Movie Stats & Links
||Steve Zahn, Allen Covert, Johah Hill, Kevin Heffernan, Jeff
Garlin, Justin Long
||God forbid, NO!
||Only she's as much
of a juvenile as you are.
||We get some human
nudity, the stroking of a turkey neck, and animal sex.
||Animals and people
||Only at how bad
the jokes are.
||As stupid as it
was, I can't get the image of the turkey out of my head.
||"You want him to
piss that turkey off his hog?" & "Doesn't that mean we're
Gosh, I really donít know where to start with this
review, so letís just say I went to see "Strange
Wilderness" and hereís the storyÖ
A Movie Review
Steve Zahn is Peter Gaulke. His father was one of the
great nature dudes on TV, in the realm of the "Wild Kingdom"
series of yesteryear, and Peter has been handed down the
legacy of the franchise "Strange Wilderness." The problem is
that Peter is an incompetent moron, with a crew of
incompetent morons, and the TV people are threatening to
cancel their show. Needing something to bring them back to
TV greatness, a family friend has come in possession of a
map showing the location of Bigfoot, down in South America.
So the hapless crew of "Strange Wilderness" make their way
south of the border, on a quest to document bigfoot before
their evil Nature-Filming nemesis, Sky Pierson (Harry
Hamlin), gets there first.
And you know what, thatís enough of a plot because as I
was sitting in the theater I was laughing, yet at the same
time I was shaking my head at just how utterly stupid the
movie was. First Iím sitting there thinking about the cast
of pretty talented individuals in this film. Youíve got
Steve Zahn, Allen Covert, Johah Hill, Kevin Heffernan, Jeff
Garlin, and Justin Long, all who can be very funny
individuals. If youíve been wondering what Ernest Borgnine
has been up to lately, there he was. And none other than
Robert Patrick, you might know his as the T-1000 from
Terminator 2 and Johnny Cashís dad in "Walk the Line," also
shows up. And for eye candy we get Ashley Scott as Cheryl.
Sounds like an impressive line-up, doesnít it? Well, I donít
know if any actor can make greatness out of a movie when one
scene involves a turkey chomping down on Peterís penis, them
rushing him to the hospital with said turkey firmly attached,
and the nurse thinking that massaging the turkeys neck will
get the turkey to let go. Go ahead, you can do it, insert an
erection joke here.
"Strange Wilderness" is bad. Bad, bad, bad, and it is its
badness that I found myself laughing. It is, honestly, one
of those movies where you wonder how anyone got on board to
make it, let alone pony up the money to finance it, but
maybe, just maybe, somehow on paper it looked promising. The
jokes are bad, so bad that you might laugh. The acting is
bad, so bad that you might laugh. The effects are bad, so
bad that you might laugh. And just for the rated-R hell of
it there is blatant nudity, some really nice, and some not
so much, and I canít actually believe this, but Iím going to
give "Strange Wilderness" two stars our of 5. Somehow its
badness made me laugh.
I will say that even with 2 stars, really, wait until
this DVD ends up somewhere in your Netflix queue, or better
yet, wait for cable, and your only chance to laugh is being
as juvenile as the jokes in the movie.
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!!