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Starring: Milla Jovovich
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: Screen Gems
Web Site:
Kiddie Movie: Nope.
Date Movie: Nope.
Gratuitous Sex: Nah.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots but no blood.
Action: Lots of chasing but it looked fake.
Laughs: Only where it wasn't supposed to be funny.
Memorable Scene: The horrible CGI.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Kurt Wimmer
Produced By: John Baldecchi, Lucas Foster

A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - PG-13

It's 1:28 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
I canít say I had high hopes for "Ultraviolet," but I did have more hope than I actually got in the form of entertainment from this film. As the Friday opening came I found two bad signs. First I found out it was rated PG-13, so much for any quality violence or gratuitous nudity. Then I found out it wasnít screened for critics, and thatís usually not a good sign either. Hereís a brief recap of a weird storyÖ

Itís the future and the future is weird. We find that the government was doing some biological testing to create super-soldiers, but biological testing doesnít always go as planned, so they ended up creating a species called Hemophages, partly based on being vampires. The problem for most of society is that the Hemophages seem to be spreading, so society sets out to exterminate them, led by some dude named Daxus (Nick Chinlund). Well, the Hemophages are not happy about this, and they find out about some super-secret treatment to rid the world of the Hemophages once and for all, so they send Violet (Milla Jovovich) to steal the treatment. She does, only to find out that somehow this treatement is a nine-year-old kid whose name is Six (Cameron Bright). Now Violet, who lost her child when she became infected with the Hemophage virus (at least I think thatís how she lost it), lets her maternal instincts take hold, and takes it upon herself to save the boy who somehow, might also hold the clue to actually curing the Hemophages rather than killing them.

The story sounds simple enough, but the movie is a mess. Fine, the Hemophages are good fighters, but really, itís not that they're fantastic fighters, itís that the people they are fighting are just plain stupid. Case in point for me: Thereís about twenty of you with guns, and only one Violet. Does it make sense to surround her in a circle? Yup, you guessed it, since Violet is super-fast with super-senses, she hears the first gun "click", pretty much ducks, and everyone shoots the person opposite them. Hell, even I would have a chance at getting out of that situation. Next is the general look of the movie. I donít know if they didnít have the money to do really decent CGI stuff, or just wanted to movie to have a comic-bookish feel to it, but for the most part I found the computer action sequences laughable. Then there was the feeling of "We want to be like ĎThe Matrix,í but not seem like were stealing from ĎThe Matrix.í" Thereís a scene where Violet jumps from a high perch, flips over, and lands in a pose similar to Trinity in "The Matrix," complete with the pavement cracking.  Then, of course, she kicks the shit out of the people. And then, of course, needless to say, there is the ability to dodge bullets.

Alright, Iíve already given this review too much time. Milla Jovovich is one hot babe, and has shown she can kick a lot of ass, but for me, the main problem I had with this movie, other than the story itself, was the fact that they didnít go all-out. First off, it needed to be rated R so we could get the gratuitous violence and nudity we, the movie going public, deserve from a movie such as this. Second off, they needed to spend another $50 Million on the effects for this film. Sure, the movie would have then lost a butt-load of money, but at least I wouldnít sit there laughing at the computer animation and could have at least been entertained. And finally, the movie needed to be about 30 minutes longer. I know, you are probably screaming at your computer screen right now saying something like "Dude, if the movie sucked so bad, why would you want 30 more minutes of suck?" Our staff member, Stu, kinda brought up the fact that it would have been nicer to get more of a back-story, maybe a better telling of the government testing gone wrong, maybe more of how Violet lost her baby, and maybe more of the story of the Hemophages living in the shadows.  At least, then, it might not have been so confusing.

Oh well, I really didnít like this movie for way too many reasons, and canít suggest it for anyone to go and see. The only reason Iím giving it Ĺ star out of 5 is because Milla is smoking hot, but sheís gotten naked in other films.  I at least hoped for that.

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


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