I’m In The Afternoon of Anna Nicole Smith.


I have gone past my period of mourning and am now into afternoon over Anna
Nicole Smith. I realized that I could not make a convincing argument that I was
the father of her daughter. Too bad. I also have not been able to place any of
my sperm-toting buddies in the same room with her at any point of time to claim
they are the father.

It does seem a damn shame this was never a
"Jerry Springer"
nor "Maury Povich"
episode ‘cuz I love a good paternity fight. Think about it! It would have been
great to see Zsa Zsa up there crying, with mascara rolling down her face, while
Prince Zsa Zsa claimed the baby as his love child. Oh, and let’s not forget good
ole Howard K Stern. I figured he would be picking up a chair and throwing it at
the ex-boyfriend calling him a liar. The whole time Anna would be attempting to
say something that did not sound like "mumbled ramblings." Too bad!

Every time I see Jerry or Maury have a good ole paternity fight I have to
chuckle. I mean loosing track of who you slept with at the same time as getting
pregnant has got to be embarrassing, especially when the 3-4 guys that "have to
be" the father turn out not to be. Oops, my bad. Guess it was the 6th guy (condoms
might be a good idea at this point).

I know sex is fun, but Ladies, have some self respect. A little spermicide
with a rubber policeman (to serve and protect) goes a looooooonnnng way. If you
do not like that idea, then keeping a calendar of who you banged, and when,
could be. This might just help keep track of the papa to be.

I also wonder why a guy would ever trust a woman in the pregnancy department
anyway. I wouldn’t, and I am a woman. Hell, your clock is ticking; the eggs are
running out, you think you are becoming an old hag that no one loves – What will
fix that??? Oh, a baby will! Remember guys, there are actually girls out there
that will advise their friends to get pregnant to trap the guy. Breaking news,
this is not an old wive’s tale, it actually happens (seen it, heard it,
witnessed it)! Tell ya one thing: NEVER TRUST A WOMAN. Unless of course she is a
millionaire, then who cares if you knock her up….she will either pay for your
silence or pay you to play daddy. Can’t lose there, can you?

Now, boys, if you’re the millionaire you can guarantee a baby is coming out
of that deal. Holy crap! That is the jackpot, you will definitely pay for her
silence or, …wait, …there is no other option, you WILL pay for her silence. As
you can tell I am on the boy’s side of this argument, mostly because I am tired
of idiots reproducing. The world is screwed up with most of us in it, why do we
think making a contribution of our genes will make it better? Please, there
should be a screening process. Idiots get fixed (hey, if it is okay for dogs why
not people?) and non-idiots are paired up with another non-idiots to make them
babies.

Now wait, I do have to take a moment and feel bad for the baby girl of Anna
Nicole, Dannielynn. She did not ask to be born to the fucked up situation,
although some words of encouragement for her…. it could be worse, Mommy could be
Britney Spears! Hmmm, do I see Britney filling the void Anna left behind! Hell
yes, and I cannot wait to see and read more.

See Ya!
Trash

What’s New? Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up! Britney Spears, The Daytona 500, and “Ghost Rider” Talk.

For this podcast of “Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up,” Stu Gotz wanted to rant about Britney Spears a bit, The Dude on the Right watched The Daytona 500, and both of them went to see “Ghost Rider.” It’s another fun-filled episode.

What’s New? Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up! Britney Spears, The Daytona 500, and “Ghost Rider” Talk.

By:

The Dude on the Right
Not even a crash during The Daytona 500, resulting in someone crossing the
finish line, upside down, and on fire, could keep me and Stu from getting
together today for our latest installment of "Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up!" 
And so we got together, to chat.

Stu wanted to rant about Britney Spears,
especially after her latest haircut episode.  I understood his point, but
thinking about it now, maybe her Aunt that just past away was her only true
friend.  From the life she has led I wonder if she has those true friends,
like most of us have, who have the ability to stop us from, well, shaving our
heads and getting tattoos, unless, of course, all of use are totally shit-faced
at the same time.

Both of us saw "Ghost Rider," and neither of us thought it really sucked. 
Me, I watched The Daytona
500, where 3/4 of the race was a tad dull, and then all hell broke loose
where it was a cross between, well,
NASCAR, and

"Talladega Nights."

Thanks for listening and your comments.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

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Thanks to Howard Stern I’m Now Just Greedy.

By:

The Dude on the Right
I’ve always had two answers as to why I haven’t found, nor actively looked for,
a woman to marry yet.  One was that right now I like all of my stuff. 
When the day comes that I only like half of my stuff I will then actively pursue
the woman of my dreams.  I can then be content knowing that if, or as seems
to be the case nowadays when, my marriage comes to an end, the only thing I have
to hope is that she likes the half of my stuff I no longer like.  In a
worst case scenario I am stuck with half of my stuff that I did like at one
time.

The other answer was because of a man.  I suppose that really isn’t
an answer, but rather his name led to a pathway of explanations that seemed to
make so much sense.  He explained many a time why marriage is the worst
contract a man can ever enter into.  He also explained, as he seemed to be
in complete bliss with girlfriend, as to why would he want to change anything
with the woman he loved since things were going so well.  He also explained
that if things did need to end, that by not being married it would be easier to
complete the split.  He explained that there didn’t seem to be a reason to
be married as neither of them wanted children.  And he also commented on
all of the things that would likely change with marriage, like less sex, more
getting ordered around, and the wife letting herself go physically, things that
he has seen happen with those around him who tied the knot.  That man was
Howard Stern.

But I
can use him no more because this morning he announced that he is officially
engaged to his long-time girlfriend,
Beth Ostrosky.  Yes,
congratulations are in order, and Howard tried really hard to explain, well,
that he is only engaged, and not married.  But lots of men, this morning,
lost their probable last excuse for justification to their girlfriend that they
shouldn’t get married.  "Honey, look at how happy Howard Stern is with his
girlfriend, and they aren’t married.  Why would we want to risk our love
with such a drastic change?" – Sorry dudes, you can’t use that line, anymore. 
"Honey, we don’t need to have a silly ceremony to profess our love. 
Everyone can see the love we have for each other by our actions, just like
Howard and Beth!" – Nope, dudes, forget about that one, also.

Being 39 I
suppose I could still use Howard Stern as my excuse, for a little while longer,
as to why I haven’t found the perfect woman, like when, at the local watering
hole, my buddies ask "Dude, why haven’t you found the woman of your dreams?", I
can simply say "Because she’s not old enough to get in this bar, yet."

Anyway,
congrats again to Howard (and Beth)!  Beth sounds like a sweetheart and he
seems totally lucky to have found her.  But this morning Howard Stern also
threw lots of dudes under the bus because all they will be hearing now from
their dudette is "… but Howard proposed to Beth?"  I’ve at least got a
little while longer to use Howard Stern as my reason for not finding the girl I
will marry.  After that, I guess, I’m just a greedy bastard because it will
take a truly special girl to stop me from liking all of my stuff.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

What’s New? A Quick CD Review of “Right Back at Ya” from Michael Stanley Band.

For this quick CD review of “Right Back at Ya” from Michael Stanley Band, The Dude on the Right puts this one almost as a “best of” of a band that, for whatever radio reasons, but most likely “money’s still the way they keep score,” never made the uber-national stage. They will still, always, be one of his top five bands ever.

What’s New?: Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up: The Bag-Lady, “Norbit,” Scuba Diving, and TV Talk.

For this podcast of “Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up” Stu Gotz revels in stories of pirates and diving. The Dude on the Right, on the other hand, met up with The Bag-Lady, skipped tennis for “Norbit,” and watched too much T.V.

Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up! The Bag-Lady, “Norbit,” Scuba Diving, and TV Talk.

By:

The Dude on the Right
Stu is back from his travels, so I’m not flying solo for this installment of
"Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up!"

Stu’s weekend was capped by a lot of scuba
diving stuff, complete with a night out with way-competitive scuba folks
(thankfully they weren’t diving, or with knives) and meeting the
"Deep Sea
Detectives."  His travels last weekend also took him to

Disney’s Pirate and Princess Party where he dressed up Mama Gotz in a skimpy
pirate outfit, and makes fun of the dudes who didn’t grow a pair and dressed up
as Prince Charming.  He wouldn’t elaborate on any Pirate booty he may have
gotten, but the kids were with him so there was probably nothing to brag to the
guys about.

Me, I saw a dear old friend of mine, The Bag-Lady, with her
daughter, and could still kick myself in the ass for not going to see her
daughter’s tennis match in lieu of seeing

"Norbit."  I give Stu some of my take on The Grammy Awards telecast, as
well as my initial thoughts about the new season of
"Survivor."

So much to talk about, so little time.

Thanks for listening and your comments.

That’s it for this one!  I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!

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Sundays are Productive Again!

By:

The Dude on the Right
It’s amazing how much more productive I can be on a Sunday when there isn’t a
football game to distract me.  For whatever reason football is not a
multitasking sport for me.  Golf, baseball, basketball, or NASCAR I can
have playing on the TV above my computer work area and keep up and never feel I
am missing anything, but not for football.  Maybe it’s the fact that any
given play can be exciting, or there’s the action, then the stop in the action
to huddle, then the action again, then the stop again, and eventually a
commercial break to go pee.  Baseball, basketball, and NASCAR just seem to
plow along during their duration, and sure, golf has the action/break sequence
of football but unless it’s a hole-in-one, I’m not going to miss something
exciting.

But now that football season is done, today has been one of the most
productive Sundays in a while.  I read my newspaper with my breakfast, I
did some grocery shopping where I bought only the foods I needed to get back on
my healthy track this week, and I filled up the dude-mobile with go-go juice. 
I was going to get the dude-mobile washed, but with this being the first, sort
of warmer day we’ve had in a while, the line for each car wash I saw was over
ten cars deep, and I didn’t want to spend the next hour waiting in line to get
my car washed, especially when the forecast for tonight is snow, which means
more road salt, which means that if I drive anywhere tomorrow, well, my car will
look pretty much as it does right now, and I would have wasted an hour in line
at the car wash.  I didn’t plan ahead, I guess, on the car wash thing,
because the Turtle Wax
does have free internet access and gives you a
"Two
Day Clean Car Guarantee," so I could have actually been productive, and got
a free car wash on Tuesday, but alas, I’ll have to try to remember to bring my
laptop the next time.

But on my productive scale today, I also got a whole

butt-load of movie previews posted, and started working on redesigning our
home page a bit.  The
Grammy Awards are tonight, so I’ll probably try catch them and hope
something fun happens.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

What’s New? A Podcast of: R.I.P. Anna Nicole Smith, and on “Survivor,” Go Alex, Dre, and James!

For this podcast The Dude on the Right talks about the death of Anna Nicole Smith and words said by Rosie O’Donnell. And as much as he likes Jessica at the start of this season’s “Survivor,” he now has to cheer on three dudes, Alex, Dre, and James.