Deuces Wild

MPAA Rated – R
It’s 1:30 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Deuces Wild
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Stephen Dorff, Brad Renfro, Fairuza Balk, Norman Reedus, Frankie Muniz, Vincent Pastore, Deborah Harry, Drea DeMatteo, Johnny Knoxville
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: MGM
Release Date: 2002
Kiddie Movie: Please leave them at home.
Date Movie: Leave her at home.
Gratuitous Sex: Some bra action and dry humping.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots of it.
Action: Not really action.
Laughs: The way things are so overblown.
Memorable Scene: The ending was good.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Scott Kalvert

At least the ending of “Deuces Wild” didn’t let me down. The rest of the movie pretty much did.

Here’s the basic story: It’s the 50’s when street gangs ruled Brooklyn. When his brother died of a heroine overdose, Leon (Stephen Dorf) vowed that junk would never be sold on his street, so he formed the Deuces, a gang to protect their turf. Along with his other brother, Bobby (Brad Renfro), the Deuces have things pretty secure, up until the boys dump some cinder blocks on the car of a rival. Fritzy (Matt Dillon), he’s supposed to be the mob guy who really runs the neighborhood, isn’t happy about the cinder blocks and gives Leon a verbal scolding, warning him to let things be.

In the meantime, Marco (Norman Reedus) is getting ready to be let out of jail. Why do we care about Marco? In actuality, I didn’t, but he was the dude who sold Leon’s brother the junk and got sent to the slammer for three years, supposedly tipped to the cops by Leon. Marco wants Leon dead, but Fritzy tells him to play nice, just set up his heroin operation, and everything will be okay.

Well, if Fritzy really was a mob guy you’d think Marco would listen to him. Nope. Marco goes on his own spree, terrorizing the neighborhood with his gang, and doing everything he can to get Leon’s goat so Leon will fight him and Marco can get his revenge.

And, oh yea, there’s a love story with Bobby and Annie (Fairuza Balk), the sister of one of the guys who sold the brother the heroine that killed him. Leon thinks Bobby shouldn’t see her, that she’s the enemy, and yea, you get that whole Romeo and Juliet crap.

Blah, blah, blah… The gangs fight, people die, and no one really lives happily ever after.

So what didn’t I like about “Deuces Wild?” For one it seemed like everyone just got out of the James T. Kirk School of Overacting. Sure, there was an attitude the street gangs had back then, but in the movie the stereotypes were so over-blown that it actually became a nuisance. Now I didn’t have a problem with the underlying story of Marco seeking revenge on Leon, but don’t make things so obvious as Leon’s girl, Betsy (Drea de Matteo), storming out of Leon’s apartment, saying she doesn’t need him to walk her home, and then Marco going after her. But what was the worst thing for me was the Fritzy character. I had no belief that this dude actually had any control over the neighborhood. Leon didn’t listen to him, neither did Marco, and in all honesty, as much as the rest of the cast sort of fit their overblown roles, Matt Dillon didn’t even make it close to being a mob boss.

In the end it’s 1 ½ star out of 5 for “Deuces Wild.” Street gangs fought, that’s what they did. We didn’t need a bad movie to tell us that. Wait for cable to watch this one. Then again, check the channel listings to make sure something better isn’t on.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

The Dudes of Hazzard

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:46 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

The Dukes of Hazzard
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Jessica Simpson, Willie Nelson, Burt Reynolds
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Warner Bros.
Release Date: 2005
Kiddie Movie: There’s some insinuated smoking of the wacky weed and naughty outfits. Leave them at home.
Date Movie: Only if you want her to leave you.
Gratuitous Sex: Just lots of skimpy outfits.
Gratuitous Violence: Some punching and shooting going on, but no one gets killed.
Action: Lots of car chasing, but then what did you expect?
Laughs: Mostly chuckles or groans.
Memorable Scene: Nothing really stands out although the outtakes were kinda funny.
Memorable Quote: During the outtakes: “Every time I look at her titties…”
Directed By: Jay Chandrasekhar

Dammit, I hate being so easily amused. I’m not saying that because of that I’m going to recommend “The Dukes of Hazzard,” ah hell no, even though I did get a good chuckle, but before you hand over your hard earned cash for a ticket for this flick, you’d better be doing so expecting some pretty bad dialogue that might make you laugh or groan, you won’t see nearly as much of Jessica Simpson as you figured you might have, and expect an hour and a half movie that could have been turned into your standard one hour episode.

The basic story goes like this…

Bo and Luke Duke return to the screen, this time played by Stiffler and Jackass. Okay, I’m sorry, that joke is too easy. Seann William Scott plays Bo and Johnny Knoxville plays Luke. They’re running moonshine for Uncle Jessie (Willie Nelson), usually one step ahead of the Sheriff, and always messing with the plans of Boss Hogg, this time played by Burt Reynolds. As this story goes, the Duke boys can’t figure out why one of the town’s most famous sons has returned to race again in their little road race, nor why Boss Hogg is going around planting problems on farms so that the county can confiscate them, including Uncle Jessie’s farm. So it’s up to our heroes, along with Daisy (Jessica Simpson), to figure out what is going on, and of course, to save the day with only seconds to spare. In doing so they wreak havoc with a safe, make their way to Atlanta to get some soil samples studied, hook-up with some college girls, and piss of the neighborhood gang members with their car sporting the Confederate Flag and soot covered faces (yes, that is the kind of humor you can expect).

This movie isn’t rocket science, isn’t meant to win any awards, and pretty much has as cheesy a story as one of the television episodes that I barely remember. The dialogue is pretty inane, the car chases don’t really break any new ground, but for some reason I actually liked Scott’s and Knoxville’s portrayal of the loveable Bo and Luke Duke. Sure, they turn this movie a little more risqué, complete with college girls in skimpy outfits, some bong usage with said college girls, and some smoking of something with the Governor, but hell, it’s not 1980 anymore.

I will agree with most critics and say this movie is pretty useless, but I did laugh a little. In the end I’ll give it 1 ½ stars out of 5. The teens around me seemed to find it funnier, and I am easily amused, so take what I say with a grain of salt. You will get exactly the dorky movie you probably expect if you go and see “The Dukes of Hazzard,” so just sit back and enjoy that.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!