Movie Stats & Links
||Lots but no blood.
||Lots of chasing
but it looked fake.
||Only where it
wasn't supposed to be funny.
||The horrible CGI.
I canít say I had high hopes for "Ultraviolet," but I did
have more hope than I actually got in the form of
entertainment from this film. As the Friday opening came I
found two bad signs. First I found out it was rated PG-13,
so much for any quality violence or gratuitous nudity. Then
I found out it wasnít screened for critics, and thatís
usually not a good sign either. Hereís a brief recap of a
A Movie Review
Itís the future and the future is weird. We find that the
government was doing some biological testing to create
super-soldiers, but biological testing doesnít always go as
planned, so they ended up creating a species called
Hemophages, partly based on being vampires. The problem for
most of society is that the Hemophages seem to be spreading,
so society sets out to exterminate them, led by some dude
named Daxus (Nick Chinlund). Well, the Hemophages are not
happy about this, and they find out about some super-secret
treatment to rid the world of the Hemophages once and for
all, so they send Violet (Milla Jovovich) to steal the
treatment. She does, only to find out that somehow this
treatement is a nine-year-old kid whose name is Six (Cameron
Bright). Now Violet, who lost her child when she became
infected with the Hemophage virus (at least I think thatís
how she lost it), lets her maternal instincts take hold, and
takes it upon herself to save the boy who somehow, might
also hold the clue to actually curing the Hemophages rather
than killing them.
The story sounds simple enough, but the movie is a mess.
Fine, the Hemophages are good fighters, but really, itís not
that they're fantastic fighters, itís that the people they
are fighting are just plain stupid. Case in point for me:
Thereís about twenty of you with guns, and only one Violet.
Does it make sense to surround her in a circle? Yup, you
guessed it, since Violet is super-fast with super-senses,
she hears the first gun "click", pretty much ducks, and
everyone shoots the person opposite them. Hell, even I would
have a chance at getting out of that situation. Next is the
general look of the movie. I donít know if they didnít have
the money to do really decent CGI stuff, or just wanted to
movie to have a comic-bookish feel to it, but for the most
part I found the computer action sequences laughable. Then
there was the feeling of "We want to be like
but not seem like were stealing from ĎThe Matrix.í" Thereís
a scene where Violet jumps from a high perch, flips over,
and lands in a pose similar to Trinity in "The Matrix,"
complete with the pavement cracking. Then, of course,
she kicks the shit out of the people. And then, of course,
needless to say, there is the ability to dodge bullets.
Alright, Iíve already given this review too much time.
Milla Jovovich is one hot babe, and has shown she can kick a
lot of ass, but for me, the main problem I had with this
movie, other than the story itself, was the fact that they
didnít go all-out. First off, it needed to be rated R so we
could get the gratuitous violence and nudity we, the movie
going public, deserve from a movie such as this. Second off,
they needed to spend another $50 Million on the effects for
this film. Sure, the movie would have then lost a butt-load
of money, but at least I wouldnít sit there laughing at the
computer animation and could have at least been entertained.
And finally, the movie needed to be about 30 minutes longer.
I know, you are probably screaming at your computer screen
right now saying something like "Dude, if the movie sucked
so bad, why would you want 30 more minutes of suck?" Our
staff member, Stu, kinda brought up the fact that it would
have been nicer to get more of a back-story, maybe a better
telling of the government testing gone wrong, maybe more of
how Violet lost her baby, and maybe more of the story of the
Hemophages living in the shadows. At least, then, it
might not have been so confusing.
Oh well, I really didnít like this movie for way too many
reasons, and canít suggest it for anyone to go and see. The
only reason Iím giving it Ĺ star out of 5 is because Milla
is smoking hot, but sheís gotten naked in other films.
I at least hoped for that.
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!!