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Lost in Space
Movie Stats & Links |
| Starring: |
Gary Oldman, William Hurt, Matt LeBlanc, Mimi Rogers,
Heather Graham, Lacey Chabert, Jack Johnson, Jared Harris |
| MPAA Rated: |
PG-13 |
| Released By: |
New Line Cinema
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| Kiddie Movie: |
The 10's to 14's might like it. There are some violent
parts, but, hell, nothing worse then they watch on cable.
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| Date Movie: |
She'll probably be pissed you took her to see it.
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| Gratuitous Sex: |
No.
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| Gratuitous
Violence: |
Some spiders get shot, and some people get hurt, but
nothing gratuitous.
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| Action: |
Maybe trying for too much - should have developed the
family better.
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| Laughs: |
Some chuckle parts.
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| Memorable
Scene: |
None.
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| Memorable
Quote: |
None.
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| Directed By: |
Stephen Hopkins
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| Produced By: |
Mark W. Koch, Stephen Hopkins, Akiva Goldsman, Carla Fry
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Lost in Space
A Movie Review |
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"Oh my God - was this movie bad!!!" is all I
should have to say (what more needs be said?), but my deluded editor,
with visions of grandeur and professionalism, insisted I write more.
OK… "Oh my God this movie was really really bad!!!" How's that?
Still more? OK… Here is my:
Top Ten List of Bad Impressions that "Lost in
Space" Made On Me
| 10 |
The only thing that could have saved this movie would have
been if Judy Robinson (Heather Graham a.k.a. Roller Girl from
"Boogie Nights") would have gotten naked and jazzed by Don Smith
(Matt "The movie kiss of death - hope and prey "Friends" doesn't
get canceled" LeBlanc).
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| 9 |
Much like in
bad horror movies, I was left asking the question "Why
the Fuck do people insist on standing around waiting for
something bad to happen?" Just run assholes!!!
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| 8 |
Was the cutesy
space monkey really necessary? It's like an old, dying
sit-com trying to introduce a cute child to help save
the show. It didn't work on "Happy Days," "Growing
Pains," or with little "Seven" on "Married with
Children," so why did the writers think it would work
here?
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| 7 |
Matt LeBlanc
can't act. 'Nuff said about that.
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| 6 |
Halfway
through the movie I began to hope Dr. Kavorkian
would move to LA and become part of the Jet Set in hopes that the
writers and producers of this movie could get his medical
advice.
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| 5 |
What was a
fine actor like William Hurt thinking? He's done some
great stuff… "Altered States," "Body Heat," "The Big
Chill," "The Accidental Tourist," and the Academy Award
winning "Children of a Lesser God." Did he really need
the money that badly? I hope he doesn't become the
American Michael "I'll do any movie just give me the
money" Cain.
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| 4 |
Cheesy
dialogue, cheesy dialogue, cheesy dialogue…
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| 3 |
Hmm… The movie
ended inconclusively. Were there hopes for a sequel.
Trust me when I tell you that there ain't gonna be no
sequel to this piece of crap.
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| 2 |
I've only
walked out on two movies in my life, and they were "The Beastmaster" and the last Batman movie. If it weren't
for the fact that I knew my cheap-ass editor wouldn't follow suit
and leave with me, thereby forcing me to sit in the movie theater
lobby, this would have been number three.
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| 1 |
It made me
appreciate Carrot Top's "Chairman of the Board."
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"Lost in Space" is the biggest waste of money I've had to endure
since "Striptease." I give it zero stars - wait for it to come on
broadcast TV and watch something else. I'm Stu Gotz. What more needs
to be said?
The Dude on the Right - his few cents worth...
Hey, it's The Dude on the Right here, and there is some more that
needs to be said. Alright, Stu hated the movie, and, well, I was
truly disappointed, but I didn't think it was that bad, and I can't
leave this review the way Stu left it. So, because I'm the Editor,
and I think there is more to be said, here's my review…
Back in 1989 a movie came out. I eagerly awaited opening night. It
was a current version of an old TV show, a pretty stupid TV show
if you sort of look at it. The TV show was full of heroes and
villains, cheesy dialogue, bright colors, and generally kind of
funny. But the movie coming out was in line with the comic book
adaptation, a darker version, and the trailer looked totally cool. It
looked to have action, it looked to have villains, it looked to have
cool effects, and it had Michael Keaton, who I still consider the
world's greatest actor. That movie was simply called "Batman." It
kicked ass.
Back in 1997 I saw a movie trailer. I eagerly awaited opening
night. It was a current version of an old TV show, a pretty stupid TV show if you sort of look at it. The
TV show was full of heroes
and villains, cheesy dialogue, bright colors, and generally kind of
funny. But the movie coming out was in line with, well, not a comic
book adaptation, but a darker version, and the trailers looked
totally cool. It looked to have action, it looked to have villains,
it looked to have cool effects, and it had Gary Oldman, maybe not
Michael Keaton, but pretty cool nonetheless. The movie was simply
called "Lost in Space." It didn't kick ass.
You're probably tired of reading - I know the internet is usually
about speed, and jumping from here to there, so I'll keep this kind
of quick. Let's go…
"Lost in Space" isn't that bad, but it had so much more potential.
The story is simple - the Robinson family leaves Earth to a faraway
place to build a porthole. With this porthole, the inhabitants of
Earth can colonize a planet fit for human life, and all will be well
because the Earth will be uninhabitable soon. But, a group of bad
guys want to sabotage the mission so they can take over the other
planet first. They use Doctor Smith (Oldman) to screw up the
Robinson's spacecraft, but Smith gets stuck on board and the ship is
put into hyperdrive (or hyperspace - whatever - they get lost). So,
we have a time travel problem, a lost in space problem, and well,
goofy space spiders (they're bad), but in the end, the movie truly
lacked a good vs. evil element, and couldn't put together the "family
fighting to survive" element either.
I don't know, without going into too many things I'll work on
wrapping this up. First, as much as I like Matt LeBlanc on "Friends,"
in "Lost in Space" he was either overacting or underacting, but in no
way acting the part of the fighter pilot - he might have fared better
as a driver of a beer truck (not that beer truck drivers are bad - I
rank them right up in importance as fighter pilots - but there is an
attitude for each, and LeBlank is no fighter pilot). Second, the
family members were alright, and William Hurt did an alright job as
the "too wrapped up in work to be there as dad" Dad Robinson, but you
have to know the ending that was inevitable. Third, the bright light
in the picture - Gary Oldman as Dr. Smith, but, quite honestly, by
the end of the film, he should have winded up dead, at least if this
was supposed to be a serious movie. And forth, well, in the end I
found no one to root for - I think I was supposed to be rooting for
the Robinson's, but they seemed so much more individuals than a
family that I didn't really care if any of them died.
So, for me, "Lost in Space" was a serious let-down. I was truly
hoping for a kick-ass version of a kinda cheesy '60's TV show, but
I didn't get it. The effects and spaceships will probably appeal to
the 13ish year old boys, and the 13ish year old girls will probably
like the goofy, monkey-looking Blawp, but for me, the 30ish year old
boy looking for a kick-ass space adventure, I am left searching, in
my own space, lost. (How was that for a cheesy ending to this
review?)
It's 1 1/2 stars out of 5 for "Lost in Space." It could have been
so much more.
That's it for this one, I'm The Dude one the Right!! L8R!! |
