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Starring: Tom Cruise, Melinda Dillon, William H. Macy, Julianne Moore
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Web Site:
Kiddie Movie: They'll just be confused.
Date Movie: Ditto "Kiddie Movie", or they just might be able to explain it to you, in that case - bring 'em.
Gratuitous Sex: It could have had more.
Gratuitous Violence: Nah.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Chuckles.
Memorable Scene: Every scene with Tom Cruise.
Memorable Quote: Most given by Tom Cruise.
Directed By: Paul Thomas Anderson
Produced By: Joanne Sellar

A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - R

It's 3:08 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
I think I know why critics like "Magnolia" - because it's fucked up. I think I know why most other people won't - because it's fucked up.

Here we go, and this might not make any sense, but "Magnolia" tells the story of a bunch of people all intertwined. It's kinda like "six degrees of Kevin Bacon" but more twisted. Let's see, and I'm sure I'll mess this up, but we've got a cop who wants to just be helpful to people and he ends up in love with a cocaine chick who is the daughter of a game show host who is dying but kind of molested her and on that game show is a kid who is going for the record which is held by an old guy with some lost celebrity and this show is, alright I might be wrong with this connection, but put out by the company owned by an old dying guy whose son sells ways for men to get women and whose wife can't handle his dying. We see a day in the life of all of these folks, culminating in a storm of biblical, well, not proportions, but in a biblical sense that if you see this movie you'll probably just shake your head and say "Huh?"

The good part of this movie - Tom Cruise. From the beginning of his career Tom Cruise has made me want to change mine. From the time I wanted to be a pimp, to the time I wanted to be a Navy pilot, to the time I wanted to drive race cars, to the time I wanted to be a bartender, to the time I wanted to be a pool shark, to the time I wanted to be a disgruntled vet, to the time I wanted to be a lawyer, to the time I wanted to be a super spy, to the time I wanted to be, well, you get the point, I always want to be Tom Cruise, but this time I want to be Frank Mackey, the guy that can get any woman. He is fantastic, in one of the best roles I have seen him, maybe because he plays an asshole so well, maybe because he is so charismatic, but in "Magnolia" Tom Cruise is fantastic, and maybe the one reason I would say to see the movie. The rest of the movie is interesting, but no way in hell three hours of interesting, just fucked up.

Hell, I don't know what else to tell you about this movie except if you like a cinematic mind-fuck, "Magnolia" is the film for you. I you don't want to try to have to figure out a movie, skip it because you might must walk out. It's weird, and understand the critical acclaim, but I can't recommend you see it unless you want one of Tom Cruise's best performances. It's 3 stars out of 5. See it if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you that you might not like it.

That's it for this one! I'm The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


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