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Shoot 'Em Up
Movie Stats & Links

Starring: Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, Monica Bellucci
MPAA Rated: R
Released By: New Line Cinema
Web Site: www.shootemupmovie.com
Kiddie Movie: You shouldn't introduce guns into your kids life via this film.
Date Movie: Only if she gets the wackiness of over-the-top gunfights.
Gratuitous Sex: A fabulous scene surrounded by gunfire.
Gratuitous Violence: Duh.
Action: Duh.
Laughs: Lots of chuckles, smiles, and grins as each scene seems a little more over-the-top than the previous.
Memorable Scene: Too many to narrow it down to one, but the sex scene and creative use of oil scene were fun.
Memorable Quote: Hertz: "My God, do we really suck or is he that good?"
Directed By: Michael Davis
Produced By: Susan Montford, Don Murphy, Rick Benattar

Shoot 'Em Up
A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - R

It's 1:27 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
I havenít had this much fun at a movie in a long time, well, since maybe "Superbad," but for a movie that is all about a lot, and I mean a lot about shooting, "Shoot ĎEm Up" sure lives up to its name. Hereís the plot that sort of doesnít matterÖ

Clive Owen is Smith. We arenít really sure if itís Mr. Smith, but it doesnít really matter. There he is, minding his own business, hanging out at a bus stop eating a carrot, when a pregnant dudette, in labor, runs by, well, at least as much as a woman in labor can run by. Sheís being chased by some dude, intent on killing her, so Smith does what most men wonít do: He enters the gun fight, delivers the baby, creatively cuts the umbilical cord, tries to save mom, but ends up on the run with a newborn. Suddenly Smith finds himself in the middle of this wacked-out story of growing babies for a bone marrow transplant, a candidate for President, and a gun manufacturer.

Anyway, needing help feeding the kid, Smith enlists Donna (Monica Bellucci), a lactating prostitute who lets her mammary glands feed the wacky fetishes of some wacky dudes, only now she will actually be in the mom role.

But none of that is important, really, because the main focus of the movie is simply Smith doing everything he can to keep the baby alive mostly by shooting lots and lots and lots and lots of dudes hired by Hertz (Paul Giamatti) to kill the baby, and now Smith.

Smith slides across the floor shooting people. Smith repels down a rope gunning down dozens of dudes coming up the surrounding staircase. Smith is having sex with Donna and shoots all of the bad dudes while still working to give her the big O. Smith shows that sometimes you shouldnít be wearing a seat belt, especially when the crash will propel you into the van of the bad dudes so you can shoot them. Smith shows Hertz that those foolproof guns that have a thumbprint sensor to shoot arenít foolproof. And finally, Smith shows his uncanny ability of using string and pulleys to create booby-traps for the biggest of boobs.

All I can say is if you thought Neo shot a lot of people in "The Matrix," heís got nothing on Smith.

In case you didnít get it yet there is a lot of shooting in "Shoot ĎEm Up" and as long as you get that, you might have as much fun as I did watching the movie. The dialogue is as cheesy as most of the gun-battles are over the top, and Paul Giamatti is sadistic as hell and totally creepy in his role of Hertz, especially when he starts feeling up this one woman.

I think there will only be two camps in terms of liking "Shoot ĎEm Up," the camp that totally hates the movie, and the camp Iím in, totally enjoying it. The movie gives new meaning to the song "Itís Raining Men" (which I think they should have used as part of the soundtrack), and who knew the versatility of the carrot.

Iím giving "Shoot ĎEm Up" 4 Ĺ stars out of 5. You might leave hating the movie, and I understand that, but tell me you didnít at least chuckle at Hertzís old joke about why a gun is better than a woman?

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

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