For this podcast The Dude on the Right sings a song for his mom, whose birthday is today, and without that happening, well, The Dude wouldn’t be here and wouldn’t be able to sing his song. He is also blaming Stu Gotz for his not being able to lose weight, and is sad that the “Weekly World News” is ceasing publication next week, even though he hasn’t bought a copy in years. He sort of hopes Lindsay Lohan shows up on his doorstep, and is also sad because he thinks his hometown has so much potential but doesn’t seem to want to work it.
Author: Andy Labis
A Song for Mom, Stu Gotz is Why I’m Fat, and R.I.P. Weekly World News.
By:
The Dude on the Right
Next week Stu and I will get back together for a weekend wrap-up, but
this is my Thursday podcast on the anniversary of one of the most important
days of my life – it’s my mom’s birthday, which, if that didn’t happen, well, I
wouldn’t have happened, and then I wouldn’t have been able to sing my song to my
mom during this podcast. Hopefully she’ll stop listening after the song so she
doesn’t hear me accidentally drop a couple of “F” bombs during the rest of the
podcast.
And as important as my mom is, because she is the best mom in the world, this
podcast also delves into the fact that I think I have found the problem for my
chubbiness, and that problem’s name is Stu Gotz. And as happy a day that it is,
it’s also sort of sad because the “Weekly World News” has announced it is going
to cease publication next week. Stu Gotz also told me today he thought I was
being hard on Lorain, OH, my hometown, but I guess I’m just frustrated because
there is so much potential for it to be a really cool city, instead of driving
down Broadway and seeing a closed car wash and a shuttered gyro shop.
Thanks for listening.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
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Dear Lindsay Lohan, I Can Help With “That’s What Friends are For” if You Want.
By:
The Dude on the Right
At first I was going to type a quick blog about my trip to the old country,
Lorain, OH, and how it might as well be called the old country because most
everything seems old there, but sadly not in a historic nature, rather in a
dilapidated nature. The newest thing there seems to be “The Black River Landing”
which actually looks nice, but sadly you have to drive through dilapidatedness
to get there.
The
thing is, after I thought about my trip to the old country, there was nothing
blog-quick about it because topics like “An Unpolished Jewel,” “A Big House That
Wasn’t So Big,” “A Lazy Squirrel,” “A Casino Would Give Me Something to Do,” and
“Asphalt Can Be Your Friend” need a little bit more effort to write than I am
willing to put forth this evening. And, oh yea, there would also be my
revisiting a previous blog titled
“My Hometown Slogan Should Be: Visit Lorain – It’s Like Driving on the Moon!”
because, well, you can still get that experience. But today I returned to
Illinois from Lorain and an overpass even welcomed me back, and as much as my
hometown might have entered my writing thoughts, there was something, or should
I say someone, whose troubles are more important than those of a city.
That someone is Lindsay Lohan.
The stories are storying, the rumors are rumoring, but it seems Lindsay
Lohan’s stint at rehab didn’t take, that pretty much fresh out of rehab she was
driving while intoxicated and that there was some white powder on her person
that is supposed to be cocaine. And what makes me sad is that as much as she
most likely has some addiction issues, I just wonder if she has any real friends
to truly be there for her.
As the story hit today some tabloids kept tabloiding about how she didn’t
take rehab seriously and got stuff smuggled in (if true, that’s not rehab and
she should get her money back), her assistant supposedly quit and Lindsay was
chasing her mother in her car (which led to her latest arrest), but everything
that seems to be missing, in every story, is anyone really seeming to give a
damn about her. You’ve got a publicist spinning things, experts spouting about
how being young and famous, with money, gets you in trouble, but for every story
about things like this happening to Hollywood celebrities you never see them
having any “real” friends, those kind of friends that would beat the crap out of
you, grab your keys, and not let you chase the mother of your assistant, in
their car. Those friends that would pour out half of your drink while you
weren’t looking so you wouldn’t get absolutely blitzed. Those friends, who, in
the middle of the night, if you called them and said you needed a ride home,
would be there (unless they were calling from a donut shop, pretending to be in
jail, and you knew they had enough money to take the El).
I had almost six hours driving back from the old country today, and for
whatever bizarre reason, after hearing how Lindsay got popped for being a
screw-up again, I wondered what I would do if she showed up at my door facing
what she is facing right now. I suppose I would let her into the dude-pad and
crash, but more importantly for her, I would introduce her to my network of
friends; Friends who were there when I had too much too drink; Friends who were
there when I needed advice; Friends who were there when I didn’t want advice;
And Friends who were there, because they really are my friends.
My advice to you, Lindsay: Get out of the Thirty Mile Zone, and find real
friends. If you want some help on the latter I’ll introduce you to a few of
mine, and as long as you aren’t a pretentious bitch, I’d bet some of my friends
might actually get along with you, and be there for you, when life gets fucked
up.
Because that’s what friends do.
Maybe in a couple of days I’ll write about a lazy squirrel. He, or she,
actually seems to have other inspirations. I’ll bet for him, or her, it’s all about nuts, and TMZ doesn’t matter.
That’s it for this one!
I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
What’s New? A Movie Review of “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.”
For this movie review of “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” The Dude on the Right was too busy worried what his niece was thinking rather than just enjoying the movie. There’s a lot of sex jokes, some naked butts, boobs getting felt up, and, oh yea, you’re also supposed to learn a thing or two about social tolerance. If you’re an Uncle, take your nephew.
Oh, I Hope She Chooses “Hairspray.”
By:
The Dude on the Right
With the web site redesign complete (although there is one problem I recently
found that will have to wait to get fixed until I get back to my main office),
and my spending some quality time with the family, I thought I would try to get
some stuff done for the web site but for now that is being limited to catching
up on the 40 odd movie previews I want to finish up. As of now I’m about a
quarter of the way complete with that project, but thought I would at least
throw out a quick blog so you know I haven’t deserted you, the avid reader, just
that the new stuff being posted might not show up on the home page.
I am hoping to drag my niece to a movie tomorrow, either “Hairspray” or “I
Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry,” (I’m hoping she chooses “Hairspray” because
that John Travolta as a large woman is so hot. I mean, why would I want to see
Jessica Biel after all) mostly because there don’t seem to be any good horror
films out, so tomorrow night or Sunday I might actually be able to get something
even more current posted.
Some obvious new stuff should be posted soon, maybe even a weekend wrap-up
podcast, but than again maybe not. The easiest way to always keep abreast is to
use our RSS feed to subscribe to the site, and that’s what these buttons —>
towards the top of our web pages are for, if you ever wondered.
That’s it for this one!
I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
What’s New? A Podcast of: Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up! An RV, Not Running Drugs, and Harry Potter.
For this episode of “Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up!” podcast, Stu Gotz made it back from Arizona with the Gotz family RV. It took him a little longer to get back, saw a giant cross, got pulled over but wasn’t running drugs, and noticed that Missouri seems to have the most adult book stores of any state in the Union. The Dude on the Right is boring, just saw “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” walked, and watched NASCAR. Stu Gotz is so much more exciting sometimes, and even gifted The Dude with some family made zucchini bread.
Stu & The Dude’s Weekend Wrap-Up! An RV, Not Running Drugs, and Harry Potter.
By:
The Dude on the Right
Stu’s back, barely, so we’re back to our standard
podcast programming of a weekend wrap-up. I say Stu’s back, barely, because
thanks to his not believing Mama Gotz would be diligent enough to find one to
his specifications, well, the Gotz family is now the proud owner of a
recreational vehicle. Yup, that’s right, better than a family truckster, the
Gotz’s have an
RV.
So, for Stu’s weekend wrap-up, his was all about flying out to Arizona to drive
the thing back with his buddy, Cell-Phone John. He saw a giant cross,
got pulled over by a cop who helped him learn a thing or two about drug
smuggling, and made it back to the Gotz household at 3AM this morning. He
also explains why you can’t always count on Google Maps to be correct in telling
you how long your trip will take (the Google folks seem to forget something very
important in their calculations).
Me, I wish my weekend was nearly as exciting
as Stu’s, but I kept it simple by seeing "Harry
Potter and the Order of the Phoenix," of which I give Stu my take on the
film,
going for a walk, and working on our Second Life location. I also tell Stu
that in his place next week I might try to persuade my niece to join me for a
podcast. We’ll see how that goes, but I doubt she’ll grace me with her presence,
so, instead, I might be flying solo.
Thanks for listening.
That’s it for this one! I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
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What’s New? A Movie Review of “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.”
For this movie review of “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix,” The Dude on the Right really should start reading those Harry Potter books that he has already bought so maybe he would understand, before going into the movie, that the innocence of youth in the Hogwarts’ world is gone, and the franchise is now about the drama. He did like the movie, but really hopes Nymphdora Tonks (Natalia Tena) didn’t die because he finds her attractive, and hopes she has a larger role, or at a least a role, in the “Half-Blood Prince” movie. Maybe he should just read the book and find out.
A Pouty Boy, and No Pictures of “Team Pink” Girl.
By:
The Dude on the Right
Today
was a nice day in Chicago-land, and as I like to do on weekends I went for a
walk in a local forest preserve. It was an incident at the start of the
walk that for most of the rest of the time I wondered about something – Did I
ever do something like that when I was about five or six years old?
You see,
as I started upon the trail I saw up ahead a little boy, on a little bike,
trailing behind mom. Then, for whatever reason, the boy, I would gauge
about five or six years old, got off his bike, threw it to the ground, and
proceeded to sit himself down in the grassy area next to the path, crossing his
arms and legs and with a look of defiance of "I am not going on a bike ride
today." Mom quickly stopped, looked back at, I’m assuming it was her son,
seemingly perplexed by the actions of her son, and at times like these I sort of
wish I didn’t have my music playing during my walk, drowning out the ambient
noise around me, so I could fake needing to tie my shoes and see how mom planned
on diplomatically resolving the situation at hand, to get Skippy back on the
bike, or if she would just get all nuts saying something like "Get the hell back
on your bike and start riding. You’re the one who wanted to go for a bike
ride in the first place, so dammit, get riding," and which I would just have
probably died with laughter if the kid retorted back, "But Mom, I’m Jesus
Christ."
But, with music playing, I just walked on, and began to wonder if I
had ever done anything like that when I was a child. Did I ever just sit
down and pout, and then I took out the pouting part because I’m 100% sure I have
pouted as a youngin’ (hell, I’ve probably pouted as an oldin’, too). It
was the entire package of the little boy that was classic, from the slamming
down of the bicycle, to the sitting down with crossed arms and legs, to that
perfect face, and I almost wished I could have captured that on my iPhone.
Instead, I took these couple of pictures of the prairie that is my weekend
walking location.
Now
the entire walk wasn’t just about wondering how I acted as a boy, as I was
walking I was passed up by a member of "Team Pink." She was tan, she was
thin, she had long, black hair, and I know she was a member of "Team Pink"
because she was wearing shorts with it spelled across her ass, and for an
instant I really wished I was in better shape so I could maybe run with "Team
Pink" girl, but for now walking is my speed and it was back to my recollections
of being a little kid. I remembered a moment I had run outside naked, I
remembered the bunk beds my brother and I had in our bedroom, I remembered being
a member of "The Fonz Club," and kept seeing in my head little pouty boy, and
kept convincing myself I was never like that.
With the music playing in my
head, and me heading back to the dude-mobile, I was getting over my "how was I
when I was a little kid" thoughts, and then, passing me up again was "Team Pink"
girl and it occurred to me, "Why am I taking pictures of the prairie when I
could be taking pictures of "Team Pink" girl." Sadly, though, she’s a
pretty fast jogger and before I could get my iPhone out of pocket, she was too
far away. "Goodbye ‘Team Pink’ girl."
And so, on today’s walk, I
recollected that I was a perfect angel as a little boy, and would never had
slammed my bike down, mostly because I didn’t learn to ride a bike until I was
like eight or ten years old, and the next time I’m going for a walk, and "Team
Pink" girl passes me up, I better have the camera ready for when she comes back
around.
That’s it for this one!
I’m The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!
What’s New? A Podcast of: Enlarged Bladders, Stu Gotz is a Duck, and Do U Have a Crush on Obama or R U Hott 4 Hill?
On the eve of Friday the 13th, for this podcast, The Dude on the Right had the piss scared back into him thanks to Stu Gotz being a duck, and having a full bladder always makes him think of Jeff Probst. But that isn’t what is really concerning him. Sure, The Dude also worries about Kelly Clarkson, but he really hopes the Hott 4 Hill girl is bisexual, and rather than Hill being part of the threesome, well, Hott 4 Hill and Obama Girl will get together with him, The Dude on the Right, make a video, and then The Dude on the Right would have enough funds to run for President, or at least just have a lot of fun. The Dude sometimes dreams too much.