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The Marine
Movie Stats & Links

Starring: John Cena, Robert Patrick, Kelly Carlson
MPAA Rated: PG-13
Released By: 20th Century Fox
Web Site: www.themarinemovie.com
Kiddie Movie: Leave them at home.
Date Movie: Leave them at home, too.
Gratuitous Sex: Some sexy scenes.
Gratuitous Violence: It's PG-13, so you don't really see people die.
Action: It's all about the chase.
Laughs: Mostly because things are so over-the-top.
Memorable Scene: Any scene with Kelly Carlson in her low-cut top.
Memorable Quote: Only "The Terminator" quote I referenced in the review.
Directed By: John Bonito
Produced By: Joel Simon

The Marine
A Movie Review

MPAA Rated - PG-13

It's 1:33 Long

A Review by
The Dude on the Right
I canít say that after listening to Howard Stern interview John Cena I had any higher hopes for "The Marine," but I did have some newfound respect for a wrestler in a "sport" that I have lost total touch with. And then when I found out that the movie wasnít screened for critics, well, I had a lot of worries about the film. Letís just start this review saying that sometimes you can blow up too much stuff. Hereís the storyÖ

John Cena plays John Triton. Heís a marine fighting in Iraq. Sent on a rescue mission, he happens to disobey an order which resulted in his saving a bunch of lives, but disobeying an order is disobeying an order, and he gets booted from the Corp. Back home with his hot wife, Kate (Kelly Carlson), John is finding it difficult to adjust to life back in the states, losing his first job, so Kate decides they should just go on a driving vacation, ending up wherever they end up.

In the meantime The Terminator, I mean Rome (Robert Patrick), leads a group of thieves to steal some diamonds and blow up some cops. On the way to trade the diamonds for cash, Rome and his hoodlums find themselves at a gas station, killing some more cops, and taking Kate hostage. This really isnít a good decision for them, as John didnít die when the gas station exploded, and the chase is on. First we get the car chase where the state police car that John takes ended up reminding me of Sheriff Buford T. Justiceís vehicle in "Smokey and the Bandit," especially when the top gets torn off. And damn, it sure was able to take a hell of a lot of gunfire. But, sadly, the state police car, of course, blows up, and John is assumed dead, once again. Surprise, surprise, Johnís not dead, and now the chase is through the swamps of what is supposed to be South Carolina.

The bad guys, however, arenít fairing too well, and their internal strife is causing problems. Eventually they find themselves in a river shack, supposedly safe and sound, but this is exactly where John wants them. And so John offs a couple of them, and then, of course, the remaining bad guys work to get away, blowing up the shack, and of course, thinking John is dead again.

Blah, blah, blah, the chase is still on, and itís not the end of the fighting, nor the end of things blowing up in spectacular fashion, nor the end of me wondering why if John is such a hot-shot Marine, wouldnít he grab the discarded weapons of the bad dudes, namely their guns, on his chase to rescue his woman?

Anyway, "The Marine" sort of had a nice premise, but really, the gang of thieves is so stupid that you knew they absolutely no chance against John Triton. And the fact that everything just kept blowing up, well, most of the times I just found myself chuckling.

Part of me felt a little bad for John Cena, with this script being his major film debut, and for the most part, supposedly being this highly trained marine, well, I still canít figure out how he got caught by a couple of outback hicks while looking for his wife, I still canít figure out why he didnít grab the guns of the bad guys when he could, and I still canít figure out, oh hell, Iím tired of thinking about this movie, so letís wrap it up.

There were some funny parts that I wonder if most people got, like when the one bad guy says of John Triton "This guy's like The Terminator," and then the camera catches Romeís glance in the rear-view mirror (Robert Patrick of course playing the T-1000 in "Terminator 2: Judgment Day."), but for the most part the movie is what you might expect, only not as good. With that itís 1 Ĺ stars out of 5 for "The Marine."

Thatís it for this one! Iím The Dude on the Right!! L8R!!!

 

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