Movie Stats & Links
||John Cena, Robert
Patrick, Kelly Carlson
20th Century Fox
||Leave them at
||Leave them at
||Some sexy scenes.
||It's PG-13, so you
don't really see people die.
||It's all about the
things are so over-the-top.
||Any scene with
Kelly Carlson in her low-cut top.
Terminator" quote I referenced in the review.
I canít say that after listening to Howard Stern
interview John Cena I had any higher hopes for "The Marine,"
but I did have some newfound respect for a wrestler in a
"sport" that I have lost total touch with. And then when I
found out that the movie wasnít screened for critics, well,
I had a lot of worries about the film. Letís just start this
review saying that sometimes you can blow up too much stuff.
Hereís the storyÖ
A Movie Review
John Cena plays John Triton. Heís a marine fighting in
Iraq. Sent on a rescue mission, he happens to disobey an
order which resulted in his saving a bunch of lives, but
disobeying an order is disobeying an order, and he gets
booted from the Corp. Back home with his hot wife, Kate
(Kelly Carlson), John is finding it difficult to adjust to
life back in the states, losing his first job, so Kate
decides they should just go on a driving vacation, ending up
wherever they end up.
In the meantime The Terminator, I mean Rome (Robert
Patrick), leads a group of thieves to steal some diamonds
and blow up some cops. On the way to trade the diamonds for
cash, Rome and his hoodlums find themselves at a gas
station, killing some more cops, and taking Kate hostage.
This really isnít a good decision for them, as John didnít
die when the gas station exploded, and the chase is on.
First we get the car chase where the state police car that
John takes ended up reminding me of Sheriff Buford T.
Justiceís vehicle in "Smokey and the Bandit," especially
when the top gets torn off. And damn, it sure was able to
take a hell of a lot of gunfire. But, sadly, the state
police car, of course, blows up, and John is assumed dead,
once again. Surprise, surprise, Johnís not dead, and now the
chase is through the swamps of what is supposed to be South
The bad guys, however, arenít fairing too well, and their
internal strife is causing problems. Eventually they find
themselves in a river shack, supposedly safe and sound, but
this is exactly where John wants them. And so John offs a
couple of them, and then, of course, the remaining bad guys
work to get away, blowing up the shack, and of course,
thinking John is dead again.
Blah, blah, blah, the chase is still on, and itís not the
end of the fighting, nor the end of things blowing up in
spectacular fashion, nor the end of me wondering why if John
is such a hot-shot Marine, wouldnít he grab the discarded
weapons of the bad dudes, namely their guns, on his chase to
rescue his woman?
Anyway, "The Marine" sort of had a nice premise, but
really, the gang of thieves is so stupid that you knew they
absolutely no chance against John Triton. And the fact that
everything just kept blowing up, well, most of the times I
just found myself chuckling.
Part of me felt a little bad for John Cena, with this
script being his major film debut, and for the most part,
supposedly being this highly trained marine, well, I still
canít figure out how he got caught by a couple of outback
hicks while looking for his wife, I still canít figure out
why he didnít grab the guns of the bad guys when he could,
and I still canít figure out, oh hell, Iím tired of thinking
about this movie, so letís wrap it up.
There were some funny parts that I wonder if most people
got, like when the one bad guy says of John Triton "This
guy's like The Terminator," and then the camera catches
Romeís glance in the rear-view mirror (Robert Patrick of
course playing the T-1000 in "Terminator 2: Judgment Day."),
but for the most part the movie is what you might expect,
only not as good. With that itís 1 Ĺ stars out of 5 for "The
Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!!