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Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Billy Zane, Kathy Bates, Gloria Stuart
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Kiddie Movie: It's long. I'd probably leave the under 13ers at home, unless you have one of those pre-teen girls in love with Leonardo. It's questionable because the movie is such a long, romantic, soft, action drama. Language is not a problem in this movie (a couple of "shits"), and there is brief nudity.
Date Movie: Without a doubt. This movie has romance for the ladies and some action (and a little tit) for the guys.
Gratuitous Sex: A tasteful romp in the back seat of a car.
Gratuitous Violence: Umm... Just a couple of fists thrown and a couple of dudes get shot.
Action: Trying to escape a sinking ship while you're locked in its bowels and water is rushing over your head? Shit..., better them than me.
Laughs: A couple of scenes, especially Jack making fun of the upper-class.
Memorable Scene: Several. But... I really liked how the cinematographer used fading from the present to the past. Go see the movie. You'll understand.
Memorable Quote: Something like: "You'd sooner have angels fly out yer arse (ass) than get with the likes of her." says a young Irish immigrant to Jack (DiCaprio) about Rose (Winslet).
Directed By: James Cameron
Produced By: James Cameron and Jon Landau

A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - PG-13

It's 3:17 Long

A Review by
Stu Gotz
When I first started seeing the trailers for "Titanic" I thought to myself, "Oh God! Another big-budget, over-glorified movie. I'll pass." Lucky for me my friends talked me into going with them to see it because "Titanic" has to be the best movie I've seen in 1997!

Like I said, I had no intention of seeing this movie because I thought that the producers/writers/director (whoever) were going to take a historic tragedy and flood it (no pun intended) with state of the art special effects, thereby leaving the movie with little substance. I was also afraid that they would realize their asinine, high-tech mistake, and try to compensate with cheesy romance. Thankfully my expectations were not met.

"Titanic" does use a lot of those high-tech special effects, but they are blended in such a way as not to distract from the movie, and you actually believe that what you are seeing is real (unlike the animals in "Jumanji"). As far as the story line goes, the writers definitely followed a cookbook. There is the male hero, Jack (DiCaprio), his nemesis, Cal (Zane), characters that females can identify with in Rose (Winslet) and Molly (Bates), and a tragedy that binds them together in the sinking of the ship (Oops... I hope I didn't give away the ending). But, unlike other Hollywood cookie-cutter movies, "Titanic's" writers skillfully give each character a personality that the actors cast in their roles truly make flourish. I would not be surprised if Leo walks away with lots of those movie awards (Lord knows he deserves a bunch of them, especially for being snubbed with his performance in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape?").

I told my friend, Guinea Frank, "Titanic is one of the most well thought out, planned, written, directed, and acted, period/romantic/(with a little action)/drama movies I've ever tortured my hemorrhoids to. There wasn't a moment that I lost interest in what was on the screen." To which he replied "Cool, I'll have to go see it. Hey Stu, I'm no History major, but doesn't the boat sink in the end." "Yes Frank," I droned, "The ship does sink in the end." So... That all being said, I give Titanic FIVE out of FIVE STARS and I'm Stu Gotz. A great film! 'Nuff said.

(A letter from Stu to The Dude on the Right about his review)
Stu here. I know this review is short, but when you read the "Date movie? Kiddy movie?" etc. stuff, well... what more needs be said? I could hype the whole upper-class girl falling for a street punk thing, but that would be too artsy for me. Besides wasn't that already done in "Aladdin?" I say let the big town papers write all that crap. I think our readers are looking for fast facts without all the bullshit. If I'm wrong please tell me. I'll gladly do a re-write, but short as it is, that's how I would explain it to a friend and I'm happy about the way it turned out, short and all.
Later, -Stu

(The Dude on the Right's reply..)
The review is fine, and I agree that "Titanic" was fabulous, hell, I got so rapped up in the entire love story, and dazzled by the effects that I nearly forgot the boat was gonna sink. But, I'm kinda disappointed in your quote choice and you didn't really have a favorite scene, but rather a comment that was, well, artsy. How often do you have a 100 + year old woman commenting to a group of, well, for her, youngins, after explaining the whole being sketched in the nude thing, by saying something like, "You mean, did we do it?," and how many times do you have a hilarious scene of a dude teaching a dudette how to spit properly and them being caught by her mom. Oh well, it's your review. Have a nice holiday. I'll e-mail you from home.


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