MPAA Rated – R
It’s 2:17 Long
A Review by:
The Dude on the Right

Movie Stats & Links
Starring: Rudy Youngblood, Dalia Hernandez, Raoul Trujillo
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: Touchstone Pictures
Kiddie Movie: Only for a history lesson that would give them nightmares.
Date Movie: Can she handle a heart being torn out of a chest?
Gratuitous Sex: Hinted and joked about.
Gratuitous Violence: Lots and lots of it.
Action: Lots of chasing and chasing.
Laughs: Mostly at the beginning of the movie.
Memorable Scene: From Stu Gotz: Ladies, if you think your childbirth was tough, it has nothing compared to Seven’s giving birth. Quit your bitchin’.
Memorable Quote: Because it was in some Mayan language, all I know is that it sounded cool, but according to Mel it meant “He’s fucked,” or something like that.
Directed By: Mel Gibson

I’m usually not a huge fan of films that I have to read, meaning those with subtitles, but I suppose lots of gratuitous violence, and lots of running through the jungle, and a nice story about a couple in love, well, it was able to get me through “Apocalypto.”

Now I’m not going to go too far into “Apocalypto” because we are working on an animated review of the movie for our “Stu & The Dude Reviewin’ the Movies for You!” area, but here’s a quick synopsis, as well as a quick “what I thought.”

Pretty much the story is about the time near the end of the Mayan civilization. Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood) lives in a nice little jungle village, with his wife Seven (Dalia Hernandez), who is with child, and his son. They live in a happy village, until one day the mean and nasty Mayans who live at the giant temples come and raid their village. It seems it is sacrifice time at the Mayan temple, and you can bet those mean and nasty Mayans aren’t sacrificing their own folk. Jaguar hides his wife and son, promises he’ll be back, kicks some ass, but then gets captured. Maybe it was fate, or maybe just luck, but Jaguar finds himself getting away, on the run, and trying to elude those chasing him while still trying to get back and save his family before the rains come. Eventually Jaguar realizes that he needs to change from the hunted to the hunter, and uses the familiarity of the jungle he has been raised in to turn the tide.

Look, Mel Gibson and his baggage aside, “Apocalypto” gives a touching story of a husband/ father doing what he has to do in order to save his family, along with a boatload of gore, violence, chasing, and sure, you have to read things to truly understand what is going on in the movie. People get decapitated, have their hearts cut out, get eaten by a jaguar, get their brains bashed in, rapes are insinuated, and there’s a boatload of blood. There’s also a look at how a peaceful village, happy to have their place in the world, gets uprooted by the nasty tyrant. The film looks great, with the magnificence of the jungle, the bizarreness of a culture we only sometimes read about, and the devotion of a man to his family.

If you get squeamish at the site of blood, might I suggest you not see “Apocalypto,” even though it has a love story. But if you like action and brutality, mixed with some heroism, go see “Apocalypto,” even though you have to read during it. I did find the movie about 15 minutes too long. I suppose I could have done without so many of the “Oh, isn’t nature beautiful” shots. For me it’s 3 ½ stars out of 5.

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!