Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 2:16 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Pirates of the Caribbean:
On Stranger Tides
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Keith Richards
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: The Walt Disney Studios
Release Date: October 18, 2011
Kiddie Movie: Not too young, the mermaids are mean.
Date Movie: Only if she is an uber-fan.
Gratuitous Sex: Lots of boobs almost popping out of tops is about it.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of it – in pirate sstyle.
Action: There’s a lot of chasing going on.
Laughs: Not really, except for Jack Sparrow’s goofiness.
Memorable Scene: The mean mermaids.
Memorable Quote: Nothing really.
Directed By: Rob Marshall
Produced By: Jerry Bruckheimer
Cool things about the Blu-ray: Unless you pop for the 5-disc set, which includes tons of extras, the only coolness for the basic version is it looks cool, and the Disney Second Screen . The 5-disc includes a 3D and a lot more.

I’ve generally liked most of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, what with Jack Sparrow bouncing around and acting goofy, so I was partly anticipating watching the “On Stranger Tides” version, but I was a little worried that the story might have been getting old.  Sadly, for me, it has.

Let’s start with the story…

Back is Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow, hoping to avoid jail time by escaping as only Jack Sparrow can.  Alas, things are mysterious on the high seas again, with this time the quest being the proverbial Fountain of Youth.  Yup, there’s a map, evil pirates, and let’s throw in Penelope Cruz as Angelica in the mix for good measure, and you pretty much get 2+ hours of the search for said Fountain.

Sure, there are dastardly deeds going on, and with any good pirate quest there are twists and turns, but other than Jack Sparrow searching for the Fountain of Youth, you don’t need to know too much more about this movie, especially since, after about 5 minutes, it turns into an action-fest where the story takes a back seat to the bombastic action on the screen, make that the storage area behind the back seat, to the action. Yup, there are people chasing, people being chased, fights between pirate ship crews, fights between, well, you know what, it doesn’t matter, because for me it got boring, tired, and old really fast.

Yup, Jack Sparrow clumsily waddles around, somehow he gets out of jam after jam, and maybe Angelica and Jack have a thing for each other, but this movie was really missing something, and I think that relates to the original movie with Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom being a great side story to that of Jack Sparrow’s antics.

Look, the movie will look great on your big screen, and will sound great through your audio system, but this one is all about the action and not about any story.  And if you think you might want keep the kids awake for the ride, this is a hard PG-13 in my opinion, with some of the scariest mermaids I’ve ever seen (forget Little Mermaid love for this one), and the kiddies might end up with some nightmares and hate Ariel for life.

In the end it’s 1 ½ stars for “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.” Oddly enough I really wanted more of a story.

Get the Blu-ray for the action, and also, don’t worry too much about the extras.  There is a blooper reel that is pretty lame in blooper reel standards, and the Blu-ray does have the Disney Second Screen feature which is kind of neat if you are really interested in how the movie is made, and, oh yea, I suppose maybe better for the kiddies than the actual movie is the LEGO Animated Shorts, but unless you go balls out for the 5-Disc Combo pack complete with 3D, you’re getting the Blu-ray to be blasted onto your back wall with action.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:04 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Jordi Molla, Ray Liotta, Paul Reubens
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Release Date: 2001
Kiddie Movie: Unless you want them to be drug dealers, or users. Actually, maybe you should bring them – it might scare them straight.
Date Movie: She might get frightened and hold your hand.
Gratuitous Sex: Some.
Gratuitous Violence: Some pretty gratuitous violence.
Action: Not really, it’s more of a drama.
Laughs: Not really.
Memorable Scene: Most of the movie is a scene.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Ted Demme

After seeing “Blow” I almost think I can be a drug dealer. Granted I wouldn’t have the guts to get started in the first place, but it was a nice lesson in things to and not to do if you plan on dealing drugs. But first, let’s give you a brief rundown of the story.

In “Blow” you’ve got Johnny Depp playing the real-life drug dealer George Jung. George is one of those guys who just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and in the end at the wrong place at the wrong time. Through the story we get to see George finding himself on a beach in California with his buddy Tuna (Ethan Suplee). Life is well, especially with their being able to hang out with a bunch of stewardesses, and getting high. Paid a visit by another buddy, George realizes that there is a market for good pot on the east coast, hooks up with Derek (Paul Reubens) who can get the pot, but the trick is getting it there. Good for him his girlfriend is a stewardess because their luggage doesn’t get checked at the airport so they are the perfect carriers.

As his east coast business grows, well, George eventually gets caught and winds up doing some jail time. Lucky for him, though, that he ends up meeting Diego (Jordi Molla) who tells George to get to the big time he has to meet Pablo Escabar (Cliff Curtis) and that the real money is in cocaine. George works it big-time, and life is good. But, of course, it’s not. He marries a dudette named Mirtha (Penelope Cruz), gets stabbed in the back by his supposed friends, and loses everything. If only he could make one more run he could get back on his feet and take his daughter away. Oh, if only.

“Blow” is a really good movie, complete with quality violence, a lovely story, it keeps things at a good clip so you don’t really get bored at seeing all of the fun George is having with his life, and Ray Liotta continues to show that he is a top-notch actor. Too much money, too many drugs, and George falls into the same pitfalls as you would think – all roads lead to jail. Too bad George didn’t head some of the following rules (at least we know them now): Don’t get high on your own supply; Women are evil, especially those that, when you comment to them that they should quit doing cocaine because they are pregnant, well, they say that at least they quit smoking; Spend the extra money and launder your money through the United States, or at least a less volatile country, and maybe set up a Swiss bank account rather than store it is said volatile country; Even if you get shot, don’t give up the name of your middleman because your partner will stab you in the back and undercut you; If you clean up your act, don’t attend a party thrown by your wife which is attended by all of your old drug buddies; and, if after a whole bunch of years you run into an old buddy saying he can get you that one last run, one last big score, well, odds are he’s now working for the Feds. Just some rules to live by as a drug dealer.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a good drama with a pretty depressing story, “Blow” just might be the movie for you. Johnny Depp kicks ass as George, showing a weird innocence at mostly just being amazed at what he has been able to do. I give “Blow” 4 stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

All The Pretty Horses

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:54 Long
A Preview by:
The Dude on the Right

All The Pretty Horses
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Matt Damon, Penelope Cruz
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Miramax Films
Release Date: 12:25/2000
Directed By: Billy Bob Thorton
Produced By: Mike Nichols

Watch out ladies, here comes Matt Damon! The story looks the same, rich girl falls for commoner, commoner falls for rich girl, rich girl’s family won’t let them get together, commoner doesn’t care.

This one’s got Matt Damon as a ranch hand, Penelope Cruz as the rich girl, and they like each other. The problem for Matt is that he is in Mexico where he went for fun and adventure and now finds himself in jail. She promises not to see him again as long as they don’t kill him and let him go and he goes back looking for her.

Do I really need to go into this story anymore? Probably not, but Matt Damon has been coming into his own as an actor so this might just have potential.