Epic Movie

MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s 1:26 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Epic Movie
Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Kal Penn, Adam Campbell, Jennifer Coolidge, Jayma Mays, Faune A. Chambers, Crispin Glover, Darrell Hammond, Carmen Electra, Fred Willard
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: 2007
Kiddie Movie: Lots of “shits” and killing the “White Bitch.”
Date Movie: Only if she’s 16 and easily amused.
Gratuitous Sex: Carmen Electra was hot as Mystique.
Gratuitous Violence: There’s some fighting. They are trying to kill the “White Bitch.”
Action: Nah.
Laughs: A few.
Memorable Scene: Nothing in particular.
Memorable Quote: Nah.
Directed By: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer

As I was sitting, waiting for “Epic Movie” to start, I saw what I’m assuming was a mom with four girls that looked to be about the age of ten. By the end of the film I wondered if she second-guessed her choice of bringing those girls to a movie where the main goal of the movie was to kill the “White Bitch.” And yes, that was the name of the character, not her nickname.

Alright, I won’t give too much of a synopsis for “Epic Movie” because pretty much it follows along the “Scary Movie” franchise of spoofing other films, but sadly, it doesn’t do it very well. The main course of this movie is “The Chronicles of Narnia,” where for “Epic Movie” we get the quartet of Kal Penn (poking fun at himself in his Kumar days) as Edward, Adam Campbell as Peter, Jayma Mays as Lucy, and Faune A. Chambers as Susan, set in the land of Gnarnia (the “G” is silent), where they have to kill the White Bitch (Jennifer Coolidge), a.k.a. Stifler’s Mom, which Edward quickly points out when he first sees her. Our quartet of kids (even though they are in their late 20’s or 30) start as orphans who each find a golden ticket, ala “Willy Wonka,” where a demented Willy (Crispin Glover) torments the kids. Of course the kids find the wardrobe, make their way to Gnarnia, and find out their true destiny.

Oh hell, that’s enough of the synopsis because sadly the movie isn’t creative, at all, in spoofing the movies it tries to. Case in point: For whatever reason, Susan is on a plane that gets infested by snakes, and the fake Samuel L. Jackson keeps spouting the “get the snakes off the plane” line, throws Susan off the plane, where Susan proceeds to break her fall by landing on the fake “Paris Hilton.” Rather than trying to truly intertwine the movies it was spoofing into some sort of cohesive story, “Epic Movie” just seems to take a scene, and haphazardly make fun of it. And maybe the movie folks were trying to be funny by not even trying to cover-up the fact that Fred Willard, as Aslo, wasn’t really doing the fighting, but I guess I missed the joke.

There were a couple of funny things in the movie, but none to really warrant any kind of recommendation to see it other than maybe running across it on cable. And parents, there is something you have to remember about a PG-13 movie: You may only be able to say the “F” word one time, but killing the “White Bitch” and saying “shit” can happen pretty much all the filmmakers want. And, oh yea, sexual innuendo (in this case pretty bad sexual innuendo), can be pretty rampant, too. It’s 1 star out of 5 for “Epic Movie.”

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!