Shoot 'Em Up
Movie Stats & Links
||Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, Monica
introduce guns into your kids life via this film.
||Only if she gets
the wackiness of over-the-top gunfights.
||A fabulous scene
surrounded by gunfire.
||Lots of chuckles,
smiles, and grins as each scene seems a little more
over-the-top than the previous.
||Too many to narrow
it down to one, but the sex scene and creative use of oil
scene were fun.
||Hertz: "My God, do
we really suck or is he that good?"
Don Murphy, Rick Benattar
I havenít had this much fun at a movie in a long time,
well, since maybe "Superbad," but for a movie that is all
about a lot, and I mean a lot about shooting, "Shoot ĎEm Up"
sure lives up to its name. Hereís the plot that sort of
Shoot 'Em Up
A Movie Review
Clive Owen is Smith. We arenít really sure if itís Mr.
Smith, but it doesnít really matter. There he is, minding
his own business, hanging out at a bus stop eating a carrot,
when a pregnant dudette, in labor, runs by, well, at least
as much as a woman in labor can run by. Sheís being chased
by some dude, intent on killing her, so Smith does what most
men wonít do: He enters the gun fight, delivers the baby,
creatively cuts the umbilical cord, tries to save mom, but ends up on the run with a newborn.
Suddenly Smith finds himself in the middle of this wacked-out
story of growing babies for a bone marrow transplant, a
candidate for President, and a gun manufacturer.
Anyway, needing help feeding the kid, Smith enlists
Donna (Monica Bellucci), a lactating prostitute who lets her mammary glands
feed the wacky fetishes of some wacky dudes, only now she
will actually be in the mom role.
But none of that is important, really, because the main
focus of the movie is simply Smith doing everything he can
to keep the baby alive mostly by shooting lots and lots and
lots and lots of dudes hired by Hertz (Paul Giamatti) to
kill the baby, and now Smith.
Smith slides across the floor shooting people. Smith
repels down a rope gunning down dozens of dudes coming up
the surrounding staircase. Smith is having sex with Donna
and shoots all of the bad dudes while still working to give
her the big O. Smith shows that sometimes you shouldnít be
wearing a seat belt, especially when the crash will propel
you into the van of the bad dudes so you can shoot them.
Smith shows Hertz that those foolproof guns that have a
thumbprint sensor to shoot arenít foolproof. And finally,
Smith shows his uncanny ability of using string and pulleys
to create booby-traps for the biggest of boobs.
All I can say is if you thought Neo shot a lot of people
in "The Matrix," heís got nothing on Smith.
In case you didnít get it yet there is a lot of shooting
in "Shoot ĎEm Up" and as long as you get that, you might
have as much fun as I did watching the movie. The dialogue
is as cheesy as most of the gun-battles are over the top,
and Paul Giamatti is sadistic as hell and totally creepy in
his role of Hertz, especially when he starts feeling up this
I think there will only be two camps in terms of liking
"Shoot ĎEm Up," the camp that totally hates the movie, and
the camp Iím in, totally enjoying it. The movie gives new
meaning to the song "Itís Raining Men" (which I think they
should have used as part of the soundtrack), and who knew
the versatility of the carrot.
Iím giving "Shoot ĎEm Up" 4 Ĺ stars out of 5. You might
leave hating the movie, and I understand that, but tell me
you didnít at least chuckle at Hertzís old joke about why a gun
is better than a woman?
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!!