Movie Stats & Links
||Chris Klein, Jean Reno, LL Cool
J, Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
||Leave them at home.
||Leave her at home.
||Rebecca gets naked and we almost
get to see her boobs.
||Some dudes get hit in the head
and shot at.
||There are some chase scenes.
||The off-road airplane.
||Aurora in the shower.
||Jonathan to Marcus as they're
trying to get away on a motorcycle: "They've got an off-road
||Charles Roven, Beau St. Clair,
I vaguely remember the original "Rollerball." I think it was the
first movie that introduced me to violence, and it was pretty mild by
todayís standard. It wasnít that great of a movie, as I recall, but it
had its moments, especially the simplicity of the game Ė played on a
circular track, well, it was easy to follow the action.
A Movie Review
When it was announced that a remake was being made my first
reaction was "Why?" But then I thought that, all things considered,
this could be one kick-ass, R-rated movie. It had violence potential,
had the potential for nudity, had the potential for quality kills, and
then the movie rumor mill began: The movie was bad, the movie was
being delayed, the movie was bad, the movie was being delayed, scenes
were being re-shot, etc. In the end these are signs of a bad movie,
and the remake of "Rollerball" just goes to support these signs.
The story kinda goes like this: Rollerball is quickly becoming a
runaway hit in Kazakhstan and Petrovich (Jean Reno), the owner dude,
quickly realizes one thing: Violence equals ratings. Being the crooked
man he is, and hoping to land a huge North American cable contract,
Petrovich begins to set up scenarios, unknown to most of the
Rrollerball participants, injuring players. Our hero, Jonathan (Chris
Klein) is as unsuspecting as the rest of them until Aurora (Rebecca
Romijn-Stamos) clues him in how the cameras all focus on the person to
get hit before it happens (so they can catch it on film in all its
glory). Jonathan wants out, so does his buddy Marcus (LL Cool J), so
in a daring escape attempt they make their way to the Russian border.
Blah, blah, blahÖ Jonathan doesnít make it out of Kazakhstan,
Petrovich offers Auroraís life as long as Jonathan plays, and in the
end Jonathan is the savior of the mining town in Kazakhstan.
Itís not that the story is that bad, it does have potential, the
whole good players versus bad players and trying to get even with the
bad owner (kinda sounds like the WWF, except for real), but this movie
gets lost in trying to be too complex. Take the game of Rollerball in
this remake. The original kept it simple. The skaters and their
teammates basically went around in a circle. Go fast, slow down, use
your blockers, take a nice slingshot maneuver with the help of a
motorcycle, and get the ball in the hole. In the remake the rink is
now this convoluted figure-8 with ramps and habitrail tubes for your
ultimate goal to throw the ball hard enough at a plate so the
fireworks go off. It should lead to more action, but instead it leads
to just a hodge-podge of things going too fast to follow any action
(alright, I know Rollerball isnít really a sport, but at least humor
me). Then there was the story, the corruption, and the "give me a
break" run for the border where Petrovich uses an off-road airplane to
catch our heroes.
Anyway, "Rollerball" had so much potential and probably could have
achieved a little bit better success if it just went balls-out, shot
for the "R" rating, kicked the violence up a notch, and kept the sport
of rollerball as simple as it was in the original. Instead it tried to
shoot for the teen crowd, with the rockiní soundtrack, flashy this way
and that way action, and a side-shot of a naked Rebecca Romijn-Stamos.
Which brings me to some commentary. Now I know Rebecca has been
scantily clothed in a variety of magazines and such, but whatís with
the disfigurement in her movie career. In "Rollerball" she has a
disfiguring scar, in "Dirty Work" she was the bearded lady, and in
"X-Men" she was blue. Granted she was a hot looking blue chick, and
sheíll probably be a hot looking blue chick again in the X-Men sequel,
but Iím really looking forward for a movie where Rebecca is a lead
actress who is just normal, and wears skimpy outfits. Sorry, I
digress. Back to "Rollerball," well, I guess that was enough about "Rollerball"
Iíll wrap it up by giving "Rollerball" 1 star out of 5. This is a
wait for cable movie if there ever was one.
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!