Author: Andy Labis

Do You Want a Motorcycle?

I’ve been hearing a lot about motorcycles lately, namely people who want them, or especially in seeing these tricycle style bikes, all tricked out, or as I call them, motorcycle wannabes. As I look around on the internet I find that they are called “trikes,” yes, like the little kid tricycles, and even Harley-Davidson, or what I thought was the “cool of the cool” in terms of motorcycles, is in the game, with something called the “Tri Glide Ultra” (It starts at $32,549 according to the Harley website). It also seems Harley has been doing trikes for quite some time, but maybe it’s just because I’ve been seeing them more recently that I’ve started to care.

Me, when I was in high school, we had a moped, which I thought was cool, but really, in retrospect, was kind of dorky. The thing was, with the moped, you didn’t need a license to drive one, as the contraption combined the thrill of the motorcycle with pedals you could actually use should you run out of gas, I suppose. The other problem was that the pedals were practically useless as it was akin to pedaling a 100 pound bicycle in first gear should that 100 pound bicycle be a ten speed. I, however, was also a rebel, as our moped actually had an engine that was classified as too large to be considered on the “bicycle” license so that if I was actually pulled over by the cops, I could be arrested for not having a motorcycle license.

Anyway, the thing about the “trike” is it just seems like a lazy man’s motorcycle, with the three wheels so you don’t really have to balance, and many times it seems the trike owners tend to trick out their trikes, adding much more in terms of bling to them, as if seeing you on a trike didn’t bring attention to you enough, now you have to make it fancy.

Trikes aside, there is the part of me that thinks riding a motorcycle would be cool, what with the wind in your hair and bugs in your teeth, reminiscent of my days on the moped. But then the practical part of me goes that I can’t really afford a motorcycle, living in the Chicago area means I could only really ride it for half a year, then there are the asshole drivers I see who don’t treat motorcycle riders with any respect, and to top it off my garage is too small.

In the end I don’t see myself riding a motorcycle anytime soon, let alone buying one, but that’s not going to stop me from plighting: Do you want a motorcycle?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Do you pull a spoon out of your mouth upside down?

Many times I think I’m weird, have weird thought processes, or do weird things, but as I was eating ice cream years ago my wife pointed out to me that I pull the spoon out of my mouth upside down.  I let the comment go, even though I realized it did, but it wasn’t until I started paying attention to my yogurt eating lately that I’ve become obsessed with it,  as yes, I put the spoon full of yogurt in my mouth, and then turn it over so that my bottom lip cleans off the spoon. As I now pay attention to different things I eat with a spoon, I notice I don’t do it with everything. My cereal in the morning? Nope, in goes the spoon right-side-up, and then it comes out the same way. Soup? Pretty much the same thing, as long as it’s a “liquid” kind of soup like chicken noodle. But when it comes to creamier things, like yogurt, ice cream, or something like a cream of broccoli soup, in goes the spoon right side up, and then I’ll turn the spoon upside down in my mouth, and pull it out perfectly clean.

So, as I was eating my yogurt the other day and pulling the spoon out of my mouth, I wondered how many others seemed to do this, or if you even realize you do it? This might be a plight you need to investigate, so if you don’t know for sure, go out, get some ice cream or yogurt, eat it with a spoon, and report back on how you pull the spoon our of your mouth. Until then I plight: Do you pull a spoon our of your mouth upside down?

That’s it for this plight! I”m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Have you Considered Training for a Marathon?

Every now and then I go for a long walk. Sometimes it’s with our dog, Milo, and sometimes it will be a solo walk, but undoubtedly, during one of these walks, I think to myself, “Self, you like longs walks. Why don’t you train for a marathon?” In my head I have grandiose notions of being some 40+ year old dude who can somehow beat the Kenyans to the finish line at the Chicago Marathon, then I’ll try to jog for a while instead of walk, and then, rather quickly, as I’m huffing and puffing, reality kicks back in as I then think to myself, “Self, what are you thinking?”, and then it’s back to walking. The thinking then goes back to things like my “bowler’s knee” as I call it, where I have issues with my left knee from all of my years of bowling when I was a younger lad. Then the thoughts go to my OCD, or rather I should say my ankle OCD, or to be technical, my osteochondrosis dessicans, and figuring there is no way my ankle, let alone my knee would be up for the challenge. Then, of course, there is the actual training, where, I was reminded today by a post from a friend on Facebook, that you shouldn’t drink beer while training for a marathon. I know beer is involved in marathon training, but I think it’s supposed to be after the marathon and not before.

I know a couple of people who have completed a marathon and applaud them, and I know a couple of others who are training (I’m not sure on one of them anymore as their excuse for training was so that they could eat more, or at least so they posted), but me, I think I’ll stick to my walks. That is, unless, beer is part of the “before” training regimen. Maybe I’ll have to look into this marathon training a little more.

With the Chicago Marathon coming up in a little over a month, and inspired by a post by a friend of mine, I know I consider marathon training every now and then, and so I plight: Have you considered training for a marathon?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

Is it Wrong to Use a Coupon at Goodwill?

The other day I had twenty dollars in my pocket. What is a man to do? Of course, I went to the Goodwill because I could really use some gator shoes that were green and a velour jumpsuit. Upon entering there was a lady at the table, and she offered me a coupon. I thought to myself, “Self, it’s a coupon! Sweet!”, but then I thought, “Self, it’s a coupon for Goodwill. Weird.”

Now, I know some of bad stories about Goodwill, about the executives supposedly making money while the workers get paid squat, and even I wonder how they are able to expand so quickly where it almost seems there is a Goodwill on every corner lately, but for Goodwill to issue a coupon seems a bit bizarre, even if it is probably meant for someone who needs it a little bit more than I do. Don’t get me wrong, I like a good bargain, but is Goodwill hurting to the point now that they have to issue coupons?

Sadly, my Goodwill was out of the green, gator shoes, and the velour jumpsuit looked a bit, well, too velour, so I ended up leaving the store empty handed, and I didn’t even keep the coupon even though I probably should have taken it for another trip down the road, or maybe to pass along to some people who might be able to use it more, but all I could kept thinking, and so I have to plight: Is it wrong to use a coupon at Goodwill?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Are You Ready for Autumn?

Sure, this is mostly a northern hemisphere question for all of my worldly readers, but as the weather is starting to shift here in Chicago, and we always seem to say that it’s been a weird this season or that season, as the sunny hours are getting shorter, the skies are getting grayer, and the weather goes from oodles of boob sweat or sweating your balls off, to “Where did I put my jacket?”, it’s the time of year when the summer folks are sad to see the warmth go, and the winter folks are happy because snow is right around the corner. Me, I enjoy the change of seasons, sometimes like a decent snow, and love the change of colors in the fall, so I guess it’s not too much of a stretch to say I’m looking forward to fall. I guess my only complaint is that the perfect time of year, you know, when he colors are at their peak, always seems to be too short. It’s kind of like winter when there is that one week that is perfect, or the summer when you get a decent stretch of not too hot, not too cold weather, or even the spring, when the flowers just start to bloom and it feels like, well spring in the air.

I guess what I’m really saying is that it’s almost too bad the year wasn’t four months long, with one perfect month for each season because, generally, it seems after about one month we would be ready for the next one. Instead we always get those in-between months, where it’s not quite in season, it’s not quite out of the season, and we are either in “I wish it were…” or “What happened to…?” mode.

In any case, before you know it the leaves will be off of the trees, people will complain about it being too cold, and I’ll be having a plight about if you are ready for spring. For now, though, I plight: Are you ready for Autumn?

That’s it for this plight!I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Frankenstein’s Army

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:24 Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right

Frankenstein’s Army
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Karel Roden, Joshua Sasse, Robert Gwilym, Alexander Mercury
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Dark Sky Films / MPI Media Group
Blu-ray Release Date: September 10, 2013
Kiddie Movie: It’s got a lot of gore. Best send them to bed without the pending nightmares.
Date Movie: Only if she is a fan of campy horror films.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of blood and cutting of human skulls.
Action: The zombots are pretty slow. Nah.
Laughs: It’s got some “over-the-top” chuckles in the horror kind of way.
Memorable Scene: I loved Propellerhead.
Memorable Quote: Nothing stood out.
Directed By: Richard Raaphorst
On the Blu-ray: It’s got a “Making of…” featurette, and quick clips of the zombots so you don’t have to re-find them on the Blu-ray.

Remember the movie “Edward Scissorhands?” You know the movie, with Johnny Depp playing Edward, and he has scissors for hands. Remember how Edward was nice, tried to be good, and all-around tried to help people? Remember how you secretly thought, “I wish Edward was a bad-ass, and would go around killing people with those hands!” Okay, maybe you didn’t wish that, but all I could think about during “Frankenstein’s Army” was that this movie has taken the concept of “scissors as hands” to an entirely new level.

It’s the end of World War II and a group of Russian solders are making their way through Germany when they stumble upon a decimated village. In their investigating further they begin to come across monsters, “zombots” as it would be, looking part human with industrial objects for body parts, i.e. drills, machetes, propellers, and just, well, the most bizarre killing machines one can imagine.

Further stumbling by our “documentarian” (the movie is shot as a “found footage” film) leads us to the lab of Viktor, who, it seems, has come across Dr. Victor Frankenstein’s journals, has found out how to meld soldiers with machines, and has been ordered by Hitler to make an army of killing zombots. We learn how Viktor does it (turns out you don’t really need to be delicate for brain surgery after all), and all along the way gruesomeness is encountered as the zombots are made for one thing, and one thing only, and that’s for killing, well, all except the cute, little one with a teddy bear attached to a woman’s head, a.k.a., Teddy Bear Woman.

Here’s the thing. I loved the concept of the movie, the campiness of the idea, and the potential for gruesome fighting scenes, but somewhere things seemed to get sidetracked. First there is the fact that the setup in getting to the actual zombots seems to take forever, which isn’t good for a movie that’s only 84 minutes long. There’s a lot of the soldiers trudging through the countryside, finding the village, and finally getting to the decimation of the soldiers. Also, and maybe it’s because I’m not a fan of “found footage” kinds of films, you know, those movies like “The Blair Witch Project” where someone finds a movie camera with footage of something bad that happens, but the jittery nature of the movie really annoyed me, and I also felt the movie could have benefitted so much more from a real camera shoot, allowing us to get a true “picture” of the twisted nature of the army of killing zombots. Lastly, and I know this is just a weird technicality on my part, but it seemed like the soldiers sure seemed to have an endless supply of bullets as they were trying to kill the zombots, especially with this being World War II weaponry.

The thing that saved the movie, though, is the utter campiness of the film, with the zombots being awesome, and me just wishing there were more of them, or maybe a scene out in the open with a squadron of these killing “machines” wiping out a squadron of lowly troops, but alas, most of the fun of the movie takes place in the dungeons and labs of Viktor.

For me if they lost the “found footage” concept, and had a full-on battle, this could have been an easy 5 star movie, but in the end I was nearly bored for the first third, and wishing for more for the rest of the film. I would leave the movie at around 2 stars, but the zombots are worth about a star and a half so I’ll end up at 3 ½ stars. I guess I just finished the movie wanting more.

The Blu-ray has a “Making of…” feature, which is nice and all but would mostly be for the uber-fan, and I was disappointed in the “Creature Spots” feature which was just short clips from the actual film of some of the creatures, i.e., Propellerhead and Teddy Bear Woman, and no real insight into the creatures or design of them. I’m sure there were some budgetary constraints, but maybe a little more than just a quick film clip of the zombot would have been nice.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Have you Considered “Cutting the Cord”?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about “cutting the cord.” I’m not talking about an umbilical cord, but about the Cable TV cord. Here’s the thing, in Chicago there is a new service called Aereo coming, and basically what they do is set you up with some hard drive space in the cloud, poach the HD TV signal in your area, and as long as you are in the area you can watch broadcast TV on your handheld devices or port the signal to your big TV. You kind of get a DVR and HD antenna all in one. Sure, the drawback is you are stuck with your normal, everyday broadcast TV, and sure, it’s kind of not really cutting the cable because you are still paying for the service and need your internet connection at home if you want, but if you are trying to get rid of your actual cable TV folks, it might be an option if it becomes available in your area.

I’ve been doing some financial analysis, and if you think about the cost of your monthly cable bill you can probably ditch the cable, subscribe to Aereo and fill things in with a Netflix, Hulu Plus, or even Amazon or iTunes subscriptions and “cutting the cord” would still be cheaper, at least so my preliminary numbers seem to show. More analysis is in order, especially calculating how many versions of the Real Housewives I’ll be subscribing to, but I think I might still save a few bucks by finally telling my cable TV people to kiss my ass, or at least the TV portion of my bill.

With Aereo coming to Chicago in about a week or so, it’s got me thinking, and so I plight: Have you considered “Cutting the Cord”?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

What’s the bigger story: Microsoft buys a phone, Android likes candy, or Apple is having a meeting?

Yesterday there seemed to be technology news all around, with each company hoping to trump the other it seems. In the morning we woke up to find that Microsoft is finally doing something many folks say should have been done long ago, or at least now they are copying Google instead of Apple, by purchasing a phone company. Much like Google bought Motorola, or technically Motorola Mobility I guess, Microsoft has decided to buy Nokia. Not a huge surprise to many, but maybe a little too late to the smartphone playground to matter is what others think.

In other news, Google has decided it doesn’t like pie, but instead prefers candy, saying that their next operating system that will probably take years to be implemented across devices (Yes, that is a dig at the Android system taking too long to be implemented across carriers) will not be called Key Lime Pie as was widely rumored, but somehow Google Android is teaming with Nestle and calling the next version of the Android OS, well, KitKat.

Then, of course, trumping them all, and on the news this morning with nary a story about Microsoft nor Android, is the final tech story from yesterday, that being Apple announcing their “Media Event,” under the tag-line “This should brighten everyone’s day.” Yup, in one of the worst kept secrets Apple officially announced their event for September 10th where they will undoubtedly announce their new line-up of iPhones, including the iPhone 5s which may or may not have a fingerprint sensor, and the iPhone 5c which may or may not be cheaper and in many colors.

Poor Microsoft, a victim of Apple ruining their headline. Google throwing out a story that seems like “We just need something out there.”, and Apple trumping them all with a story everyone knew was coming. The next question is will Samsung’s announcement of a watch trump them all if they announce it today?

I guess this answer probably centers around your OS loyalty, but in the end I plight: What’s the bigger story: Microsoft buys a phone, Android likes candy, or Apple is having a meeting? I leave the watch for later.

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Did you eat something off of a barbecue grill on Labor Day?

It was almost a weird Labor Day for me as the unthinkable almost happened. Sure, it was the “official” end of summer with the Labor Day Weekend coming and going, and although there might be another chance or two for another summer-time corn dog (best chance right now is something called Sandwich Fair here in Illinois, also known as the Dekalb County Fair, but we’ll see), this year’s final corn dog came about thanks to Naperville’s Last Fling, where they actually had hand-dipped corn dogs, though still not as good as the Channahon Three Rivers Festival.

As things are wont to do, though, my wife and I started to have our discussion about dinner, and at first things centered around things not barbecue. There was some talk about chicken parmesan, I thought a little bit about pizza in my head, but then, thankfully, things turned around and went to hamburgers and macaroni salad, the latter thanks to a sample at Trader Joe’s, and the former being a perfect combination for the latter. And, oh yea, our other local grocery story had sweet corn at 10 for $1.00, so corn also became an option.

And so, my summer finished off with hamburgers topped with cheddar cheese, bacon, onion, and tomato, with grilled corn and macaroni salad on the side, and all became well with the world, but I wondered, and so I plight: Did you eat something off of a barbecue grill on Labor Day?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Should “twerk” have been added to the Oxford Dictionary Online?

I have to admit that this is sort of a trick question. You see, there are two versions of the Oxford Dictionary. First there is the prestigious Oxford English Dictionary. This is the official dictionary where words are never removed, some words may be way out of date, and is sort of the “Official” dictionary. Then there is the Oxford Dictionary Online. From the Oxford University Press, the folks that put out both, “The dictionary content in ODO focuses on current English and includes modern meanings and uses of words,” which I take to mean as the “We can add things, and take them away, and it’s fun to get in the news when we add things like ‘twerk’ and ‘grats’ to it” version.

During the week there was much hubbub as The Oxford folks added “twerk” to the ODO version, much to the dismay of scholars, but probably much to the delight of Miley Cyrus who is now taking credit for a word being added to the dictionary even though it has supposedly been used since around the time she was born. It’s also a word that will probably, thanks to Miley, be shunned from this week forward as visions of people dancing as teddy bears and a Disney star going blue, sporting a foam finger, and wishing her tongue was as long as Gene Simmons’ will forever be associated with it thanks to her performance on the MTV Video Music Awards.

I suppose, maybe, this plight should have actually been something like “Did you know there are two versions of the Oxford dictionary?”, but what fun would that have been? Instead, now I’m wondering if you answered the question in your head thinking “twerk” was added to the “official” dictionary? In the end, though, I plight: Should “twerk” have been added to the Oxford Dictionary Online?

That’s it for this plight! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!