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Starring: Mariah Carey, Max Beesley, Da Brat, Tia Texada, Valarie Pettiford
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Web Site:
Kiddie Movie: Not for the boys, maybe the younger girls/Mariah fans will like it.
Date Movie: Nope.
Gratuitous Sex: Mariah wears some skimpy clothing and one scene behind distorted glass.
Gratuitous Violence: Some.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: Not intentional.
Memorable Scene: None.
Memorable Quote: The video director says "I want to see more of her breasts."  Me, too!
Directed By: Vondie Curtis Hall
Produced By: Laurence Mark

A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - PG-13

It's 1:43 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
Thereís a scene in "Glitter" when this one dude tells Billie (Mariah Carey) that she should be in movies. Billie is flattered, gives the impression that she would like to be an actress but doesnít really have the talent, and all I thought to myself was "Was it people telling Mariah that she should be an actress or was it Mariah herself who put her in this film."

On a day when I could really use something for a few hours to let my mind go blank, "Glitter" proved the vehicle because I just sat there in awe, and not a good awe.

So, hereís the storyline: Billie is the daughter of a talented singer. Mom is lost in a haze of alcohol and cigarettes. When mom burns down the house one night, well, Billie is sent to the orphanage where she ends up with two friends for life, Louise and Roxanne, both well-played by Da Brat and Tia Texada. As we fade into the eighties, Billie and her friends are dancing for a club and get hired as back-up singers and dancers for a singer. This singer, Silk, canít sing, and in the studio her producer uses Mariahís voice on the single, kinda a Milli Vanilli thing. Billie and her friends are happy to just be working, but Dice (Max Beesley) knows itís not Silk singing, Billie sings a little, and Dice sees instant talent.

Alright, you guessed it, Dice and Billie fall together romantically, Billie gets the big record contract, Dice gets jealous, Billie leaves him, they still love each other, and you would expect all would live happily ever after but, well, some donít.

Whatís wrong with this movie? On many levels nothing Ė itís a simple love story with the previous paragraph summing things up nicely, but as a movie it just was one of those that was so bad it makes you laugh because, sadly, itís Mariahís character that we can never believe is real. The chemistry between Julian and Billie never really comes together, and Mariah only seemed to have two facial expressions Ė smiling with shear giddiness for the first ĺís of the movie when things are happy, or a frown for the last ľ that came off totally fake that you almost expected her to start smiling again. Then there were the odd things, at least I thought, like her having a cat when she moved into the orphanage but we donít see the cat again until she is leaving Billie, and the so over-the-top publicist that, personally, I would have fired on the spot.

I think it would have been better for Mariah to ease into an acting career, and that seemed to have started with her small role in "The Bachelor." Maybe she got the acting bug with her music videos, maybe someone kept feeding her the "You should be a lead actress" line one too many times, but in any case "Glitter" was just totally wrong for her.

So, Iíll quit bashing the movie and just say if you want something that will make you forget the world around you for a couple of hours go and see "Glitter." Dudes, if your girl does drag you to this movie, and sure, this is just being sexist, but Mariah does wear some skimpy outfits, has a nice bikini scene, and she is beautiful, itís too bad this isnít the movie that will show she can act.

Looking for something mindless Ė go see "Glitter." Looking for a good movie Ė rent "Showgirls." Itís Ĺ star our of 5 for this one. God I hate giving a movie that rating.

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!


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