MPAA Rated – PG-13
It’s It’s too long. Long
A Review by:
– The Dude on the Right
Movie Stats & Links
|Starring:||Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman, Sean Connery|
|Released By:||Warner Bros.|
|Kiddie Movie:||They’d probably laugh at the giant teddy bears, but I’d leave them at home anyway.|
|Date Movie:||Only if you hate her.|
|Gratuitous Sex:||None, damn.|
|Gratuitous Violence:||A stabbing, some killer mechanical bees, but nothing horrible.|
|Memorable Scene:||Every outfit Uma had on.|
|Directed By:||Jermiah Chichik|
I’ve watched a few episodes of the original “Avengers” TV show, but that seems like so long ago that I don’t really remember it much. With that, I have no comparison of the movie out in theaters to the TV show, so I can’t spend half of my review doing so. In that case I’ll just get right to it and say that unless you lust over Uma Thurman, want to see guys in giant teddy bear suits, or want to sit in your seat for an hour and a half wondering why there are no cars on the road, don’t go see “the Avengers.”
Alright, the movie isn’t that bad, it’s just that there is nothing to really have me try to tell you that you should spend your hard-earned dollar on seeing it. Want the story – here we go: Sean Connery plays a disgruntled scientist who has found a way to control the weather. Ralph Fiennes plays John Steed, the secret agent, and Uma Thurman plays Emma Peel, the sexy doctor who can also kick some ass. Oh, yea, you also get a cloning topic thrown in there. So, yea, you guessed it, the disgruntled scientist threatens to ruin the world unless he gets a lot of cash, and somehow it’s up to Steed and Peel to save the world. I remember another story-line about a weather dominator, it was for the soap opera “General Hospital,” and, quite frankly, I liked the GH story-line better because at least with that you knew what to expect, “the Avengers” just left me wondering.
See, I sat there wondering why there seemed to be no cars on the road except Steed’s, the bad guys, the Ministry’s secret bus, and, well, that’s about it, and when the bridge got blown out by a tornado or wave (I can’t remember) my thought was “Well, it’s not like they needed it anyway.” Then I found it more amusing than anything with the scientists all decked out in these giant teddy bear outfits so neither would know who the other was. Then I wondered what year it was supposed to be because they had pretty cool computer technology yet drove cars that seemed older than me. I also wondered why only a few people carried guns. I guess I just sat there wondering a lot, and really happy that I just went to a matinee.
The quick things I read on the internet before going to see this movie talked about how the movie was choppy, how there was no chemistry between Uma and Ralph, but that the shooting of the film looked good. Yea, so be it, say what you want, but I was disappointed in two things really. One, if you’re having a movie made in the 90’s (not set in the 90’s, but made in the 90’s) about a weather dominator, and the destruction it can cause, how about some better effects shots of Mom Nature reeking havoc, rather than just a lame snow-storm. Two, as much as I couldn’t believe it, Sean Connery couldn’t pull off the disgruntled scientist/bad guy role. I guess I can’t blame Connery’s acting, I think it was just the character in general was so lame.
Was it supposed to be an attempt at British style humor trying to appeal to the American crowd? Was it supposed to be kinda goofy, sort of like I vaguely remember the old series? Was it supposed to be entertaining? To all of these questions, well, I just don’t know.
So, what does “the Avengers” get? It’s 1 ½ stars out of 5. For a movie with so much potential it just really let me down.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!