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« A Haircut Gone Wrong: Part 1 | Main | My Sister is a Champion, The Boogeyman, and a Happy Shed. »

June 22, 2006

A Haircut Gone Wrong: Part Final

By: The Dude on the Right
I ended yesterday's blog, Part 1 of my "A Haircut Gone Wrong" episode with the simple line, "I miss seeing Vita."  If you wonder why, read yesterday's blog first, otherwise, here is Part 2 of the installment, the actual haircut experience, gone wrong.

... As I was heading home to the dude-pad, it was finally time to get that almost desperately needed haircut.  It's probably been about two months since my last haircut, which is sometimes long in haircut time, but I've gone longer, I think around four months has been my record.  Vita had a field day making fun of me when I came in for that haircut.  But Vita was not in this equation, I headed back to the same place that left me with two decent heads of hair with two different stylists.  I walk in and there she is, "Piercing Girl," and this time I had my contact lenses in so I wouldn't be blind during my haircut.  I tell the dudette at the desk that I'm looking for a haircut and a blow-dry, but I wasn't paying close enough attention because Piercing Girl was just finishing up with her client, so I didn't say I would wait for her, and all of a sudden I was with "I've Got Better Tools Girl."  I should have sensed there was a problem when, as she was washing my hair, she commented how she prefers to get her hair cut with whomever cuts her hair because it is in the haircutter's basement and she doesn't have to "wait in line" to get a haircut.  I guess what she was telling me was that coming here was a mistake.  This time she was right.

With my hair all washed, and me seated in her cutting chair, it occurred to me that she was a little too short.  Now I'm not a tall dude, but the haircut chair wouldn't go low enough so I had to crouch down a tad for her to be at a comfortable height.  And here is where I really knew things would be going wrong.  I have a simple haircut, at least so I think.  It's parted on the side a bit, and generally when I get a haircut I'm looking for it cut to the top of my ears, with no sideburns, with a square cut in back, slightly above the collar.  She went to cut the hair on the sides, first trying to line up the scissors for a straight line getting rid of my "sideburn" hair, but somehow couldn't just cut the hair in one nice clip.  Nope, she tried to do a series of clips, leading to a jagged look for the side hair.  At this point I could tell she was really pretty new to this haircutting thing, and I was her latest guinea pig, but at least she had the cool clippers.

So she quickly abandons the side of my head and heads to the top of my head where she grabs a lock of hair and asks "Is this short enough?"  I tell her just a little more, which for her ends up being about a finger and a half worth of hair, to which I say, "A little less."  With my patience in full patience mode, I knew I was in for the full ride, and a ride it was.  I've seen Vita cut my hair a lot of times, and even the other girls at this place had the "grab first batch of hair here and cut to appropriate length, grab another batch of hair off the newly cut hair a bit and match the length, but adjust for the shape of the head and haircut" maneuver.  This girl, though, couldn't.  She would miss her mark where she made the first cut, thereby grabbing a handful of hair with no reference where to cut next, and continued.  With the top of my head not that bad, she now moved to the back of my head, and I could still see her struggling.  The right side wasn't too bad, she would try to flip up some hair with the comb, and oh, did I mention that she already dumped two combs onto the floor by this time?, and then clip some of it.  She didn't really seem to have a game-plan, just trying to make it shorter, and around the ear, but not really having the ability to just make a decision and cut.

But it was the left side of my head that, for some reason, just gave this girl trouble.

Now since I hadn't gotten my hair cut in a while, and as it got longer I skipped the mousse portion of my morning regimen, so my hair on the sides sort of trained to "flip" out a little bit.  And she had the hardest time with this, especially on the left side.  She would flip up some hair with her comb, try to cut it, but because it was already dry it would fall before the scissors got there, then she would try again, and each time catching just a little tuft of hair.

My guess is that for this haircut chain, they will give you the basics, some combs, scissors, but for the most part, if you want cool stuff, you are on your own.  This girl had the cordless trimmer thing, which one of her colleagues borrowed earlier, and it is a cool thing if you can use it right, but I'm thinking she had it just because whomever cuts her hair has one, because she couldn't use it right, especially for the side of the head hair.  There is sort of an art to using the cordless trimmer to sculpt the hair.  You use the comb to line up the hair, and this only works if the hair is sort of damp (mine wasn't), then you nicely trim the hair along the teeth of the comb.  You move the comb a little (keeping some of the other cut hair for some reference) and do it again.  She kept trying, especially on the left side of my head, but forgot the hair needs some wetness to keep it pointing out of the teeth of the comb.

My hair is finally a little shorter, and in the meantime, the two other dudettes cutting hair have already gone through their next batch of clients.  At this point my dudette actually told me she couldn't figure out how to get the hair on the left side of my head to go how she wanted, and by this point, I knew I was just better off getting out of there without hurting her feelings, and without her cutting any more of my hair.  As I was looking in the mirror it didn't look like the back of my hair was that straight, I could see that the right side wasn't too bad, and that the left side had some slight gouging which I figured I could cover up with some mousse and a blow dryer.  And as I fibbed to her that "Everything looks fine," I still couldn't help but wonder how you can't at least get the first cut, leveling out the hairline with the top of the ear, to be level.

And so ends this episode of "A Haircut Gone Wrong."  Look, I realize the dudette was probably kind of new at this haircut thing, and that's sort of why I didn't want to wail into her while I was there, or even show her how to use her crazy clipper thing.  Maybe I should have inquired how long she has been cutting hair, and if it's been over a year, maybe it might be time for her to look for new work.  But I didn't, and now I sit with a haircut I have to try to work with in the morning to make sure it doesn't look like a haircut the previous girl who cut my hair would make fun of.  Me, I've got a couple of months before I need another haircut, as messed up as this one is, and then the dilemma comes up:  Do I risk it and try to get "Piercing Girl" to cut my hair again, or do I just try to plan a trip into Chicago and call Vita?  As much as "Piercing Girl" is nice on the eyes, I'm thinking it might be nice to talk with Vita again, who's also nice on the eyes, and give her my family update, and see how hers is doing as well.  With getting a haircut from Vita I've got to plan a little bit better in getting said haircut in a little bit better fashion, but I know what I'll get - A decent haircut, and comfortable conversation, and isn't that what we are always looking for?  But then again I might just be to lazy and pray I get Piercing Girl the next time around.

Sometimes I'm such an idiot.  Happy Haircutting!

That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

Posted by Rightdude at June 22, 2006 8:27 PM


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