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Sergeant Bilko
Movie Stats & Links

Starring: Steve Martin, Dan Akroyd, Phil Hartman
MPAA Rated: PG
Kiddie Movie: Sure
Date Movie: If you must
Gratuitous Sex: Unfortunately not
Gratuitous Violence: Sorry, none
Action: Ehh...
Laughs: Some
Memorable Scene: Actually.... one doesn't really stand out.
Memorable Quote: At the end of the movie, before the credits, the movie producers acknowledged the total lack of cooperation given by the US army.

Sergeant Bilko
A Movie/DVD Review


Video Rated - PG

It's 1:33 Long

A Review by
Stu Gotz
If you ever stay up late at night channel surfing cable TV, you'll undoubtedly come across Nick At Night. The Nickelodeon channel is cable's all kid network. At night they change their programming to a little more of a mature level. Nothing racy mind you. It's still family programming, but with shows adults could appreciate better. You can see reruns of I Love Lucy, Gilligan's Island, and The Dick Van Dyke Show. I've also come across re-runs of Sergeant Bilko on Nick at Night, and I have to admit that I liked what I saw. I still think McHale's Navy is a better show, but Sergeant Bilko the TV show isn't bad.

I like to go watch videos with one of my girls next to me on my couch. So, when I went out and rented Sergeant Bilko, I called up my girl Verona and told her to come over. She had a headache. Huh? "No problem," I thought, "I'll just call Lola". Lola was going out to play wally ball. What the hell is wally ball anyway? Friday night and no chick at home?!? Me? Stu Gotz? This was a first and someone will pay for this insult! Girls, if you're reading this, I just want you to know you're now free agents. Anyway, I already had the video, so I had to figure out something. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit alone at home like some loser watching a rented video - I don't get paid enough by my cheap-ass editor to do that. So, I was desperate. So desperate I tried calling my sister. No answer. Then, Big Cooter calls and says he's bored and he'll bring the beer. No offense to Big Cooter, but I would have rather seen the movie with a chick next to me, but he did bring the beer and even picked up a pizza. I rounded up a few more buddies and it turned into a night of poker, beer, pizza, and Sergeant Bilko. I guess it kinda worked out.

Anyway, in case you don't know who Sergeant Bilko is, allow me to explain. Sergeant Bilko (Martin) is a con artist. He's in charge of the motor pool at an army base, but instead of fixing trucks he fixes boxing matches. When he's not paying off someone to take a dive he's racing dogs or holding a casino night in the garage. All of this is being done under the nose of his dimwitted Commanding Officer (Akroyd). This is my kind of Sergeant! Bilko has been doing this for years and plans to continue. The wrench gets thrown into the works when Major Thorn (Hartman) shows up. Bilko and Thorn have an unhappy past together and this is Thorn's opportunity to screw over Bilko. Hard as he tries Thorn just can't bum Bilko, and in the process of trying actually gets his own ass in trouble. Sound pretty basic? It is. Chris Rock has a small part in the movie. I think Chris is one of the funniest young comedians around. Too bad the role he plays in this movie doesn't take advantage of his talent. Remember the TV show Doogie Houser? Remember Vinnie? He's in this movie. What a career this guy has had. He played second banana on a goofy TV show, had a small part in the snoozer Ed Wood, and now cross dresses in Sergeant Bilko. Hey Vinnie! Here's some free advice: get a new agent!

One word sums up how I feel about this movie. Disappointed. The only good thing about the night was I came out ahead in the poker game and didn't have to buy the beer. Sergeant Bilko was a funny TV show and the movie version has a few laughs - but there are many better movies to rent. I give Sergeant Bilko 1.5 out of 5.0 stars.


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