizing you’re just being used in love (Just a Girl, with the line “cuz I’m always your consolation prize”), and hoping love doesn’t fall apart (the barreling-through-the-skies title track, 747, “she gets a little bit closer to saying ‘Goodbye’” and the ever catchy “This 747 can’t go fast enough.”).

Lady Antebellum - 747The album, though, does have its share of happy things in love and living, like the reminiscing of “Down South,” challenges of getting the perfect girl in “She Is”, and what has the potential to be at every country wedding for a first dance or prom come come the Spring, “One Great Mystery” with sure, some sappiness in a line like “If I go first, I will wait for you,” but as someone in love with a girl who makes me happy every day I too wonder often “What did I ever do to make you fall for me?”

Though “Freestyle” isn’t my favorite track on the album, I will give credit with throwing in a nice Matthew McConaughey “All right, all right” reference, and “Lie With Me” kind of just floats out there for me, which I feel a little bad writing because in their press release it mentions Hillary Scott having high hopes for the song. I do understand the story of it and see the scene of the song play out, but it just doesn’t stick with me. I don’t find myself hitting the fast forward button on either of them either, though, so maybe they are continuing to grow on me.

While stretching their wings a little bit and trying a few new things, especially an album mostly of up-tempo, foot-stomping fun, I don’t think Lady Antebellum is drifting too far from their harmonious sounds to upset anyone in their fan-base. An album like 747, in fact, keeps them sounding fresh so it’s not just a collection of “That sounds just like…” album.

I will say when “Bartender” was on the radio I would eventually find the song stuck in my head at odd hours of the day. After listening to 747 the trio of “Damn You Seventeen,” “747,” and “One Great Mystery” have taken over, on a shuffle loop, invading my shower time, waking time, and just sitting around time. With that I’m thinking there are probably a few more hits destined for the radio from the album.

747 is Lady Antebellum goodness and 91% on the Entertainment Ave! Listenability scale. Whoa yea!

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Looking Cool but Unable to See

Do you know anyone who has worn glow-in-the-dark sunglasses?

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In looking for some promotional items my wife pointed out a listing for glow-in-the-dark sunglasses. At first this struck me as odd. I suppose maybe because I’m old, haven’t done ecstasy, and have nightmares at times with the Corey Hart classic “Sunglasses at Night” in my head, then I reverted to being ten years old. Normally I am twelve, at least so says my wife, but I can see being ten years old, being outside in the sun with, well, sunglasses, and then going inside into the basement, in the dark, and think I’m looking cool and rad (do kids even say “Rad?”) although I can’t see anyone because even though I’m looking cool and rad I am, well, wearing sunglasses.

Transporting myself back to being old I am now wondering about the liability of glow-in-the-dark sunglasses. If the purpose of the sunglasses is to wear them in the sun thereby energizing the “glow” part of the glasses, and then having to wear them in the dark in order to look cool, if you run into something, or hurt yourself while in said dark, can you sue the maker of the glow-in-the-dark sunglasses for some kind of negligence in promoting lack of sight in the dark, or worse yet, sue me for giving you such a dangerous accessory?

Yup, somehow I turned what is probably a fun promotional item into a lawsuit, but I revert back to my initial question bubble over my head, “Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses?” I guess I’ll simply wonder and ask, not worried if you know anyone who was injured, but: Do you know anyone who has worn glow-in-the-dark sunglasses?

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

Raw Potatoes Kill Acne

Search results for raw potatoes for acne.

Do you like eating raw potatoes?

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I was trying to come up with a headline for this “Andy Wonders” column, but I was having a tough time because the topic was about how I like eating raw potatoes. Other than something boring like “Do you like eating raw potatoes?”, I was a little stumped. Not wanting to wait forever for inspiration I did what any lazy person might do – I began a Google search with “raw potatoes,” and if you’ve ever paid attention, as you type a search, Google will start giving you a dropdown list of topics it thinks you might be looking for or that are popular right now. For this search the options were: raw potatoes, raw potatoes for dogs, and then, there on the list, was “raw potatoes for acne.” Curiosity got to me as I’ve been cursed with acne issues for what seems like forever so I clicked on the link and there was this list of results:

  • Potato reviews on Acne.org
  • RAW potato kills acne – Oily skin – Forums – Acne.org
  • 3 Ways to Get Rid of Acne Without Using Medication
  • How to Use Potatoes to Cure Acne (This from the Livestrong site)

And the list results went on about potatoes being good for acne scars, natural remedies for acne, and the benefits of potato juice especially for an upset stomach. Who knew?

People who suffer from acne will generally try putting just about anything on their pimples in hopes of finding a cure. I’ve read about using toothpaste, yogurt, Head and Shoulders Shampoo, Witch Hazel, and even semen. I will admit I’ve tried the toothpaste, the shampoo, and the Witch Hazel, but I just couldn’t bring myself to try the last one. Little did I know that I should have been slicing potatoes and making a potato mask instead of actually eating them.

I guess I could wonder if you’ve tried using potatoes for your acne, but I’ll stick with my original thought: Do you like eating raw potatoes?

That’s it for this one! L8R!!

A Solution for Too Much Debt

Are you worried about too much debt?

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It’s lunchtime, and I’m eating a chicken sandwich, some yogurt, and an apple with the TV news on. They have the normal things like a story about an overnight shooting in Chicago, a blurb about violence overseas, and other depressing news, then they shift to lighter fare like how to make a good chicken parmesan and the weather. Like I said, normal things. Commercials, though, during the daytime, are anything but normal. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you should call this one lawyer because he can make you millions, there’s a lawyer that has never lost a case and will win your injury-at-work case for you, if you have a loved one who has bed sores at a nursing home or died there it’s probably worth money to you, and then I find out that what worries most people is too much debt. I learn this not by some Harvard study the news spotlights but by a dude during a commercial telling me that I am worried about debt, and that he has the solution: Declare bankruptcy. The easiest thing about bankruptcy? He can help, of course, and all that I need to do is make a phone call and my worries will be gone! How did he know what worries me?

I’m sure debt worries a lot of folks and maybe bankruptcy is the only option for a few, but the bankruptcy business must be pretty good because he sure has a lot of commercials. Me, I’ll give you a pretty good solution if you have too much debt – don’t spend so much money. Scraping for $20 to pay for some food at the end of the month yet have a full-boat cable package? Guess what, go ahead and cancel the “gotta have every channel” for the “I only watch these channels anyway” package. Tell your kid, “No.” when he asks for the $150 pair of gym shoes, and do you really need a Coach purse? Saving money and getting out of debt isn’t always easy, it’s kind of like the opposite of dieting. To lose weight you have to spend more calories than you take in, but to get out of debt and actually save you have to spend less “calories” compared the “calories” you get. The equation is simple, or you can pray you get mesothelioma because at least you can get a cash settlement.

Okay, I’m preaching to the choir, and I’ll admit that I’m not always great with my dieting nor my savings plan, but it can be done and without the help of the guy on TV. For me debt isn’t what always worries me, but I do wonder: Are you worried about too much debt?

That’s it for this one! L8R!!