Breaking the Girls

MPAA Rated – Not Rated
It’s 1:27 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Breaking the Girls
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Agnes Bruckner, Madeline Zima, Shawn Ashmore
MPAA Rated: Not rated.
Released By: IFC Films
Release Date: November 19, 2013
Kiddie Movie: For the love of God, put them to bed.
Date Movie: For the love of God, put her to bed, also.
Gratuitous Sex: There’s some girl-on-girl, and girl-on-guy stuff, but it’s pretty lame.
Gratuitous Violence: It’s a murder-mystery movie, so there is some.
Action: Nah.
Laughs: The acting.
Memorable Scene: The bad, being drunk acting.
Memorable Quote: None.
Directed By: Jamie Babbit

I really hate writing reviews that bash a movie, and will generally try to find something nice to say, but there are times a movie, in my book, is just bad. “Breaking the Girls” is that movie.

In terms of story we get Sara (Agnes Bruckner). She’s a law student struggling with some money and has to bartend to get by. There’s a weird love-connection between her and Eric (Shawn Ashmore), who’s girlfriend isn’t to thrilled by their gazes at each other. When Sara steals a few bucks at her job, and gets turned in by the girlfriend, her life implodes as she loses her job and gets kicked out of law school. Lucky for her she met Alex (Madeline Zima), who has a lot of money and is freaky. So, yup, Sara and Alex get it on, but not before Sara meets Nina, Alex’s mother-in-law who used to be her lover, and so, with both girls having sworn enemies (or do they?), they make a pact to kill each other’s enemies.

Of course, Alex being the nutty one, carries out the dastardly deed, and then Sara has second thoughts. And of course, of course, we find out Alex isn’t too happy about this, and so she starts to threaten Sara that she better stand up to her end of the bargain, or else. And of course, of course, of course, there is the supposedly interesting plot twist, where things are not as we see, as Eric, who of course, of course, of course, of course, has now firmly planted his relationship with Sara, but then does some investigating and finds out a few things.

Sadly the movie comes across as “I know, let’s have this weak story that has been done before, and mix it with some girl-on-girl action, which has also been done before, and it will be great!” movie. I mean, here’s Sara, the law student, working in a bar, and meets Alex, playing the worstly acted drunk person I have seen in years. Sara goes home with Alex, Alex breaks this crystal vase and Sara doesn’t really think anything of it, and then, I know, “Let’s go to a party!” Sure, it’s all part of Sara’s master plan, but the acting is so bad that I almost was laughing at everyone as the movie went along.

The guy in me wants to try to recommend this movie to other guys on the premise of “If you want some hot girl-on-girl action in a dorky murder-mystery, go ahead and buy/rent ‘Breaking the Girls,’” but sadly even the girl-on-girl action was kind of lame.

Bad acting, a not-really-exciting story, and even some lame girl-on-girl stuff does not make this dude a happy man. And so, I’m not even sure about the ½ star, but I’ll give “Breaking the Girls” ½ star out of 5, if only for the humor at how badly acted the scene of Alex being drunk was.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!