Smoke Detector Nightmares


The Dude on the Right

As I have stated before in some blogs, I sometimes find myself just a tad crazy,
obsessive, or just bizarre.

Case in point…

So the other night I’m sleeping
when I wake up to a familiar chirp.  I knew I didn’t have any 9 volt
batteries in the Dude-Pad so I close my bedroom door hoping to deaden the noise. 
I manage to sleep through the night, waking up every now and then to a chirp,
but figuring that in the morning I could track down which one of my three smoke
detectors the chirp was coming from (I was guessing the living room area because
it wasn’t loud enough for the upstairs one nor quiet for the basement).  I
woke up that morning and got myself a gun.  No, wait, sorry, that’s the
theme from "The Sopranos" and a great song from
Alabama 3, but I
digress.  I woke up that morning to find there was no more chirping. 
Remembering that I failed to change the batteries in my smoke detectors when we
fell back in November, I figured the battery issue might have been caused by A)
My having the thermostat turned down to a balmy 60 degrees at night so when the
detector warmed back up in the morning the chirping stopped, or 2) My humidifier
was messing with the smoke detector, in conjunction with the balmy 60 degrees,
and again, when the detector warmed back up in the morning the chirping stopped. 
In any case I figured it wouldn’t hurt to change the batteries in all of my
smoke detectors so that afternoon I picked up some batteries, pulled out the
step-stool, and changed the batteries in my smoke detectors.  The Dude-Pad
was safe once more, or at least I would hear a fire coming and try to figure how
to get the hell out.

I went to bed.

Sometime about three the next morning:
"Chirp…. Chirp….  Chirp….", and I roll over saying to myself, "Self,
what the fuck?  I changed all of the batteries, what the hell is going on?" 
So I get out of bed, stand under the upstairs smoke detector, hear the next
"chirp" from below me, then head down the stairs to the living room.  I
stand there, in the dark, in my undies, staring at the living room area smoke
detector (because it could still be the basement detector), only nothing chirps. 
One minute.  Three minutes.  Ten minutes later I’m still standing
there, in my undies, and no chirp.  Confused and tired I head back to bed
only to be woken up again, around four in the morning, to new chirps. 
Pissed off I close my bedroom door again figuring that by morning the chirping
will be gone again, and sure enough it was.

Another day goes by, another night
of chirping begins, another standing, staring, shivering, in my undies, under my
living room detector goes by, then I wake up in the morning, don’t get myself a
gun (although at that point I really wanted to shoot my living room smoke
detector, just for the hell of it), and I head to my basement area to exercise. 
And just as I’m about to put my headphones on in preparation for a stationary
bike ride I hear a chirp.  I now know the basement detector is not the
culprit and head up stairs.  I stand under the living room smoke detector
and hear a chirp, only it’s not coming from the smoke detector, it’s coming from
my piano.  I know my piano can’t chirp, I know Steve, my clownfish in the
fish tank next to the piano can’t chirp (although how cool would that have
been), and then I remember my carbon monoxide detector was plugged in, behind
the piano, and sure enough, it was the damn thing that was chirping, keeping me
up at night, and hell, who remembers that your carbon monoxide detector has a
battery in it, let alone that you need to change said battery.  I had one
extra 9 volt battery left from my smoke detector upgrades, popped it my my
carbon monoxide detector, and sure enough, no more chirping.

As much as they
harp on changing your smoke detector batteries when we spring ahead or fall
back, and maybe I’m not paying enough attention to the harping, but as a public
service announcement to you, our loyal reader, don’t forget changing the battery
in your carbon monoxide detector so you won’t wake up, countless nights,
wondering where the hell the chirping is coming from.  Trust me, it won’t
be your fish talking to you.

Just a little tip for the new year.

That’s it for this one! 
I’m The Dude on the Right!!  L8R!!!