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Gladiator
Movie Stats & Links |
| Starring: |
Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Connie Nielsen |
| MPAA Rated: |
R |
| Released By: |
DreamWorks
Pictures and Universal
Pictures |
| Kiddie Movie: |
Nope. Lots of gratuitous violence. |
| Date Movie: |
She might get scared and cuddle, buts it's
mostly a dude flick. |
| Gratuitous Sex: |
Nah. |
| Gratuitous
Violence: |
More than I've seen since "Saving Private
Ryan." Even more brutal. |
| Action: |
Lots of action scenes. Come on, it's a
gladiator movie! |
| Laughs: |
Most of the theater chuckled when Commodus was
blubbering "They like him more than me." |
| Memorable
Scene: |
An Amazon woman getting cut in half.
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| Memorable
Quote: |
Everybody else quotes "Unleash hell." But
not me, mine was "You sold me queer giraffes!"
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| Directed By: |
Ridley Scott |
| Produced By: |
Douglas Wick, David Franzoni, Branko Lustig |
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Gladiator
A Movie Review |
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It’s two and a half hours long. I’m not saying
that it’s a bad thing, I’m just warning you,
because I forgot to check before seeing "Gladiator," and by
my not knowing, at about the hour and a half mark I checked
my watch, got a little antsy, and later said to myself,
"Self, you should have gone to the bathroom when his family
got killed." So, a word of warning, "Gladiator" is a really
good movie, a little kooky and creepy at times, but if you
do buy that 55 gallon drum of soda, be prepared to hold it a
while or re-use the cup so you don’t have to hit the
bathroom.
Anyway, "Gladiator." You’d think with a title like
that the entire movie would be about Russell Crowe (Maximus)
being a gladiator, but it’s not. Nope, it takes maybe
over an hour for the movie to start to be about gladiators,
and that’s okay because there are many plot scenarios
that need to be developed for this epic-style movie to tell
a full story.
First off you’ve got Maximus. He’s a General
helping Marcus Aurelius (Richard Harris) conquer the world,
or at least most of Europe. But Marcus is on his way to his
deathbed and he doesn’t want to leave the empire to his
son, Commodus (Joaquin Phoenix). He’d rather leave it
to his daughter, Lucilla, if she were a guy, but she’s
not, so he has decided to leave it to Maximus so that
Maximus can restore the Roman Empire into something good
instead of the corrupt place it has become. The problem is
Marcus only tells two people of his intentions, Maximus of
course, and unfortunately his son, Commodus, who, not taking
to kindly to the news, offs dad, and when Maximus won’t
pledge loyalty to Commodus, well, Commodus sends Maximus off
to be executed. Hmm, let’s see, a kick-ass General
against a few not really good soldiers? Duh, Maximus
escapes.
So, Maximus returns to his farm just a little too late
and finds that his family has been killed, Commodus returns
to Rome to claim his empire and conspire to get rid of the
Senate, Maximus is captured, turned into a slave, into a
gladiator, and thanks to Commodus’ bringing gladiator
games back to Rome, Maximus has figured out a way to get
back at Commodus, thanks to the likes of Proximo (Oliver
Reed), Maximus’ owner, who teaches Maximus that he can
be freed as a slave if the Emperor so wishes, but to do that
he has to be more than just a fighter, he has to be an
entertainer, kinda like a Roman version of professional
wrestling (I stole that idea from The Dude on the Left who
was with me at the movie).
Maximus eventually finds his way back to Rome as a
gladiator, and a kick-ass gladiator he is. Commodus wants to
meet the man the crowd is chanting for and is shocked to
find out it’s Maximus. Lucilla is fending off repeated
incestuous advances from her brother. And people are getting
sliced in half. Way cool.
I’ll leave the synopsis at this point to not mess up
some endings. They're not really surprises, but better not
known until seen. But "Gladiator" gives you everything you
could ask for in a gladiator movie except maybe some sex and
nudity. But that’s okay, I got past that, especially
with the kick-ass action sequences, quality gladiator
violence, and quality battle violence that ensued many a
time.
Russell Crowe was fantastic as both the General Maximus
and then the gladiator Maximus. He was just a dude wanting
to do his job and he got screwed. Then there was Joaquin
Phoenix as Commodus, totally creepy trying to get in his
sister’s pants, and so coming off as not likeable that
you really want him to die. And the action scenes –
some of the best I’ve seen. Nothing more to want in
this movie except maybe a catheter and maybe a few less
artsy/dream scenes. With that it’s 4 ½ stars out
of 5 for "Gladiator."
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the
Right!! L8R!!! |
