MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:40 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, but you might know him better as The Rock, and now that he has secured the name from the wrestling folks, I suppose I’ll just start calling him The Rock now, and for this one, and with all due respect to the rest of the actors, it’s really all about The Rock, and if I had made the movie, he would have been, pretty much, the only actor.
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Universal Pictures
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: For goodness sake, leave them at home.
Date Movie: For goodness sake, leave her at home.
Gratuitous Sex: It might have added a star if Rosamund got naked.
Gratuitous Violence: I will say the violence was pretty gratuitous.
Action: It was supposed to be scary, but it wasn’t.
Laughs: Only when there weren’t supposed to be any.
Memorable Scene: Rosamund did look good as it didn’t look like she was wearing a bra and it was a little cold on the set at times.
Memorable Quote: Absolutely none.
Directed By: Andrzej Bartkowiak

I couldn’t believe I was laughing, but there I was, watching “Doom,” and rather than being held spellbound, rather than sitting on the edge of my seat afraid of what was around the corner, I was just laughing. It wasn’t that the movie was a comedy, but it all just kind of piled on every cliché about an action movie that the movie just became funny for me. And that is not what I wanted.

Pretty much the movie starts trying to follow the video game story of “Doom,” namely there has been some kind of incident at a science lab on Mars. Enter who are supposed to be our heroes, namely Sarge (The Rock), Reaper (Karl Urban), Destroyer (DeObia Oparei), Goat (Ben Daniels), Duke (Raz Adoti), Portman (Richard Brake), and The Kid (Al Weaver). There is also a good scientist-doctor, who’s good-looking, too, along for the ride, namely Samantha Grimm (Rosamund Pike). Their mission: To save the trapped scientists, retrieve any scientific data, and rid the facility of the menace that is terrorizing it. But what is terrorizing the facility? Like the game, it seems there has been some weird sciencing going on over on Mars, and now there are these mutants hell bent on infecting or killing anything that isn’t a mutant. So, our bunch of warriors quickly find out that it’s not a disgruntled employee wreaking havoc, and eventually the good doctor fills who is left in what might be going on after Sarge loses most of his crew. Now it’s up to Sarge and the few men left, along with the doctor, to save the day. And then, just when you thought the movie was pretty stupid to begin with up to this point, it takes a horrible turn, which, I won’t really ruin for you if you see the film, but all I could think at the climactic battle was how dumb The Rock looked as a giant scorpion in “The Mummy Returns,” and how dorky he seemed in this ending, which is too bad because other than his role in “The Mummy Returns,” I’ve been enjoying his career.

Anyway, there was a pretty cool scene, kind of an homage to the video game, as for a couple of minute the action is in the first person shooter mode, but unlike when I was playing the game, this didn’t scare me at all.

Look, I loved the video game. It was creepy, there were times when it actually scared me, but it took the player to levels that were really supernatural, and sadly, the movie didn’t do any of this for me, and in all honesty, I don’t think it could. For the movie, I suppose, they had to have some sort of storyline, when, for the most part, although “Doom” the game does have a story, it really is just about shooting things and finding things and ways to continue to the next level.

They did do a nice job recreating the look of the video game, but that’s not enough, and really, for the game, snappy dialogue really wasn’t necessary. For the movie, the dialogue is pretty much useless also, mostly because it is so bad.

I wanted this movie to be good, but as I sat through it, I realized it had no chance. Some video games have a chance to be made into movies, games more like the Tomb Raider series, but the only way “Doom” would have worked, at least for me, is if they pretty much just followed a walk-thru of the game, let it be one dude like the game, in this case Sarge, having to kill lots of mutants and find clues along the way, sometimes finding a doctor who might give him some help, but this movie lost it in trying to be, well, a movie, instead of a video game.

For “Doom,” it’s 1 star out of 5. I’m so disappointed.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!